K, let me preface this by saying that I'm semi-living by myself right now because my roommate is working on a show, and when she's not at rehersal she's talking on the phone to her boyfriend in california, so I'm kind of living by myself right now and don't have anyone to talk to.

I'm currently terrified of what's going to happen to me after I graduate from school. I'm an English Lit major (aka I'm going to be living in boxville), but I don't know what to do. I can't teach because I hate teaching, and I'm thinking about graduate schoo, but I don't know if I'm thinking about it because I want to go or because it's the next logical step. I want to work in a library, but can I find a job with just a lit major? In a little over a year I'm going to be out in the world - can I find a job and pay off my massive debt alone? I don't know.

Add to that the fact that it's the anniversary to the day that I managed to pull myself out of a nasty relationship/engagment that I had been in for the last three years. We had been together in high school, and now non of my friends except for two are still speaking to me because apparently I am the rotten ex-girlfriend who dumped the guy that did nothing wrong (right). All of our mutual friends are on his side, and I'm kind of stuck by myself. My parents keep telling me to get out and make fun plans, but I don't know who to make them with or how to get out and have a fun time because it hasn't happened for the last three years. I don't know how to get out and meet people, and I'm so scared that it might never happen.

Sorry for being a total wreck of a person right now, I just don't know where else to go at the moment. I just can't keep living on my computer and in my books, but I don't know how to stop.

Thanks for letting me leak all my frustrations and scaredy cat ways out onto all of you. I guess it's just one of those times. :unsure:

If you're like me, you go through these things and you want someone-anyone- to tell you the answer. Tell me what to do. Then when they make an attempt at telling you, you shrug them off KNOWING it's not right for you. But I know how you feel and I've been in similar situations.

As far the job/graduation thing goes- I wouldn't worry about it excessively. If you really want a job after college, you should, of course, do up your resume and start checking around. If all else fails, the position of "administrative assistant" can lead you down paths that you will probably never want to tread again. But on the other hand, it is a typical "foot in the door" position and can allow you to make money while searching for something else. I did it while I went to graduate school. Speaking of which- have you considered getting a grad degree in library science? Of course, then the trick is to find a library that is hiring.

As far as meeting people- I suck at that too so I'm afraid I don't have much advice other than join classes and play sports. I met all 3 guys I dated back in VA through playing soccer... unique situation I guess. Alaska soccer is full of married people who have kids.

Oh.. here's an idea for you- a way to make $$, meet people, and have fun after college: teach English in a foreign country. If you go to the right places, your expenses can be nil and you make BANK. I know you said you didn't want to teach... but this is a bit of a different situation I think and I've known a few people to do it. I went over to germany (check out afrceurope.com) and made a little above minimum wage cleaning toilets, was able to pay my loans, and saved enough $$ to start grad school... not to mention the TON of people I met that are still my closest friends, the extensive travel opportunity, and the life outlook makeover.

I think that's about it for my knowledge. Hope you figure things out eventually... but usually, there's enough time. You just have to either be patient or a go-getter. goodluck :)

Fellow English major here (and future box-ville resident). I know the dilemma. I wouldn't mind teaching, but I would only want to teach adults. There's too much other stuff to deal with involved in teaching high school or junior high, plus I didn't particularly enjoy either the first time. Of course it's entirely different as a teacher, but it would still awaken some of the bad memories and feelings I'm afraid. I believe i would also be unfair in the opposite manner that most high school teachers tend to be: super hard on the athletes and popular kids, and giving the "outcasts" too much slack.

As for graduate school it does depend on what you want to do. If you plan to have any kind of scholarly career you need to do grad. school. You may also want to do it, and consider an MFA program, if you want to write professionally, but ultimately there are many talented writers out there who haven't gone to grad school. You don't really need to the diploma except for your own confidence really ( I just finished reading Stephen King's memoir/writing advice book On Writing and he compared getting graduate degrees and writing workshops/retreats as something like Dumbo's feather--you think you need it, but ultimately you're doing the work. My own view of both isn't quite as dim-- in my case both of those provide me with the hard deadlines I sometimes need to get myself motivated and provide a built in group of readers, as I'm not especially good at networking on my own-- but he is right that you won't suddenly be given the arcane secrets of becoming a successful writer if you do either one--primarily because, as much as I wish it were otherwise, such things don't exist; as a quote I read once goes, there are three secrets to writing a successful novel, however, no one knows what they are.

Another reason to go to grad school is if you are interested, as I am, in possibly teaching adults (meaning community college or university). To teach at a community college level you need at least a Master degree. For university/college you need a PhD. At one time, I was going to do the grad school thing partly to prove that "Hey, yes, I'm studying something that you view as totally flakey, but I'm going to be the best educated flake out there", now it's more that I know I need to do it so that I can have the credentials to do the things I want to-- beyond teaching, I need it as some proof that I may infact have "the chops" to speak about writing and be taken seriously.

Now I can actually answer your library questions too. To some extent, you can start at the bottom and work your way up. That means you'd start out shelving books, and manning the check-out counter, but at least at my local library there is a bit of upward mobility. I worked for a few years as a page, and know people who moved up the authority ladder starting where I did. Ultimately if you want to be a librarian you'll need to go to school for a Master of Library Science degree (MLS). However, I knew one person who had an MLS and little practical experience and he had to work his way up a bit. So ideally, you should probably work for the library, or even begin volunteering until they have an opening, while eventually getting your MLS.

And I'll raise you both on the problems with meeting people. For some reason I'm much better socializing with people on-line than I am in real life. Maybe it's because you do sort of know me through my screenname, and I've even told some people my real name, but the chances of me meeting any of the people I like to talk to/at online in real life is minimal, so you all may well be sitting in front of your computer laughing at what a needy, obsessive-compulsive, long-winded, untalented, etc. dork I am, I'll never really know about it. And if I really manage to embarass myself I won't be looking at you every day wondering if you're pondering my moment of embarassment every time you look at me. On a superficial level I realize that for the most part (A) unless someone did something really hateful as well as stupid, I would never look at them in such a way, (B) anyone who would be like that is probably someone I shouldn't spend effort being conerned about anyway © everyone else is probably so wrapped up in their own self-image issues and whatever is going on with their own lives, and whether or not they've done anything stupid recently that might cause others, even me, to look at them funny, that they're barely thinking of what I might or might not have done, or come across as. But deep down, I just know they're all really laughing at me ;)

People assume I'm out going because I will talk to anyone about anything, even things that seem highly personal, but those things are often not really as personal to me e.g. I'll freely tell you about having thrown up in public (the multiple times, even, unfortunately) or the time I just broke down for reasons even unknown to me, in the middle of a drama class, but other stuff that may seem mundane I keep very close to me. Also, the secret is I learned pretty early on that I was good with words (as an aside I also learned that you can get in serious trouble for hauling off and hitting someone, but you can perpetrate the verbal equivalent and no one cares), so they are my defense, and offense too. I tend to make a lot of jokes when I'm in front of people, especially when I'm in a formal situation, but it's really more of an effort to keep myself from thinking of what I'm doing and where I am, and to keep people laughing hard enough so that they don't notice the many ways in which I am inadequate--at time it feels like virtually every way possible. Not to say that I'm not humorous among those with whom I feel comfortable too, but I'm less frenetic about it and I'm perfectly content to just be quiet.

Then there's the only child thing. I am one and it's not that the experience screws you up, far from it. It's just like the comment someone made in a fic. only children are good at being along, but bad at being lonely. I don't know how much is nature and how much is nurture, it's entirely possible that even if I were one of a whole flock of children I'd still prefer my own company and my parents are both pretty private people despite having siblings, but I'm really perfectly fine with being by myself and always have been. If I'm your friend and you need anything even if it's been years and you ask me, I will help you, and once you become on of "my" people I will fight for you like a mother bear, but I'm not that great at the minutae of keeping up a friendship and I don't feel the need to have that many people be really deeply in my head. The thing is every so often I need someone and I really, really need them. I don't know that it's fair to inflict myself on anyone, even and especially a romantic partner, when half the time I'm so self-contained and then suddenly I become the personification of a clinging vine. So far not a problem as my parents are still alive--it's true what they say about going home and them having to take you no matter what-- but they're getting older, they're healthy granted, but also at the age where dying would not be unexpected, and while I have friends and relatives with whom I hang out and have a good time, I don't know that any of them can, or should have to fill that role.

That brings me to a few things about age. I believe I'm older than both of you, but Elf_Key for sure, and that's a hinderance anywhere, but especially where I'm from because a lot of people marry young here. Invariably the people I meet who I think are nice will turn out to be taken. It's taken me until recently, well maybe the end of college, to figure out that someone might actually want me. Why it affected me so much when I really didn't get teased nearly as badly as some people I don't know, but for some reason it did. I shut out a lot of people both who wanted to be friends and perhaps wanted to be more because I was convinced I was being set up for a joke (ala a bring the ugliest date you can party, or to hear "boy are you gullible to think someone like me would ever really want to be your friend") so while everyone else was working these issues out late in high school and early in college I was worrying. Plus, I've mentioned I move at glacial speed in matters of the heart before I can let you in, I have to have a sort of long observation period people either rush and scare me to death, or assume I must not be interested. I'm trying to be more accomodating to the speed of others, but it's my nature for better or worse to take my time.

Then I've gotten picky in my old age. I've seen all the things friends and relatives have done that have turned out badly. I've finally learned quite a bit about who I am and what I need. So, I can't just settle for anyone, because that never turns out. Being single is not always fun, but being in a relationship and wishing you were single is worse. Then I've also learned that I can be a bit to handle at times. You sort of get to know who you'd end up walking all over, and it's not fair to do that to someone. I'm not saying that I deserve to be treated badly, or something like that, but I know I need someone who can handle it when I really dig in on something and can tell me when I need to just get over myself and not let me badger them.

Finally, I've hyper focused on school. For some reason I couldn't seem to divide my attention very well between my educational life and my social life. Then the environments I've been in haven't always been too fruitful. The graduate program I was in attracted a lot of people who had a career, then decided to come back to school, as well as attracting many more women than men (I am straight BTW) and most of the men were already married or in a relationship. My latest job involved working from home. It's great to be able to go to work in your jammies, but not so great for meeting people. Before that the majority of people at my job who were available were younger than I am mentally if not chronologically.

So, here I am in a situation much like Cuddy's. You just go out and try to do what you want and not put your life on hold for anyone, you try to become an interesting person for your own benefit and so that you might attract an interesting person, and you sort of assume something will happen. Suddenly you realize you're a lot older than you feel or expected to be without having certain things. It's a bit panic inducing and depressing at the same time. I wish I had some advice that everyone hasn't head a million times already (just be yourself, try new things, dont' get desperate, it isn't attractive, etc.) but I don't at this point.

Sorry to be such a downer. I'll admit to a bit of the January-February-post-yet-another-holiday-blahs. And I could fill a whole other post about my concerns about my writing, but I'll spare you and just say I'm obsessing again.

piping in again here... because I'm absolutely bored. It's late, I should be writing, or at the very least- reading. Oh well. What's that the Stephen King says in his book? I have a copy around here somewhere... anyway...

I just wanted to pass a bit of of suggestion. Today and yesterday I've spoken to two people (friends from Europe) that are shooting off about going to match.com. Background: I work from home. I moved here (3.5 plane hours away from my nearest friend) alone. My acquaintences are my soccer teammates and I have a roommate, who has a boyfriend, who has other friends I casually know of. Most of my socializing is done over the phone or the internet. So both of my friends were pimping match.com... saying I should do it. One is married, but has several friends who are on match or eharmony and happy. The other is actively on match.com and has been on dates... one of which led to an upcoming date about which she is stoked. So there ya go... maybe that's the answer to all our dreams! match.com and eharmony! hahahahaha... I can't say why I find this funny... just that I do. Elf_key and Catlady: as my old roomie so blatently puts it: they only way to change things is to put yourself out there. Fortunately, she's pretty outgoing. I, on the other hand, post randomly personal info on public forums while keeping the speaking to a minimal with acquaintences. I tend to shut the heck up unless you're someone I know really well.

Personally, I chose to be of the notion that once I passed the age of 21.5, I began reversing age. I was more mature and responsible in undergrad than I am now.... so diligent in my school work, so FOCUSED! Now I have ADD and an emotional age of 16. Does that make me old enough to be here? Certainly not old enough for match.com.

The more I think... the more things come to me. My best advice to a college student with a life crisis: I'm not going to downplay the importance of college years, but... in the sum of things, they're not as important as most people think they are. In fact, a lot of people find themselves after college. If you're having issues now, take the lesson to heart and learn from them, from your mistakes, from others' mistakes. That way, you're less likely to make mistakes later.

Catlady- you're not a dork. You're cool. But you are longwinded ;) btw.. any new fics?

Woosh... onto the weekend. I spy dogs+sleds, soccer, the gym, and... hmmm... snowboarding or beer? Decisions, decisions....

Thanks Catlady and Nomad. I had a bit of a laugh with E-harmony/match.com statements. My roommate sat me down and fill out the questionaire, and 45 minutes later gives this statement: Unable to discover a match :blink: :lol: Oh man. I am also an only child Catlady, and the statement from the fic is pretty darn true.

Well, I know I'm doing something right when I'm shelving in the library on campus then huh? I'm considering a MLS, but the concept of the GRE makes me want to run to a dark hole and hide for a while :ph43r: . Urgh. I know that the U in Wisconsin has a great MLS program however, and I'm currently lurking around their requirements page. I'm good at lurking...sometimes I think almost too good. I tend to be reclusive and introverted. I also have problems with putting myself out there as I always think that once I do, you're not going to be interested in me anymore. As my sweatshirt says: Sentio Aliquos Togatos Contra Me Conspirare. Any Latin linquists out there? But I know that's what I need to do...it's just the doing part I'm poor at.

Thank you both for being awesome in your posting. I think you're both cool. B)

I took the GRE and no, it's definitely not a walk in the park, but I promise you'll live. From what I've gathered from various people who have taken it as well virtually no one aces (I say virtually, I guess there may be some freak out there who just completely aced it, but many of the people I've talked to are very intelligent--one also took the LSAT and wound up being a lawyer instead-- and all of them felt a little dazed when they got finished). I ended up going a different direction and getting into a program that didn't require the GRE at all, though I don't know if there are many of those, and I've done no research into MLS degree programs at all, but if I do ever go back I'll need to take it again, and I do feel some dread about it as at least back then I could remember some college algebra, now, it's all gone, and the logical reasoning questions, I don't want to talk about, but I happened to get lucky that the verbal section included a lot of words from a subset with which I was familiar. My vocabulary may well have improved, the other stuff, probably not so much.

That last part was probably not encouraging, but what I'm actually getting at is I think we'll both make it. Anyway, in most programs, regardless of subject, I know that they're not just looking at your GRE scores. If you do brilliantly on the GRE but everything else is mediocre they won't be as interested, conversely, if I don't do spectacularly on the GRE but the rest of your application shows you to be an intelligent person and a good thinker, they'll probably realize that you just don't test well and want you anyway. So I wouldn't worry about it. If you can afford to, take it and if you tank it, you tank it. Then you can either retake it, or just decide to do something else if it's really that dismal.

I would reccommend doing a little prep though. I just got a preparation book from the library, Kaplan, which also offers live review classes publishes one I think, but I don't recall if the one I checked out was one of theirs or not. That's the inexpensive option, and frankly I felt it was a good preparation, but I'm able to learn things relatively well by reading about them. If you're the type who would do better in a class environment, with an instructor and other students to interact with, then do that instead. I don't believe the courses are that horribly expensive.

And, yet again, I'm relating to you Elfkey. I too know what I should do education-wise and social life wise, as well as in job hunting, but sometimes, the energy seems a bit more than I'm prepared to put out.

Match.com frightens me, to be honest. I'd rather actually meet someone in person, since I'm an inveterate lurker in that way too, and I've heard a few wierd stories of on-line meetings gone bad.

I relate to your soccer problem, That's about what happens to me when I take a class in something. I meet lots of nice people, both male and female, that's great. But I seem to only run into the ones who are taken or not interested. Conversely, the ones who are interested are just not my type. Okay, I know, expand your type then, and maybe I should, but the factors that lead to that decision are often not minor ones, it's always the "deal-breakers" it seems.

Ah, yes, I've been meaning to ask Nomad, where in Alaska are you? I have cousins who live near Anchorage (because of course Alaska is just so small and we all know everyone up there knows everyone else, right? :rolleyes: )

Unfortunately, no full fiction yet. I've just got a million fragments and one character who may or may not ever interact with House who likes to bug me when I'm trying to get some sleep (and yet shuts up immediately when I get in front of a keyboard or get out some paper).

GRE wasn't too bad. I also had a prep book though- mostly because it had been 2.5 years since I'd been in school. The English part wasn't bad (although certainly the book helped with some vocab)- it was the Geometry/math that I needed total refresher on. But seriously... not that bad if you prep for it. Get a book that has a disk on it so you can practice the actual format (i.e. computer).

The internet in general frightens me. Who are you people anyway... geesh. :ph43r: ;)

Nomad is right smack dab in the middle of Anchorage (just a half hour from Alaska). Alaska is HUGE... but the population is tiny. So actually it's not uncommon to run into people or know of people... only problem is that I don't know very many people...

I do pretty well with prep-books/CD Roms. Did me all right for the ACT's, and I never bothered with the SAT's as it wasn't a requirement for Concordia. As mentioned - math. UGH. I haven't taken a math class since I dropped out of calc in high school, and I barely pulled my way out of Intro to Comp. Sci. last semester (Java programming). Although now I'm tutoring the class - go figure.

I'd say you'd be fine with a prep book then. The year I took it was the last, or nearly the last when they went with the pencil and paper format, but definitely get one with a CD so you can practice using a computer. The more you can make practice like the real thing, the better for you.

Don't worry about the math too much. You probably remember more than I did when I took it-- I didn't even make it too Calculus (which apparently no one understands)-- and I imagine that since you're not really going for a math-related discipline anyway, they're not going to totally go crazy that you've forgotten some of the more complex stuff.

I totally envy your knowledge of programming. I guarantee I have less than you as I have none. It would certainly make my life easier if I did have some. I keep vowing to learn some simple stuff--I'm afraid my mind just doesn't work along those kind of lines, similarities at the core of writing code and writing words, notwithstanding-- but I never get around to it.

Again, I'd say go for it. Take the tests, find out what you need to do. Even apply some places. No one is going to come around with a gun and force you to do it if you change your mind further in.