Neurotically Yours: Episode # 057: Tech-Support
___________________________________

Foamy: Yeah, Tech Support? I'm having a problem with my Smell-brand computer and need a bit of help here. This fucker's acting up like a troubled child on crack.
Tech Support: Hello. What seems to be the trouble?
Foamy: Well, it seems in my tinkering I went into the DOS program and it changed a 1 to a 0. Now it won't even start up. What do I do oh Guru-of-Computer-Wisdom?
Tech Support: Have you tried with starting your computer?
Foamy: Yes. And it doesn't restart.
Tech Support: Is your computer plugged in? That is very much common mistake.
Foamy: Wha-What kind of fuckin stupid question is that? Yes. It's plugged in. Don't. Jerk me around. This fuckin operating system is as unstable as Charles Manson and I. NEED. HELP.
Tech Support: Is your monitor on? Another mistake.
Foamy: Dumbass. It doesn't. Start. Up.
Tech Support: What is your operating system, the system that you are operating?
Foamy: It's one of those Whine-dows operating systems, y'know?
Tech Support: Very good. Do you like the ice cream?
Foamy: Wha..what?
Tech Support: DO YOU LIKE ICE CREAM?!
Foamy: What the? HELP ME! STOP ASKING DUMB QUESTIONS AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO!......HELLO?......HELLO!?!
Tech Support: I will help, yes. Here is what you do: You hold down the following keys: W...F...the number 2..the spacebar..while typing out "Genisia is great" and typing on the escape key for 20 minutes.
Foamy: ...*flips them off*
Tech Support: So how's the weather there?
Foamy: Oh geez..here we go. Fine.
Tech Support: It is hot here. Like a cow on fire.
Foamy: Oh yeah? Where are you, Florida or California?
Tech Support: I'm in India.
Foamy: India? Wait..do you mean, like, Indiana?
Tech Support: No, India.
Foamy: Wait a second. You're in INDIA?
Tech Support: I just said that!
Foamy: What the fuck?! Why am I talking to someone in India about my computer that was made in Japan and bought in America?
Tech Support: The Smell computer company has moved their tech support headquarters to India because it be cheaper.
Foamy: Nice, great. Well, why the fuck am I paying for first-rate tech support from a 3rd-world country?
Tech Support: You American bastards are only paying me $20 a week.
Foamy: $20 a week? Damn. You're getting ripped off, dude. Tech support here gets that an hour.
Tech Support: My god, you're all bastards!
Foamy: Hey. We're discussing my computer here. Not your slave wages. Pay attention. FOCUS.
Tech Support: Oh, very sorry. How is your computer today?
Foamy: Broken, jackass. Broken. Wait- Can I ask you a question? Why if I just boot the computer up through the installer disk and have it rewrite the file I messed with?
Tech Support: Yes, I guess you could do that.
Foamy: Oh yeah, great. You've been a big fucking help.
Tech Support: Thank you for using Smell Computer Tech Support. Please tell your friends.
Foamy: Damn foreign outsourcing.
....
Foamy: (sung) Keep the jobs in the U.S. so I can understand who I'm talking to. You fucking bastards.



Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004.
www.illwillpress.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neurotically Yours: Episode # 074: A Pair Of Pants

Germane: Ugh! How come I can’t find a pair of pants without some logo on the ass of it?

Foamy: How about this one?

Germane: Yeah (!) Just what I needed. A pair of pants with the phrase “sexy” on it guys stare at my ass enough as it is! The last thing I want to do is give these freaks more incentive to look!

Foamy: Why not? It will make you look like a cheap slut who’s crying out for attention that’s always good in these superficial societies – right?

Germane: For some maybe – not me damn it! I just want a pair of regular – non-baggy pants; no sexy logo on the back and something not cut so low that people can see my ass cleavage.

Foamy: Ew! You people have this overwhelming fascination with the ugliest parts of the human body.

Foamy: Wait! How about this? Na?

Germane: Cock-Master? I think I’ll pass.

Foamy: Why? What’s wrong with advertising that you are in control of a large farm bird?

Germane: Er… that’s not what it means.

Foamy: Oh it’s one of those words with the dual meanings I get it! Kinda like “murder”.

Germane: How does murder have another meaning?

Foamy: Hello? It’s the name given to a flock of crows and to a crime where someone is killed!

Foamy: Murder!

Germane: I didn’t know that.

Foamy: You don’t know a lot do you? First it’s the farm birds – next it’s the crows. You just have no knowledge of the bird species.

Foamy: Dumbass!

Foamy: What about this then? It shows your appreciation for giant cats and an affinity for the character on “The Sopranos” with the same name.

Germane: Big Pussy?

Foamy: Wait, don’t tell me… dual meaning!

Germane: Oh yeah!

Foamy: Oh! Oh wait how about this one? This one display’s that you want to see some guy named “Richard” RICHARD!

Germane: Okay we’re leaving.

<<END>>

Foamy: (sung) Where are you Richard? We cannot find you now. I want to talk to Richard. RICHARD!



Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004.
www.illwillpress.com

HOLY DAMN I JUST GOT THAT AT HOT TOPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O.O

WhaAt?!

it was only volume 1, but i got Neurotically Yours at hot Topic yesterday.

lol, Neurotically Yours Roxes =D

Correction: roxes X 10

=OOO

Alas, I Have Been Out-Done *Hangs Head In Shame*

not outdone, but equaled. :console: :Cheers:

=OO

Alas, I Have Been Equaled!

its okay. im good at equalling people.

=O


Kaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii