To Move On

PG13

By white andie

copyrighted by White Magnolia/Andie Basan



It’s so hard to end something. It’s even more harder if that’s something is like stuck in your inside like whole memory that doesn’t go away. it’s even more harder when you feel like you’re dying with the memory, and it’s like you want to get out but you feel like there’s nothing outside it.

It’s hard.

And it’s harder when you find it out. When you see that that memory is gone, flying away from you and that even If you try to run to it, you can’t have it. it’s harder. It breaks your heart in so many pieces that you can’t find them again and bend it with glue. And if you get to do it, it’s still some pieces lost. And you’ll never get to find them again .

It hurts.

And when you try to walk away the memory comes back, and take you with his hands and bring you back to him. Where you’re safe, where you’re happy. But it’s an illusion. It’s a memory, it’s a dream.

But it’s life.

And so life it is. When you rest in the night, trying to close your eyes but something just keep them awake. When you try to eat but the food is just the same, and you don’t recognize when you’re eating, or you’re not eating. It’s the same for you. Because you don’t care what you’re doing. You’re feeling empty.

And so it’s life.

But you can’t believe it’s life, just like that, just like a bomb exploding in your head, exploding in your heart. It’s a bomb when you know so many things, and you can’t say them. You can’t do it, the true is worst than the lie. And they wouldn’t believe it. and they wouldn’t see you through the life. They wouldn’t see you. And you’ll lose your memory.

And you don’t want to lose your memory.

Because the memory is like yours, and you’re in the memory, it’s like a when you feel sick and you want to be healthy again, but if you get well you’ll be back to school, and you don’t want to go back to school, because with your sickness you get to stay in home. Where you’re safe, where you’re loved. Where you’re ok .

But you have to move on.
Some friend told me: it’s like if you broke a crystal, and you get hurt, but then you still are walking through the pieces, cutting you once, and again. You have to sweep them away. you have to move on.

I don’t have to, I need to.

Because staying with him just means to get hurt to yourself once and again, and again. Because with him it’s just a reminder that you’re alone and that he is with someone else. Because staying with him doesn’t mean a good thing for you and it’s killing you.

It’s killing you.

You have to move on. You have to breath, you have to walk away a dry those tears. He doesn’t love you, he didn’t understand you in the first part. He never did, and you did, and you still do but it hurts. I know it hurts.

It’ll still hurt.

And probably you’ll be feeling down in valentines, and probably he’ll never send you a valentine card and you’ll see him in the café with the girl. Yes, you’ll probably do that. And probably you’ll miss his kisses at night and cry some tears after a song he used to sing to you.

Yes, it’s quite a possibility.

But look at yourself now. You’re writing a sad short story for someone who just knew that you feel for him and didn’t answer you. You need to move on, you need to look after someone who really see you. It hurts, but it’s a change you need to do. You can’t keep loving him even if your heart tells you to. You can’t become into a Joey’s of your own Dawson’s creek chapter. You have to move on girl, because just after he left you, he moved on.

:cry:
(I'd use our smilie from MSN but it's not here :( )
That was so.. wow!!
Specially after all you've been through hun!!

:)
I love you girl!!
I never thought I'd be so accurate :P

I loved that last sentence. Terribly sad, but terribly good too.

Man, I just loved it!!

My God, that really touched me. I went through exactly the same thing last year, and that story just describes my emotions then so perfectly. There's no point me being all ditzy and cute now and saying 'there's plenty more fish in the sea...', the fact is that it hurts, and even now six months later it still kinda does in a way...there's all those questions of "Why doesn't he like me, what's wrong with me? Am I too ugly, am I too fat, am I too dumb, am I too boring?" I congratulate you, hun, on being courageous enough to write down all those feelings that I never could...you're a strong, wonderful person and you deserve all the happiness in the world. :) Beautifully written.

Jaime

Beautiful, Andie. Very touching. *hug* Feel better, darling.

that was beautiful :cry:

oX. deanna .Xo