where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to fall
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads - heavy

" Argh!! Stupid shit of a bitch!! " she bellowed in frustration and anger as she threw the music playing device to the ground, making it break into half on the cold linoleum. Groaning and falling back onto her bed, she covered her face with her hands. You can clearly guess that she isn't enjoying her stay here in Aura Academy. Whiteface Mountain was super boring and she misses home dearly. Home. Nimbus. Her friends. Sometimes being the survivor isn't fair even though you get to stay alive. Her mind couldn't help but stray to the memories she spent there in Nimbus. Her friends. Her boyfriend. The thought of him made her bit back tears that threatened to fall. She didn't like the way she felt. Feeling vulnerable. She hates memories. She wished she had anmesia and forgo everything that happened for the last couple months. Yes, she is grateful she's alive but she wasn't grateful for the fact that her loved ones weren't. Course her brother and sister did but sometimes you need more than your family. Don't get me wrong, she loves her family a lot but you get what I mean.

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

A tear ran down her cheeks and she made sure it was the last. Made. Sure. Choking back those tears were harder then you think as more were forming at the back of her eyes. She bit her lip harder to stop them from falling. What's the use of crying when it's all been done and gone? A last flash of memory swept in front of her eyes and even more liquid flooded her eyes, threatening to fall any second. She tried hard, hard, to suck them back but sometimes your emotions are stronger than you, yourself. She gave up. finally. Letting the liquid moist her pale skin, the tears on her face made her face a glistering pearl under the light of her dim lit dorm. She kept quiet, even her mind was quiet, letting the tears flow and her heart ache for a while. Sometimes you just need to let it out. After the long moment of silence, she wipped the tears and shrugged off the thoughts of her future. Why think of the future when your past isn't even clear. It's true, nobody knew how Nimbus caught fire all of a sudden. It remains a mystery. The fire was a total headline worthy story like everybody guessed and so it was. The publicity of the fire wasn't what the survivors wanted. Nobody wanted to be remembered about the tragedy that struck the school. Nobody.

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
blood and tears
they were here first

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

Lying on the bed, she looked up at the turning fan. It's been days since she could sleep. Nightmares haunted her dreams, making the fridge run out of Red Bull. " I've gotta do something. " she told herself quietly. Squeezing her eyes shut, she groggily got up, letting her toes feel the cold linoleum. It was cold. Sighing, she got on her twos' and picked up the device she earlier destroyed. She threw it into the bin and sat down at her vanity. " Crap. " she muttered. Her eyes were puffy and red, Her nose was red too. Her hair was a pigeons nest. Her skin was too pale. Before she could destroy the mirror, she made herself walk over to the wardrobe and pull out a black hoodie. She threw the hoodie over her head and grabbed a pair of jeans to pull over her under garments. She needed to go somewhere. Somewhere where no one don't go. She grabbed her round white sunglasses and put them on. She's not going to let anyone know she was vulnerable. Shoving the dorm keys into her pockets, she made her way to the door before realizing she forgot something. She went back into her room and shoved a packet of ciggies into her back pocket. Leaving, she locked the door behind her and made her way out of the building, avoiding eyes and people along the way.

whacha say,
that you only meant well?
well of course you did
whacha say,
that its all for the best?
Because it is
whacha say?
that it's just what we need
you decided this
whacha say?
what did she say?

She wandered aimlessly in the snow, not knowing where to go. She didn't know this place that well yet. At least it was better than being indoors where the pressure was on her head. It was much more peaceful since it was really cold outside. She truged through the snow, sometimes going in circles. The hoodie now wasn't really a smart choice. The cold wind was penetrating through it, making her skin erupt with goosebumps but she didn't care. It was better than inside. No way she's going back in there. Snow covered everything. The trees. The buildings. The paths. Her heart. She never will let any other boy in her heart again. He was the one. And he's gone. Biting back tears again, she absent-mindedly ran her hand along a frosty wall she didn't registered a few moments ago. She pulled back her finger when a sharp pain shot through it. She looked at her pricked finger and sucked on it. " Shit. " she thought. She turned and look at the wall before kicking it foolishly. Of course, the wall was much more...harder and more pain shot through her body. Swearing at the wall, she kept on walking. " Stupid wall..." she muttered venomously. The snow was getting irritating. She never liked winter. " Wait..." she said aloud before whipping her head around. " What the hell...." she said, trudging in the snow to what seems like a tunnel. It was colourful and lit too. Not thinking, she walked deep into it, looking above her head at the lights. When she made it to the middle of the tunnel, she stopped and looked around. She sat down with her back against the wall and pulled out a ciggy from the packet before lighting it. She blew the smoke into the air and inhaled the cool air. " Today was such a waste of eyeliner. "

It had only been an hour or so since he was like this, his legs were shaking and his fingers were fidgeting among themselves. Maybe now he had a problem with controlling himself, and if that was true than he treated it, the problem, like he treated his selfish impulses. Licking his lips, he absentmindedly replaced the fallen cigarette with another, only to withdraw it from position to place it tucked away behind his left ear. Eyes set to kill with the red, bolded blood vessels because he hadn't had sleep in a very long spell (oh look, a pun!) he ventured beyond the spacious classroom and into a more dodgy area - the girl's bathroom; he went with the attitude of an idiot who couldn't tell men from women apart.

Shaking violently he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small baggie. It was enough to get anyone high. Undoing the knot and he turned the baggie inside out, letting the cocaine fall out into a large white cloud settling into a small porcelain mountain. It was so beautiful almost resembling the snow on the school grounds. Ripping his ID card out his back pocket, he seperated the coke into chapters of lines, into three very long chapters. Swapping a red straw from seemingly nowhere, he knelt down at the counter, onto his knees, and plugged left nostril, did a line, switched nostril, did a line, and split the next chapter into each nostril. The long drawn out sound of his nose inhaling each line resonated loudly against the silence.

His eyes began to glaze over and the room around him suddenly became foggy. He planted a hand on the brick wall and leaned on it, his head slumping down and his eyes beginning to close. Breathe. Breathe.

Ryan awoke to an ear piercing scream. It was rather annoying. He wanted to block it out. Return back to where the drugs had taken him, away. He blinked a couple of times until his vision cleared and standing above him was a blond haired girl. The floor was uncomfortable so he began to stand up. Apolozing to the girl he quickly made his way out of the girls bathroom and out of the school.

He didnt know where he was going but he kept on a steady pace. He would eventually have to run into something or someone fimilar. The snow covered ground made it a lot harder to walk. He could still feel the high from the coke and kicked at the ground. "This is bullshit," he laughed. His feet grew cold and damp. He wasnt wearing the proper shoes for the snow. As Ryan walked on he finally came to the fimilar tunnels of where the ability classes were beyond. The colorful lights made him giggle slightly. They looked way cool when you are high.

The tunnels were cold and damp too, but way better then walking in the snow. He placed a hand out at one of the colorful lights and it flickered off. But as he brought back his hand the light flickered back on. Only magic could do that. Ryan peered down the tunnel and saw someone up against the wall. He could smell the sent of cigarattes as he walked closer the the figure. Was it Trixxy? It sure looked like her.

" Inhale. Exhale. " she choked through puffs. Sometimes Tristyn needs reminders. She used to have people to remind her but now, they're all gone. I guess she has only herself to remind herself. She inhaled deep, taking in all the coolness and the quietness of her surroundings. " Inhale. Exhale. " she repeated but still, she had herself not exhaling. She didn't want to be here nor did she want to be in hell. Confused. Young. Hopeless. Finally, she exhaled, coughing in the process. Not strong enough to hold back the tears and memories, tears of long gone feelings came flowing down her porcelain skin. " So should not have worn that much eyeliner..." she thought, just letting everything out.

Better out then in.

Or is it the other way round?

Wiping the god damned tears away with her sleeve, she put the ciggy back in between her lips, taking another long drag but this time exhaling. You see, the problem with Tristyn is that she can't "exhale". Too afraid of letting things go and just not the type of person who can forget something easily, good or bad. From first impression, you'd definitely say a person like Tristyn is those happy-go lucky ones. Truth is, she isn't one. One might say not to judge a book by its cover. Well, Tristyn is your definite example.

The stick was almost done, she took another drag and threw the bud to her far right before taking out another one. Strawberry flavoured. Her favourite. She lit match and the ciggy, trying to blow rings into the air which, of course, she failed. It's weird how her dead fourteen year old sister could achieve doing that. At the sudden thought of her, her eyes went blind by the tears that were threatening to fall. She has always regretted the fact that she never told her sister how much she cared. Yeah, they fight constantly, they tear apart each other clothes and stuff but in the end, they're still siblings and somewhere deep inside they will care about each other. She shook her head and sucked back the liquid.

If you think about it, why do we cry? Fascinating question and a damned subject. She took another long one before throwing the bud in the air, towards the entrance of the tunnel. All the lights were getting a little freaky. She suddenly felt dizzy, still looking at towards the entrance where the sunshine was streaming into the dark tunnel, little by little. She closed her eyes and smiled, she always liked sunny days but it sucks when you are not so sunny. She opened her eyes to see a figure approaching, a male figure. She blinked a couple times, not sure what she was seeing. The could only see the silloutette of it, blinking again and again, unsure what she was seeing. " Am I dead? " she thought, as the figure grew closer.

Feeling helpless and dizzy, she couldn't bring herself to stand up so she stayed put. If death was coming, so let it be but little did she knew her expectations would just be a dissapointment in the end because the figure was the last thing she wanted to see right now. " Not in front of him.." she thought, sucking up whatever that was teary and wiping off any moisture from her face with her sleeve.

" Coked again, Ryan? " she said aloud innocently, chuckling in the process.