Our lovely sammie here gave me 5 words:

Liquid - shoulder - mud - sharp - pancake

This is the result!


Aprons, pancakes and serenades


There was a time when I believed that the most horrifying sound in the history of the world was without a doubt the ring-tone of Dom’s cell-phone. It is obvious that at that time I had never heard a certain Heath Ledger singing in the shower. Others and myself regard me as a very tolerant and patient person, but let me tell you that even tolerant and patient persons have their limits. A limit that Heath crossed considerably the second he opened his mouth to deafen me with his mortifying voice. God must really hate me to put me through this at 10AM on a Sunday morning.

Oh well, at least he doesn’t sing the national anthem, something I can’t say about my last girlfriend. She once actually managed to sing all five verses of God Saves The Queen whilst taking a shower. Needless to say that that relationship didn’t last very long. Thankfully, Heath isn’t that patriotic, although I still can’t particularly appreciate that he’s doing unforgivable damage to my all-time favourite song. How can I ever listen to Jeff Buckley again after the tragic interpretation by the one I’m supposed to love and support in everything he’s doing? Damn, I should never have made him listen to that album.

I know I will forgive him for this, though. I know that the second he appears from behind the corner with his curly wet hair and a towel wrapped nonchalantly around his waist, I couldn’t care less about the lousy serenade he’s giving now. He has that ability, Heath. He has this thing he can do with his eyes that can turn me into wax in his hands in an instant. I could hate him for that, but – of course – I don’t.

Elijah once accused us of behaving like a married couple and I have to admit he was quite right about that. Heath and I prefer slouching on the couch to clubbing, something my beloved blue-eyed friend can’t possibly understand. In his opinion, a night isn’t a night if you haven’t had a taste of nightlife, but what can I say? I guess I’ve just got a lot of the partying out of my system, as has Heath, and besides, there’s nothing as cosy as snuggling up next to the one you love on the couch now is there?

Elijah also claimed that I was definitely the woman in our relationship, but on that I’m disinclined to agree. Alright, I do the laundry, the dishes and the cleaning in general, but Heath is the one who pampers and takes good care. On top of that, he cooks every day, complete with the apple-patterned apron his sister gave him for his Birthday. It looks good on him, I can tell you. Especially when he wears nothing underneath it. But that only happens on special occasions, of course.

God, I wish he would step out of that shower already.

Anyway, Heath is a fantastic cook. I don’t know who made up the saying ‘the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach’ but that person was absolutely right. When we were filming Ned Kelly, Heath had a crush on me – or so it appeared later. And so he cooked for me. He had actually planned it all in that pretty head of his, the bastard. He would cook for me, invite me for dinner up until I would crush back. The worst part was that his cunning little plan worked miraculously, because after he served me a delicious ‘pancake a la Heath’ one night, I suddenly saw the light, so to speak.

When he looked at me, when he observed me quietly with those sparkling brown eyes of his while I was eating, I suddenly became aware of a certain fluttering in my stomach – and no, that wasn’t because of the bloody pancake. Surely but slowly, my bones turned into liquid, my legs into jelly, and about two hours later I found myself head over heels with Heath Ledger.

He has that ability, you know.

I don’t know why the hell it took us so long, but we didn’t kiss until two days later. But let me tell you this: it was definitely worth the wait. Man, that guy can kiss. Seriously, I turned into goo in his arms. It was quite embarrassing really, because I literally couldn’t stand on my legs anymore, which could have easily resulted in me slumping down to the floor if it weren’t that Heath held me tightly against him. I remember clutching his shirt with one hand while the other one was entwined with his, and afterwards Heath asked me cheekily if I were always that wobbly. He can be such a bastard sometimes.

My God, what is taking him so long? Oh well, at least he’s stopped singing.

Sometimes I think Heath is addicted to water. I always thought that Billy and Dom were crazed surfers, but I clearly hadn’t met my blond Aussie back then. He grabs literally every opportunity to crash the waves, and on top of that he also swims at least once a week. And then I don’t mean splashing around in some subtropical swim paradise, but fanatically swimming lanes for two hours straight. At least. He always wears those cute swimming glasses and those lovely red trunks – my favourites – and every time he’s talked me into coming along with him I’m stunned by how good-looking he actually is. And the fun part is that every inch of that muscled body is mine and mine alone, just like my body is completely for Heath to claim. Which he gratefully does, of course

But anyway, like I said before, Heath and water is a great combination. Even a better combination is Heath, water and Orlando. I know it’s horrible when people passionately start telling about their sex-lives, but I just can’t resist to share. A few months ago, we actually had sex in a forest. Alright, so maybe that isn’t that extraordinary, but it was exciting all the same. Especially when it started raining. And I don’t mean that drizzly kind of rain here, it was literally soaking wet. It was like we were getting it on under a waterfall really. We were lying on the forest floor among rather sharp twigs and leaves and soon enough the soil became all mucky. I think I will never get rid of the images of Heath’s curls sticking to his forehead and that illegally gorgeous body of his covered in mud. Not that I mind, it’s quite lovely to have visions like that preserved in your memory forever really. Mud looks good on him, even better than that apple-pattered apron. Trust me on this.

I could fill a book with stories about me and Heath, I believe. He’s so great. Seriously, as corny as it sounds, he’s everything I searched for. He’s terribly patient with me, he’s romantic, he’s tender, he’s funny and he makes the most delicious pancakes in the whole wide world. Honestly, apart from maybe his singing voice, everything about him is perfect and the more I think about it, the more I start wondering why I didn’t just join him in the shower. After all, our double bedstead is far too big for me alone.

It’s too late to join him now, though, because suddenly there he is in all his glory: my Heath, smiling at me as he appears from behind the door with curly dripping hair. Like I expected, a baby-blue towel is loosely wrapped around his waist and I let my eyes wander shamelessly over his tight abdomen before slowly moving them up, grinning soundlessly when I notice the love bite on his shoulder that I made last night.

“About bloody time,� I comment, tucking my arms behind my head with a grin. “Oh, and by the way, would you please do me and the entire world population a favour and never sing again?� He merely raises an eyebrow and smirks at me, eyes never leaving mine.

And then he drops the towel.

Did I already mention that he’s got the most beautiful cock I’ve ever laid eyes on?


~The End~

Now you got me all worked up about Heath. Again. Not that i min though, he is such a lovely lad. :tsk: So.. Here we go! :D

OMG. Please, you must put some kind of warning on the top of your hilarious stories that Matt Should Not Be Drinking While Reading This. Honestly, I did, and wow. It took me frickin ten secounds before I could reply properly because I drooled all over the screen because I laughed so hard that I spat milk all over my dear computer. Oh my. :D

No, of course you dont Orlando! Then it would be no story! :D No, really, I understand Orlando completely here, on this bit, because it is amazing indeed, what he is doing to one with his eyes. Gorgeous bloke, really.

Aha! The Infamous Married-Couple Syndrom! I love that, it is just so darn adorable. Makes me all fluffy inside, and I must say that I do love fluff. My God, I didnt realise how odd that line was before I wrote it. lmao. :laugh: Poor Elijah though, he cant understand true loooooove. :love:

:drool: Wow. I do belive you Orlando, that would be a sight to see and drool at! :D I dunno if his sister meant it to be used or whatever in that way though, lmao! :laugh:

Oh my.. And I thought I was lost forever, apperantly not though. Phew. I love that flutter in the stomach, the adorable little butterflies. Whee, I wish I was [s]Orlando[s] in love again!

<_< Indeed!

Hahaha, sweet! Really sweet.. :) :wub: :love:

Now, who would not? :wub:

:eek:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand SCORE! :D You are oh-so-brilliant. :love: :bow:

What an ending!
I was waiting for him to mention that!

This was really good!
I'm enjoying your Orlando/Heath slash, shorties.
Dang, that's a mouthful.
^_^
Excellent!

~Stacy~

Matt, you're fast becoming my favourite replier if you keep on quoting me :D
Thanks, though :x And I'll make up a proper warning for you next time ;)

Stacy, thanks! And yes, that line.. what a horrible, horrible line :D Shows how perverted I am. :laugh:

Aww, thanks. :) I was just about to say that you're fast becoming one of my favourite writers. :love: