Title: Jokes
Description: MUAHAHAHAHA
Description: MUAHAHAHAHA
Sanity - July 12, 2004 07:08 PM (GMT)
Yeah, okai....This is my favourite! ^_^
A man walks into a bar...OUCH! :D :lol: :D :P :lol: :mellow:
A man walks into a bar...OUCH! :D :lol: :D :P :lol: :mellow:
Free4all - July 12, 2004 11:48 PM (GMT)
Heres some momma jokes:
Your momma's so fat she revolves around a ball of heat and multi-cellular organisms live on her called "humans"
Your momma's so stupid I saw her kickin a an down the road once and I asked her: "Watcha doin" she said: "Moving"
Your momma's so stupid she sits on the TV and watchs the couch
Your momma's so fat when she jumped into the ocean people yelled "Tidal wave"
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.
Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.
Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!
Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!!
Your momma's so fat she revolves around a ball of heat and multi-cellular organisms live on her called "humans"
Your momma's so stupid I saw her kickin a an down the road once and I asked her: "Watcha doin" she said: "Moving"
Your momma's so stupid she sits on the TV and watchs the couch
Your momma's so fat when she jumped into the ocean people yelled "Tidal wave"
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.
Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.
Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!
Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!!
Sanity - July 20, 2004 11:27 PM (GMT)
:) Umm....okai, Classic....
A Husband & Wife are in Church and The Wife is Knitting while the Husband is Sleeping. The Priest asks the crowd, "Who created all of earth and it's people?" The woman poked her husband with the knitting thing (Dunno what it's called) and her husband wakes up and says, "GOD ALMIGHTY!" The Priest looks at him and goes, "Correct". The man falls asleep again and the Priest asks the Crowd another question. "Who died on the Cross for us?" The woman pokes her husband again and he jumps up and says, "JESUS CHRIST!" and the priest looks at him and says "That is Correct". The man falls asleep Once again. The Priest then asks, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want anymore children?" The Woman pokes her husband one final time and the man jumps up and says, "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" The Priest just looks at him and says, "You're Right." :P
Woot! What Fun... :D B) :rolleyes: :P ;) :mellow: :huh: ^_^ :o :wub: :angry: :( :blink: :wacko: :unsure:
Edit: WOOT! 111 Posts! Rock on!!!!!!! \m/ <(O.o)> \m/ :P
A Husband & Wife are in Church and The Wife is Knitting while the Husband is Sleeping. The Priest asks the crowd, "Who created all of earth and it's people?" The woman poked her husband with the knitting thing (Dunno what it's called) and her husband wakes up and says, "GOD ALMIGHTY!" The Priest looks at him and goes, "Correct". The man falls asleep again and the Priest asks the Crowd another question. "Who died on the Cross for us?" The woman pokes her husband again and he jumps up and says, "JESUS CHRIST!" and the priest looks at him and says "That is Correct". The man falls asleep Once again. The Priest then asks, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want anymore children?" The Woman pokes her husband one final time and the man jumps up and says, "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" The Priest just looks at him and says, "You're Right." :P
Woot! What Fun... :D B) :rolleyes: :P ;) :mellow: :huh: ^_^ :o :wub: :angry: :( :blink: :wacko: :unsure:
Edit: WOOT! 111 Posts! Rock on!!!!!!! \m/ <(O.o)> \m/ :P
Sanity - August 9, 2004 07:43 PM (GMT)
I just found another joke!!! it's from a popsicle stick of one of my popsicles!!
Q: What do you call a Funny Snake?
A: Hisss-Starical!!! :P
Q: What do Elves use to make sandwiches?
A: SHORT-Bread!!! :D ^_^
Q: What do you call a Funny Snake?
A: Hisss-Starical!!! :P
Q: What do Elves use to make sandwiches?
A: SHORT-Bread!!! :D ^_^
Psycho - September 7, 2004 09:28 PM (GMT)
I got a funny joke!
This guy walks in to bar and sits down. the bar keeper comes up to him
and says "would you like to join our club"? and the guy says sure, how
do i join?" The bar keeper said that inorder to join you must shave the
rabid crazy killer hamster that was behind the closet and have sex with
the 75 year old vergin up stairs.the guy refuses. a few hours later, the
guy was drunk and said the bar keeper he would do it. so he goes into
the closet. 4 hours later he comes out and says "ok, now where is that
old later i have to shave."
This guy walks in to bar and sits down. the bar keeper comes up to him
and says "would you like to join our club"? and the guy says sure, how
do i join?" The bar keeper said that inorder to join you must shave the
rabid crazy killer hamster that was behind the closet and have sex with
the 75 year old vergin up stairs.the guy refuses. a few hours later, the
guy was drunk and said the bar keeper he would do it. so he goes into
the closet. 4 hours later he comes out and says "ok, now where is that
old later i have to shave."
Sanity - September 7, 2004 11:16 PM (GMT)
LOL! :P I Got One:
A Man walks into a Bar. He's holding a bag & When he sits at the bar, he opens the bag & he takes out a tiny piano, a lamp, & a really small pianist (About 12 inches). He tells the bartender to give him a drink. The bartender looks at the pianist & asks the man, "What's with the twelve inch pianist?" The man just looks at him sadly and hands the bartender the Lamp. So, the bartender figuring that it as a magic lamp, rubs it. Out comes a very old Genie. The Genie says, "I will grant you One Wish." The Bartender wishes for a Million Bucks. The Genie says, "You're wish is now Granted" Then Disappears. Out of nowhere a Million DUCKS appear in his bar. "What the Heck?", Yells the Bartender, "I wished for a Million BUCKS! Not a Million DUCKS!" The Sad man looks at him and says, "What? You think I wished for a twelve Inch PIANIST?" :P
When I first heard this one, it took me a while to Get :angel:
A Man walks into a Bar. He's holding a bag & When he sits at the bar, he opens the bag & he takes out a tiny piano, a lamp, & a really small pianist (About 12 inches). He tells the bartender to give him a drink. The bartender looks at the pianist & asks the man, "What's with the twelve inch pianist?" The man just looks at him sadly and hands the bartender the Lamp. So, the bartender figuring that it as a magic lamp, rubs it. Out comes a very old Genie. The Genie says, "I will grant you One Wish." The Bartender wishes for a Million Bucks. The Genie says, "You're wish is now Granted" Then Disappears. Out of nowhere a Million DUCKS appear in his bar. "What the Heck?", Yells the Bartender, "I wished for a Million BUCKS! Not a Million DUCKS!" The Sad man looks at him and says, "What? You think I wished for a twelve Inch PIANIST?" :P
When I first heard this one, it took me a while to Get :angel:
Psycho - September 10, 2004 11:31 PM (GMT)
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sanity - September 11, 2004 12:49 AM (GMT)
Classic ^_^
Psycho - September 17, 2004 05:00 PM (GMT)
SI.^^
Sanity - September 17, 2004 06:39 PM (GMT)
:whistle: Ooh....Spanish. I know a Spanish joke...but I'm not exactly sure how to spell it....Ah wells, lemme try...
Avia una familia que estaban dormiendo. En las quatro de la mañana, el telephono estaba sonando. El padre se espierta y levanta el telephono. El Padre dicé, "Álo?" y la personna en el otro liña dicé, "Familia Silva?". El Padre dicé, "No. Familia Duermé." y cuelga el telephono. ^_^ :D
It's not that funnie....but yeah, it's in Spanish....Je suis español :P
Avia una familia que estaban dormiendo. En las quatro de la mañana, el telephono estaba sonando. El padre se espierta y levanta el telephono. El Padre dicé, "Álo?" y la personna en el otro liña dicé, "Familia Silva?". El Padre dicé, "No. Familia Duermé." y cuelga el telephono. ^_^ :D
It's not that funnie....but yeah, it's in Spanish....Je suis español :P
Ruby_Girl04 - December 23, 2004 08:12 PM (GMT)
lol...okay so i didn't get it at first Mene had to translate for me...and then it still didn't make too much sense...but at least you can understand your language -_- The rest is ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sin - December 24, 2004 06:36 AM (GMT)
i dont know any good jokes that well are "NICE" to all ppl :cindy: :Cheers:
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:44 PM (GMT)
A Police officer pulls over a speeding car on the Tullamarine Freeway. The officer says, “I clocked you at 130 kph. Sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar needs calibrating.”
Not looking up from her magazine the wife says sweetly, “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glares at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Dammit woman, can’t you keep your trap shut.”
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, sir. That’s an automatic $100 fine.”
The driver says, “Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, “Now dear you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
“Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he’s pissed.”
Not looking up from her magazine the wife says sweetly, “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glares at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Dammit woman, can’t you keep your trap shut.”
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, sir. That’s an automatic $100 fine.”
The driver says, “Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, “Now dear you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
“Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he’s pissed.”
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:44 PM (GMT)
This must be a classic
For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is 800,000 and so there’s no way we can afford it.”
The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be f*cked if I’m sticking around here by myself with an 800,000 mortgage and no means of transportation.”
For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is 800,000 and so there’s no way we can afford it.”
The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be f*cked if I’m sticking around here by myself with an 800,000 mortgage and no means of transportation.”
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:47 PM (GMT)
East Rand Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, a Boksburg, (South Africa) couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Boksburg), light it, put it in a beer-can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Boksburgian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer-can nest to my ear is going to help me.”
“Trust me,” said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer-can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5,” at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resume counting on his other hand …
PS – This procedure also works in Alberton, Germiston, Springs, Nigel, Vanderbijl and Bloemfontein.
After having their 11th child, a Boksburg, (South Africa) couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Boksburg), light it, put it in a beer-can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Boksburgian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer-can nest to my ear is going to help me.”
“Trust me,” said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer-can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5,” at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resume counting on his other hand …
PS – This procedure also works in Alberton, Germiston, Springs, Nigel, Vanderbijl and Bloemfontein.
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:48 PM (GMT)
South African Ventriloquist in down under
A touring South African Ventriloquist traveling through the Australian Outback and finds himself in a small town. He passes a local rancher sitting on his porch with his dog nearby. He figures he’ll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: “G’day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I have a chat with him?”
Aussie: “The dog don’t talk, you stupid Southie”
Ventriloquist: “Hello dog, how’s it going mate?”
Dog: “Doin’ all right.”
Aussie: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: “Is this farmer your owner?”
Dog: “Yep”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Can’t complain. Walks me twice a day, feeds me well and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Aussie: “Uh, the horse don’t talk ….either…I think.”
Ventriloquist: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool”
Aussie: (look of total amazement)
Ventriloquist: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at the farmer)
Horse: “Yep”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me.
Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Aussie: “That sheep’s a bleedin liar mate”
A touring South African Ventriloquist traveling through the Australian Outback and finds himself in a small town. He passes a local rancher sitting on his porch with his dog nearby. He figures he’ll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: “G’day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I have a chat with him?”
Aussie: “The dog don’t talk, you stupid Southie”
Ventriloquist: “Hello dog, how’s it going mate?”
Dog: “Doin’ all right.”
Aussie: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: “Is this farmer your owner?”
Dog: “Yep”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Can’t complain. Walks me twice a day, feeds me well and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Aussie: “Uh, the horse don’t talk ….either…I think.”
Ventriloquist: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool”
Aussie: (look of total amazement)
Ventriloquist: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at the farmer)
Horse: “Yep”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me.
Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Aussie: “That sheep’s a bleedin liar mate”
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:49 PM (GMT)
Bumper Stickers
If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better!
Don’t be sexist, broads hate that.
Saw it… Wanted it… Had a fit… Got it!
Constipated people don’t give a crap.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
To all you virgins… Thanks for nothing.
If you can read this… I lost my trailer.
You just jealous cause the voices are only talking to me.
I have the body of a God… Buddha.
So many pedestrians…so little time.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway!
Illiterate… Write for help.
Cover me… I’m changing lanes.
Boldly going nowhere.
Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you are doing it wrong.
Honk if anything falls off.
If we quit voting, will they all go away.
Heart attacks… God’s revenge for eating his animal friends.
If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better!
Don’t be sexist, broads hate that.
Saw it… Wanted it… Had a fit… Got it!
Constipated people don’t give a crap.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
To all you virgins… Thanks for nothing.
If you can read this… I lost my trailer.
You just jealous cause the voices are only talking to me.
I have the body of a God… Buddha.
So many pedestrians…so little time.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway!
Illiterate… Write for help.
Cover me… I’m changing lanes.
Boldly going nowhere.
Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you are doing it wrong.
Honk if anything falls off.
If we quit voting, will they all go away.
Heart attacks… God’s revenge for eating his animal friends.
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:50 PM (GMT)
Kids say the darndest things
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile”
JOHN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: “HIJKLMNO”!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SILVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is …
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
Ellen: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile”
JOHN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: “HIJKLMNO”!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SILVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is …
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
Ellen: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Nightmare - December 31, 2004 11:51 PM (GMT)
There now you can enjoy the jokes :D and have some :Cheers:
Sin - December 31, 2004 11:53 PM (GMT)
... :o ...the 3rd one...ouch :o :o :o
Sanity - January 1, 2005 03:40 AM (GMT)
:blink: That....Was AWESOME :P :lol: It just wouldn't Stop!!! ^_^ That was Awesome (Yes, I did repeat what I just said in the beginning of this Post :lissa: )
Nightmare - January 1, 2005 08:00 AM (GMT)
:) I have lots more so please let me know if you liked them and it'll come :D
MaSta JaY - January 1, 2005 08:28 AM (GMT)
Plz Keep em Commin That third one...Ouch, man I felt that :o :sick:
Nightmare - January 1, 2005 03:17 PM (GMT)
lmfao....dont try that at home :lol:
ya ya ya...I'll post them when im done typing them back on the pc, printed the whole lot before formating. :huh:
So when I post jokes again I think it'll be a few.
ya ya ya...I'll post them when im done typing them back on the pc, printed the whole lot before formating. :huh:
So when I post jokes again I think it'll be a few.
Sanity - January 1, 2005 11:21 PM (GMT)
Yay! :clap: ^_^
Nightmare - January 2, 2005 12:53 AM (GMT)
I see that there's some ppl that enjoyed it :) I'll gladely post more when I got it back on the computer :D then you can all have a nice laugh :w00t:
Sanity - January 2, 2005 05:32 PM (GMT)
Oh we will :lissa:
Nightmare - January 2, 2005 05:43 PM (GMT)
GOODY...I got my mom to help me type the jokes back onto the computer this monday so I most likely be posting some more jokes then ;)
Sanity - January 2, 2005 07:00 PM (GMT)
Alrighty then! We shall be Anticipatingly Waiting :lissa: :invisibleninja:
Nightmare - January 2, 2005 07:05 PM (GMT)
:D You all should not just be waiting for my jokes, you should post your jokes too and I'll flood the jokes when I can ;)
Sanity - January 2, 2005 07:41 PM (GMT)
I have no jokes....erm...Good jokes :P
Nightmare - January 2, 2005 07:54 PM (GMT)
lol...any jokes is good, there's always a laugh in any joke :P
Sanity - January 2, 2005 09:58 PM (GMT)
*Repeat* :P A Man walks into a Bar...Ouch :lol:
Nightmare - January 2, 2005 10:16 PM (GMT)
lol, that could bring a laugh to even a person that's depressed :P
Sanity - January 3, 2005 01:41 AM (GMT)
Oh Yes :rockon: :thumb: ^_^
Sin - January 3, 2005 02:41 AM (GMT)
lol
Nightmare - January 3, 2005 02:45 AM (GMT)
lol, it gave me a laugh :P
Free4all - January 3, 2005 03:16 PM (GMT)
Heres a joke:
A competition was being held to find the greatest warrior in all the world. Three warriors were in the competition, the challenge was, you had to chop a fly into pieces.
The first warrior stepped up, the fly was released, and the warrior quickly unsheathed this sword, and cut the fly in half. The audience went ballistic!
The second warrior steps up, the fly is released... and the second warrior cleanly cuts the fly into 4 pieces! The audience acts like Oprah's audience when she's having a "My Favorite Things" episode.
The third warrior steps up, hes the reining champ, three years in arow (coincedence?) the fly is released! The third warrior strikes.... But misses by a mere millimeter :o the crowd is silent, finally one of the audience memebers says "You missed, you didn't even cut him in a quater!!" than the warrior says "That may be so, but he'll never have children."
A competition was being held to find the greatest warrior in all the world. Three warriors were in the competition, the challenge was, you had to chop a fly into pieces.
The first warrior stepped up, the fly was released, and the warrior quickly unsheathed this sword, and cut the fly in half. The audience went ballistic!
The second warrior steps up, the fly is released... and the second warrior cleanly cuts the fly into 4 pieces! The audience acts like Oprah's audience when she's having a "My Favorite Things" episode.
The third warrior steps up, hes the reining champ, three years in arow (coincedence?) the fly is released! The third warrior strikes.... But misses by a mere millimeter :o the crowd is silent, finally one of the audience memebers says "You missed, you didn't even cut him in a quater!!" than the warrior says "That may be so, but he'll never have children."
Nightmare - January 3, 2005 05:25 PM (GMT)
lmao... :lol: :w00t:
Nice one :P
The poor o'l fly :P
Nice one :P
The poor o'l fly :P
Free4all - January 3, 2005 05:35 PM (GMT)
Ya, I laughed my ass off when I saw that too. I have another one: (and these weren't made by me, I'm just posting them here)
A couple had two little boys, age 8 and 10 who were very mischievious. They were always getting into trouble, and if trouble arose in the town. They knew that their boy's were behind it.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successfull in disiplining children, so she sent them to the clergyman. The clergyman agreed, but was going to talk to them individually. The mother sent the eight year old first in the morning with the older boy to see the clergyman.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice said to the younger one "Where is God?"
The boy's mouth dropped open but the clergyman asked again "Where is God?" in a slighty sterner tone. The child sat there dumbfounded and the clergyman asked a third time in a VERY stern voice "WHERE IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, slammed the door and jumped into his closet when he got home.
The older boy asked "What happened?" The younger boy said "We're in big trouble this time, God is missing - And they think WE did it!"
A couple had two little boys, age 8 and 10 who were very mischievious. They were always getting into trouble, and if trouble arose in the town. They knew that their boy's were behind it.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successfull in disiplining children, so she sent them to the clergyman. The clergyman agreed, but was going to talk to them individually. The mother sent the eight year old first in the morning with the older boy to see the clergyman.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice said to the younger one "Where is God?"
The boy's mouth dropped open but the clergyman asked again "Where is God?" in a slighty sterner tone. The child sat there dumbfounded and the clergyman asked a third time in a VERY stern voice "WHERE IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, slammed the door and jumped into his closet when he got home.
The older boy asked "What happened?" The younger boy said "We're in big trouble this time, God is missing - And they think WE did it!"