Title: Analysis
Themes: I’m not quiet sure if it has a set “theme” yet.
Status: In Progress
Summary: House encounters the one patient that he has secretly always dreaded. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Disclaimer: This is my first solo fanfic although I have “co written” with Melissa (mt83). I’m looking for any feedback, but please be gentle. :-)


House sat in his office twirling a bottle of Vicodin over in his hands. He hated Wednesdays. Four hours of clinic duty! The thought had barely entered his mind when he saw Cuddy standing before him.

“You were supposed to be in the clinic a half hour ago.” Cuddy scowled.
She was kind of attractive when she was angry, House thought.

“But mom, I don’t want to!”

Cuddy was not at all pleased. She rolled her eyes and headed out of House’s office.

On his way down to the clinic, House passed the intensive care nursery. He came to a quick halt in front of the glass doors. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? Cuddy couldn’t possibly make him see clinic patients when he was caring for an abandoned, sick newborn. It was genius!

House settled himself into a chair in the nursery after swallowing down 2 Vicodin. He knew having a baby on his lap would cause him pain. Why not stop it before it started?

He saw the shadowy figure out of the corner of his eye. She was coming closer, closer…

“Dr. House! How nice to see you down in the NICU,” Cuddy said trying to hide a sly smile and failing.

“Jeez, do you have a PI tailing me or something?” House asked.

“No, just Big Brother.” Cuddy replied.

House shot her one on his “oh, you’re so clever” looks. The baby, Hannah, began to whimper so he reached for a bottle and put it in her mouth.

A women standing behind Cuddy caught House’s attention. She had a cane much like his.

“Dr. House, this is Hannah’s social worker. She would like to speak with you.”

“I should have known. This was all a setup!” House called out to Cuddy, who was already on her way out the door. She turned back just in time to catch House’s eye.

“Have a great day Doctor.”

yay! more fic writers!

An interesting start. I'll be curious to see where you go with this.

One biggie, though -- this is where a fact-checker is going to be helpful, and you can catch this on your revision:

Windows on nurseries are going out -- hospitals that have them are generally putting up blinds. And the big one is that nobody, but nobody, waltzes into a nursery, picks up a bottle, and pops it into a random baby's mouth. Especially not a NICU, where the fragile, premature babies (who often cannot be fed by bottle anyway) are generally in incubators. Nurseries are locked and nobody but the nursing staff and the pediatricians can get in there without being buzzed in. And once you get buzzed in, you scrub your hands for sixty seconds with antibacterial soap.

It's okay to tweak here and there for dramatic license, but when you have a big whopper, it breaks the reader's concentration.

Also -- is this in character for House? Generally when he's trying to hide, he goes someplace where there's a TV and where there's no staff. In the NICU he's going to be surrounded by nurses, pediatricians, and parents, and no TV in sight. House avoids his own patients, and yet here he's providing hands-on nursing care to somebody else's patient. On the show we've also seen that he's awkward handling babies ("Maternity")

It sounds like your objective in this chapter is to introduce House to a social worker. Is it imperative that the social worker be working a baby's case? If so, then perhaps Hannah came to House through the clinic. (Taru did a nice set-up of House taking a pediatric case in her WIP "Lies and Truth.")

If Cuddy is trying to introduce House to this social worker, perhaps Cuddy assigns the SW to one of House's adult clinic patients.

Hmmmm..... House v. the department of Social Work.... this has possibilities!

I agree with Auditrix research is the key if the reader is to believe. Belief is the key to the success of a story.

I have never been into an intensive care nursery nor do I wish to. But if HOUSE is going there I want to know his reactions to everything he sees and feels. But going in there popping a couple of pills and picking up a baby without any permissions granted, discussion or even washing his hands made me feel queasy. I can buy HOUSE exploiting an adult but not a child and certainly not a baby in order to avoid his duties.

In the beginning you establish that this is a spur of the moment decision.

Then at the end.

How could it be a set-up if HOUSE did not know he was going into the nursery himself? Again I agree with Auditrix why cannot the Social Worker be attached to an adult patient in the clinic? As HOUSE appears to chose the baby at random the fact the baby's social worker, with a cane like his, appears instantly is pushing fortuitous concidence just a bit far.

Don't let my comments stop you writing but go though your work very carefully. HOUSE is a very complex character and to get into his head you need to watch a lot of episodes.

If you have the DVDs or tapes of episodes play some key House scenes first with the sound way up. And then run them silent. When you watch Laurie without listening to the lines you see the subtext of the scene. You see what is really going on in his mind. You will see then that often what HOUSE is saying and what he is thinking are contrapuntal or quite separate thing.

British actors come from a classical background of literature so they understand the subtleties of nuance. The first thing they learn about film and television technique it that the camera 'can photograph thought'. Hugh Laurie, thanks his towering intellect and impressive education at Eton and Cambridge plus years in comedy, is a very well prepared actor. When he has read his script and marked up his scenes he has already worked out House's character arc and mindset.

Now watch the DVD with the sound right down. You can actually see what House is thinking because Hugh Laurie would only permit House's thoughts in his mind as they shoot. You will also notice that when another actor is delivering a line he is listening to it's meaning as for the first time where as some other actors seems to be merely waiting for their next cue. This is why people speak of the intensity of Hugh Laurie's acting.

Read the fanfics of others carefully. There are many experienced writers on this site and they are very kind and helpful but you will learn the most by reading their work.

Taking on HOUSE is like deciding to climb Everest you have to start at base camp. Look for an an experience or event you really understand, really know about think how House and the cast of characters would react and take it from there.

I look forward to reading your next piece.

Nice start to your first fic and I join the 'yay more fic writers' shout. :)

I agree with Auditrix that House v Social Worker plot is a interesting scenarionand I really like your ideas. This has loads of potential and the conflicts between House's interest in the illness and a social workers legal/welfare concerns would be fascinating. It's a different perspective on the emotive issues than we've seen and it's a good start for a fic.

Also love Cuddy being involved and the chance you have in this fic to flesh out her take on things.

Best advice I can offer with a first fic is to keep going and write out whatever you have in your head. As you write more, your feel for the characters improves and you develop more confidence. Sorry if that sounds like a stating the obvious but it's easy when you start out to worry too much about getting everything nail on. Now we have the 'fic helpline' section on the board then it should be easier to get help with stuff you aren't sure of- so well worth giving it a go.

Hope you feel pleased with your first effort and look forward to reading more! :)

Cheers

Benj

Sorry it's been so long!! I've been busy with school. Let's give this another shot. :) Revised:

Title: Analysis
Themes: I'm not quite sure if it has a set "theme" yet.
Status: In Progress
Summary: House encounters the one patient that he has secretly always dreaded. He just doesn't know it yet.
Disclaimer: This fic started out solo, but I have gotten some help from Melissa (mt83) considering “Cripple” was simply amazing! I'm looking for any feedback, but please be gentle. :-)


House sat in his office twirling a bottle of Vicodin over in his hands. He hated Wednesdays. Four hours of clinic duty! The thought had barely entered his mind when he saw Cuddy standing before him.

"You were supposed to be in the clinic a half hour ago." Cuddy scowled.
She was kind of attractive when she was angry, House thought.

"But mom, I don't want to!"

Cuddy was not at all pleased. She rolled her eyes and headed out of House's office.

House heard a beep and a Vibrate, and read his pager. "NEEDED IN NICU." The pager read. Just then a Page over the intercom said "Dr. Gregory House, Please come to the NICU. Dr. Gregory House to the NICU please."

Hmm. Please. Polite intercom. It was as if they thought if they asked him through enough channels, intercom, pager, and phone, though it hadn't rang yet, he might actually come down to the NICU. However, the NICU was more interesting than the clinic. Cleaner, too, since they made everyone wash their hands before going in.

House took the elevator and walked down the long hallway to the NICU. He popped a Vicodin due to the long walk. There was a sink, smocks, and facemasks in a room in front of the NICU. Dr. House scrubbed his hands, and put on gloves. He realized he was going to have trouble tying the smock in the back when he heard someone behind him.


"Dr. House! How nice to see you down in the NICU," Cuddy said trying to hide a sly smile and failing.

"Jeez, do you have a PI tailing me or something?" House asked.

"No, just Big Brother." Cuddy replied.

House shot her one on his "oh, you're so clever" looks. "Why are we here?" House asked.
Cuddy began tying his smock and his facemask as she said "Hannah. Born 10 weeks early. Refuses to eat."
Cuddy's face turned from serious to sad.
"Hannah was abandoned and is now under the custody of the state of New Jersey."

"My specialties are nephrology and infectious disease. Why did you call me?"

"Dr. May wants to know what the best action is to take with Hannah. Her kidneys aren't working properly. It's an infection. Because of this, she won't eat. They will have to put a feeding tube in soon if she won't eat."

House wasn’t quite as thrilled as he hoped he would be by this case. Nothing intriguing, unusual. He felt there was still something Cuddy was trying to hide. He wasn’t the only doctor in the hospital with nephrology specialties.

House found himself somehow being drawn to this small, weak child. She had wires and tubes coming out of every possible location. Her piercing blue eyes, much like his, staring up at him.

He walked over to her chart as Cuddy disappeared into the white wall of the NICU. Nothing seemed to jump out at him. Good heart rate, no noticeable impairment of upper and lower extremities, Pulse Ox level in the low 90’s, alert to sound and movements.

He looked at the reports of the ultrasound and scope. There seemed to be no blockages that would cause her not to eat. Just then House remembered Cuddy saying that Hannah refused to eat, not that she couldn’t.

He had just walked out of the NICU when he heard two set of footprints coming toward him.

House turned to see a Petite woman in a brown business suit and brown shoes. Her hair was up in a clip, with fresh highlights. Her face looked vaguely familiar.

“House, this is Ms. Hunter, a social worker for the State, I’ll leave you two alone to get familiar with the case.” Cuddy said, turning quickly on her heels and leaving before House could respond.

"Dr. House? I'm Hannah's social worker." She said, smiling. The woman walked with a limp, House noticed.

"You don't remember me, do you?" the social worker smiled. "I'm Melissa Hunter."

House looked down at her legs, and then studied her face for a moment. Nothing.

“I met you in the clinic…you know…physical therapy prescription…”

House cut her off, “Oh, right. The one I called a cripple.”

Melissa seemed shocked. Had he not learned anything from her time in the hospital? She looked up and noticed House was looking right at her, smiling. She couldn’t help but smile herself.

"Everything seems to be working well for you." He said.
"Yes, I just stopped using a cane last week." House noticed how happy she looked.

Melissa eyed House's cane and stopped. "Well, not that there's anything wrong with using a cane, of course...." She stumbled.

"I knew what you meant." House assured.

"Anyway, back to Hannah. How is she doing?"

"She's doing all right," House said.

This is a quantum leap forward. Congratulations. My only concern is the use of the character name Melissa as that is now so familiar to this forum.

Thank you!! I'm not sure where this is headed, but we'll see.

Are you saying you are concerned with having Melissa even make an appearance?

At first reading I did not realise this was the same Melissa created by mc83 in "Cripple" which was based inpart on her own life experience and fully realised as a dramatic character.

I believe this character to be wholly owned by mc83. No I would not use that Melissa anymore than I would use Eileen the character created by Auditrix so brilliantly http://housemd.blogspot.com/ because to me that would be tantamount to plagiarism. In my limited experience with reading fanfic I don't think others would use other writers characters either.

If mc83 has given you permission to use this character I think she has made a very bad decision.

I believe outside of the established characters from the show you should create and develop your own characters, with their own names and their own life experience.

You have the ability to do this. This is a good story the second draft shows great promise and it could develop well but please with your own characters