Hello Sweethearts,

As I have explained to you in the thread of Downfall, this will be a place where short stories and moments will be posted concerning friends and family of Myra, the main character of Downfall.

Downfall is all written in one point of view... Myra's. In this thread I will post writings that are told from some one elses point of view. Leah, her family and maybe even a stranger, Billy.....

Your'e welcome to come with ideas or "challenges" if you think you have found the perfect lyrics.

On to the disclaimer..

Any celebrities mentioned in this thread own themselves. I do not mean any harm by it. The way I describe them is purely fictional as in completely made up. Other characters that you do not recognize have probably sprung from my own imagination and I ask of you to not steal them. Just ask. The songs will be credited at the bottom of every piece, no need to say they are not mine.
The pieces will al be rated NC-17 as they involve heavy subject as violance and abuse. I will probably throw in some "bad" words somewhere along the way.

Now that is out of the way, Please enjoy and remember that I appriciate honest feedback very much.

A final attempt to reach out...... One more chance to get trough to Myra.
A desperate attempt for Leah Sellers to get her best friend back....

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There used to be a time when this… this would fill me with the pure giddiest joy I’ve ever had. My and my best friend sitting in the park. A warm summer day, breeze playing with the leaves, watching my two boys play.


But today my boys are home, I’m not feeling giddy and instead of playful talk about men the air is pregnant with tension flowing between us. Tension that has been there for two months now. Two months since I have started to ask “What’s
wrong?”.


Central park is beautiful as always and the breeze is still playing with the leaves. That had stayed the same.


Everything else had changed in those two months.


We had changed.


You in the dark
You in the pain
You on the run


For years she has been my friend. We basically grew up together, and now…. Now I wouldn’t even recognize her if she passed me by on the streets. Pale complexion, sunken eyes. I think she lost weight too. As I sit next to her I try to find some piece of evidence that she is woman that has been my heart for so long. My confidante, the godmother of my two boys, My rock. I come up empty handed. For once I am thankful my boys are home, they don’t deserve to see her like this.


No one does.


She is running from herself, and no one is fast enough to make her stop running.


Living a hell
Living your ghost
Living your end


A broken shell of what she used to be. No more laughter, no more of those cute little dimples she has when she genuinely smiles and no sparkling eyes. I don’t know exactly what happened but I want her back. I want my, no wait.. I need my best friend back. Every time I try to get through to her, to tell me what’s wrong. She won’t say a word, she just gives you a weak smile with hollow eyes. She is determined to stay in her hell, pulling back from everyone she loves.


Doesn’t she see she is tearing everybody apart… She hasn’t talked to her family for weeks. That’s not like her, she would refuse to go a week without talking to her parents. For her brother that was every other day. And Brian… God he is slowly breaking down himself. He knows something. I know he does. At least he suspects something. But he won’t tell me.


Why is everybody shutting me out.


I love her too.


Never seem to get in the place that I belong
Don't wanna lose the time
Lose the time to come


I am so afraid that she will hurt herself, how did this depression get a hold of her so badly. She has a wonderful home, a meaningful job, she has the Scott. Again I look at her, she seems lost in thought. Little frowning lines are showing on her forehead and her lips are all broken from her relentless chewing. Her hands are folding and unfolding themselves, while her leg is bouncing up and down. I am losing her.


I am afraid.


So terribly afraid.


Whatever you say it's alright
Whatever you do it's all good
Whatever you say it's alright


“I have to go”


Myra stands up at lightning speed and she winces in pain. She is hurt. I am by her
side in a second, carefully holding her. I can feel her ribs.


Somebody just tell me what I am missing, what am I not seeing. Why is this happening to her. Maybe she is sick and doesn’t want to tell anyone.. Yeah that must be it, she wouldn’t want anyone to worry and it would explain her weight loss and sickly appearance.


TALK TO ME! My mind is screaming out in pain and my heart is bleeding for her. Come on baby, just tell me, I am begging you. Now if I could only say the words that ring so violently in my own head.


Don’t shut me out.


I need you.


Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way


“You’re hurt.”


I know I am stating the obvious but I just can’t get over the shock. Gently I set her
back down on the bench in the park. I have to know.


“What is happening to you honey, why won’t you talk to us anymore?”


She looks at me as if she is caught committing murder.


“Nothing! And if people would stop to try and control every move I make, I would be doing a lot better!”


She spits out the words at me and I am at a loss. She never lashes out at me. This is desperation talking.


“Myra talk to me, I feel I am losing you, what has you in it’s grip? Are you sick? What is it?.”


I plead and plead but my words fall on deaf ears, anger replaces my sadness and this time I lash out. Hard.


“Who the hell do you think you are…?”


She backs away. I grab her arm and pull her closer. My anger letting me behave irrationally, all these months of wondering and her avoiding me and my questions and desperate pleas.


“You’re family is worried sick, your friends are worried sick and all you do is lie and lie.”


Fear is in her eyes, but I choose to ignore it.


“You lie about how you are feeling, about where you are. About everything, what have we ever done to deserve this!.”


I let go of her arm and give in to my own tears and feeling of failure. I am her best friend and can’t pull her out of her darkness. She is drowning.


She is still looking at me with shock in her eyes, never having the slightest notion
that I would burst like that. I try to step towards her and her eyes widen with something else. Fear.


“I’ m sorry sweetie.. Just… Please… Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong. I can’t lose you.”


But I see in her eyes that it’s to late.


You in the sea
On a decline
Breaking the waves
Watching the lights go down
Letting the cables sleep


All that I can do now is watch her walking away from me. Walk away from us. Was I wrong? Should I have let it go? Was I supposed to sit back while my best friend is slowly killing herself? I don’t know anymore.


Whatever you say it's alright
Whatever you do it's all good
Whatever you say it's alright


How is it possible that while I feel empty and dark inside, it’s such a beautiful day outside? Tears start flowing. Tears I have no control over. Even though the sun is harshly beating down on me, I sit down on the bench and wrap my summer coat tighter around me.


I am cold.


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Songcredit: Bush - Letting the cables sleep

GAH that was so beautiful, Moon... :cry:

Her best friend's POV... God, it breaks my heart. To see someone close to you slowly die, slowly moving away from you is so horrible... It leaves a mark just as much as what Billy does leaves a mark on Myra.

This broke my heart. It reminds me of when my best friend fell into addiction, and he was just this... this ghost. I didn't recognise him at some point, and I'm ashamed to admit that I had to be told what was wrong. I didn't dare ask him, because I saw him push away those who did question what happened.
People who fall into a black hole often don't recover fully, they always carry the scars and horrors with them. Some recover more than others, but there is never a full recovery.
A biology teacher once told me that our brain only remembers the good things after a while, so time indeed can heal wounds. I only hope that's true, for everyone who has been through horrors I hope that those memories will fade and eventually just vanish from their thoughts.

Because I guess that's all we can ever hold on to. The hope for a better future. The hope that some day everything will be all right... :unsure:

... :cry: Gawd, how horrible... I mean, I've watched a friend walk away before, knowing I'd lost her, but it was nowhere near this... Ack...

Beautifully captured hun ^_^

A father with unconditonal love for his daughter... A daughter clinging to a promise she has made to an unworthy man.... He has been patient, now he needs answers so that he can fight for his baby girl.

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“I love you daddy.”


Her statement came out of nowhere. My little girl. Well… I can hardly call her little
anymore, my daughter is thirty after all. An accomplished, beautiful woman.


People always said that a love purer that the love one can hold for his children does not exist. I never really thought about that. I loved my wife more than live itself and even during her pregnancy, I could not believe that my love for their mother could be less than the love I would hold for my children. But then the doctor hands you your firstborn child. A perfect little boy. Only then you realise that they are right.


5 years later they handed me my perfect little daughter, and once again I was overwhelmed by the feelings that ran through my heart. All of a sudden you experience the feeling of putting the lives of your children before your own all over again.


It’s terrifying, it’s intense.. It’s beautiful.


You finally understand why people smile when a child walks in the room, and why they get irrationally angry when they hear about child abuse, and why they would go to extreme lengths to protect them. You vow from the day they hand you your children that the one person that will hurt them will die a slow and painful death.


I look at the hand she has clamped over mine and with my free hand I place it on the small tower of hands we have already created. My smile seems to grab her attention and for one moment I believe she truly understands all the unconditional love that runs trough my veins for her.


“I love you too, more than you can imagine.”


Hey your glass is empty
it's a hell of a long way home
why don't you let me take you
it's no good to go alone


Her eyes seem to hold a pitiful melancholy, she is straining to deal with a pressure none of us can even begin to grasp. Her slender hands play with the empty wineglass and she looks into my eyes. I can see the struggle there. Her eyes have always given her away. She can have a cool and collected attitude, but her eyes betray her restless mind. It cuts right into my soul.


"Let’s go home.”


I ask the waiter for the bill and I get up to grab our coats. She opens her mouth to speak, but she has changed her mind in the matter of a second. By all means, I am no ignorant man but I know my daughter. The harder you push, the harder she will fight you. As much as it kills me to see my daughter in this state, I have to wait… But we are still an hour away from her front door. I haven’t seen my little girl in weeks, and I have the fullest intention on making this evening last as long as I possibly can. As I suggest that we walk home her eyes widen a bit. She is not ignorant either and she knows I need some answers to my questions.


“Talk to me, beautiful.”


I pull her close to my side in a one armed embrace and give her a tender kiss on her hair. I know better than luring her into a walk under false pretences. She knows me as well as I do her. Our relationship has never been built on lies, not even little white lies. Even for a daughter and a father we have a special bond. From an early age Myra has proved herself to be a true intelligent young girl with respect and compassion for those around her and my wife and I have done our best to keep it that way.


The first moments of our walk are spent in respectful silence. The wind is quite brisk and I look down at Myra to make sure she is not to cold. There is the maternal instinct again. I see the conflict on her face. She is trying to form the words in her mind.


I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend
she doesn't expect it from me


“I am just so tired dad, Billy is shutting himself off from everyone and he is so dark and depressed all the time”


I look at her, giving her a small squeeze, letting her know I am listening and that she should continue.


“He has been drinking so much lately… and his moods… they have become unpredictable.”


I grid my jaw, as much as I have compassion for this man because of the immense loss he has suffered, my instincts tell me to remove him out of my daughters life. He is hurting her.


“He is scaring me daddy, I can’t seem to get through to him.”


Her words are coming out as small painful gasps, she is not telling me everything. My dislike for the young Scotsman is growing with each passing second. Nobody hurts my baby. Nobody.


“And everywhere we go there is some kind of press, making it worse… making him worse.”


I stop her and turn her around to look at me. She bends back a little, adjusting her body so she can look up comfortably. As I look into her eyes, the urge to cry for my beautiful daughter overwhelms me and I quickly turn my head hoping she won’t see. But she has.


“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you with this.”


My ears are ringing… since when does my little girl thinks she is a nuisance to me?


“Don’t apologize, keep talking instead, you need to get this out and I need to know what is going on.”


I am trying my hardest to be an understanding listener, objective even. But with every word that is spoken the vow I made so long ago echoes through my head. I have always been there for my son and daughter and this time shall be no different. But so help me God.. If he has laid a hand on her I will hunt him down. And I will kill him.


Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
don't tell me I have never been there for you
just tell me why
nothing is good enough


She tells me everything. From the promise she has made him to the outbursts he has been having. No word about him hitting her. Good. I carefully studying her to make sure she has no bruises.


“Does he hit you?”


When she doesn’t reply soon enough waves of fear, rage and nausea sweep over me. She looks down to study her shoes. The pain starts building up in my stomach.


“Well…?”


For the first time in her life she is about to tell a lie to me. Her own father. A lie.


“No daddy, he doesn’t”


It is nothing more than a faint whisper and I look at her with unbelieving eyes.


“DON’’T LIE TO ME!”


Oh my sweet god, she just flinched. Something is terribly wrong. Before she has the chance to turn around, I make my move and gather her in a hug I have never given her before. The embrace alone is a desperate plea form me to her to make me believe what she just said. That he has never laid a hand on her.


Please let my suspicions be wrong.


“I’m sorry beautiful, I didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, but tell me the
truth… Please.”


As I hold her all the little things crash into my mind, invading it with memories from years and years ago when she was still an innocent human being, untainted by the world and it’s cruelties. It rips into my soul that maybe my daughter now is victim of those cruelties.


Hey little girl would you like some candy
your momma said that it's OK
The door is open come on outside


I remember her wanting me to spin her around until she was dizzy. Her and Brian arguing. Her and Brian playing in the backyard. An innocent image of an older brother pushing his younger sister on the swing. All the times the three of us laid down in the grass, Brian on my left side, Myra on my right. I remember her bringing home stray animals and nursing them back to health. Her protective side in school when she hit a bully that was picking on the new girl, Leah…. Her temper and her stubbornness.


it's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
and threw you to the ground
who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
and I don't understand
you deserve so much more than this


My daughter deserves only the best and even that is not enough for her. Nothing is ever good enough for her. I quietly let her sob against my chest her soft apologies are a painful kick in the gut. My baby has nothing to apologize for. She should never have to be so afraid.


“Come home with me Myra, come back to your mom and me, you can’t go back.”


With this, her sobs turn into heart wrenching cries.


“I can’t, I promised, I promised him I’d be there for him.”


Myra’s biggest flaw are her promises, she never backs down from them. And this promise might just break her. I will not let that happen.


“You have to, you know better than this, you see it everyday Myra… don’t become your own patient.”


I have to rationalize with her, that is all she will listen to now. Her emotions are still bound to him. Her heart is. Her mind knows better. Maybe it is not too late. I hail a cab and give it our home address. I am taking my baby away from this and when her mother is back someone will have hell to pay.


Billy.


“He doesn’t mean it daddy, he doesn’t.. I just make him so angry sometimes.”


I feel a metallic taste in my mouth and I realize I have been biting my tongue. I have
taken the saying a bit to seriously. But I have to stop myself from raging right now. If I do, I might lose my daughter. The harder I tell him he is not worth it the harder she will try to prove me wrong. She’ll do it by going back to him.


When I see the familiar building rise in the distance, a sigh of relief escapes my lungs. I glance down and see that Myra’s emotions have worn her out. She is in a fitful state. I gently place my arms around her form. Carefully wrapped in my arms I feel the knot in my throat trying to suffocate me again.


Upon entering the house I make sure Myra is safely tucked in. convinced that my daughter is finally safe, I too retreat to my bedroom. In the morning it will all be better. In the morning I will make sure she will never have to see that man again. I will get her belongings and I pray that he will give me one reason on the spot to tear into him as he has obviously done so with my daughter.
My sleep will be restless.


So don't tell me why
he's never been good to you
don't tell me why
he's never been there for you
don't you know that why
is simply not good enough


The harsh sun glaring through the curtains has woken me up early. As the haziness lifts itself from my mind, all the events from the previous evening replay themselves through my mind. Not bothering to keep my instincts at bay I make my way to her room needing to be assured that she is still safe in her bed.


I am greeted by an empty room…


As I walk to the bed to pick up the envelope that has been placed on the pillow,
my world comes crashing down on my entire being. Tears involuntarily make their way down my face. I have failed. I have not kept my daughter safe. Running out the door will have no use. She is long gone. How will I tell my wife of my failure to keep her safe. I don’t attempt to fight the sobs as I open the envelope to read the small note inside. Panic grips my heart and I am struggling to breathe.


so just let me try
and I will be good to you
just let me try
and I will be there for you
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough...


Dear daddy,


You once told me a man or a woman is only as good as promises kept.
I made a promise daddy, and I will not break it now.
Not now that he needs me the most.


I am sorry if I worried you yesterday, but it is not as bad as it sounded.
Please forgive me for my betrayal.
He loves me, I know he does.
I will be fine, but please don’t make it harder.
He already believes that people are trying to turn me against him.
We will be leaving in a while to get away for a short time..


I know you hate him right now, but give me the chance to try and make it right.
I love you so much daddy, just know that.
Tell Mom and Brian that I love them too and that I will be back again soon.
Don’t worry about me.


Love Always,


Myra.

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Songcredit: Sarah Mclaughlan - Good Enough

...*bursts into hysterical tears*

Shit! I'm late (picking up my cousin that is) *sobs* But...shit, Moon! That was amazing! Holy buh-jebus, it was *nods franticly* Amazing, beautiful- I could feel myself becoming furious right along with him-feel his fear and fury and...eesh.

I really do have to go, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're amazing, and this shortie was bloody fantastic. And I want to strangle that bastard Billy *runs off to get baseball bat from Cell Block Tango thread*...hahaha...

Okay, bye! *runs off*

Its so hard reading these, seeing how helpless others are to help her. How alienated she feels. Good God, you're good. :cry:

I only have one thing to say about that last entry:


You just killed me... :ghost:

Thank you so much girls....

Love that you like it and that you think it's real enough.
Well I have to run off to work now but I promise I am almost done with a new chappie for Downfall.

I hope to have it posted tommorow.


Love, Moon

Hey hon,

I finally got to read these and I must say it does give some insight how they got so estranged, which is great. Cause i was always like - so he practically abducted her nobody comes looking? *sighs*
These were so wonderful... *hugs* This story is both so sad and so good. I just need her to get away from him, please?

:)
hugs
Laila

He did it again. Once more he broke his promise. How does he live with himself.
The truth is......

He doesn't.

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I don’t recognise the man I am looking at. He stares at me in the mirror, cold green eyes. A face contorted with anger. Eyes hazy with adrenaline. The man is mocking me for what I have become.


For what I have done.


The dust has finally settled on the field of human clay


The blood refuses to wash off my hands. It’s my punishment. I will never be allowed to forget the pain I have caused. I shouldn't. As I try to clench and unclench my fist I realise it hurts. Giving pain caused me pain.


I must have hit her so hard this time the skin on my knuckles has burst. Waves of nausea wash over me. I throw up.


Oh My God… What have I done?


Just enough light has shown through
To tell the night from the day


I look back up in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes. Somewhere behind me I hear a soft sound. Sobs. Whimpering. Agony. Without thinking I stumble back into her living room.


Her beautiful soft coloured wall is now tainted by angry blood spatters. The instant I see it my knees buckle under my weight. The bile rises once more and I fight to swallow it back.


Please no…Not again…


We are incomplete and hollow
For our maker has gone away


When she hears me she tries to crawl away from me but she can’t, she is in too much pain. I need to make her understand. I need her to know I didn’t mean for it to get this bad. On my hands and knees I crawl towards her, my vision dark because of my blackened soul.


When I reach out with trembling fingers to touch her arm she lets out a wounded cry. Oh God..I broke her arm this time. I am such a sick fuck. Vaguely I remember hearing a crack. She recoils again, slowly I crawl towards her, not able to hold back my own tears and sobs this time. The bile keeps on rising in my throat.


Why... I can’t even remember how I got so angry anymore, I can’t stop trembling. What am I doing to her…


“I am so sorry baby… So sorry”


Carefully I gather her in my arms as I cradle her to my chest. Tears stream down her face and I let mine fall with them. Together our tears slowly dilute all the blood that has gathered in the corner of her mouth until a red trail down falls her neck.


I don’t even attempt to hold back my own strangled sobs. I am pathetic. I hurt her again.


Who is to blame?
We'll surely melt in the rain


I know I need to let her go. I do. But I can’t. She is the one thing that allows me to breathe. The one thing that keeps my heart going. I can’t let her leave me. I need
her. I close my eyes and pray.


What is the cause of all this?


Say I


I plead.. I plead with her. I plead with God until my voice is raw. She doesn’t move. She doesn’t flinch. She just cries without sound.


“Please baby… please open your eyes. I need you”


I let out a strangled cry. I hate myself. God… I don’t deserve her. And I don’t know how to stop this. Fuck, my mind is splitting. I can’t take this. No more. It has to end. I let her limp body glide out of my arms.


I am so cold. I feel so numb… With a body that shivers from the deepest corner of my soul, I get up. I will make this end tonight.


As I let my body lean to the far wall, I look back. She is looking at me. Brown eyes that used to light up when they saw me now look lifeless and dull. I have beaten out all of her spirit. I deserve to die.


Tonight it will stop.


The stillness is so lifeless with no spirit in your soul
Like children with no vision do exactly what they're told
Being led into the desert


Still crying and sobbing I walk into the kitchen on unsteady legs, I grab the first knife I see. I walk trough the sliding doors. I let myself slide down the doors. With my eyes closed I put the knife to my wrist.


This is it.


No more pain for me or her. Vertical cuts, not horizontal. I remember seeing that on TV somewhere.


For my strength will surely fade
Who is to blame?


My hands tremble more and more. I can’t hold the knife anymore. I drop it, I try to pick it back up but my hands don’t work. I scream. I scream until my lungs burn and my face turns red from the pressure. I can’t even make it end. I am to weak.


Who was the only one that could stop this?


Say I


I force myself to stand once more. I need to get back to her. I need to make her better. I need to make us better. I come across another mirror. Pull it together


Frantic, faction, focus
The world breathes
And we look on this misconception we call man


As I look in the mirror again I can only think one thing. It won’t happen anymore, I will never lay a hand on her again. Just don’t let her leave me. I promise that next time I will take my own life. Next time I won’t stop.


Next time I will be strong.


But I don't know him
No, I don't know him
Because he lies


I lie to myself


Say I


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Songcredit: Creed - Say I

I thought biting my lip would stop the tears.
Now it's bleeding a bit because I bit too hard.

God, Moon, you make it so real! So raw... When Billy picked up the knife, my heart cried: 'no, don't let him, don't!'
Even though I knew he wouldn't, I was afraid he'd do it.

I wish that he could keep his promise, never to hurt Myra again. I wish he could truly comfort her, in the way she should be comforted by him. But life isn't that easy, there's a huge grey area between the good and bad, the strong and weak.

Billy is strong enough to make his lover hurt, but not strong enough to stop himself from hurting her...

*snif*
I need to recuperate...

Oh my god
That was so heart breakingly sad.

But I cannot feel sad for Billy,
I try but I cannot.
How can he do this over and over again.
How can he hurt the one he loves the most.
It is something I can never understand....maybe I could understand it psychologically but as a human I never can.

Very powerful written and absolutly stunning!!

A bond so deep that they have been inseparable since birth. One event and the bond is cruelly broken and a brother finds himself lost. Dealing with his own demons and trying to function as a good cop despite the growing darkness in his heart, he might just find compassion and understanding in a unexpected corner.
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Today my captain suspended me.


He called it a “recommended vacation” to deal with my “issues”. He said my current family situation was clouding my judgement to handle certain situations according to the regulations and that today had proved that. So I did what any self respecting cop would do. I threw my loaded gun and the badge, which has been a part of what defined me since I was 21, on his desk. Subsequently I told him to go fuck himself and walked to the door, with the fullest intent to leave this fucked up shit behind me.


“Conway.. You’re one of the best on this force, but you fucked up today… that guy is not in the hospital because he fell down the stairs.”


He lets his statement linger in the air almost as if asking a question. The fact that my captain is doubting my actions doesn’t worry me.


The suspect said I picked him up and threw him down the stairs. I said he fell.


It’s my word against his.


I was first at the scene. My partner was still downstairs in the car calling for back-up. I have a clean slate and no prior reprimands. The textbook image of the clean cop. A regular poster boy for the New York Police Department.


He, on the other hand, was caught red-handed beating his wife to death. Two rooms down his four year old daughter was on the floor next to his wife. She was covered in blood because of her relentless attempts to wake her mother up. Looking at the state of the small girl and the way she reacted to my partner trying to pick her up to get her out of the house, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sexually abused her.


Who would you believe?


And would you care if I did nearly kill the son of a bitch?


there's a reason so well hidden
Why I was torn apart from you


“He fell captain… Too bad the fucker didn’t break his neck.”


In my heart I wish it was some one else that went down those stairs. In my heart I fear that next time I will be first at the scene of my sisters murder.


“I have made an appointment with the psychiatrist.”


When he told me, I was ready to rip his jugular out. A murder has an “accident” and I get a suspension with a complementary psych evaluation? Undoubtedly I will already have Internal Affairs on my neck, I just stood there, it was impossible to move, impossible to speak.


“If you chose to go and she clears you, you will get your badge back. If you chose not to go, your vacation will turn into one of the… permanent kind.”


I couldn’t let him take my badge.


So here I am, in front of the door of our resident psychiatrist. A woman… one I had a secret affair with a couple of months back. Oh Joy. This day can’t possibly get worse, I just want to go home and go to bed. It is becoming to much too handle. It pisses me off beyond words.


Like a song I've never written
Like a joke without a clue


I open the door and without waiting for an answer from the secretary and I angrily stalk in the room. Immediately she turns around. Beautiful. Smart. Just like I remember her.


“Dana.”


She looks confused, uncomfortable even. Can’t blame her. I dropped her quite harshly when the situation with Myra started escalating.


“Look Brian, I don’t know if this is wise.. I will just make an appointment for you with one of my colleagues.”


I grow annoyed. She still stirs so many things in me. I just want this over with.


“No Dana, do your job, clear me so I can get my badge back, I’m not in the mood for this ethical shit.”


I hate being short with her, but she is a distraction I can’t deal with right now. As I look at her, I see her eyes fill themselves with sympathy. She catches me off guard in more ways than one. Her eyes tug at my heart and I feel my determination to be cold and distant with her growing weak.


“How is Myra doing? It’s been quite a while since I heard of her.”


No I don't want to close my eyes and think of you


I fall silent and remember what attracted me to Dana in the first place. Her immense compassion. Myra was the only one that knew about her. I had introduced them once and they hit it off. Just the simple thought of my sister and not knowing where she is constricts my throat. I can’t keep my composure anymore. The second woman ever to bring me down on my knees.


I don’t wait for her consent when I let myself fall on my knees in front of her. She doesn’t move when the sobbing starts.. I lean my forehead into her soft stomach and wrap my arms around her hips trying to pull myself closer and closer into the familiar warmth and comfort her body provides me. Slowly and hesitantly I feel her hands coming up to the top of my head gently stroking my hair.


The lack of sleep, The anger and fear, the never ending doubts and questions… They have come full circle as the tears push themselves forward to create a large moist spot on Dana’s black skirt.


How I'd like to get you back, but He won't let me
How I'd like to sing the songs we knew by heart


I takes me almost 30 minutes to calm down. She might as well hear the full story now. I let go of her and stand up on shaking legs. When I finally feel solid, I bend down and give Dana a kiss on her forehead. I hope it shows her what I can’t say. I am sorry for hurting you. Thank you for holding me. I still love you. Please forgive me. Simple sentences, but for the love of god I cannot get them past my lips.


I sit down and tell the entire story..


Farewell sounds really cheap for pain you left me
And it's growing mushrooms in my heart
No I don't want to close my eyes and think of you


I tell her how I found out that he was abusing her. How she yelled at me that it wasn’t his own fault. That he didn’t mean it. I tell her that we physically fought when I tried to take her with me and how I had to tell my parents of what I found out. I have never in my life found it so hard to tell something to another person. I had only told the captain of my suspicions but as I already knew, cops don’t come into play until she reports him or almost loses her life.


And all the while Dana just listens, after a while she pulls me close to her and she places my head on her lap while kicking out her shoes. She still likes to play with
strands of my hair.


“How do you feel Bri… and not the though shit crap, Tell me how you really feel.”


I wanna try to get some sleep
But it is hard, can't take the lead
I'm gonna try to get some sleep


I look straight into her eyes, strangely enough for the first time I notice they have the colour of aged whiskey. I let myself get lost for a bit.. I welcome anything that can take me away from this fucked up reality. She won’t let me though, she nudges me for an answer.


“I’m tired D, I am scared for her, I don’t know where she is, Police can’t do anything.”


I feel the invisible hand around my neck beginning to constrict me again, but I continue regardless.


“I failed to keep her safe, I am an egotistical bastard cause’ I worry what will happen to ME if she is not around, I drive myself crazy wondering how it got this far, I am filled with anger that I can’t find them so I can take him down, I….”


The anger suddenly overwhelms me and I get up as if her touch burns me. I do not want her near me when I feel like this. I scare myself when it gets this bad. From the corner of my eye I see the trash bin. I kick it with all the strength I have in my body releasing a roar of anguish to go with it.
Dana flinches. She is scared. Tears are in her eyes, she is crying for me. Because of me.


“Is that what it feels like Dana? Do I scare you like this.. is this what she sees when he beats on her?, You are the psychiatrist… TELL ME!”


I'm gonna try to get some sleep
Join the great subconscious club
I'm gonna try to get some sleep
But I'm afraid to wake up


Somehow she knows that the difference between me and him is that except raising my voice I won’t hurt a women. She seems more sure of it than I am at the moment. She comes closer until she can grab my hand. For the second time in an hour her mere presence soothes my mind.


“I’m sorry D, It’s just too much… I want her back, I need her, I’m coming apart at the seams.”


Her eyes tell me she understands, gently she wipes away the new army of tears that are falling from my eyes. I need to go… I am letting this get to far. I abruptly turn away from her again and head for the door.


“Did you throw that man down the stairs?”


Our eyes meet again.


“Yes”


Her eyes scan my face. Hoping, searching for some evidence that I am lying. She finds none.


“Why?”


Even the sound of her voice begs me to tell her that I am lying. Sorry beautiful. Not this time. I lied when I told you I didn’t love you anymore. I lied to get you out of my life. But I am not lying about this.


Sometimes I think that regardless of her profession, she can still be a bit naïve. Almost like a small child. It makes her even more beautiful, that unwavering faith that there is good in every person.


I am ready to walk out the door without answering, afraid to break that bit of hope. Afraid that she will see that I am not the person she thought me to be. Her small plea changes my mind. I chose my words carefully.


“Because of Myra, Because I can’t do it to him… this was the next best thing.”


Maybe crushing her faith in me like this is for the best. Dana deserves more, she deserves undivided attention. I do realise that I just gave her dangerous information and should she choose to tell my captain, I will loose my job and I will probably go to jail for attempted murder one and use of excessive police force. Together they both count for at least 15 years if convicted…


I slam the door behind me. I hear her gentle sobs. The second woman in my life that cried because of me.


Do you realise I don't know what to do
Did you become just an idea, are you still real
Do you still have that snapshot that I gave you


When I get into my car, I open the dashboard and take out the small map with pictures a always keep there. It’s a small family album, our parents gave it to us on our graduation. I got it when I graduated from the police academy, she got hers when she graduated from college. There are memories to most of the pictures, on some we are just simply to small to remember anything.


I don’t really care about my badge anymore, all that counts is getting her back. I won’t have any peace of mind until she is safe with me. Looking in the rear view mirror I realize I look like walking death. deep dark circles permanently reside underneath my eyes. I need sleep.


Oh don't answer me, it wouldn't change the way I feel
Do you feel as if you're having a ball
Oh I guess, I hope you don't feel anything at all


Arriving home I greet Mr. Jingles. She asked me to take care of the mutt. At the time she said Billy was allergic, but that she didn’t want to get rid of the dog. Now I know better. For a small moment I hate my sister. I hate her for not walking away sooner. She is a fucking crisis therapist! She of all people should know better. I hate her for making me feel the way I do, I hate her for what she does to my parents and Leah. I hate her for this melancholy that she drowned my family and our worlds in. Leah’s two boys are constantly asking for their godmother. Asking when she will be back. How do you explain to such young boys that right now all you pray for is that she comes back alive… If she comes back at all.


But above all I hate him. And what he did to her. He took her away. He took her away from me. He ripped her out of our worlds. She is the one thing in the world that I would die for. My baby sister. It has always been like that and it will never change.


With thoughts whirling and flying trough my head I try to from a plan to get her back. I walk straight to my bedroom tossing my phone on the nightstand and heading for the bathroom to get clean. Even the burning hot shower can’t calm me down. While I am drying myself I am vaguely aware off a phone ringing. I decide not to care. I jump into my boxers and make my way to the bed. The day keeps replaying itself in my head over and over. Finally I close my eyes and allow myself to sleep. Even if sleep is filled with nightmares


I'm gonna try to get some sleep
Join the great subconscious club
I'm gonna try to get some sleep
But I'm afraid to wake up


As I am dozing off the vibrating of my phone reminds me that I have a missed call.


I lazily grab it and type in the code to unblock it. As the name of the caller appears on screen my heart stops and immediately I try to call back..


Please pick up little sister….


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Songcredit: K's Choice - Try to get some sleep

... :cry: ...*bursts into tears* WAHHH!!!!!

Poor Bryan...*cries* I can't imagine... and Dana, poor Dana too. I like Dana *hugs* she was so sweet to him... *tear*

:love: Beauteous :)

I only have one thing to say, which is the greatest compliment I can give an author:

You make me cry.

I hate to say this.... but I love that I can make you cry.
For me it means that what I write makes you feel.

You are the best girls... and once more I will tell you:

If you see songlyrics that you think would fit perfectly, PM me with the title, artist and person you invision it with and i'll will see if I can make you proud..

Love, moon

Lyrical, pun indended. Very beautiful.

A NEW READER... WOHOOO (does funny dance).

I have been able to read some of your work Han and I was hooked.
Thanks for reading this.

Love, Moon

That was so sad and it shows so very well that if you destroy one person that you bring down a whole group of people.
I think you showed very well what kind of impact it has on family and friends when you see someone you loive be destroyed.
Everything in their lives is affected by it, work, relations, health. Everything is being sucked down in that same black hole.

Very heartwrenching!!

And of course I feel quite flattered that you called the psychiatrist Dana.
It was a very nice surprise and made em feel quite proud!

Thanks babe!!

Great shortie!

:hug:

Hahahaha glad you feel flattered, from what I see you are the on site pshycologist around here and since you always leave such wonderful replies I wanted to make a small reference.

Offcourse I am also happy you liked the shortie