Just for the record: Billy Boyd is owned by Ali McKinnon and Jack Boyd, not by me. The events in this story are entirely fictional. Sarah is a figment of my imagination.
Enjoy!


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Just A Little


I remember the first time I met him. The first time my plain grey eyes met those emerald orbs of his. The first words he spoke to me. The first time he touched me. The first time we kissed. The first time we made love.
But I was never enough. I was a twenty-five-year old grad student at Edinburgh University, he was a thirty-four year old actor extraordinaire. I was flattered by his attention, fell in love with who he was. But reality caught up with our fairytale.


He always called me beautiful. But I knew I was nowhere near beautiful enough to be seen on his arm in public. When I first met his agent, that jackass gave me a critical once-over. I’ll never forget how ugly I felt under those probing eyes. My every flaw was catalogued, and I was deemed nowhere near pretty enough to be seen with him in public.
It didn’t matter that I always got top marks, how many articles I had published, how groundbreaking my research was. All that mattered was that I would not fit a size 2 Chanel dress. That I wasn’t pretty and fragile-looking, no arm ornament. So I stayed at home when Billy had important premieres or award shows. He would always take one of his mates or another actress. I would sit in front of the telly, see him walk the red carpet.


I know how semi-perfect I sound. But now let me fill you in on what happened behind closed doors. From the moment I found out I was to be a secret to the world I started resisting him. I had always promised myself that I would never go into a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be with me.
However, despite our fights, neither of us could deny the strength of our feelings. And we kept seeing each other, and our relationship grew more and more serious. Eventually I stopped fighting him over the premieres and secrecy, and started accepting my status as his secret love.
But at the same time I fought it. I started dieting fanatically, started trying to meet the standards one of Billy’s carpet girls did. I am not the type to develop anorexia, but I did eat a lot less. I actually managed to go down two sizes, but I was still a size 4. I started realising I would never be good enough. Never thin enough, never pretty enough… Always a plain Jane, not good enough for Mr. Billy Boyd, actor extraordinaire.
I cried for so many nights. And some nights he would be there to hold me, to soothe me. But on many nights he would be away. Filming, at a premiere, at this or that party…


Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore. After four years I gathered all my strength and put two packed suitcases at the door. The look in those green orbs when he entered through the door was one of shock, pain, confusion.
“What’s going on?” he asked quietly. Tears were slipping down my cheeks.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I replied, almost choking on my words.
“Lass…” He walked towards me, kneeled in front of me, taking my hands. “I know ye sacrificed a lot for me. I know all of this has been more than hard on ye. But please, I love ye with all my heart…”
“Then prove it,” I interrupt. “Then please choose to be with me. I can’t be a secret any longer, Billy.”
“I am with ye, lass,” he replied. I shake my head.
“There are too many nights that I’m alone. Too many nights that I cry without you because I... Billy… I know I’ll never be good enough for you…”
“Ye’re perfect,” he interrupts. “Ye’re all I ever wanted! Lass…” He fumbles through his jacket pockets, taking out a small jewellery box.
“I have only ever loved you,” he said softly, opening the box. “I want the world to know that I love ye. I want te marry ye, Sarah.” My eyes widen at the emerald solitaire. He takes it out of the box, slipping it onto my finger.
“I told Henry I won’t keep ye a secret any longer.” His voice sounds hoarse. “I want ye to be the person I come home to every night for the rest of my life. Please, Sarah, marry me…” I am speechless, staring at the ring, then looking at him, and then back at the ring. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but eventually have to settle for simply nodding. When he sees my nod he pulls me down onto the floor with him, claiming my lips in a sweet kiss.
“I love ye, my Sarah…” he whispers.
“I love you too, Billy…” I reply.


And when I look at his sleeping form that night, I am happy that I chose to stay and talk to him before I left. Because now I have a whole life ahead of me with this wonderful man…