Hi, long time lurker here who read your last screenplay as well. I don't believe that Magdala wants you to quit--as writers I think we all know how hard it is to keep writing anyway and for the most part the last thing we want to do is add to the discouragement. I don't want you to quit either by the way. As one writer to another I would like to second, and clarify some things Magdala has said and add a few tips of my own. Let me say I'm nowhere near as good or experienced as Magdala--I am in awe of all the work you've done and your stories have been incredible thus far--but I have taken a few writing classes, including a playwriting class, and have been told I do have some talent.
First, on script format, there's nothing wrong with writing in it, but that said many people have a harder time reading it, especially if they aren't used to it. I know that from experience as I'm trying to get some people to proofread a short-short play I've written and they comment and then mention the format seems odd--which it is for prose, but it's right for a play, which incidentally is not precisely the same as a screenwriting script format, though they're more similar than say prose and play script. Now that there's a screenwriting section it's less of a problem, but understand that Magdala's suggestion was aimed perhaps at making the task of reading easier for more readers, most of whom won't persevere with something they read for pleasure if they're having a hard time with it, and thus getting you more readers and feedback. And Magdala is right in that if you do ever submit anything professionally, you'll want to follow the conventions of the format. Editors are busy, and sometimes quite cranky--with good reason often, frequently they're looking for any little thing they can find to put a submission, regardless of genre, in the rejected pile, so you definitely want to be sure that you take care of the easy stuff--like proper formatting and eliminating obvious grammar and usage errors. If you were just messing around with this I wouldn't mention this, but as you mention other, non-fan fiction things you're writing, I'm assuming you might be seriously considering giving this whole "writing thing" a try and I would heartily encourage you to do it; I say if you want to write, for crying out sideway, go a head and write. Being a fellow traveler in that regard, I, and I suspect Magdala, want to give you the benefit of not having to make the same mistakes I've made and of the wisdom teachers of mine have passed on to me so that I don't repeat their mistakes, or their teacher's mistakes, and so on. Just a final quick note/neat thing about the form Magdala suggested, you can estimate running time easily in that format. Generally one page=one minute of running time--it can vary, if there's a lot of "business" or action on stage without speaking it will be longer, the dialogue is rapid fire, it may be slightly shorter, but very useful anyway in my mind.
I would suggest you try Magdala's suggestion to try writing this as prose as well. Not neccessarily because it would be better that way, though it might, you never know, but because as a writer it's good to stretch your writing muscles, so to speak, but trying something you don't usually do. You don't need to publish it here, or show it to anyone, just try it for the sake of experimenting. At least in my writing, I know there are things that I think will work as a play, then I realize they may work better written as prose and vice versa, from an instructor of mine, who was incidentally involved with the Sundance Playwrights' Lab (not to be confused with the film festival though it is also funded or was funded by Robert Redford but which is involved in the shaping of many well-known plays, including Angels in America and the Kentucky Cycle, so the man knows his stuff), who writes both fiction and plays, this is the case for many writers.
Let me note there is nothing wrong with writing dialogue heavy prose, I do it myself and have been told I write fiction like a playwright, but I don't think it's a bad thing (afterall, many of Ernest Hemingway's stories are very dialogue heavy, and while I, nor most of us yet, am anywhere near his calibre, it shows it can be done).
Now, here're a few quick things about script formats, until you can get to Magdala's sites, which I must look at myself. I'm doing this according to play format, which is different as it doesn't take into consideration camera issues, like establishing shots and angles, so it won't entirely agree with what the sites will say,
(Lights up on the diagnostics conference room. None of the ducklings are there yet, but there is someone, whose head is not visible sitting in the chair at the head of table, which is turned facing away from the audience and reclined slightly. Enter House who notices his chair is occupied and does a double-take)HOUSE: Well, well, well, someone's been sitting in my chair.
(The occupant of the chair turns around at this point, looking slightly guilty. It is KRISTIN.) HOUSE: The waiting room's down the hall you know. In case you can't
read.
(KRISTEN and HOUSE regard each other for a beat) Now get off my chair like a good girl.
KRISTEN:
(Stands and extends her hand, HOUSE doesn't take it).
You must be Dr. House. I'm Dr. Kristen Rodgers. I'll be
supervising your practice for the next month.
HOUSE: I don't think so.
KRISTEN: I'm afraid it's true. That other guy, what's his name? Dr. Head?
He told Dr. Cuddy that he refused to supervise you anymore.
I'm currently job hunting and Cuddy made me an offer I
couldn't refuse. I supervise you and if I can handle you then
she'll hire me to work in the ER and try to set up a pediatric
trauma unit here. Truth is your reputation precedes you. I
guess Cuddy figured if I can handle you then starting an
entirely new department may should be no sweat.
HOUSE: And what do I get out of letting you do it?
KRISTEN: If you're a good boy, you get your practice back and get Cuddy
and I off your back.
(Enter Chase. He too does a double-take)CHASE: Who's she?
HOUSE: Meet the new boss. . .
Okay, so that's what it would look like. Please excuse the roughness, it is a character I've thought of working with, but I'm afraid she'd be a bit Mary Sue, or at least wouldn't be able to overcome the dreaded OFC stigma. Also, they're probably a bit OOC. Again, please excuse, I just tried to throw something together quickly to demonstrate and hadn't thought it out aside from the general concept of an outside, female doctor, who supervises House and eventually goes on to work in another department, thus allowing for continuing encounters.
Now for the format, notice, I set the stage directions off with
italics I do not recall if that's standard, but it is a good idea to distinguish them in some way. Also, you don't have to do character names in ALL CAPS but it's helpful. They can also be centered, which may be more correct, however since I don't know how to center on this BB, I didn't do it. If you were wondering what a beat is and what it's doing in prose, it is somewhat like a beat in music, a count of one, in this case of silence. You could say they look at each other in silence for a second, but in theater speak, and probably screenplay speak too, beat indicates the same thing with less words. If you go with doing names the way I have, then you definitely need to do a "hanging indent", meaning that you indent all the lines spoken by characters to line up. Since, I talked about trying things in prose too, I'll attempt to do the same scene, or some of it, as short story.
For once House was the first one in to work and that was not the only sign that all was not right with his world. As House stumped into the conference room he noticed that his chair seemed to be occupied. Whoever was in it, had the back turned to door and has relining slightly. This would not do. Every good child knows, daddy's chair is inviolate.
"Well, well, well, ", House said, "someone's been sitting in my chair."
At this the owner of the chair spun around to face him, looking only slightly guilty, but quickly changing expressions to a calm, level stare, reminsicent of Cuddy's. "So, you think you're funny do you?" it seemed to say. The occupant in question was a woman in a <a style='text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 3px double;' href="http://www.serverlogic3.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=5&k=black%20skirt" onmouseover="window.status='black skirt'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">black skirt</a> and dark purple jacket with shoulder length brown-gold hair. What was she doing here. One way to find out and, he hoped, get rid of her.
"Waiting room is the other way, you know", House said gesturing with his cane, "In case you can't read."
The woman just kept looking at him. Obviously another one from the shallow end of the gene pool. Time to be more blunt.
"So, be a good girl and get off my chair".
The woman stood up then. She extended her hand toward House. He didn't take it. He never did the shake hands thing unless he had to. Germs you know.
"You must be Dr. House", she said "I'm Kristen Rodgers and I'll be supervising your practice for the next month."
"I don't think so."
"I'm afraid it's true. That other guy, what's his name? Dr. Head? Says he won't supervise you anymore. It so happens I'm job hunting and Dr. Cuddy made me a deal I couldn't refuse. I supervise you and if I can handle you, then she'll hire me to work in the ER and to experiment with setting up a pediatric trauma unit here. The truth is you reputation precedes you. I guess Cuddy thought that if I could handle you for a month, then setting up a new department would be no sweat."
I'd like to see you try little girl, House thought.
"So, what do I get out of it?"
"You get to keep your department and get me and Cuddy off your back."
Just then the conversation was interupted by the arrival of House's favorite Aussie. From the gape mouthed look he gave the two of them, Chase wasn't expecting this either. He turned to House,
"Who's she?"
"Meet the new boss. . ." said house seguing into one of his favorite oldies songs.
Okay, so something like that. As I said, sometimes things work better as script, sometimes as prose. In my mind at least, this looks like it would be better as a short story. If I went ahead with it, that would change.
Okay, my rant is done for now.
Anyway, don't let the critiques get you down. As much as I hate it when people make blanket statements about what writers do or don't do, or should or shouldn't do (after all who put them in charge of the world. I mean that's totally my job :P or actually House tells me it's his), but writers do have to learn to not take criticism too personally. Much as I imagine it must be telling patients they're dying, it doesn't get easier and maybe it shouldn't, but you have to learn to do it. Happy writing, and that whole "non carborundum" thing.
All right, one more edit. The first was because I pressed the wrong button and submitted before I meant to, darn tab doesn't work the same here as it does in word processing programs :angry: . The second because my indentations didn't work. Listen to what I say, not what I did.