The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender payed the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the "statue", "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

A couple was driving along the freeway on their way to their wedding when they were in a car accident, and both were killed. They were met in heaven by Saint Peter and explained that they were to be married but now they are no longer with the living, but still wanted to get married. Saint Peter said, "let me see what I can do"

A year passed and Saint Peter returned and informed them that they now could get married. Six months later the couple went to the Angel and said, "we made a mistake and now we want a divorce." Saint Peter said "It took me a year to find a preacher and now you want a lawyer!?"

Two campers are walking through the forest when they suddenly encounter a grizzly bear! The bear rears up on his hind legs and lets out a terrifying roar. They're both frozen in their tracks.

The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore my running shoes today."

"It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing, you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the second.

"I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU," he answers.

The above are just examples of what I think isn't bad.

On a side-note: To be politically correct on any joke would be impossible.

I don't have anything against the IRS guy, priests or lawyers in general. Heck, I can even tolerate a bear. :p

If you look at these jokes, one is about adultery, the other about sacrificing friendship. It says all priests and lawyers should go to hell, etc. But will any1 really read all that or just have F.U.N.?

I agree sexist, blond, noofy, racist jokes don't pass well and I don't think I'd appreciate such in here. Who wants to be pinned as anything other than themselves anyways? :) Let's use stupid people, fool or anything like that instead of blond, noofy, etc. Fair enough?

hahahahah lol! good ones, i didnt understand the first one...(maybe ehs used to shakeing hands?) but explain please, im no good at jokes

I like jokes...the irs one and the statue one are great!

the irs can squeeze stuff out of anything.... get it????? i like 'em, there funny.