As before...

Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? Thats unpossible!"

homer: "Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."


"God bless those pagans."


"What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."


"D'oh!!!"

Most used by homer:

Why you little!

Ah the kiss of hot lead, how I have missed it.

Apu

Homer: No beer and no tv make Homer go something something...
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

that a good one

Moe: "Listen here you little pussbag, if I ever catch you I'm gonna staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iraq"

Homer Jay: "D'OH!!!"

Homer: What you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or release the bees? Or release dogs that when they bark bees shoot out of their mouth?

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"
"America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming."

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

"And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned."

"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."

"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."

"No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am

"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"

"When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and failed miserabily. The lesson is: Never Try.

i'm the evil homer!!!!!!!!!!!!

say as many times as you feel appropriate

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:

You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
"The strong must protect the sweet"
"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"

"D'oh!!!"

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"God bless those pagans."
"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."

"Mmmm, free goo."

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"

"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"

the best still has to be simply... D'oh.

when used in the right circumstances and by ONLY Homer of course (when the other characters try to say it - it just aint the same)

Sorry, it had to be done. Ultimate Simpsons quote.
"Eat my shorts"

"Lord help me, I'm just not that bright."

what the hell was that? a whole bloody episode??

o i cant be botherd to read long lists. cant people just pick theyre favourite or the best out and post them?

lol stop what?

Johnny H man - what the f*ck was that?!!!

i think that was a copy and paste from something like www.getafullsimpsonsepisodeandpostitlikeadumass.com


but back to the point:
Mr. Burns: And a stunt like that impresses people?
Homer: Oh yeah. And I'm not easily impressed. Wow! A blue car!

he he, homer reminds me of me, in a more manly way........

my favourite has to be
lenin cracks open his tomb and in zombie state walks out saying "must crush captilism"

In one of the treehouse of horror episodes where Burns is a Vampire:

Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? I'll do it! Take that! And that! (hammering stake into Burns)
Lisa: Dad, that's his crotch
Homer: Oh, right. Sorry. (removes stake with a squeaky pop) There. Take that! (hits stake again)
(Burns contorts in agony and crumbles to dust)
Homer: Phew!
(the dust quickly re-assembles into Burns)
Burns: You're fired!
(crumbles again)
Homer: D'oh!

Top comedy!

homer in bed singing
sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, but ooppppppppps we have no bananas.
homer start crying marge leans over and says what a matter homer
homer; marge didn't you here the song they have no bananas

t'was on a video i watched today

HI doctor Nick
Hi everybody

Homer;do u have a table?
materdy:yesssssssssssssssssssssss
Homer:is there a show???
materdy:yesssssssssssssssss
homer: why do u keep talkin like that?
materdy: i had a strokkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeee

thats the funniest quote in ages!

Homer:
"You put the beer in the coconut and drink it all up
You put the beer in the coconut and throw the can away."

he he he coconuts

Stop it. Stop it now!!!

Being pervy!!!

coconuts are groovy

see?!?!?!? coconuts rock! especially when someone is jumping around.....

yeah all those vibrations make the palm trees sway......

...chair called linda. O the wrongness.

Oh dear this is getting wrong now!!!
Coconuts and people jumping,

dont forget the vibrating...

he he all those poor people who dont no what ur on aboot will be very scared right now *cough* sarah *cough*