Remember the story I posted before? I am re-writing it. Here is Chapter 01. Tell me if you think it is an improvement, and basically what you think.
Unamed By Joshua Webb
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Prologue
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Legend tells us that when the Phoenix and Dragon mirrors are combined with the ancient connector, the world shall change forever...
Sorrow will change to happiness, evil to good and happiness to love...
These three pieces were only passed down through royal blood; Kings and Queens of Japan, through thousands of generations...
The three pieces were rumoured to have been created about 0AD, the time Christianity was born. Belief has spread through Japan talking of the Christian religion, and a hidden or lost link to the Nativity. The Phoenix and Dragon mirrors, along with the connector have been scattered in isolated areas across the globe...
The year is 2006, and one family, unrecognised by anyone, as common as anyone else, may not be so common anymore...
An ancient legend in a modern world...
Chapter 01: An Uncomfortable Evening
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The area of Japan Ryo Hassan lived in felt pastly. The date was January 3rd, 2006, although it felt like back in 1959. Japan at this year decided not to turn into a futuristic, tecno-rich world. Japan, or as Ryo saw it now, was quickly becoming a Country of peace, tranquility and stand-out beauty. Ryo lived in a most beautiful part of Japan, Southern Kyushu. This area is commonly referred to as 'The Gardens Of Japan', as it is an astonishing display of exotic trees, wonderful flowers and breathtaking mountain views. The evening sun always cast a milky pink streak across the sky, turning a deeper pink then to a memorable red. Ryo lived in a very small town with a view across what seemed like all of Kyushu. The thought of moving from this colourful wonderland of a cosy town never crossed his mind. The town was built on the highest point on the mountain, in one of a small circle of warm-looking houses, only five of them, all squeezed on the peak. A labyrinth of gardens and colourful tunnels created by many species of tree, bent over to create a passage effect led down the mountain to the college he went to. Again, this was placed in the most perfect of postions on the mountainside, giving an astonishingly mesmorizing view. The town was in many parts, curling down the mountain like stairs, in small cul-de-sac style housing. Below the mountain, it was easy to see many other towns and sometimes smoke from chimneys.
Ryo lived in a large house at the top of the village with his wife, Kasumi. She had long, deep, fiery red hair which reflected a ray of unmistakable beauty, brightening up any dull weather. Her eyes were of a dense sapphire blue, a remarkable display of a million happy, sad and loving memories and expressions. Kasumi had no surname, she was bound by law never to aqquire one, for reasons unknown to Ryo, so it seemed suitable to call her 'Kasumi San'. Ryo, on the other hand, had striking jet-black hair which was rich enough to turn the heads of most passers-by. He had dark and gloomy-looking turquoise-green eyes, but the first look at these can be decieving to anyone but Kasumi, as she saw straight through the dull to the life hidden inside. Ryo dissaproved of his surname, as it was un-natural and not of Japanese origin. Ryo and Kasumi married at an earlier age than most -- both of them being 19. Both of them were strong Christians, as many people were. Buddhism was still and always will be full and alive, the only thing being that Christianity was creeping through. Ryo owned a small, but big enough scooter, to travel up and down the village rather than walking. There was not enough room to park cars in this village, only small vehicles. A car may drive up the mountain-side, but it was now illegal to park it in the village. Many villages had taken notice of this law. Ryo was never alone, as his father lived in a village a short way south of the mountain. He and Kasumi visted him from time-to-time.
Ryo and Kasumi were travelling home from a long and difficult day at college. It was unusual for Ryo to have a bad day, his friends and teachers were always there for him. The sky was a deep pink, almost red colour now, which lit up the dormant colours of the trees and flowers. Ryo loved the way the sunset sky shone from Kasumi's hair, allowing it to shine to it's full potential and beauty. There was no need to drive the scooter to college, it was very close. Despite the relaxing atmosphere, Ryo still felt uncomfortable. The golden sunshine and the red autumn leaves took no effect. Something felt wrong, un-natural in a way. Kasumi had been worried about him since the morning. She put her arm around him to comfort him.
"Ryo, please tell me, what's wrong?"
"I'm unsure, something doesn't feel right today" he answered. Ryo was highly superstitious.
"Remember the dove I saw today? That was too rare a sight to be coincidence" he continued. Kasumi would never be angry at Ryo but she was bothered by this.
"For goodness sake, Ryo" she said in a relaxed and kind voice, "I thought you stopped all this superstition nonsense a while ago". She replied.
"I have, and I try, but whenever I see something like that, I feel uneasy". He said. A dove flying above, in superstition means very bad luck, or an emotional crisis.
"Please don't let it take over you, I have been worried since this morning". "It seems to be all you think about. Set your mind on something nice for once". Kasumi used to believe in superstition, but stopped after it caused her an unhappy time. The two were nearing the house.
"Thanks, Kasumi, and I'm sorry that I caused you worry today. You were right, I shouldn't let it cloud me". Ryo finally said. "Just promise me that you never will". Kasumi replied, and kissed him lightly on his cheek.
The house had a warm and welcoming feel, the furniture was placed perfectly to create a cosy atmosphere. The walls were painted a tranquil sky blue, with a plain white ceiling. The carpet fitted in wonderfully, it was a slightly darker blue than the walls. There was a large, white sofa in the right-hand corner of the room, along with a small television directly opposite. To the left of the sofa were two recliners, both a creamy white colour, next to them was a small end table and a mantlepiece. Underneath the mantlepiece there was a small fireplace, currently unlit. The golden sunlight passing through the large window above the sofa welcomed the two as they entered. The kitchen was relativly simple, no more than what could be expected in a normal, common kitchen. But again, the colour, windows, sunshine and probably the most amazing view in Kyushu is what made the kitchen so different and original to others. The sheer relaxing mood of the room cheered Ryo up. The dining table rested opposite the appliances in a pretty stance. After finishing his tea, Ryo stood up from the sofa, took his housekeys from the mantlepiece and opened the door. Kasumi followed. They were going to Ryo's father for a quick visit. Ryo locked the door, started up the scooter and sat down. Kasumi sat on the back of the scooter.
"I wonder why your father has called us to see him?" she asked.
"I don't know, perhaps he has found something or needs help". Ryo replied.
Ryo turned round the scooter and drove towards the 'tree tunnel' leading down the mountain-village.
Chapter 02: Coincidence?
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That was amazing.
Very nice work. :D
If you're wondering why I put the Phoenix and Dragon mirrors into my story I put them in as temporary names until I think of some. As you might know that these mirrors were the storyline of Shenmue 2.
I LOVE SHENMUE 1 AND 2!!! BEST GAMES EVER!!!
Sorry for the long wait... Still working on chapter 2.