Okay folks, I've been thinking about a couple of different ways to run this, and here's what I think will work best. Posts for the RPG, that is, things that are your characters and move your plot along, are blue (you can still use any color you want for dialogue, except green). Criticisms of posts are going to be green. All blue posts are to be numbered at the top left corner, above all words. Green posts are not numbered. Here's how it works:

You post something, concerning your character and the storyline, in yellow.

Under your post, in green, you write your criticisms. Put the number of the post you are critisizing first-

3- Then type your criticisms here. Make sure they are constructive and helpful for the person who wrote them. There will be no personal insults. None. I will be very strict about this.

7- You can criticize as many posts as you want to, just make sure you number them so it's clear what you're critisizing. You do not have to critisize, anything, ever, if you don't want to. This is all voluntary. Also, a post can have many critisisms, by many people.

2- You don't have to go in order and can critisize an old post. You can also critisize a criticism, or change your mind about something you said. Please, though, no arguing. All constructive, guys.


THE RULES:
1. There will be no insults or derogatory language in green posts. It will be allowed in yellow posts only if it is clearly between charactars, and not directed at real people.

2. If you choose to critisize a post, do your very best to say something good and something bad. I know it's not always possible, but there shouldn't be anyone who always says bad things about posts and never good things.

3. If you tell someone that their post wasn't very good, that's fine BUT you MUST include WHY it wasn't very good- remember, we're trying to help each other. Tell the person what you feel they need to improve on.

4. If you tell someone that their post was very good, that's fine but you MUST include WHY it was very good, for the same reasons.

5. You must be able to take criticism- if someone said your post needed improving, do not take it personally. Also keep in mind this is just their opinion, this is all opinion, and no one is the declarer of what is right and wrong.


Currently, you do not have to post a yellow post in order to post a green one. This may change later, depending on how it goes. Just remember not to number green posts.
Okay, I think that's it. I'll start, then.

1

Nilay-Oo, head director of Haven Metropolis, was speeding down the bridge on her electric-powered scooter, as usual. She'd recieved word from a secratary in the Amonia Atmosphere sector that there was a breach in the wall, which was letting oxygen into the amonia rooms. Oxygen was a horrible poisonous gas for most amonia-breathers, as amonia was a poison for oxygen breathers. She pressed the button for emergency, and then the button for Piku Flish, one of her staff who she always had on speed-dial. She sent the message to her, and raced on down the bridge.

The "brigde" as everyone called it was a hallway built above all the regular hallways. It followed the same paths and was really like a second story to the hallways, and it was for staff personel only. For rushing to emergencies like this. Patients were not allowed up here for any reason, ever. Which was good, because at the speed Nilay-Oo was going she would have run over about half of them by now.

She reached the wing, and sighed. The atmosphere doors had sealed, containing the leak within a very small part of the hospital.

"Is there anyone inside?" she asked the nearest secratary. He nodded.
"Three Umdulas, all too unstable to move. They're on the oxygen side. We surrounded their beds with individual airtight cases, but those only last a few hours."

Nilay-Oo nodded. "Alright, then we have a few hours to move these patients. Find a place they can be relocated to that has the facilities they need." she said, and waited for Flish the Fixer to arrive.

((uh my question is do we always have to post green along with our yellow? What if we just wish to learn most of the time?))

2
Piku was in her small but highly cluttered room doing what she loved best, tinkering. Her room would not even appear to be a room to the average being. It would more likely appear to be some sort of overstuffed mechanical trash collection then a room. Piles of strange hardware made cities of clutter bridged by wires and coils of metal, and populated by even stranger tools. The room would have been dark, for it had no windows or ceiling light, but it was filled with flashing bulbs and glowing buzzing screens. Noises snapped to life then faded at random and filled what might have otherwise been silence.
One noise accompanied by a particular vibration filled Piku with a sudden influx of joy. She made a noise that was a cross between a clicking and a squeal. To her every inch of her private urban technical landscape was order incarnate, and she could pinpoint any noise at will. The certain off beat beep promised more of what she loved best.
With one reptilian yet bird like fore claw she snatched the noise maker from it's position hanging on a ceiling hook amongst other beep makers. A flap of an arm like wing followed by the swish of a long furred tail triggered a desired reaction. Her door swished open flooding her private world with light. A single set of eyes, for the moment bright green and gold, snapped shut against the intruding beams. Then in a flurry of movement she was out the door on four of her limbs.

1) I think your post Diane was a good solid intro to the world the RP is set in. It has details that your character would need to know, and she does. Her movements don't seemed forced but natural. Although this is the first look at her world for us, she is already settled in it.

2- As always Heather I LOVE your description. As far as I'm concerned I think you're the queen of description on this board. It's never long winded, and I always look forward to reading your posts no matter how long they appear at first. The one and ONLY critisizm I have is that I'm not sure to as why your character is in the hospital, or what her job is. I know you probably put it in the sign ups, but I myself always forget half of peoples sign ups since there are so many chars in an rp. A good way to avoid confusion is to re-state who or what your character is and does in the first post of every rp you just started in. But really GREAT description, as always.

3

Nilay-Oo waited impatiently, tapping all twenty-four of her fingers on her slender, orange arms with fuzzy green hair. She knew Piku, the head technical repairbeing of the hospital, would be there ASAP. The Mayo loved her job with a passion. But Nilay-Oo still worried. It could not be pleasant for the three patients sealed off in a room with only a thin plastic wall between them and poisonous gas. Other directors might worry about getting sued, and that might cross her mind later, but for now all that mattered was the saftey of the patients (and staff), and solving the problem. After the problem was solved, then she would work on discovering what caused it, and what to do about it.

"Director, we have secured a location for the three oxygen-breathers." A Security Seven manager told her.

"How far is it?" she asked.

"Not far, only a mile and a half in the Chloromulan hall. Plenty of oxygen in there, since they all make it themselves." he said. Nilay nodded. For a ship as large as theirs (the size of a planet), a mile and a half was very close indeed.

Piku then walked/rambled/scampered (Niley-Oo never quite knew how to describe the way she moved, since it was always different) down the bridge to the scene.

"Code 338, atmospheric breach." Nilay told her. "We've got three patients inside in critical condition. We have a place to move them to, and ten technical personelle in Vac suits waiting your orders." Nilay didn't have to tell Piku that there could be no errors. She knew that. And, in the years she'd known her, Nilay had never seen Piku make an error when it was important.

2) I agree mostly with everything Natalie said. The way you describe your charactar's room gives her an instant likable personality, and makes her memorable. Also, the fact that you repeat her name a few times is very important, especially in the beginning of an RP. And thanks for the great critique of my post, Heather! :)

3- I don't have much to say about yours Diane, except that your post made it clear to as why and what Piku, Heathers character does at the hospital. I think this is good for everyone to do sometimes, describing someone else's char in your post not only helps others see from a different prespective, but it can also clarify things that others may have over looked in a character.

1 and 3 -I do have a critisizem for ya Diane. In your first post, you said the patients trapped in the room were amonia breathers. In your third, I belive yu said they were oxygen breathers.

post 1: She'd recieved word from a secratary in the Amonia Atmosphere sector that there was a breach in the wall, which was letting oxygen into the amonia rooms.
post 3: "Director, we have secured a location for the three oxygen-breathers."

so uh...I know that was just a slip up, but it kinda confused me. Unless I'm reading it wrong. So yeah.

((I won't critisize yet I'll wait for the others to join in, if not in 2 days then i'll begin to a critics view, but for now here's my post)

4

Tinker waited in the waiting room to seek help for his problem, he had aleady singed in so the hospital should be contacting a doctor already. Tinker sat in one of the hostpital chairs that were provided. It made a weird noise against his Nylon pants and nylon shirt that he always wore. tinker has been getting these weird stomach aches latly, At first he thought it was something he ate, but eventually they grew worse and overtime more symptoms occured, like dizzyness, and old wounds opening up again.

4- Joe, I'm gunna say the same thing I told Heather. People usually forget what you put up in the sign ups, and therefor go into the rp knowing absolutly nothing of your char except for what you tell them. Right now I'm assuming you are a human male because you gave me no description. And you could be blonde a red head or a brunette for all I know.
On the plus side it's very clear to as what your character is doing and why he is there. His situation is very clear. and I always like that, you know...not being confused. LOL! ::claps::

5:

Erathniv slid off his hospital bed, immediatly grabbing his crutch to prop himself up. He blinked his two main eyelids rapidly, trying to wake himself from the normal grogginess.
Limping over to the sink, he grabbed a small bottle of lotion. The hospital had made it especially for his race. "Soap" which was a main disinfectant for many, was harmful to the skin of a Kigarian.
While staring into the mirror as he applied the muddy-substance to his face, he frowned. There were two very large scars near his ears, that had become more visible then he hoped. Rubbing the cream off his palms, he made his way back to the bed. His dark green scales flickered in the sunlight that streamed through the window's shades. Erath glared at his hand, with an unusual expression. He had been angry that he was forced to trim his nails, he used to love the fact he had natural weapons attached to him.

Life was depressing, and incredibly empty. His family had been killed, in the war on planet Jirai Nuen. He had no one, and owned no possessions. He was alone, and this made him wonder.
What would he do when he left the hospital?
It seemed..the hospital had become his home..

6

A bright yellow sign, labeled "CAUTION" in six different languages, contrasted sharply with the bland, sterile look of the waiting room (one of several dozen throughout the Haven). Omaran's mop wavered drunkedly over the floor, leaving puddles of detergent in some areas and leaving others untouched. He himself placed most of his focus on a compilation of works by his favorite Tangeran author; since he had bought it two days ago in the Trans-System Terminal, "The Works of Mannas" had comsumed him. With his eyes focused elsewhere, he never noticed the overhead fixture that dangled dangerously close to his head - until it made contact (some areas of Haven Metropolis seemed neglectful of the average Vharan's height). Recoiling in embarrasement, Omaran stashed his book in his overall pocket and glanced around the room to see if anyone took notice of how he had shirked his duties. It didn't seem like it, but seeing as he hadn't had the job for long, he didn't feel like taking any chances. Very few people were in the room at the time, and even the Jolin across the room didn't seem to take notice. Omaran busied himself with undoing the shoddy job he had done mopping, all the while hoping for his break to come. He so longed to meet some of the staff, to interact with others for the first time since his transfer.

5 - I'd just like to say, that Matt's post is a great example of an introduction. I didn't get to read much of the signups for HM, but once I read about Erathniv's multible eyes I could begin to recall all about his character. You provided alot of supporting details as well, and just about any other detail that was questionable. Bravo.

4 - I'd have to agree, Joe, that you failing to provide detail about Tinker might hinder some readers. Try including some details about his large red eyes, the color of his skin (I'm assuming it's a shade of green?), webbed hands/feet, or rubbery skin. Those would be dead giveaways that Jolians are frogmen. Also, when you said his illness caused old wounds to open up again, did you mean literally?

3 - Heather...do I really need to repeat what everyone else has said? :P

6: Very nice. You have a wide range of volcabulary, which really spiced up the intro post a good amount. Plus, the "six different languages"..nice touch. ;)

((waiting for Heather to post before I post. She was confused about something, so she PMed me to clarify things before posting. That is a really good thing to do, when you don't understand what's going on, ask the person before you post and make it worse))

5) Matt, excellent introduction post. It physically describes the character, but even more so it describes his personality and the thoughts going on inside his head. It has great detail, but at the same time it doesn't tell everything about the char in one post. It leaves things for readers to wonder about, but it's a great set up. A lot can happen with it. I really like how you explain what he is feeling, then why he is feeling it by giving some background detail. And worries about the future...almost nobody ever does that, and it's great.

6) Al, as my very first impression of you as an RPer, I must say it's a very good one. I had forgotton who your char was, but the moment he whacked his head on the lamp I completely remembered everything I read in the sign-ups. The subtelty with which you remind the reader about the physical charataristics of your character, but without actually describing him, was really good. And I like your char's personality...a janitor who likes to read! And it's cool that he's new at his job. It opens up a lot of possibilities for relationships to form between him and the other chars. The six different languages detail, is as Matt said, really cool.


1) and 3)- Natalie, I do realize that what I typed is confusing, but it wasn't contradictory to itself
Post 1-

Post 3-

I do understand that I was vague about it, and usually I try not to be but I was in a rush. I forgot to mention that as oxygen was leaking into the ammonia rooms, ammoinia was also leaking out into the oxygen rooms. Heather was confused also, and I'm sorry about the confusion. I'll try to clarify things a bit.

((Sorry for the delay))
7
Today the hind legs Piku relied on were that of a large cat. They were mostly covered with a blue color fur, but had spots of hot pink scales, and a few slashes of emerald green feathers. Her long cat like tail was ringed in blue alternating with orange. Around her waist was wrapped a skirt like cloth of shiny black that allowed for maximum movement. Also around her waist were the tools of her trade as a technician and generally handy girl. They were gathered in pockets and hoops on many belts of varying tightness. Her torso, where visible, was all ruby scales the color of new paint or fresh blood. It was the well protected hide of a female dragon. Her chest was wrapped in the same sparkling black fabric as her waist, but the fabric showed her form to be that of humanoid female. A dragonoid female, but female. Her arms today had hot pink feathers and resembled the wings of a bird until they reached her wrists and claws where they became more draconic. From her head sprouted two spiraled dark red horns, and a magnificent crest of light blue feathers. The skin of her face appeared smooth and pink, but was made up of many tiny scales. Her mouth was feline, but her teeth draconic. Her nose was also feline, as well as her ears. She was very happy with her current manifestation and was considering keeping it for a few days. Nilay soon came into view and spoke as she approached
"Code 338, atmospheric breach. We've got three patients inside in critical condition. We have a place to move them to, and ten technical personelle in Vac suits waiting your orders."
It was a difficult situation, but she knew she could handle it. Unlike most creatures she could breathe in any atmosphere. She could create what ever internal system required at a moments notice, in fact most of the time her body did so with out her even thinking about it.
"Alright. The rooms are sealed correct? The leak shouldn't be the vents because they both have separate systems.." Piku's voice dropped to a mutter as she shifted and discarded options aloud. Her eyes brightened and she nodded her head in affirmation. To Nilay she said, "K. We probably have a leak in the wall its self. What i'm gonna have to do is suck all the gas out of both rooms, and suck it right out of the ship using the emergency vents. The oxygen patients should be safe because of the containers. What I’ll do then is let oxygen into both rooms. Seeing as the ammonia rooms are sealed from their section it won't cause any more damage, and we will be able to get the patients out with no problems. Then once they are safe I’ll use a few of my colored indicators. When I let one off in the oxygen room, the brightly colored indicator will travel through the leak into the sealed room. Then patching up this mess will be a snap." she snapped her fingers as if to show the ease of how she would handle the situation. “Sound good?”

8
Nilay-Oo could hear Maelkaien Grey's smoothe and low voice not far behind her. "The little changeling did it, too bad. A Dorian was in one of the ammonia rooms, I have been waiting to observe one of those in death for months." Every time an interesting death seemed imminant in the hospital Maelkain could usually be found around the control room, wanting to observe and record the passing for his book he was writing. He stood in the corner of the control room, not liking the bright light that the monitors gave off, it hurt his sensitive silver eyes. He shrugged his thin shoulders and gave a sigh. "If the situation gets any worse please let me know, there haven't been any interesting deaths in months. Just the human here or there, nothing new to learn about those frail things. Stop doing such a good job, you make my work boring with keeping so many of our patients alive."

Post Just Above: Ahaha. While you still have grammar errors to this day, Ling, that post was just mind-bogglingly full of personality, keeping you in-character, and us aware of it. That's a great way to start out (compared to the rest of everyone in the RP as of now) an antagonist's role.

Oh, and... I've not posted yet because medical emergencies born of technical error, while fine and dandy to solve, don't provide me with any relevancy to the plot, so... if anyone could need some therapy, maybe go crazy, spice something up with a hostage or two... You know, I could do something. But as it's going, we're fine. Just want to warn everyone that I will be pointing out grammar errors as they come when I start posting, and I encourage everyone to do likewise. Grammar and spelling must be up to snuff! And if you start complaining that it takes too long, learn to type better! Sheesh! It becomes second-nature after a while. Apologies to anyone who thinks I sound like a prick at this point, I'm really not trying to be an asshole, I'm just frustrated when I see brilliant posts made so that I have to search hard to understand them. D:

9
Nilay-Oo sighed with relief. Piku had once again flawlessly solved a potential catastrophe with ease and simplicity. What would have been the end of Haven was now just another activity recorded in the hospital's daily logs. Of course, Nilay's work now only just begun, as she would have to launch an investigation as to why the breach occured. But the fail-safes had worked. That was a relief.

Nilay put a hand on Piku's....shoulder, she ventured.
"That sounds like an excellent solution. Piku, you are a lifesaver. A true genius. Hiring you was the best descision I have ever made." she said. She truly meant it. Medical problems aside, the ship could not hold together withou Piku and her excellent repair team. And without the ship, there would be no hospital.

"If it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to search for clues as to what caused this problem in the first place, but don't put anyone in danger. Also, getting the three patients relocated is top priority." she said. She looked at the strange creature in front of her, upon which so much depended.
"Well, I've got mountains of forms to fill out now, so I'll leave you in charge here, Flish. I know you've got it under control." Nilay said, and then raced back to the control room.

Waiting for her there was Maelkaien. Nilay supressed a shudder. Though he was nessessary to have around, the head Corenor of Haven severely creeped her out.
"I'm sorry you're so dissapointed." she said sarcastically. She didn't like him. There was something about him that struck a deep nerve in a bad way, but he did his job exceedingly well, and unfourtunately, there wasn't much supply of expert coreners who wanted the responsibility that his job required. So she had little choice but to let him stay.

Nilay walked over to a terminal and began the electronic research project it would take to discover what had gone wrong in the Ammonia wing. She would get the project rolling, and then hand it over to the Incidents Invistigation Team, who would report back to her later with the results.

7) Brilliant solution, Heather. I mean, that was obviously a very well-thought out plan, it's sound, and it makes your character look like the expert she is supposed to be. And it was really interesting. And cool.
I liked how you described Piku's physical appearance, but I do have to say that I hope you dont' have such long descriptions regularly. It was very interesting, but after many of those it would not be so. Oh, and I like how Piku can breathe in any atmosphere. That charactaristic fits in perfectly with your char, and it is very convinient for this situation. Nice touch.

8) Fezzod, I read your post before I read your char profile in signups, so I can honestly say that I was not confused in the slightest. You had just the right amount of description to make it clear what kind of person your char is. Even before I read that he was a drug addict/dealer, I knew I didn't like him, but didn't know why. Good mood setter. And great personality, like BR said. Maybe we should send your char to his char for some psych councelling, lol.

Oh, you forgot to put the number 8 above your post. I put it there already but next time don't forget to number your post.

Unlike BR, I found your number of typos sufficiently minimal.

((would you like me to change the yellow type to another color, it's a bit hard to read.))

((Yeah, that's a good idea, would you do that for me Bates? (I'd do it but I'm quite pressed for time.) I'll change the first post, the one that states all the rules, and you get the rest? The new color is...uh...Blue? Is that good for everyone?))

10:
Erathniv closed the blinds, trying to feel more at home then he already did. His homeplanet was a dark one, consisting of a longer night then day. As he turned around to return to his bed, his usual doctor walked in.
She was a Ren-ren woman named Jerim-inia (Jer-eem-in-ya), who had a purely kind way of life. Erath showed her respect, which was a rare thing.
"Oh Erathniv, I hate it when you close the blinds."
Her skin was a beautiful shade of blue, and he eyes gleamed with a brighter green color. She would have been considered a god on Erath's planet a few hundred years ago.
"Yes, it seems we lived in totally different worlds.."
Erath sat on his bed, being calm and graceful, which was also a rare thing.
"Surely it doesn't mean we can't get along!"
"No! Of course not!"
Jerim giggled, and walked over to Erath, helping him to his feet as well as his crutch.
"You are making great progress Erathniv, I will hate to see you leave."
Erath frowned, following her silently out to the rehabilitation center.
"Well, I'll leave you here to do your normal exercises. I'll be back shortly to do your daily systems check."
Erath nodded, and got to work. Trying to shrug off an unusual feeling he had bubbling in his stomach..and his heart.

11 Piku grinned at the doctor's praise, and then quickly set to work. It was a fairly simple plan to set in motion. Through out the ship were scattered terminals that could grant access to the vents, power grid, and a few of the other life-support systems. She scampered to the nearest one, only a few strides away. In an instant she had the seamless solid steel plate off with the use of one of her more handy tools; the bonding knife. It was a fairly simple but very useful tool. When dragged one way it could cut through any substance by separating the atoms, when dragged the other it would instantly seamlessly re bond the substance. It re-bonded so well in fact it looked like it had never been cut. Only a repairman would have one of the tools, and the terminals were only meant for repairmen. The protective plate had no screws so a random patient or saboteur could not mess with it, as some might desire to do. Even if a person managed to get a bonding knife, they would still need one of the few elusive ID cards necessary, as well as a score of passwords to use the terminal itself. The only other way of messing with the life support systems was in the main command center, and that was beyond the reach of any person who might seek to damage it. Piku, who was one of the people the terminal was built for, got past such security with ease. In moments she had the mixed atmosphere vented. She then closed the vents and unsealed the oxygen side only. After re-securing the terminal she scampered back to the section and waved the medical personnel through. With the patients out of danger she could take her time to make sure she did the rest of the job right. Her crest had changed to a bright orange and the fur of her legs to red, responding to the slight pressure she felt in the situation. Despite her confidence she took the situation very seriously indeed.

No worries. Piku will change drastically over time but only in small stages, unless of course it's for something big. Even then she will change back to what she was before not something entirely new.

12
Nilay was paged the moment Piku had the three Umdulas on their way to their new room. She left the control room, taking care to lock Maelkaien out, and then sped along the bridge. She reached the Umorna moving team and travelled slowly above them as they moved the patients to the Chloromulan wing. She looked at her chart. They had just built and extension, and currently there was only one patient in it...someone named Mereki, there for chloraphil transfusions and therapy. Very stable patient.

"Good." she said out loud. They reached the wing, and the team walked in, immidiatley setting up the critical patients. There hadn't been any problems so far, but they were likely to develop. Critical patients, of any species, did not do well when they were moved. She walked over to the lone Chloromulan. She read the language he spoke on his chart and set her voice modifier to that language.

"Hello, I am Dr. Nilay-Oo, Director of Haven Metropolis. There was an emergency evacuation in another wing, and these patients need to be relocated here. I hope this does not inconvinience you. If you would like to be moved to another area, please say so now." she said. She supressed a shudder. She hated the way her voice sounded in other languages.

10) Aww, Erathniv is falling in love with his doctor! Poor guy...they say dating your doctor is as bad as dating a co-worker. But, I think that's an excellent reason for him to want to stay at the hospital, besides the reasons you gave before about him having nowhere else to go. It's a good set up, because now your char has to find excuses to stay, just as you do. I like the sublety with which you are introducing the idea, also, and how you describe your character as being nice, which is not normal for him. It's cute.

11) Very practical, descriptive post. It was also very nessesary, as it moves the plot along. The fact that you mentioned getting those patients out is absolutely critical, and is a prime example of what has to go into a nessesary post. Your actions made it possible for other characters to re-act to it. You completed the scene. Thank you very much, Heather!

13

DeliaDenixaXaykthyiaX'KalinaKinaDenxia venoro DemaniaValJeanTohruAyliaalu, or Delia for short, walked the halls dressed in her candy stripper uniform. The pink really stood out on her blueish skin. But, when you are the Prince's second cousin, you learn how to look good in anything.

Delia smiled at the patiants in the hallways. She had noticed Nilay-Oo zoom by on the up-head way, but she went on with her routine. For the time, the Deriviania's Prince's Second Cousin dropped her regal attitude, and took on I-Am-A-VERY-Innocent-Candy-stripper attitude. She smiled brightly, and childish.

Delia, was after all still young. Only just begining her studies.

"Ayliaalu!" Another candy stripper called. "You look completely horrendus in pink." Delia barepd her teeth. Her last name was quite hard to remember, and so many called her Alyiaalu though by birth-right she had no business being accociated with the name. Alyiaalu was the name of direct royal family.

Delia was only a second cousin. Her full last name was "DemaniaValJeanTohruAyliaalu." They could at least remember Demania. she thought, with a smile that said "I will tear your throat out" plastered to her face.

Not something to show patiants, so she stopped for a second, forcing her smile back into a sweet and gentle candy stripper smile.

14:

Erath finished his exercises quite successfully. After the last week or so, his daily exercises had become smoother and smoother. He could now walk with ease, but anything more then that was a bit of a project.
Jerim-inia gracefully made her entrance. Her soothing voice floated into Erathniv's eardrums.

"Well, Erath, how did they go?"
"Very well..I still have some trouble jogging though."
"That's fine. As long as we're making progress."

She assisted Erath in getting onto the inspection bed. Silently, she checked his leg and arm muscles. Then she proceeded in checking the normal pieces of his body, starting with the eyes. Everytime she finished one, she would jot down something on her notepad and begin again.
Erathniv had an unusual feeling these methods were very "manual-based". He was aware that she could simply program the computer module to do it all for her. Maybe she liked spending time with him. He hoped this was the case.
Jerim finished and sat Erath up.

"At the rate you're going, you'll be out of the hospital in a week or so!"
Erath was dumbstruck. He thought he would remain in the hospital for at least another month! He would have to speak up.
"Jerim, I need your help."
"What is it?"
"Can you find me a job here? Anything at all. I don't have anywhere to go from here Jerim-inia! I love it here, and many things here.."
Jeriminia pondered the request for a moment, suddenly, her face brightened.
"If you're willing to do this, we may have an opening in the janitorial department.."

Erath immediatly agreed. The two spoke briefly, and she helped him back to his room. Night started to fall, and for the first time all day, Erath's feelings of anxiousness started to fade.

((Well I'll give Sean a little more time to post before I skip over him))

13) Good introduction to your character. I like how you have shown that she is two-faced, or double-sided, almost immidiately. The way you showed that was really cool, too, by having a fellow coworker piss her off the way Helfgot used to get when people called him Arkan. Her sense of responsibility towards her job and her patients is also made clear. Like I said before, too, I really like the name thing!

14) You've got yourself a very emotionally expressive character there, Matt. I like him, a lot. You're very good at showing the internal workings of your character. I know exactly what he's feeling and why he's feeling it, and completely understand all of his actions because of it. I also really like the way you made your temporary patient character turn into a permanent one...you didn't just get him a job at the hospital, but gave huge background and important reasons as to why he wants to stay. Also, choosing a job that will automatically make you interact with another character (Al's char) is a sign of very good rping. You had to think what was the best way to intergrate your character, and making him something that requires close contact with someone else was an obviously thought out and good decision.

15

Gathering up his equipment, Omaran began to leave the now impecible-looking waiting room (you would be suprised how filthy a sterile environment like the Haven's could become with the millions of people - patients, employees, etc. - the rove the premisis daily). The static yellow sign still lay in it's place, adorned with a quaint animation of a figure slipping on a wet floor. Small details like that could get a rise out of him. Just then his wrist emmited a whirring noise; Omaran strected out his wrist (and craned his neck) to get a better view. It was his watch, as it noisly cattered on and announced it was 1500 hours, Galactic Military time. Time for his break: the one time of the day he could actually anticipate. Omaran took up the last of his supplies and went into search of the nearest storage facility, which was 2 miles east - his break time would compensate for the expended time. As he headed off down the rehabilitation ward, he suddenly heard a very familiar voice; one from a former dream; one of a dream.

Jeriminia.

Omaran leaned himself against the slightly ajar door to have a listen, and allowed her soothing voice to serinade him. Though he had promised to himself to not look, promises as such are rarely kept; all he could see, however, was a dull blue aura against the dimmed light of the shades. A gruffer, harsher tone of voice gave its reply, a reply Omaran wasn't expecting. Janitorial services? This stranger was truly interested? Knowing nothing more than this, worry and anticipation filled him as his watch once again rang, now in a more scolding tone. Back to reality. Patting the front pocket of his overalls and removing "The Works of Mannas," he continued on towards his break and his oppourtunity to know more of the staff.

Perhaps she...Naah.

16

Nilay waited a few moments for the Chloromulan to speak, but there was no response. She checked his bed chart and saw that he was brain-dead.

"Well, then I suppose he won't mind a little company." she said, and directed the movers to bring in the three extra patients. She then left them to their work and took the speed elevator, built for her own personal use, up to her office. Her office was the top floor, and it was the only thing on that floor. There were elevator access tubes which led from all parts of the hospital, so she was never more than a few minutes away from her office. It was a brilliant design, and she greatly admired the architects which invented it.

She walked over to her desk and was typing out the forms nessesary due to the wall breach when her screen bleeped. An application for a janitorial position. Huh? Why was that sent to her, and not to the Employment Department? She then saw the little note stuck at the top.

Please, as a favor to me,
-Dr. Jerim-inia

Nilay scratched her head. She did know the doctor personally, but they had a minimal relationship, based on a few staff lunches at the same table and one incident with a patient last year that had them working closely together for awhile. Nilay shrugged. Though janitor was an important position, and far more diffucult due to the precision and wide range of knowledge one needed to work at Haven, Nilay trusted this doctor. She was a very smart Ren-ren woman.

"Hmm...which head janitor needs staff..."
"Omaran, new employee, current staff: 0."
"Huh." she said. "Well, then he could use an employee."
Nilay filled out the nessessary forms, sent a message back to Jerim-inia that "Erathniv" was hired, and then a message to Omaran that a new employee, under his juristdiction, was to begin training tomorrow.

"There." she said, and got back to work.

15) Oooh- how very intriguing! Does Omaran like the same doctor Erath does? And then if Erath becomes his underling....wow! Very cool post. Lots of great detail, though you were a little vague as to what actually happened during Omaran's lunch break. I know you were probably trying not to give too much away, but there wasn't quite enough information. I was slightly confused. But, I was interested enough to care and try really hard to figure it out...because that was a really interesting post.

((Omaran's break has technically not occured yet. The intent of the break was to be able to interact with other employees, as well as give them an oppourtunity to interect with me. But mostly, I'm waiting to see if others will play on my idea. Oh, and if I might OOC for one more moment:

...I almost fell out of my chair laughing from reading that, for whatever reason. :lol: ))

((You liked that? That's my way of being mad a Sean (the Chloromulan was his character). Like I said, your previous post was not entirely clear on what happened. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.))

17

The day was a beautiful one. For once, Erath was comfortable with the gleaming sunlight flowing through his window. Dr. Jerim-inia had granted his request in almost no time at all. He was touched by her ambition to complete his task. A flutter of feelings erupted in his heart, and he didn't shrug it off this time. He squeezed this feeling for all it was worth.
The war-torn and rigid Kigarian had finally found peace within himself. A toothy smile spread across his face. He got onto his feet and cleansed his body with the proper Kigarian-made products, then immediatly dressed himself.
He walked out of his room, in his hand he carried a small piece of paper. It had the scribbled letters of which room Omaran stayed in. He was anxious to meet this being, for he knew they would be seeing a lot of each other from now on..

18

After finishing her morning route, Delia decided to go to the cafeteria. She ploped into a plastic chair, and watched various people. Soon, she thought she needed to eat. So, she got a small salad and picked at it. Other candy stripers came in, many whispering loudly about her.

Delia thought about the dances at her school she attended before the dance accadamy. She thought about the parties at her Cousin's. She really missed her cousin, but she had to serve a certian number of hours before beginning class at the acadamy.

19

Nilay finished her paperwork about the wall-breach incident, and decided to go down to the fifth floor cafeteria. She liked that one the best because few patients ever went there. She didn't mind patients, just sometimes it was nice to be around only fellow staff.
She got herself some fruit and tree bark salad and walked out into the nearly-empty cafeteria. Not wanting to sit alone, she walked over to a candystriper who was sitting by herself.
"Hello," she said, trying not to sound too formal, "May I sit here?"


17) A good post, Matt. It's short, but everything nessesary happens in it. It moves the plot along nicely, making a nessesary but small action occur...Erath walking to meet Omaran. Also, the description of what Erath is feelilng is very good. I really feel like this charcater when I'm reading him. I also liked the small added physical detail of teeth, reminding me that this guy isn't a human but without dragging on in details. (PS- Matt you forgot to number your post. I did it for you, so don't worry about it.)

18) Nice detail of the character's thoughts and background. This post makes your character more in-depth by giving her thoughts about her life outside of work. I do have to say though, it isn't much in the way of action. The post doesn't leave anything for other characters to respond to, though putting her in a cafeteria does give the others a chance to bump into her during lunch. Currently, she is acting alone and in isolation and nothing can happen to her without you. That isn't a bad thing, but too many of these in a row would be. Right now though, it suits the mood of your char, feeling lonely and friendless.

20:

Erathniv continued down the hallway, a small grin planted across his face. As people started to walk by him he immediatly erased the smile. His feelings for Jerim-inia had made him feel incredibly different from his usual self, but he had still wanted to keep a reputation. Once he was in the presence of others his happiness was blotted out.
He spotted someone in the hallway, holding a book. He assumed this being was a janitor, and he tapped it's shoulder hoping he could ask for assistance.
"Do you know where Omaran is?" He asked, reviving his usual rough and raspy voice.


((He's speaking to Omaran.))

21

Omaran had just reached his room, quaintly adorned with his name, where he would store his supplies. And the trip only took him 11 minutes - an improvement from yesterday. Just then, a claw tapping his shoulder gave him a startle. The mention of his name by the Kigarin made him turn abruptly, as he recognized the voice from earlier.

"Omaran? You're looking at him." He couldn't help but emit a cheerful demeanor even to the calm, collected figure before him. Impressions, impressions. He gave a wave, and then made a realization...he was still holding the anthology he'd been glued to the entire week. Once again, Mannas was in the way. Pocketing the book meekly, Omaran continued.

"I take it you must be...Erathniv! I heard about a new crew member joing me, but I never imagined it'd be this soon. Err, not that I'm ungrateful for you help, though I don't really know you, but I'm sure..." Embarrased by the sound of his won rambling, Omaran slowly stopped himself. Erathniv kept his composure. Impressions, impressions...my eye.

"E-hem. Well, the most important resource any janitorial staff will have access to is the supply depot. That is where all supplies are kept, and several of the rooms give you maintenace access to several parts of the facility. So that's where I'll begin; some of the corridors can get confusing, but knowing your heading and finding landmarks will help alot. Also, be aware that several corridors lead through and into sections of the Haven with different atmospheres. Breathing masks in the area are a dead givaway, though I don't need to use them." Omaran was now feeling quite proud of himself, and much like a true professional. But even so, he couldn't help but think to himself: there goes my lunch break.

22:

Erath was perplexed by this being's straight foward approach. One hell of an introduction.. He thought, nodding at Omaran's instructions with each sentance. When he had finished, Erath made his final nod and spoke.
"Alright. I'll go to the supply depot to become familiar with it."
He had no clue where this area was, but Erath chose not to express this. Being unfamiliar with something was a sign of weakness! Aside from Erath's personal opinion, this was also a way of life on Kigaria. Not bothering to say good bye to his comrad, he headed left down the hall.

23:

At one far tower of the massive spaceport was a long cylinder, approximately one hundred galactic feet in height, and sixty feet in diameter, with a localized gravity field at one end. It spanned up from the port and then stretched into another, partisaned section of the city-like hospital, which all directories labelled as "Psychiatric Ward" in several Galactic languages (as well as the optic translation units which read and adapted wall-bound text to the viewer's native language, in any wavelength, from Radio to Gamma).
Inside this massive cylinder was a lush, vaguely yellow-green (with patches of blue) jungle, with a massive freight elevator (that had no guardrails whatsoever, just the four columns to move it up) at the bottom of the center of the cylinder, with two gravity-adjustment chambers to the side of it, allowing visitors to flip their gravity from the lateral position of the hallways that went into the tower to the tower's central gravity.
At increments of about eleven galactic feet, there were sectioned areas with some prominently displayed plantlife, foliage growing in exotic colors in front of the rather lush jungle that coated the cylinder walls. The air that these plants slowly seeped out in a dusky, pink-tinged cloud that permeated and evaporated throughout the cylinder, was a strange, perfumed smell, that which was pleasant, but not overpowering... And, strangely, it supported most Methane, Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Xenon-breathing life-forms without any strain, and several Helium, Carbon, and Argon/Neon breathers without too much needed but an inhaler.
The sectioned areas were essentially rings that, as the height increased, increased in their width as well, until the upper-most ring. Here, there was only a ten-foot wide gap between the elevator, its columns' upward ascent into the actual Psychiatric Ward above the cylinder broken with four walkways on every side of the elevator's vaguely square shape, and a series of rather outlandishly out of place pieces of ornate, wooden office furniture, as well as an assortment of wide cushions, arranged neatly around the perimeter of this wide area.
On one of these blandly colored cushions sat a small, tentacled creature that was heaving rather sadly into its tentacles.
"BLAORGH XEIBVUP CORDANITAEIM," said the creature, sobbing with a refreshing honesty.
Opposite this poor being was the fair-sized, draconic form of Doctor Phaerzin, his four wings beating slowly and rhythmically, his form half-hunched, half-resting on a large perch, his docking talons wrapped firmly around it, with the pods sticking out behind them, punctuating his position. His arms were a different story, up and writing on a small notepad in front of him hurriedly, nodding occasionally as the creature spoke. Two of his eyes, the outer pair, looked down at the notepad. The other two were focused intently, caringly into the bulbous eye-like pods that the tentacle creature was currently shedding a foul-smelling, purple substance from. From time to time, he would dip a quill pen (made from one of his own quills), into a pot of ink that sat on the broad end of the perch, clacking his squat beak ever-so-lightly when the being in front of him said something particularly heart-wrenching.
He nodded as the creature blattered and globbered a particularly loud blatter and globber, the substance almost coating him, but for a calm, lazy movement to the left which sent the majority of it into a large, jawed plant that devoured the substance rather ravenously.
As the creature stopped talking, Phaerzin thought it prudent to finish up the session.
"Now!" he said in a moderately low, pleasing, but firm tone, very friendly to anyone who might hear it offchance, "I think you just needed to get that off your CAORHRUGHENITAA, didn't you? And I am always happy to help."
The creature nodded, spreading a wide coloration of yellow across its blue, mucused 'face'.
"Yes, I thought you might feel much better... Sometimes it's just good to let it all out. I want you to come back to me in a few days, and we'll go over what you said, alright?" he said, kindly smiling, spreading the few muscles that acted as his cheeks into an upturn to mirror the creature's gesture.
"NERUHATUHGHAAHHHH MERHAHZNEASU PHAERZIN."
"You're too kind, my friend. Come on, you probably want to get to the cafeteria."
"BLARRRUHGHH."
"I thought so."
With a calm, graceful movement, Phaerzin lightly dropped the quill into the ink pot, and floated silently up, curling his pods and docking talons up under his body as flat as they would go, fitting snugly under his squat tail. He lazily drifted down between the top floor's gap, staying in time with the elevator, which the creature had tapped to go at a speed which wouldn't disrupt its cilia.
When they reached the bottom, Phaerzin maintained a sufficient height to shake the creatures' gripping tentacle lightly, before it entered the left gravity-changing cubicle, and the doors shut behind it.
Phaerzin sighed good-naturedly, and flitted quickly up to a few of the more wispy of the plants, picking up a few of the tools he'd left behind from one of his earlier excursions and tending them contentedly.
"Just needed someone to talk to, that's all..."


(OOC: And that's the introduction to Phaerzin! I thought the RP was going slow, so I figured, hay my character isn't up and going, and... I posted. :D )

((Waiting for Amanda to post, I'll give her a few more days before moving on. Keep in mind I'm always accessable, being head of the hospital and all))

20) As usual, I like the in-depth description of how your character is feeling. The fact that he's happy and is forcing himself to hide it to save face is quite interesting (and easy for me to relate to, anyway). The thought and reason behind each of his actions is very clear and makes reading about Erath enjoyable, and not confusing. Also, your added OOC at the end made certain of understanding and clarity. It was also nessesary, I think. :)

21) Very good post, James. You definitely have skill. You have small details...like Omaran's timing himself in getting to his office each day and trying to beat the record...which really add to the depth of your character and make your posts fun to read. I like Omaran's personality, it reminds me of real people that I know, who try so desperately to act like they think they are supposed to that they only end up stumbling over themselves. I think Omaran makes a great janitor. I also think it's funny that he loves to read, and tries to hide that fact.

22) Short but full of important information. Moves the action along quickly, while also telling us something important about the charcter and his culture. It also leaves a bit of suspense, since I'm wondereing what on earth Erath is going to do wandering down the hallway not knowing where he's going.

23) BR- Glad you decided to come back! Your post had me laughing off my chair, that creature that the doctor was seeing was hysterical! As usual, you've got an insane amount of detail, all enjoyable and not tedious. I also personally love your choice of vocabulary, though sometimes I wonder if it's beyond some people's grasp (nobody here). And though your post is awesome as usual and fully welcome, aren't you supposed to be helping me teach this thing? I don't like that I'm the only one critisizing...there should be at least one other opinion around here.

Everyone- I'm glad this RP is picking up again, all of you. Thanks for posting. Now that Sean has finally stopped fooling with skins, do you think we should change the colors again? I'm finding blue and green difficult to see.

((OOC: Being that the RP was in a lull, I thought the activity might attract people back to the RP, giving us some plot to deal with, and some critiques to handle. Dunna worry, little lady (an [olol]), I shall be critiquing more when we get some more activity to handle. I have not forgotten my duties! :o

For now, I think I shall implement a color scheme that works for this skin.

Posts can remain Blue.

Critiques should be Orange.

OOC posts should be the Normal Green.

Is that all well and good? :o ))

I don't think blue works.
How about Yellow (the original color before all of this insanity)?

Yellow seems a gracious amount more reasonable. I say we stick with BR's ideas except for the blue.

Okay then, from now on all posts are yellow, all critiques are orange, and anything else is regular green.