This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American
company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.
She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007
editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer
clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16
in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my
time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now,
my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens
during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood
swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her
he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by a bunch of drunken chimps,Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which
brings me to the reason for my letter Last month, while in the
throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the
adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,
James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself
up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy
plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have
to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer'
or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking
on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though
I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I
will keep.
Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Thats class
Fiona xx