It started as a glorious day. In a sunlit clearing ringed by healthy green leaved trees, stood a gathering. At the northern end a pedestal and an archway made of hundreds of wild flowers. And suspended, 13 feet in the air, held by magic, white strips of purest silk flowed in the gentle breeze. Beneath the strips stood over a hundred Elves, tall, elegant and with an unearthly haunting grace. They were dressed in their finest. But beneath the archway stood a very impressive elf, at least 6.6 in height, broad chested and well built, deep blue eyes that shimmered like twin sapphires in the morning sunrise, long flowing golden blonde hair and the heavenly beauty that all Elves share. This was Laucian Galanodel the greatest warrior these elves have ever known, hero, adventurer and today-groom. Dressed in fine elven silk, green as the leaves and adorned in golden symbols weaved threw out the robe. The band of minstrels took up a solemn beat and the crowd of Elves parted. For the bride who was dressed in a beautiful gown, white and frilly with lace work on the edges, soft silken gloves covered her fore arm, a small headdress and a soft silken veil that hid her face. Laucian smiled as she approached her form more beautiful and graceful than any elven women ever born. Like a perfectly cut diamond.

The bride took her place next to him. Her head turned to look up at him she quickly turned away when he caught her gaze. Behind the pedestal stood an old elf wrinkled and bent with time. He took out an old tome and began to speak. “Today we gather to unite these two as one under the sun, sky and Corellon Larethain.” The old elf raised his hands and said a prayer in the elfish tongue. “To join Laucian Galanodel and Drusilia Amakiir in wedlock.” Then he went threw the various wedding vows. “Do you Laucian Galanodel take Druisilia to be your wife?” Laucian looked at her and without hesitation answered. “I do.” The elder then turned to Drusilia, “And do you Drusilia Amakiir take Laucian to be your husband?” Drusilia turned to Laucian and in a voice that that rivaled the angels in its pureness said, “I do.” The elder spoke next. “You may now kiss the bride.” Laucian slowly lifted up her veil and stared into her emerald green eyes. His shaking hand ran threw her raven colored hair, and he leaned in and kissed her ruby red lips. The crowd erupted into cheers and the sky was suddenly filled with confetti made from leaves and magical sparks flew from the elder’s fingertips. This was a joyous day indeed.

Later that night after the ceremony was the party. Laucian and Drusilia sat at a huge table next to each other and the elder. In front of them the other elves danced and sang out wonderful ballads in the Eleven language. “Wonderful.” The elder spoke out. “Laucian can I speak to you?” the elder rose and motioned for Laucian to follow with a simple hand gesture. Laucian rose and followed. Laucian waited till they were out of ear shot on the fringes of the forest. “What is it elder?” The elder turned to Laucian and smiled his form suddenly becoming taller and darker, when he was over five feet Laucian steeped back. “Drow.” The elder was a Drow, ebony black skin, blood red eyes, snow white hair and unforgiving features. These were the Drow the dark elves. Laucian charged and rammed the Drow against a nearby tree, the Drow had a dagger in his hand and was trying to plunge it into Laucian’s side, Laucian twisted to the side and got the Drow’s head in a head lock and then Laucian twisted his arm around and listened the loud crack as the Drow’s neck snapped like a twig. Laucian ran out to the clearing. “Drow, Drow there coming run get away.” An armed elf tossed Laucian his blade. Laucian whipped it out of its it sheathe and spun around to meet the Drow, At least 40 Drow poured out of the forest armed to the teeth. The armed elves began raining arrows onto them, the arrows had trouble hitting there mark because of the Drows armor. Laucian on the other hand was a whirlwind of death, already ten Drow had fallen to his blade, his robes torn revealing the masterwork chain mail underneath, his faced speckled with blood, Laucian roared like a beast as he drove his blade into yet another Drow. “Laucian ” Laucian spun around to see Drusilia surrounded by Drow. “No No NO.” Laucian cut down another Drow then another, to get to her, But all he could do was watch as the four Drow stabbed there swords into her. “NO ” Lucian’s eyes became filled with a primal rage and his blows shattered Drow armor, splintered shields. One blow to an oncoming Drow sent him flying over the tree tops. Laucian made it at last to her body; the four Drow responsible had fled at the sight of the enraged warrior. “Drusilia…” Laucian held her cold body in his arms and buried his face in her hair as tears streamed from his eyes. Laucian shook with sadness then looked up his eyes filled with blood lust; he lowered her to the ground and reared back yelling at the sky. “FETCH ME MY ARMOR AND BLADE ” He shouted at the other warriors. A few minutes later Laucian stalked out into the woods, his body covered in shining Plate armor, conforming to his every curve, overlapping plates shook as he moved foreword, a mighty great sword sheathed and tied to his back.

The four Drow had stopped running when they heard the feral scream of the elf. “What was that?” One Drow that was wielding a long pike asked. “It’s no matter; we must leave Lloth will not pleased with this.” The biggest one said. The from out of the woods a thundering sound echoed, the sound of metal and anger charging up a path. “Be ready.” One with a greatsword said. The only one that didn’t speak backed away and was pulled into the woods, “Gah.” Then a sickening sound as the metal of a blade ripped threw flesh. “He’s not coming back.” Laucian slowly walked out of the forest his armor stained with Drow blood. Laucian looked at the other three, his eyes filled with an inferno of rage. The pike armed one charged. Lucian’s hand shot out grabbing the end of the pike and lifted the Drow off the ground by the pike and slammed him into a tree. The impact shattered the Drows bones and killed him instantly. The great sword charged, swinging only to have his blade clang against Lucian’s. “You next?” Laucian twisted the blade and planted the Drow’s on the ground then slammed his head into the Drow’s cracking the Drow’s skull. The large one was backing towards the ground. “No you can’t escape me.” Laucian charged and smiled at the Drow’s look of fear. There blades met again and again. The Drow smiled and took a lazy swing believing he could beat him. Laucian moved like lighting the Drow’s sword was flying threw the air and the Drow found himself left-handed. “Ahhhh.” It cried out in pain at the lost of its right hand. Laucian rammed his elbow into its face knocking him down and planted his blade tip at its throat. “Please spare me.” It begged Laucian raised the blade. “Tell Drusilia I sent you to hell.” Then his blade fell and the Drow’s severed head rolled on the ground. Laucian turned back to the village. And in the morning stayed only long enough to watch her be buried. “Drusilia I failed you.” He turned still armed and left his village for good.

Years later a young bard stumbled onto a clearing ringed by trees, he was being chased by orcs. The man fell and turned to see the Orcs stop at the site of the clearing and they quickly turn and ran. The man looked ahead and discovered a small plot of upraised ground and at the head of this mound. Sat a rusted blade and a battle worn helm. The young man caustily stalked towards the armor and discovered that they were engraved; it took him a few minutes to decipher the eleven words. “For…My… Drusilia…?” The young man was puzzled.

One thing that really helps Fang is if you start a new paragraph every time someone says something or if there are two people trading dialogue back and forth, it cuts down on the large blocks and makes it much easier to follow.

It is also seems like things are a bit rushed as well, is this the whole story or just a fraction of it? That and why was this Elder suddenly turning into a Drow? Also similies like 'snapping a neck like a twig' can sound over used.

Overall not too bad, just a few things here and there to keep in mind.

For the elder. Drow clerics can polymorph other Drow. and I rushed it becuase it was due soon.