Title: Crazy Harry Potter Theories, Articles, Books etc.
hot - June 6, 2007 11:06 PM (GMT)
Okay has anybody out there ever read something really weird or funny in a Harry Potter related book or article? (related meaning written to serve some purpose specifically for the Harry Potter series, such as an Unauthorized or a behind the magic etc.) Or do you have a crazy theory that you can't wait to share? Well here's you chance! Just make sure that if you post something directly from a book or article that you quote the section and post the name of the book/article and author or you just post a link from the site you got it from.
Happy posting! :)
EDIT:Okay I found this section pretty silly and just had to post it up here.
It's about what would happen if a wizard boy named Larry Kotter found out he was actually a muggle. Kind of like the opposite of Harry Potter.
| QUOTE |
The doors slid open, and Larry followed his strange guide into a tiny little room with railings along the walls. A control panel bearing a series of buttons, labeled one through twenty, hung at
eye-level just inside. "This is an elevator," Larry's Muggle guide explained. "We use it to get from floor to floor in buildings where there are too many stairs to walk. What you do is, you press the button of the floor you want, and heavy cabled hanging from pulleys at the top of the building lift or lower you as needed. It usually takes a minute or two to get where you're going. You just have to be careful not to get stuck between floors because it's terrible when that happens. I once spent an hour stuck etween floors with nine other people that included a loud and angry writer. We all had T-shirts made to commemorate the experience, but I'm in no rush to have that happen again." |
(From The Unauthorized Harry Potter written by Adam-Troy Castro)
I HIGHLY recomend that everyone read this book at some point. It's quite funny. :hysterical:
H._PotterFan - June 7, 2007 12:10 AM (GMT)
LOL! That is funny, That authour sounds familiar I think I have a book writen by him but it is not Harry Potter related.
I wonder if MAD Magazine has done any Harry Potter spoofs. *goes to google and check*
EDIT: Yup I figured as much here's a link disscusing and showing the pages of some if not all of em. I haven't read em though.
http://www.mugglenet.com/misc/spoofs/madmagazine.shtmlWow here's another one from a Military Magazine
http://www.hpana.com/news.18488.html will's gurl - June 7, 2007 12:37 AM (GMT)
H._PotterFan - June 7, 2007 05:57 PM (GMT)
Found this while looking if there's a Murader's Map online. It's an online Harry Potter game at Lego's website. Was looking for a screenshot from the movie or a fan's rendition of what the map would look like but got this instead. Made it to the last one which is the map it self I think.
http://www.lego.com/eng/harrypotter/maraudersmap/mm.asp hot - June 7, 2007 11:50 PM (GMT)
Okay I got this from the same book I got the other one. I thought this one was also kinda funny.
| QUOTE |
| Harry caught his first glimpse fo Dumbledore. His eyes bugged. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "It's Gandalf!" He did not know that this innocent remark would forever shame him in the eyes of his classmates. |
(assuming that Harry had read The Lord of the Rings)
This one is what could happen if Muggles knew about magic.
| QUOTE |
| The Prime Minister exhaled a plume of cigar smoke. "I wouldn't normally ask this," he began, "but we've been having a few problems with a nasty bunch just across the pond, and I was wondering if there was anything you could do to, oh, let's say, turn them all into frogs, or something. . ." |
This one is why the incantations are more effective than just shouting out anything.
| QUOTE |
| "Gimme a Patronus, You Red Hot Mama!" shouted Harry. The Dementors all stopped in their tracks, cocking their hooded heads as if dumbfounded by the words of the lone boy before them. Did the Potter boy just actually say that? |
(All of these were from The Unauthorized Harry Potter by Adam-Troy Castro.)
hot - June 8, 2007 08:50 PM (GMT)
Okay I found more funny stuff in that book, so here goes!
This is what would happen if Hermione contradicted the Muggle Studies professor.
| QUOTE |
| "Don't be silly, Granger! Muggle vehicles don't run on gasoline! Even Muggles wouldn't be silly enough to run their civilization on such a nasty, smelly, inflammable substance! Check page 342 of your textbook and you'll know that they all spend half an hour every morning, powering their engines on an exercise wheel? - What's that? The textbook's wrong? Ten points from Gryffindor!" |
HAHAHAHA!!!!
This one is what would have happened if Dumbledore had taken the portkey in The Goblet of Fire instead of Harry and Cedric.
| QUOTE |
| Peter Pettigrew, who had been lying in wait alongside his master, rushed forward the moment the Port Key was activated. He could hardly wait to earn Voldemort's gratitude by disarming and immobilizing Harry Potter, murdering any other Triwizard champion who may have happened along beside him, and performing the Resurrection Spell that would restore the Dark Lord to his prior level of health and power. He was so very eager that he failed to notice until it was too late, that the figue standing in the darkness beside the crypt was not Harry Potter, not some other Triwizard champion, but Dumbledore, the One Wizard Voldemort Feared. He screamed as a simple spell from Dumbledore sent him flying and earned the eternal emnity of the Death Eaters by proving to be entirely helpless as Dumbledore took the shrunken, much-diminished form of Lord Voldemort into custody. "It was easy," Dumbledore said later. "Their plan was so stupid the even the First Years must have seen how fishy it was. All I had to do was perform my own surreptitious envestigation of the playing field, spot that unauthorized Port Key in the hedge maze, beat the Champions there, activate it myself, defeat the pathetic Pettigrew, prevent him from using the ritual to restore Voldemort to full health, and bring the villian to justice. It was a good thing their plan was so transparent. Had they worked out another way to manuever Harry Potter into touching a Port Key, they really could have caused some serious trouble." The wizarding wourld was alos astonished when the arrest of Pettigrew proved invaluble in the vindication of notorious Azkaban escapee Sirius Black. The charges against him were dropped, allowing him to take legal custody of his godson. Harry Potter's remaining years at school were quite ordinary. The End. |
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
This next one is what would happen if Hagrid dueled with Voldie.
| QUOTE |
| Vodemort cried, "Aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! Flobberworms! My only weakness!" and dissolved into a puddle as everybody stared at a much-underestimated Hagrid. |
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
NEWS FLASH:
EVERYONE I'M RUNNING OUT OF FUNNY STUFF Y'ALL BETTER HELP ME OUT!!!
hot - June 10, 2007 12:35 AM (GMT)
More funny stuff for you guys! This one is what it would be like if Voldemort and the Death Eaters were the only things that people had to worry about.
| QUOTE |
| We join Harry and his friends at the beginning of another bright, sunshiny day at Hogwarts. They walk all together in a clump - Ron worrying about his homework, Hermione scolding him for not starting it earlier the night before, Neville tripping over his robes, and Harry basking in the company of his friends. Then, suddenly, somebody screams! It's Voldemort and the Death Eaters, flying low over the forest! They're attacking the school! We see Voldemort himself hurling bolts of pure destruction at the school building, cackling that this time he will triumph for sure. Why isn't the faculty doing something? Look, they're all unconscious! They've been put to sleep by some kind of magical spell! It's up to Harry and his friends! Harry's eyebrows knit in determination. "To the brooms!" he orders. Harry's gang leaps to the school's defense, hurling Defensive magic against the attacking Death Eaters. Harry is of coure the one who gets to fight Voldemort, and they exchange mutual taunts that range from Voldemort's usual "You Will Die!" to Harry's brillliant riposte, "Not This Time, Lizard Face!" Meanwhile, Hermione figures out a magic spell that wakes up the faculty. As Hagrid hurls a giant cornice stone at the evil Lucius Malfoy, knocking him off his broom, Voldemort realizes that his team is now sorely out numbered. "Curse you, Harry Potter!" he cries, as the robed villains all turn tail and fly away, vowing to return. Dumbledor fondly praised Harry for saving the day yet again. Harry says it was nothing. Hedwig makes a comical chirp and falls off his perch. Everybody laughs in unison. |
What do you think Snape would do if someone handed in homework that looked like this?
| QUOTE |
Bernard Bumbly
Hufflepuff
Third-Year Poshuns
Proffesr Snape's Class
Heeling poshuns are verry important. If you dont mix your Heeling poshun the rite way you cood be in serius truble so to mix a Heeling poshun that WORKS fill the vessel with water then put in too pinches of Gumble weed fallowed by a hanful of dragon scales which you MUST MIX 1st buy only after make sure that the Gumble weed is dry if its not dry it will turn to purrpil smoke and any body that breathes it in will find that there nose has turned into a spoon & the only way to fix a nose that has terned into a spoon is to. line the Bottom with froglivvers. |
hehehe
From the same book i got the other ones.
hot - June 10, 2007 12:41 AM (GMT)
What do you call somebody who speaks three languages?
What do you call somebody who speaks two languages?
What do you call somebody who speak one language?
*This is totally unrelated to Harry Potter*
Talon Rivieras - June 10, 2007 12:52 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE (hot @ Jun 9 2007, 07:41 PM) |
What do you call somebody who speaks three languages?
What do you call somebody who speaks two languages?
What do you call somebody who speak one language?
*This is totally unrelated to Harry Potter* |
Monolingual (one)
Bilingual (two)
Trilingual (three)
But if you have more than one languages in your repetoire, you're usually called multilingual
will's gurl - June 10, 2007 01:38 AM (GMT)
well bilingual does mean 2 languages
trilingual does mean 3 languages
multilingual means speaking in 2 or more languages
and monolingual means speking in only 1 language so talon is right!!
hot - June 10, 2007 01:44 AM (GMT)
Answers:
What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages?
Trilingual
What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?
Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks 1 language?
American
Mark_EmmaWatsonFan - June 10, 2007 01:52 AM (GMT)
I had the feeling it was the set-up to a joke. And you didnt make fun at the English so i'll laugh! :lol:
Tical65 - June 10, 2007 03:20 AM (GMT)
That was funny, i never want anyone to say we can't laugh at ourselves in the USA!! I'm may have to leave the country though because i'm bilingual. B)
hot - June 11, 2007 09:29 PM (GMT)
Okay this is the craziest most insane Harry Potter theory EVER. So be prepared to call me an idiot.
I think that Snape is not who he says he is. I think that he could possibly be James Potter undercover. (please don't stop reading here I know it sounds crazy!!!) Yeah, yeah I know Harry's parents are dead. But think about this: If you knew you were on Voldie's naughty list would you just hide and run or would you fight back? I think that Dumbledore made James look like exactly like Snape, and maybe even Snape exactly like James. (or it could be just some other random dude) But think about it. Despite Snape's obvious hate for Harry, he has saved his life several times in Stone and Phoenix and if he really is James than he has been doing a pretty good job pretending to be Snape, and various other things. Think about this:
In Azkaban he's able to opperate the Marauders Map and is obviously furious with Sirius throught the book because he believes him to be the man who betrayed his wife, Fake James, and Harry to Voldie.
In Goblet He continues to hold a grudge against Sirius even though Dumbledore has assured him Sirius is on his side.
In Phoenix Harry enters "Snape's" pensive and sees a flashback of James torturing Snape. But whose memory is it really? Snape's or James's? And when "Snape" discovers Harry had seen that couldn't he have been angry that his son had seen who he really was?
And finally in Prince We find Snape telling Dumbledore, "'I can't do it anymore...'" we assume he's talking about spying on Voldie, but what if he were talking about not being able to tell Harry who he really is?
Also the Number of times "Snape" has given Harry detention. How else would he get to spend time with his son, who otherwise wants nothing to do with him?
Again I know this sounds TOTALLY CRAZY buy what if it were true? I welcome any input for or against this crazy theory.
Tical65 - June 12, 2007 01:43 PM (GMT)
Hey hot i won't call your theory crazy but i'll say that it's very interesting!! I think there is more to Snape then meets the eye!!
hot - June 13, 2007 09:56 PM (GMT)
Okay because this is a CRAZY theories thread I will post this up here. This is the worst theory ever and I REALLY hope this isn't true because I will be REALLY mad if this is the case.
What if Harry is still in the closet under the stairs!!???
I mean seriously people. What if he has been daydreaming, creating an alternate reality for himself to escape to whenever the Dursleys become to much for him to take? (Here's the part where I get all scientific and smart sounding) Children in Harry's situation are very prone to create unreal places for themselves to escape to whenever the real world becomes to much.Sometimes they can tell the difference between what's real and what's not. Sometimes they can't. (Harry having to return to the Dursley's would probably be the times that he can't tell the difference.) Harry's (If he is still under the stairs) is the perfect escape.
In this world the people who have mistreated you are punished for it. Your real parents were just as wonderful as you could have imagined. You're told that the naughty man who killed them died trying to kill you. You're rich and a lot of people consider you a hero, just like your parents. You also find how good you are at sports, become the youngest player in a century, have the best equipment, and are the star of your team. You have some pretty great friends: Smart Girl and Nice Boy. Nice Boy invites you to come stay with him sometimes and you become accustomed to Mr. and Mrs. Nice Boy and Nice Boy's brothers and sister. Meanwhile, Smart Girl is able to help you pass your classes. You find out that the naughty man who killed your parents keeps trying to come back, and at the end of each year yourself, Nice Boy, and Smart Girl have an exciting adventure each time uncovering more and more about your extrodinary past. The end of a year also requires you to return to your "home" with those evil people that you happen to be related to you and you suffer through a summer feeling sorry for yourself, anxious to do your homework and get back to school, and forced to do a number of horrible chores for your evil aunt and uncle, all the while thinking anxiously of your next term at the school where you can be who you are.
But this is not the first time something like this has happened. Remember The Wizard of Oz? Dorothy bumps her head and dreams up a whole new world similar to Harry's. Though the book contradicts itself. If you read those books you know that Oz is a real place. She really went there. She really met the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Scarecrow, Glenda, and the Man behind the curtain. She really defeated the Wicked Witch. She visited Oz many more times and eventually moved there permanantly.
So, now that this theory is out I can shake it off and hope that it's not true. *crosses fingers*