Even though I am making fun of LORT and the people who took part of those movies DOES NOT mean I don't like them or the movie. I personally love the movies and the actors/actresses! If you are offended by this humor I suggest you not read this. If you do read this and are offened you have no right to be mad at me for I gave you a warning. So please, if you don't have a good enough sense of humor and don't appreciate these type of things do NOT read anything on this site. Thank you. For others who would like to take part of this feel free to post your own LOTR humor! And enjoy!

~*ERIN*~

Things to do at a meet and greet

1.Show up visibly pregnant. When one of them asks when you're due, wink and say “oh,
YOU know.” Later, take the pillow out from under your shirt and ask them to autograph it.

2.Wear an infant strapped to your back. If anybody asks you about it, pretend like you don't know what they're talking about.

3.If Sean hugs you, jump back and scream “Bad touch! Bad touch!”

4.Stare at a spot on the wall just over Billy’s' left shoulder. Eventually, he will turn to see what you are looking at. When he turns back around, look away. Wait a couple seconds, then do it again.

5.Bring squirt guns. Fill them with kool-aid. Use them whenever one of them tells you a lie.
Bring your own bodyguards. Have them tell the LOTR’s cast that they are not – under any circumstances - to touch you.

6.Pretend like you have narcolepsy and fall asleep whenever Orlando starts talking. Yawn a lot.

7.Show Dom your business plan for the Krispy Kreme donut shop. Tell him you've done the hard part, now it's time for him to pitch in.

8.Repeat everything they say.

9.Stare at the ceiling and sigh a lot. When one of them says something to you, say “I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.” Go back to staring at the ceiling.

10.Make up new names for them like Mookie, Bob, Waldo, Igor and Lorenzo. Insist on calling them by these names. Make them wear nametags.

11.Wear tap shoes. When they ask if you tap dance, look offended and say “Excuuuuse me?”

12.Wear a tiara. Insist that they address you as “my lady.”

13.Bring a magic wand. Tap Sean on the head. When he asks what you're doing, say “I was hoping you'd disappear.”

14.Bring Pop Rocks and can of soda. Ask them if they want to see your head explode.
Before you leave, slip Elijah your therapist's business card. Tell him he looks like he could use it.

15.Wear a Barney puppet on your hand. Introduce it as your interpreter. Talk in gibberish and have Barney translate for you.

16.Bring the jacket you made out of old gum wrappers for Elijah. Insist that he wear it. Cry if he refuses.

17.Wear a shirt with Orlando's picture on it. When Billy introduces himself, scream “I will never accept you! NEVER!” and run away.

18.Wear latex gloves and a surgical mask. Draw a pair of big red lips on the mask. When they ask you about it, say “The better to kiss you with, my dear.”

19.Bat your eyelashes a lot.

20.Pick Dom’s pocket, then tell him he shouldn't leave his wallet lying around. Five minutes later, do it again. Keep doing it until he catches on, then switch to another guy.

21.Respond to everything Billy says with “I know you are, but what am I?”

22.Bring a portable TV. Make them watch “General Hospital” with you. Do a running commentary on all the characters.

23.Talk in a really low voice so they have to lean in to hear you. When they get real close, scream at the top of your lungs. Then lecture them on the topic of personal space.

24.Wear a patch over your eye. Talk like a pirate. Threaten to make Orlando walk the plank.

25.Show Elijah the voodoo doll you made of him. Light it on fire and cackle.

26.Train your hamster to attack. Bring it with you in your front pocket. When you see Miranda, lean in and say “My hamster likes Liv Tyler better.” If she laughs at you, tell the hamster to attack. Then laugh and say Not so funny NOW, is it Blondie?”

27.Bring a tape measure. Ask to measure their heads. When they ask you why, tell them it's for your personal records and it's really none of their business. Mutter something about “inferior beings with tiny heads.”

28.Bring a remote controlled monster truck. Refuse to let them play with it. Every time Dom looks the other way, run the truck over his foot. Deny that you did it.

29.Bring a piece of chalk and draw a circle on the floor around Andy. Tell him it's a magic circle to protect him from evil spirits. If he steps outside of the circle, hit him over the head and yell “Get back, demon!”

30.Bring a sharpie pen. Offer to autograph Viggo’s shirt. If he declines, do it anyway.

31.Bring a goldfish in a Ziploc bag. Hand it to Billy and say “Now he’s YOUR problem.” Walk away.

32.Make them each a necklace out of cheerios. Give Orlando his. Give Billy his. Give Elijah his. Give Sean his. Look at Dom and shrug. Tell him you ate his on the way over.

33.Wear black from head to toe. Tell them you are in mourning for their lost innocence.

34.Tell Elijah you just moved into the house next door to his. Then ask him if he heard about the fire.

35.Ask Liv for her autograph. Hand her a pen coated with superglue. Laugh when it sticks to her hand. Laugh harder when they take her to the hospital to remove it.

36.Wear a suit and carry a briefcase. Tell Elijah you’re from the IRS and you have some questions about his 1999 tax returns. Ask him if he has a lawyer.

37.When you see Orlando, start beat-boxing. Get him to do it with you. As soon as he starts, you stop. Tell him you think beat-boxing is for morons.

38.Wear an LOTR t-shirt, an LOTF hat, and a fake backstage pass. Write “I love LOTR” on every visible inch of skin. Put some sunglasses you can‘t see through on. And tell Peter it’s because you don’t like his movie.

39.Bring a folding chair. Open it up and sit down. When security asks what you’re doing, tell them you’re waiting for Viggo to get a clue.

40.Act normally, except every time Andy comes near you, bark like a dog.

41.Get a restraining order against Viggo. Ask security to keep him away from you.

42.Show up wearing a scuba mask and flippers. Refuse to explain.

43.Act like you’ve known them for years. Reminisce about the “good old days.” Bring pictures.

44.Draw an eye on each of your eyelids, so that even when your eyes are closed, it looks like you’re still looking at them.

:lmao: Haha getting them to notice you first! I think I had a chat with some girls and we were talking about getting a cast on your legs to get them to notice you!

Haha, sounds like what Billy might fall for!

*would probably be like this --> :eek: *

:lmao:

Orlando and Billy... Orlando of course! But Billeh might pout and then I'd fall under the Pippin-spell.

:lmao:

I wouldn't just want him to walk the plank ;)2

:lmao:

Wait, WHICH heads? :shutup:

:lmao:

HAHAHAHA!! Great one!

*pats*

Heh!

I believe this suits more the LOTR section!
Moving it!

:love: :love:

I must over looked that section or something. I figured it would be moved, thanks for getting it in the right spot though! ^_^

~*ERIN*~

Just a little warning there is some language and stuff. Nothing that bad I don't think. Maybe PG-13?

Picture a really little McDonalds in New Zealand. A customer walks in and walks up to the counter where Billy is working.
Billy: Welcome to McDonalds
Customer #1: I'd like a number five.
Billy: That'll be $4.82.
Customer #1: It's Monday.
Billy: (sarcastically) Very good.
Customer #1: (irritated) aren't the nuggets .89 cents?
Billy: Yes.
Customer #1: So why is the meal so much.
Billy: The nuggets are .89 cents, not the meal.
Customer #1: (Even more irritated) Okay. I want a six piece chicken Mcnuggets, medium fries, and a medium sprite.
Billy: (Looks at the customer blankly) We can't do that.
Customer #1: Why not?
Billy: You ordered a number five, you have to get a number five.
Customer #1: Can I speak to your manager.
Billy: Now a days everyone wanna talk, like they got something to say...
Customer #1: Is something wrong with you! I wanna speak to your manager!
Billy: ELIJAH!
Elijah walks over to the register carrying a spatula.
Elijah: What is it!?
Customer #1: This young man told me I had to buy a number five, that I couldn't do it separately.
Billy: Young man? I'm old enough to be your grandpa!
Elijah: Well, "grandpa" what did I tell you?
Billy: How the hell should I know? You do so much crack, most of what you say is jibberish.
Elijah: (smacks Billy in the head with his spatula) Don't play with me Billy. dammit what did I say?
Billy: Ow, bloke. You said the customer is always right.
Elijah: (raises his spatula in threat) What did you call me?
Billy: Nothing.
Elijah: That's what I thought. (satisfied, Elijah starts to walk off).
Billy: (mumbles) Stupid crackhead.
Elijah: I heard that!
(Starts to beat Billy repeatedly with the spatula).
Billy: I didn't say anything, I swear Elijah. You made my false teeth come out again. (Billy grabs his teeth and wobbles to the sink to clean them)
Meanwhile, at the drive-thru...
Sean: Welcome to The Shire. What would you like Lembas bread?
Customer #2: Huh?
Sean: What would you like?
Customer #2: I would like a Big Mac.
Sean: We are out of that.
Customer #2: Okay, how about a Cajun McChicken.
Sean: We don‘t got that.
Customer #2: Fries?
Sean: Ain't got that either.
Customer #2: Can I talk to your manager?
Sean: (laughs) We don’t got one of those either.
The customer gets out of his car and goes inside demanding to talk to Elijah.
Elijah: SEAN!
Sean: Yes Mr. Frodo?
Elijah: Did you tell this customer we were out of everything?
Sean: Aw, Mr. Frodo I was just playing a joke on him.
Elijah: Play on your own time. (Smacks Sean with his spatula)
Sean: Mr. Frodo! What was that for? I’m going to get a bruise!
Elijah: You should of thought about that before you started acting like an idiot. (Smacks Sean again)
Sean: Alright, Mr. Frodo
Elijah: Good. (Smacks Sean) I am not "Mr. Frodo".
Elijah walks off and goes to see how Orlando is doing.
Elijah: Orlando are you almost done cleaning the toilets?
Orlando: Elijah please let me stop. This is ruining my manicure.
Elijah: Maybe next time I ask you why you screwed up on something you won't say "But I‘m an elf."
Orlando: But I'm am a-
Elijah: Say it and I'll beat you with the spatula.
Orlando: Not the spatula! Don't hit me Elijah, I'll get you some free makeup! (Elijah hits Orlando and Orlando begins to cry). What was that for? You know I bruise easily.
Elijah: For being such a girl.
Orlando: It's because I'm an elf.
Elijah: (repeatedly beats Orlando between each word) I never want to hear you say elf again.
Orlando: But they need me.
Elijah: No more elves , do you understand? (Orlando just looks at Elijah with tears in his eyes) DO YOU UNDERSTAND!? (Elijah raises his spatula)
Orlando: Yes!
Satisfied Elijah leaves Orlando crying on the floor in the bathroom.
Sean: Mr. Frodo seems as a member of the fellowship has ate the tators.
Elijah: Who did what? Stop talking like that.
Sean: But Mr. Frodo, this is how we talk in the Shire.
Elijah: Your not from "The Shire" you grew up in a apartment building in Brooklyn.
Sean: Alright as you wish Mr. Frodo. But Dom ate all the fries again
Elijah leaves to find Dom. he finds no fries and Dom stuffing his face with burgers.
Elijah: DOM!
Dom: I didn't do it!
Elijah: Where are all the fries?
Dom: We sold them
Elijah: don't think your stomach could afford all those fries. What did I tell you about eating on the job?
Dom: I didn't know you meant food I thought you meant -
Elijah: Shut-up Dom.
Dom: please don't beat me with the spatula!
Elijah: (thinks about it) It wouldn't hurt you anyway because your so fat, so I won't.
Dom: Thank you Elijah! (Gives him a big hug)
Elijah: But you have to go sweep up outside.
Dom: No, not that! Every time I do that people make fun of me. This little boy asked me if I rode the little bus to school.
Elijah: You did ride the little bus. Now Go!
Dom leaves sadly and Elijah starts to look for his spatula, which he can't find. As he's looking he feels a smack on his ass.
Billy: Bloody bloke! Now you know how it feels.
Elijah: Dammit Billy, give me my spatula.
Sean: We’re not giving you the spatula Mr. Frodo! The Ring is making you use it for evil!
Elijah: That's it! You’re all fired!
Billy: I'm free. Look out Liv here I come!
Billy, Sean and Orlando run to their freedom, collecting Dom on there way out. Elijah is left to do all the work on his own.

THE END

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

man! That was so hilarious! Elijah is such a pain! A very scary boss, but too funny!

Loved it to pieces!

:love:

LMAO!!!

these are a lil old, but still among my favorites:

Legolas: Trust me man, just grown out your hair, bleach it like mine, and get some pointy ears. The babes love it. Especially the hobbits and elf maidens!
Aragorn: I just don't get it. I thought women loved the rugged, outdorsy type. Arwen was all over me back in Rivendell, but everybody else thinks I'm 40 years old or something.
Legolas: Middle-Earth to Aragorn, you are 40...

Aragorn: *trying to grab sword from Legolas* Must .. get .. sword .. to .. fight .. orcs .. to .. show .. off .. to .. Arwen's dad ..
Legolas: NO! *trying to grab sword back* Must .. look .. at .. reflection..
:leggybig:

What do you call a short man who got his walking stick cut by his jealous wife? Jon Hobbit :eek:

Hello…what do I have in my pocket? *evil grin* :lalala:

:lmao: Bloody bloody hell!

Ok this is a fake interview I made up. All by myself too! I'm so proud. Even if it's stupid, I'm still proud!

Interview With . . .

Elijah Wood

I sit patiently on the couch in my office drinking a cappuccino having a light conversation with the camera man, when there is a knock at my door. Getting up I walk over to the door and press my ear to it.

Belmont: Who is it?

Wood: It’s Frodo.

Belmont: Frodo who?

Wood: Frodo Baggins.

Belmont: Never heard of him.

- I start to walk away form the door when I hear the strange mans voice again-

Wood: I’m sure you have Erin . . . I

Belmont: (in a really bad English accent) Wait a tick! How’d you know my name!?

Wood: I told you I’m Frodo Baggins. You know Frodo from Lord of the Rings? The hobbit? I have a live interview with you today.

Belmont: (sarcastically) Oh! Frodo! I’m sorry!

-opens the door. “Frodo” steps in and takes a seat on the couch. I close the door and take a seat next to him and stare at the camera nervously -

Belmont: You’ve done your hair differently Elijah! I love it!

Wood: No, I haven’t actually. And it’s Frodo.

Belmont: Oh don’t be silly Elijah I know it’s really you. You don’t have to act any more. By the way those are some very interesting shoes you have there!

Wood: Oh yes! Indeed. I got them as a gift from Legolas.

Belmont: Oh you mean Orlando?

Wood: No, no Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood.

Belmont: OOOooooo . . . (long pause) Who?

Wood: You know Legolas. the elf!

Belmont: OH! How I miss that boy. . . I mean uh elf.

- I look back at the camera hoping that they aren‘t shooting this, but of course they are.-

Wood: Shall we start then?

Belmont: Ah yes! Let’s start this off very simple. How was your day?

Wood: Oh it was delighting! I woke up this morning and had a delicious breakfast that included eggs, bacon, tators, lembas, and a glass of orange juice. After that I went to visit Merry and Pippin at the green Dragon, then met up with the Elf for some tips on shooting a bow an arrow.

Belmont: Wow! That’s so very interesting. Are you sure you haven’t done anything else today?

Wood: No, nothing at all.

Belmont: Well that’s great!

-picks up a huge candy dish full of pickles-

Belmont: Do you care for a pickle Elijah?

Wood: No thanks. And it’s Frodo.

Belmont. Right got ya! ‘Frodo’ -winks- So ‘Frodo’, I’ve read some where that you are a drinker. Is this true?

Wood: Well. . . Yes. Sort of a bad habit of mine. Along with smoking.

Belmont: Like weed?

Wood: (with lots of energy) No of course not! I wouldn’t even give it a thought! Why do you know somebody who selling any?!

Belmont: Uhhh. . . no. Are you going to be ok? We can schedule this for another time.

Wood: Oh no it’ll be fine!

Belmont: Are you sure? You’re eyes look pretty red now that I‘ve took notice of them.

Wood: I’m sure! I’m fine! Never been better!

- a long odd moment of silence-

Wood: I don’t want to!

Belmont: Excuse me? Who are you talking to?

Wood: Don’t you see it! The little buffalo! It’s about this big -holds his hands up- and it’s brown and it’s a buffalo!

Belmont: Ummm. . . -looks down at the floor- . . . No, I thought it was a . . . uh. . . chicken wing.

Wood: Nope it’s a buffalo. And he’s trying to make me eat popcorn.

-I look at the camera signaling them to turn it off, but they don’t-

Belmont: Maybe you should listen to him.

Wood: (yells as loud as he can) Never!

-CREAK! Orlando walks in the room-

Wood: Oh no! Did you hear that? He’s escaped!

Belmont: Who?

Wood: The buffalo! We must capture him and take over his little buffalo kingdom!

- He falls to the floor and crawls around looking for the buffalo- Come Erin! -grabs me by the hand and pulls me down on the floor to help look for the buffalo-

Belmont: I don’t understand!

Wood: There is no need to understand my dear Erin! -gasps- Alas! There’s our culprit! Take us to your leader little buffalo!

- Elijah I mean Frodo and I follow the little buffalo back to the couch. Looking up Frodo sees. . . The ELF!-

Wood: -gasps again- the elf! I would have never guessed! Why didn’t you tell me that you were the buffalo king?

Bloom: The wha?

Wood: The buffalo king!

- Orlando looks at Elijah and I with great confusion then smiles -

Bloom: Oh yes! I am the buffalo king! Tada! - throws hands up in the air- Let us sit on this royal couch and eat all these pickles!

-Elijah and I hop on the couch as Orlando starts munching on the pickles from the candy dish-

Wood: We shall return to this interview Erin when we are through with these pickles!

Belmont: Ahh alight. . . -Looks at the camera- Well folks this has been a very interesting day. I’m sorry for the confusion and we shall return later as Eli. . I mean Frodo has said, for a more adult and well. . . -looks at Elijah stuffing his face with pickles- less disgusting interview. Until then so long and fair well! Take care and if I ever find the person that got Elijah high I swear I’m gonna come down there and beat the bloody. . . .

-The cameras turn off and the screen goes blank leaving that annoying beeeeeeeeep sound ring through out millions of peoples homes through out the world-

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
OMG!!! Of course ur proud of it, u have to!!! It's so cool!!!!!

Ok I'm putting up the first chapter of. . .*turns music on* THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE PANTS!!! *turns music off* I'll be posting other things inbetween chapters and you can too! This is going to be written in Script form too just for your information. So with out further do! First chap. . .prologue. . . thing

PROLOGUE:
Concerning Pants: Pants (USA) = trousers, making this a PG thread at best
Pants (UK) = underwear, knickers, therefore 18 for us (hurrah!)

Note on the Nature of Pants
'Pants' is indeed the generic term used in these fair sceptred Isles for one's undergarments. But the image the word conjures up for us is indeed much more precise. Pants are (nearly always) Y-fronts, usually more than five years old; they used to be white when they were new but are now very definitely an indiscriminate shade of grey; the elastic around the waist band has long since lost the vigour of its youth and sags a little sadly, whereas the elastic around the legs is definitely passed it (leading to 'fall-out' problems...); there is guaranteed to be a hole in the rear somewhere and probably somewhere at the front too (other, of course, than the hole that's supposed to be there ). Now THOSE are PANTS !!!!

The Fellowship of the Pants

One pair of pants to rule them all,

One pair of pants to find them,

One pair of pants to bring them all

And in the darkness wear them.

BLACK SCREEN

SUPER: New Lined Pants Present

SUPER: A Knicker films production

BLACK CONTINUES . . .

ELVISH SINGING . . . A WOMAN'S VOICE IS whispering, tinged with SADNESS and REGRET

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
(Elvish subtitled)
"I amar prestar sen: Han mathon ne nen, . . . a han noston ned wilith"
(English)
The world is changed: I feel it in my pants, . . . Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.

SUPER: THE LORD OF THE PANTS

IMAGE: FLICKERING FIRELIGHT. The NOLDORIN FORGE in EREGION.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
It began with the forging of the great pants. Three pair of pants were given to the Elves, immortal,wisest. . . fairest of all begins. Seven to the dawrf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls.

IMAGE: NINE PAIR OF PANTS are tightly clutched by the KINGS OF MEN. . . as if holding-close a precious secret.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
And nine. . . nine pairs of pants were gifted to the race of men who, above all else, desire comfort. For within these pants was bound the strength and will to govern each race of women.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
But they were, all of them, decieved . . . for another pair of pants was made.

TEASING SHOTS: SAURON forcing the ONE PAIR OF PANTS on over his tight uncomftable pants.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
In the land of Morpantsdor in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a Master pair of pants to control all others.

IMAGE: The ONE PAIR OF PANTS covered in FIERY LAVA! FIRE WRITING emerges on the plain brand tag on the back of the pants.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
. . . and into these pants he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all pants. One pair of pants to rule them all. . .


sorry so short. . . I have to get off :( I'll post more though! Dont' worry!

Luv,
Erin

This entire thread MADE MY DAY.

its hilarrious!

keep it coming!

:lmao: That interview! Haha! And the prologue... HAHA! Nice one!

the first one was lmao!

Those are all hillerious!!!(i can't spell!)

From: http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/humor.html Also while your there cheak out the crack up pictures. I love the peaceful wall picture!

Middle-earth Madness: Madly in Love
by Eleniel
(Attention to all Legolas Fans, do not be offended by the Legolas fans in this fanfic!)


PART 1. Bachelors and Bachelorettes
"Welcome to tonight's show of Middle-Earth Madness: Madly in Love!" said Elrond glancing down at a scrap of paper in his hands. "Now let's start with our first bachelor. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, you owe him your alleigance, hehe you get it?!?!"

No one laughed except for Pippin, one of the stage messengers along with Sam and Merry. Pippin started rolling on the ground hysterically laughing until he realized he was the only one laughing, which took a long time.

"Right then." Aragorn strolled onstage carrying a big sword. Everyone started clapping. Elrond said "Our second bachelor is Legolas! Prince of Mirkwood, with remarkable hair that does not get messed up, even through long battles, perhaps its all those oily hair products, hehe! "Yes, I remember, very vain elf he was.....!" Elrond rambled on for a while until he finally said "So, let us welcome Legolas!!!"

The audience clapped loudly, espcially a group of fangirls in the front row. They started fidgting nervously and said "OMIGOD OMIGOD omigod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is like sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot!!!!!!! Do ya think we'll meet him????? That would be like sooooooooooooooooo totally like omigod cool, ya know!!!!!!!"

After they recieved many glares from the audience, they quieted down. Still no one came on stage with the name of Legolas. Elrond chuckled nervously and said "So, now let's us weLlcome Legolas!!!" This time no one clapped and no one came on stage. Elrond beckoned for Sam and said" Go and get him!" He turned to the audience and said "It'll be just one minute!"

Meanwhile Sam had reached Legolas' dressing room. Someone who had not even been behind the stage before could find Legolas' dressing room, all they had to do was follow the smell of strawberry banana hairspray! Sam stood in the doorway of Legolas' dressing room and said "Legolas!!! I know your in there!" He tried to look over the piles of robes and hair cosmetics, and other hair and cosmetic products, but the piles towered over him. Legolas who had been final touches to his hair walked over and said "Do you like my choice of this robe, I think it stands out!" He was wearing a sparkly pink robe.

"Um......of course!" Sam quickly replied for he knew if he didnt answer quick enough Legolas would never follow him.

"Well, what is it?" Legolas said impatiently. "What could be more important than my hair?"

"You are wanted on stage!" Sam exasperately said.

At the sound of stage, Legolas ran on stage. No, *sigh* not ran. He NANCED! Yes yes, much better! Anyways, Legolas nanced onstage. The fangirls started fidgeting and one said "OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE"S EVEN HOTTER IN PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Elrond glared at them and then at Legolas who had whipped out a sparkly pink hand mirror (no doubt given to him from one of his fans) that matched his robes.

Aragorn nudged Legolas and said " You're late, and you look TERRIBLE!"

Legolas shot back "You're just jealous and how many times do I have to tell you to STOP STEALING MY LINES!!!" This time Elrond glared at both of them.

Elrond started again "Our third and last bachelor is the wonderful vegetable carrot-" he finally realized what he was saying. He yelled "MERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PIPP IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you been fiddling with my notes?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Merry and Pippin said "We ain't been fiddling no notes sir, honest!"

Elrond gave them one of his famous glares and said stiffly "I'll deal with you LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Just as Pippin and Merry were turning to leave Elrond added "AND DONT STEAL SAM'S LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GET ME MY REAL NOTES!" Pippin sheepishly handed him a wad of notes. Elrond chuckled awkwardly and said to the audience "Sorry bout that! Our next bachelor is Gollum/Smeagol!" The audience started to applaud though, strangely (or not so strangely as loud as last time). Gollum/Smeagol jumped onto the stage hissing to himself. Elrond tried but failed badly to make a joke "You know I never realized he was a bachelor you'd think he would have been married to the ring by now, hehe!" Nobody laughed except for Pippin and he was late to notice this.

"Now the moment you've all been waiting for! Our bachelorette for toinght will be............." he paused glancing down at his notes, "Arwen??!?!?!?!?!" He gasped in disbelief. "Arwen never told me!!!!!!!!!!" Then he turned to Pippin and Merry and said angrily "I TOLD YOU TO GET MY REAL NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Must we go through this AGAIN! YOU FOOL OF A TOOK?!"

Merry nervously replied for both him and Pip because Pip was too scared to say anything, "Um, Mr. Elrond sir, those ARE the real notes!"

(Then Pippin whispered to merry "Merry...he called you a Took! Arent you so honored!?!?!")

Then Sam appeared "I TOLD you to read the notes beforehand so you would be especially prepared, but NO! Does wise old Elrond listen to a wee hobbit like me!?!?!?!?" Then he imitated Elrond "I dont need to read them before the show, just don't you lose those notes Samwise Gamgee!"

Gandalf appeared "ELROND??? Were you stealing my lines????" But there was no answer, they glanced down to find that Elrond had fainted when he found out his daughter was on his show and he hadn't even told her own daddy! Gandalf said nonchalantly "Oh, just drag him to the side, he should wake up in a week or two! For now, I'll take over for him!"

The fangirls from the audience sighed and said "OMIGOD he like always turns up when he's like totally needed! Totally!" the other girls agreed.

Gandalf said "Now, let us begin, shall we?" He signalled for Sam to draw down the divider so when Arwen came on stage she would not be able to see the bachelors. Arwen entered the stage wearing a sparkly blue dress, and Legolas was miffed and convinced that she had copied his style. She took her place on the stage. Right then Gandalf said "And stay tuned for Middle-Earth Madnesss: Madly in Love!!!! after this commercial!!!"


PART 2. The Question Rounds
After the quick commercial the chow began "So, Arwen, why don't you star us off by asking these bachelors some questions eh? Gandalf said enthusiastically.

"Okay!" Arwen said agreeably. "Bachelor #1, what's is your most prized possesion?"

"My love for.......Eowyn.....no....Arwen......no...Eowyn......You know I really can't decide!" Aragorn started bawling and Legolas handed him a sparkly pink hankerchief.

"That's uhh nice. I'm sure." Inside she was really thinking, "Wait till Aragorn finds out that someone likes me!" Because of course she didnt know that that was Aragorn! Arwen took a deep breath and continued "Bachelor #2, same question?"

Legolas grinned and tossed his hair, causing the fangirls to shriek, and said "Why, that's an easy one! My mirror, of course!"

Arwen replied sarcastically "Oh, I should have known, how silly of me not to know!"Legolas nodded his head agreeing, totally missing the sarcasm. Arwen continued, hoping that the next bachelor was at least halfway sane but it didnt work. "So uh, Bachelor #3 what about you?"

Gollum/Smeagol hissed " MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then they went back to having conversations with themselves. Arwen startled at first, quickly regained her princessly behavior.

"Okay," Gandalf boomed "Question Round #1 done, two to go!"

"Bachelor #1 what's your favorite activity?"

"Well," Aragorn said "I like spending time with Arwen..no........Eowyn.....no....Arwen......no...Eowyn......no...Arwen....I can't decide!!!" he wept.

Arwen was suprised that the man was so dedicated to her, and she wondered who this Eowyn person was. "Ummm....right then! Bachelor #2 same to you!"

"Gee, this is a hard one......" Legolas said thoughtfully.

"Really? I thought looking in the mirror would be the answer" Arwen said sarcastically.

"well, you see, thats the thing....I love doing that but I also like answering fanmail, applying exquisite hair produ-"

He was interrupted by Arwen who now had no sympathy "We get the point!" Bachelor #3?"

"Gollum/Smeagol replied "We likes eating fish and we likes hunting down poor hobbitses with big blue eyes and taking back preciousssessss, you see....." now Gollum was taking over "They stole it from us sneaky little hobbitsies....Wicked.....tricksssy....FALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Smeagol replied defensively "No, no! Master!!!!!"

Arwen stopped them both and said "I'm sure tha-" But this time SHE was the one getting stopped.

"They will hurt you....cheat you....LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Master is our friend!"

"You dont have any friends nobody li-"

"OH YEAH?????!?!?!?!??!" said Smeagol and he punched Gollum. They fought for a while until they fought right off stage!

Arwen muttered something that sounded like "One down, two to go!" then she asked "Bachelor #1, what was your worst nightmare ever?"

Aragorn sniffled and said simply, "I had to choose between Arwen and Eowyn!" and started bawling again. "But the good part was at the end......I chose Arwen......and I think I made the right choice."

Arwen felt herself get soft hearted and then shook herself repeating "Aloof unavailable elf princess...aloof unavailable elf princess..." then she continued "Backelor #2?"

Legolas, if an elf could, blushed and squirmed and took a deep breath. "Well, I once had a dream where I had my handmirror and I said "Mirror mirror...on the shelf.....who is this land is the fairest elf?"

First of all, I didnt expect it to respond and second of all I didnt expect it to say a name besides mine!" The mirror responded with......Arwen!" Legolas took out another sparkly pink hanky and blew him noise, while bawling.

Arwen couldn't help but smile! Of course she was the fairest elf!

Legolas continued. "And then I took a closer look in the mirror and I realized I had a-a-a-a......." He gulped, unable to finish.

"A what?" Arwen said in a bored voice.

"A zit......" he whispered but it boomed all over the stage because merry and pippin had placed the speakers on full blast right at that moment.

The fangirls in the crowd gasped and one started to say "that is like totally the worst nightmare ever! like totally!" another agreed. "I like can't think of anything like totally scarier!"

After an menacing glance from Gandalf, they hushed up. Arwen was having trouble keeping her own snickers back. Then Gandalf said in a dramatic voice "Which of these *cough* *Gasp* *choke* wonderful bachelors will she choose from? Find out right after this commercial!"

Part 3. A Happy Couple
As everyone was scurrying around during the commercial break, finding lost broken carrots, spraying their hair with lemon scented hairspray...etc. Arwen wildy gestured to Merry and Pippin. She whispered to them "We have work to do!" She often relied on them to play tricks on people in return she gave them elvish pickled carrots and mushrooms.

"What does the elf command?" Merry asked.

Arwen quickly told them her plan and they set off. She smiled smugly and shook her hair, getting ready for the show to begin again.

"After our wonderful, entertaining Question Rounds, Arwen will now choose the bachelor she believes suits her the most. The three, now two bachelors hehe, do not know who and what the bachelorette looks like and same with our bachelorette. Will they love or loathe each other we do not kno-" He was stopped by a blood curtling scream!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A PIMPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas screamed (who said elves were calm all the time?) and he ran out of the room. He had been admiring himself in the mirror, as usual, while Gandalf had been talking. Merry, Pippin, and Arwen all snickered. Arwen had told Merry and Pippin to take Legolas's mirror and draw a large pink dot on the mirror. When Legolas had looked in the mirror he thought he had a pimple!!!

When the fangirls found out they started saying "Omigod! Ya know, he should use Clearasel acne cleanser, it has like micro scrubbers and they like gently totally clean your face and it like totally works!" They climbed out of their seats and started running after Legolas to tell him!

So now on the stage, were only Arwen and Aragorn, both not knowing who the other was. Gandalf chuckled nervously "So, uh I guess that our bachelorette doesnt get to choose but is stuck with our only bachelor!" Just the way had Arwen planned it! "On the count of three, I will remove the divider so the the bachelor and the bachelorette can see who each other are!"

"1.....2......3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the audience said along! When Arwen and Aragorn saw it other they were speechless until.....

"What are you doing here" they both said at the same time.

Then Arwen said "You mean you really chose me over that Eowyn woman?"

"Of course, honey!" and with that they hugged each other and the spotlight turned onto them.

"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Merry and Pippin said and they same time. "EUWWWWWWWWWWWW there doing mushy stuff!"

"So, I guess we have a happy happy ending on tonights episode of Middle Earth Madness: Madly in Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Join us next time with a whole new group of victims- I mean volunteers on our show!"

Epilogue: 4 weeks later!
Arwen and Aragorn are on their honeymoon.
When legolas realized the trick the two hobbits had played on him, he hunted them down and Merry and Pippin were forced to paint Legolas's toenails while Legolas is answering fanmail. (Oh the things they do for muchrooms and carrots!)
Gollum and Smeagol are battling against themselves as usual.
Gandalf is being hunted down by Elrond when he found of about what happened at the show.

All in all a very happy ending!!!!!

THE END

Tru Faith

that was all so funny!!
:lmao:
:lol:
HAHA!!

I'm okay!!

:lalala: That was hilarioius! OMG that was absolutely fantabulous! How do you do it?

That part was funny about the hair products and then Legolas's pink outfit!

This definitely made my day


luvs

Sarah

OMG!!! This is totally hilarious

To the writers: Your great and write wonderfully



Lizzie

Wow this hasn't had any post for a while! Here's some more. Enjoy!

Billy's Family Reunion

Billy Boyd is sitting at the small kiddy table next to the large picnic bench, when he looks up to see some familiar faces stepping out of a Benz near by.

Billy: Orlando, Elijah, Sean, Dom, what are you guys doin' here?

Elijah: Dom stuck his head out the sunroof and smelled some food so we followed the smell.

Sean: That one was actually funny.

Dom: Yea, that was so..............wait a minute!!!

Orlando: My Benz is gonna be ok over there right?

Billy: No, my 11 year old cousin might steal it.

Orlando: Really?! I better move it then right?

Sean: He was being sarcastic.

Elijah: Yea sarcastic, duh?

Dom: Now that was funny. Orlando, don't you know what sarcastic is?....hahaha

Orlando: At least ah can spell it, tubby!

Billy: Actually I was serious, you might wanna move it.

(Orlando takes off towards the car to kiss it quick and recheck the locks and alarm system)

Billy: So you guys wanna stay? I mean now that you're here... You can help yourself to anything.

Dom: Yea baby! I'll have some of them corn muffins to start, what are those grit things ya'll like to eat down here, I'll try some of that! WAIT!!! Who is that FINE piece of meat over there?!?!

Billy: That's my sister you retard!

Dom: Oh, so you can introduce me, just think if we got married I'd be your brother!


Billy: NO! When I said, 'help yourself to anything', I didn't meant it like that.

(Sean and Elijah sit down at the picnic bench. Dom walks towards Billy's sister and Billy sits down next to the other children)

Sean: Hi, you must be Billy's parents?

Mrs. Boyd: Yea, we're very proud of our William.

Sean and Elijah: Who's William?

Mrs. Boyd: That's our son!

Sean: *confused* Wait!?!? Billy has a brother AND a sister?

Elijah: *even more confused* Or is your daughter's name, William?

Mr. Wood: William is Billy! You FOOLS! He's right you aren't very bright or funny.

Elijah: Why thank you!

Sean: That wasn't a compliment...

Billy: Hey you guys come here I'll introduce you to everyone.

(Orlando's ass finally arrives to run over and join the others)

Billy: This is my cousin and brother-in-law, Roy. He said he can run cameras on the set for us.

Dom: Wait a minute!! How can he be your cousin and your brother-in-law? And, MY brother runs cameras on set.

Steve (not really his brother just so you know or is he? Ah what ever): That's right! I do!

Sean: OMG just don't speak, stand there and be silent.. both of you.

Dom: *big grin on his face* OK!

Billy: This is my uncle Lou, you already know him.

Elijah: So that's how he got the part!!

Billy: ...and this is my oldest cousin, Earl.

Orlando: How old is that boy? Or should I say old man.

Billy: He's the oldest, he's 35.

Orlando: He has no teeth.

Sean: Some one gonna help him with that corn and mashed potatoes.

Billy: I wish my youngest uncle was here you'd love him, he's so cool and the
real brains in the family.

Sean: Well why isn't he here?

Billy: He's a politician, you've probably heard of him.

Elijah: This is when you tell us his name.

Billy: Let me think.........it's............ummmm....

Orlando: Well. . .

Billy: I forgot it, I'm not very good at remembering stuff.

(Orlando turns to Sean and Elijah)

Orlando: Yea, like his lines.

Billy: What was that???

Orlando: Nothing, just that a short memory is typical in this busy business.

Billy: Dan Quelle!

Orlando: Hey! Don't call me names, you can beat me but don't call me names, I’m not Dom! Got it!?

Dom: Yea you tell him Orlando..........wait a minute.

(Dom starts to ponder this)

Billy: No, that's my uncle's name, the politician.

Sean: HAHAHAHAHA! He's your uncle?! HAHAHAHAHA!

Elijah: That explains a lot!

Billy: *turns towards everyone* I think that's why I choose to forget it.

Orlando: Yea "choose to"..........HAHAHAHA!

Billy: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sick of your lip, I may split it!

(Orlando turns and takes off towards the Benz, Billy takes off after him screaming about being the real brunette)

Dom: Yea! Score! I'm gonna go talk to his sister again, if I could just remember her name, oh well it don't matter I know ways around it.

(Dom walks over to Billy's sister and starts talking to her, Elijah and Sean watch as she quickly slaps him straight across the face and Dom falls to the ground)

Elijah: What, was she mad that you don't remember her name?

Dom: That, among other things.

Sean: What else could she possibly have against you?

(Dom points over to the picnic table at a little boy with bright red hair hitting on a little girl)

Sean: WHAT?? Dom you even had sex with Billy's sister! Can't you just stay committed to one girl?

Elijah: Ha!! He doesn't even know what committed means, man.

Sean: That's good Elijah, see those joke books and all the late shows I tape are working.

Dom: Oh shut up, the only thing you two are committed to is your Play station and your drug dealer.

Sean: At least mine's a person.

Elijah: Yea, and a man, what's next? Gonna date Elijah, are ya?

Dom: Hey guys, here's a tip for both of you, why don't we go help Orlando, 'cuz I think Billy is gonna run him over with his own car.

Sean: Damnit that's our ride!

Dom, Elijah and Sean take off after Billy who was chasing Orlando around and around in the Benz. No one at the party ever noticed they were gone.. and at press time the chase was still continuing.

that was so funny!!!!! seriously!! I loved it. It defintly brighten up my day(havn't had a very good im afraid).

Tru Faith

Glad it made you're day better! That's one reason this thread is such a good one to have. And just for fun! Hopefully we'll get more people posting stuff cuase I dont' have anything at the moment.

Luv,
Erin