Raiders Achieve First Down
October 15, 2009 | Onion Sports


EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In an improbable display of competence and a basic execution of football fundamentals, the Oakland Raiders stunned the football world Sunday when running back Michael Bush miraculously rushed for three yards against the Giants and succeeded in converting a first down.

The Raiders, who fearlessly faced a third-and-one situation on their own 22-yard-line, somehow gained the 36 inches needed for an elusive first down, despite numerous obstacles that included a professional NFL defense, owner Al Davis' incompetent personnel decisions, mediocre play-calling, and general ineptitude.

"I cannot believe what I just saw," said CBS commentator Greg Gumbel, adding that he was amazed the Raiders advanced the ball beyond the line of scrimmage, let alone gained a full 10 yards. "The fact that they were out on the field for three consecutive plays without turning the ball over is incredible. But a first down? An actual first down from the Oakland Raiders? You…I mean—I just, I can't…"

"I'm speechless," Gumbel added.

According to eyewitnesses, Raiders fans were equally astonished, reportedly shaking their heads in disbelief at the team's lack of incomplete passes, false starts, and holding penalties during the four-down series. Chuck Walker, a lifelong Raiders fan, said he was "proud" of his hometown team for defying the odds and avoiding mental errors for nearly 120 seconds.

"I've never seen them go that long without totally screwing up," said Walker, who believed the first down may have even slightly changed the game's momentum. "I was certain that with a yard to go they would send five receivers deep and [quarterback] JaMarcus [Russell] would chuck the ball to one of the Giants' defensive backs."

Continued Walker, "This will surely go down as the highlight of the Raiders' season."
NFL analyst Tom Jackson also registered his incredulity, saying that after he saw the Raiders gain nine yards on the first two plays of the series—a "miraculous achievement" in and of itself—he never could have imagined they'd gain the one yard necessary to begin another set of offensive downs. The fact that they actually gained two extra yards beyond the first-down marker, Jackson said, left everyone in ESPN studios beside themselves.

"On any given play there is so much potential for the Raiders to lose a significant number of yards that you never expect them to actually gain anything," Jackson said. "But they did it. They made a first down. And on three tries, like a normal pro football team."

Jackson went on to credit the accomplishment to the much-maligned offensive line, saying that not only did they show a full understanding of their blocking assignments, but they also ran the correct play when the ball was snapped.

"Looking at that play, you wonder how a team like the Raiders are 1-4," Jackson said. "Not for too long, of course, but you do wonder for a split second."

According to referee John Parry, the first down also caught members of the officiating crew off guard. Parry said that when Bush moved the chains, his instinct was to throw an unsportsmanlike behavior flag for taunting.

"Michael just got up off the ground and handed me the ball without trying to provoke anyone," Parry said. "Usually you'll find the Oakland guys are jumping back on the pile trying to jam a finger into someone's eye or just kicking wildly with their cleats."

"At first I thought we definitely missed something," Parry added. "But we reviewed the play and the league didn't find anything illegal. They got a first down fair and square."

The Raiders lost the game 44-7.

http://www.theonion.com/content/topics/Football

Speaking of the Gumbels, Bryant is a racist. And this piece was written long before (2006) Rush was banned from buying into an NFL team.
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Friday, February 17
Bryant Gumbel the Racist

Rush Limbaugh got the ax from ESPN for saying Donovan McNabb was:


"overrated ... what we have here is a little social concern in the NFL. The
media has been very desirous that a black quarterback can do well—black coaches
and black quarterbacks doing well."


People were in an uproar over this saying that it was a racist comment. So now I wonder how long (if ever) it will take for HBO to fire Bryant Gumbel.

On HBO's Real Sports, Feb. 7, 2006 show, Bryant had this to say:



"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t
like them and won’t watch them … Because they’re so trying maybe over the next
three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone
attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of
skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s
greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look
like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport
if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel
of subjective judges decides who won … So if only to hasten the arrival of the
day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness—for God’s sake, let the games begin."

First of all, Bryant is attacking the Winter Games saying that the sports they compete in should not be part of the Olympics. To truly understand how stupid this comment is, let’s take a minute to review what the games once were.

The original Olympics was festival lasted for five days. And were made up of athletic contests including a stadium race, wrestling, a form of boxing, horse riding events and a pentathlon. The contest winners were crowned with a wreath of wild olive and gained great honor. All Greeks were allowed to enter with the exception of barbarians and slaves. The ancient Olympic Festival continued until the end of the Greek Empire, over two thousand years ago.

Today we have added MUCH more than that, and not just in the Winter Games, but it appears that Bryant does not think that flying down a mountain at 80 miles and hour, while trying to navigate a course without getting killed, is not worthy of Olympic competition.

Then there is the comment about the Winder Games looking like a GOP convention. As the regular readers of this blog are aware there are, and have been MANY people of color who have been GOP supporters. Can you imagine what would have happened if the NFL or the NBA were said to look like a NAACP convention?

So, here are the questions for you.

1) Do you think that Bryant Gumbel is a racist for this comment?
2) Do you think that the MSM is being nicer to Bryant than they were to Rush?
3) Or, do you think that this is just being blown all out of proportion?

Here is my take. Bryant had no right to make the comment about the Olympic games being a joke and that there should be more "blacks". I am 100% certain that if there were people of color who wanted to compete, and they were good enough that they would be in Italy right now.

Secondly, I think that it is worth noting that Bryant seems to have burned many bridges at other networks over the years, and this was just his latest attempt to take a shot at his former employer NBC.

And lastly, I think that the MSM is afraid to touch this because the see Bryant as one of the good old boys in the MSM and they protect their own.