OK basically a one liner is like this

"I wondered why the fris-bee kept getting bigger and bigger.... then it hit me."

see, now you guys try.

"His father must've raped a flower, because he raised a blooming idiot."

Funny pickup line:

Walk up to the person and say: " HI! I'm invisible! ( really?) Yeah! Can you see me?( Yeah) Cool...how bout tomorrow night then?

Here's a redneck joke, sorry if i'm insulting anyone

What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Hey ya'll watch this!

This may not wuite be a one liner, but it is funny...kinda...

"My neighbor came to me one day and asked for a cup of sugar," syas Bob, "I did not want to give him a cup of sugar, so I pumped him full of lead"

CREDIT TO: Jaffar's long lost brother for telling me at school...

^have to say in british accent for it to be effective.

here's another redneck joke

If you've ever cracked open a beer during a eulogy, you might be a redneck.

The reason there aren't any gay men in the army is because they're afraid of giving them M16s and replying to somone calling them a faggot.

I did not mean to offend anyone by this.

Stupid Joke: Your so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what is on the other side!

Stupid Joke: Your so stupid, you threw a rock at the ground and missed!

Wanna hear a dirty joke, fine, well a boy fell into the mud.

foniks tot me hou tu spil

Redneck: "If you work around the house topless, and so does your husband, you might be a redneck."

(Blue Collar Comedy Tour! yeah!)

"Why didn't the man eat the pie full of money?
Because it was too rich for him!"

(Yes! Blue Collar Comedy Tour rules!!!!)

Never heard of blue comedy jokes and i do not want to...

Ahh...right a joke...umm....well here IS a dirty joke.

(Parental Advisory)

Bob as been hired to babysit Jill, a little neighbor girl, for the night. Jill's dad is very strict and says that whatever Jill, wants, she gets.
Bob agrees and says goodby to the leaving parents. He then decideds to take a shower. "Can I take a shower with you?" Jill asks.

"No way!" Bob replies.

"I'll tell my momy and daddy..." Jill says cockily.

"Well fine...just dont look up." When they get into te shower, Jill naturally looks up and says, "What is that?"

"Oh that...that is Mr. tinkily winkily." Bob answers. After the shower, bob decideds to take a nap. When he is about to do so, Jill asks, "Can I play with Mr. Tinkily Winkily while you sleep?"

Obviously, Bob syas, "No!"

"I will tell my daddy..." Jill replies.

"Fine, just dont wake me up!" Bob lies down to take a nap, but when he wakes up, he is on a stretcher. He askes Jill, "What happened?"

Jill replies with a smile, "Mr. Tinkily Winkily squirted me so I bit him off"

Heard that one. And what part of ONE LINER don't you understand? Lol, just messin' with you. I don't really mind.

"I wish I could fly" <picture of penguin here>

Fine...here is a 1 liner

Kinda.......

"What kind or radar is this? What is all this bubbling and churning?" Lord helmet commands.

"why that is Mr. Cofee, care for some?" (Spaceballs, Colonel Sanders)


AND YET ANOTHER!

Red NEck: If you go to your family reunion to get laid, you are probably a red neck.

(No offense to anyone.....Jaffar....HAHAHAHAHAHA)

I ain't a redneck, so stop hollerin' out through your window for me to shut up!

"Fireman blonde joke":

An apartment building catches on fire, and all of the people are evacuated, except for a blode, a brunette, and a red-head, they run up towards the roof. Finally, the firemen arrive.

The firemen yell"Jump, jump, we'll catch you!" with their net open wide.

The red-head hears this and jumps, the firemen pull the net away...SPLAT!! the red-head dies when she hits the ground.

The firemen again yell"Jump, jump, we'll catch you!" with their net open wide.

"No, I don't believe you, look what you did to her!" the brunette yells down.

"Oh, it's OK," the firemen yell back," we didn't like her, but we like you, Jump!"

So, the brunette jumps, the firemen pull the net away...SPLAT!! the brunette dies when she hits the ground.

"come on, come on!" the firemen yell to the blonde," we didn't like the other two, but we like you, jump!"

"No, no," the blonde yells back," I still don't trust you, put the net down and back away!"

Can I borrow a quarter? Because I told my mom I'd call her when I met the woman of my dreams.

walking to a baggage claim the lady said "can i help you?"
I said "Yeah, you lost my luggage"
Then she says "Has you plane landed yet?"
I replied: "No Peaches, I'm having an out-of-body experience! I gotta get back before I miss my peanuts."

Hero, is that supposed to be a pick up line?

yup...pickup lines are some of the best onliners out there!

Speaking of pickup lines

Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, what's your name?"

"Dey Tuk Ur Jubs!" south park.. gotta love it

" that is the stupidest thing I ever heard!"
- Scotty from "Evil Dead"

"hey you! we dont take kindly to people who dont take kindly 'round here!"

"goddamnit Skeeter shut the hell up"

-South Park (again)

At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"

A correction printed in a Canadian newspaper: "The Ottowa Citizen and Southam News wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn. In correcting the incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn, published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incorrect correction. We accept and regret that our original regrets were unacceptable, and we apologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology."
--Reader's Digest, Nov. 2002

whoa!

Why did the chicken cross the road?




To show the skunk how to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's hotter than the Devil's butthole out here.

quite simply, this V

Look at you...Look at you! Grinding up bits of plants and animals with your teeth, forcing them down your throat into a pit of digestive acids... You think, that you are the highest form of intelligence in the universe, but you are no better than any filthy animal and I am ASHAMED to be made in your image!

-Star Trek... berserked hologram. heh

i'm so hungry I could eat the southern end of a northbound mule.

....Wait a sec, you're tellin' me you abought a card, for your DEAD grandmother. I know I'm gonna regret this, but tell us what it said.

"Get well soon"

Blue Collar comedy tour rocks!

" that's not momma!"

-Blue collar comedy tour

"sure it is, she's just go her beard shaved off"

same as above.

"we seen dis feller... had no legs.... sellin' boots... had one eye, one ear, and half a nose...... name was Lucky....."

once again.. look above lol

Scooby Doo: *random stuff*

Fred: That's right scoob, we're dealing with one sick son-of-a-bitch.

hahahahahahahah!!!!!

"Think about how stupid the average american is. Then realize that half of em are stupider than that!"

- George Carlin

"We kill the cows to make the jackets then kill each other for the jackets we made out of the cows..."

--Dennis Leary, "No Cure For Cancer"

" Ya know what the problem with zombies are? Theyre unreliable."

- George Carlin

"This is the face that launched a thousand ships... the other way!"

--Mrs. Skinner as Helen of Troy on The Simpsons

"Dont shoot till you see the back of their heads!"

- some historical dude.