I guess I should start by saying for most of this year I have been coming to the board in a hostile frame of mind and sometimes it overrode my self-control and spilled over into my posts. I have also been battling more than a bit of depression, which has been impacting how, interact with others.

It finally started hitting me a couple months back. You see I have this problem I pack in and repress all my anger frustration and despair until I blow. So after my tirade a couple months back. I started taking the advice of a friend of mine and his girlfriend at school. They had been telling me for a year and a half that I needed to lighten up or I would drive myself crazy. They kept telling me to relax and have fun. However because I was stuck in a moebius strip of misery it didn't sink in. Anyway roughly around the beginning of October, I started to strip myself of my shell and become more light hearted, And I noticeed a change around me in class. My classmate and my teacher were less lethargic, happier, and more relaxed. I basicly threw caution to the wind and started to have fun. Thus my aura of hostility vanished.

So I again apoligize for being a repressive jerk. I really wasn't out to hurt anyone, but as I mentioned given the fact I was in a spiral of pain and anger. I am not surprised things wen the way they did. Also there is alot more that happened to create my overwhelming hostility, but I don't want to make you read anymore than you have to.

I would like to also say I have been keepin off the board in order to sort my thoughts out, and give a real good explaination to you guys. As I feel you deserve that.

It's water under the bridge Welt, cheers and be merry :beers:

No problems welt. It might surprise you.. but I'm in the same boat.

Everyday is a swirl of depression, self loathing, fear, hate.. and the occasional tought of homicide.. ( although as an american citizen.. that's almost required these days)

Just gotta try and enjoy what's good in life.. and alot of the bad feelings don't seem to bad. They're still there.. but meh.. Screw em.

Have fun. Make stupid jokes.

And don't forget to makesure to show up around here everyone once in awhile and chew the fat with other nutjobs.

I'm the same way sometimes. but when i get all frustrated i generall go play an FPS online and take it out on others thatway, you'd be surprised how relaxed you can get after shooting 30 guys with a sniper rifle <.<

We all have our quirks, while some are bad, some are good, nice to know you got over your bad ones.

Well WZ I kinda do that sometimes, except my flavor of the week is silent scope. Mind you I usually find an arcade version of the game as I find they are esier to use then consol versions.


And guys thanks really. Blood I really appreciate your support as you understand my position, and I yours(kind of).

oh, i dont play console FPS's, I play the comp ones, easier to control like you said. anyway glad to see your over your problem.

Nobody understands my problems.. a couple of them aren't even scientifically classified even.

people just smile, nod.. and hope something shiny distracts me..

Hey! What's that? <wonders off>

No I was talking about my dad having cancer. sorry if I came across as apearing like I know exactily what you going through. I was just saying I can relate the sick and dying family thing as I lost my Grandma in 04, and then I thought I was gonna lose my dad. I wasn't trying to play who has a crappier deal. In truth you probably trump me on that. Anyway I appreciate the support. And I will try to be here more often.

Though right now is finals month and thus kinda crazy. So we will see.

part of what he ment is the 'tulpa' thing....



*trows shiny stuff at blood*