Damned

Starring:
Billy Boyd
Jack Boyd
Ali McKinnon
Alyssa Starfield


Rating:
R-Rated (strong reference to sex)

Disclaimer:
I do not own or know Billy Boyd, Ali McKinnon, Jack Boyd or any other celebrities mentioned in this fic. It is in no way my intention to make them look bad or to hurt them in any way with what I am writing. It is all purely fictional, and if my timeline isn’t correct I apologize.
The song that has inspired the fic is Bon Jovi – Damned. I do not own this song or Bon Jovi. The non-celebrity characters have all emerged from my imagination. They are all mine and I beg you not to steal them.
The copyright of this short story belongs to me.

Other than that, enjoy!
Love, Moon :hug:


Damned

I'm lying here beside you in someone else's bed
Knowing what were doing's wrong but better left unsaid
Your breathing sounds like screaming, it's all that I can stand
His ring is on your finger, but my heart is in your hands

The familiar lyrics of the song don’t ease my pain. They never do, it's a torture I make myself go through. I remember when it all started, when I met him all those months ago. He had told me he had a pregnant girlfriend, and yet we spent the night together.

Damned if you love me, damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
Oh God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes

I remember that first kiss. We had just stood there, in front of my house, and suddenly he had leapt forward and kissed me. We ended up in bed. His hands had roamed over my body, and I had willingly given myself to him. He hadn’t worn a condom, and the sex had been about need and desire. No pleasurable moments, just raw need.

Damned, damned

He had jumped off the bed as if he burnt himself not too long after he orgasmed. We both swore never to do this again, and yet here I am, in bed with him and listening to the stereo. He is asleep, and I look at his eyelids which hide his beautiful green eyes. He will soon wake up, and realise he is here again. He will return to Ali and his son, Jack. I knew he would never leave them for me when all this began, and every time I look at him I am reminded of the fact that he will indeed never be mine. The warmth in his eyes betrays his feelings for me, but I know that he will never do something like that to Ali.

A door slams like a shotgun, you jump up to your feet
But it's just the wind blowing through the secrets that we keep
Made me want to want you, God knows I need to need you
By the time this love is over, I'll be sleeping on the street

We have never done anything in his house. We have had secretive meetings, usually during his lunch hour or after a business dinner. I have begun using his cologne, which earns me some funny looks but it keeps my scent off him. He seemed so pleased when I asked him what cologne he used for that purpose. He has once scolded me that it was almost as if he were masturbating, and I guess that isn’t really a compliment. But I don’t care, I have fallen deeply in love with him. Billy...

Damned if you love me, damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
Oh God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes

I know he loves me in a twisted sort of way. I know because I read it in his eyes. Ali doesn’t know me, and I guess it’s for the best. I kiss his soft lips, and he opens his eyes. He pulls me down, kissing my lips demanding. I open my mouth to his, and our tongues roughly battle for dominance. He presses me down on the bed, and though sheets are between our naked body I feel his hot desire press against me.
“I need you, Alyssa,” he moans softly, kissing my neck and cupping my breasts in his hands roughly. I have started to like his rough touch, though I never imagined him to be like this when I met him, and arch my hips into his.
“I want you,” I breathe into his ear, knowing that makes him wild. His kisses move down, and when I feel his mouth against my hot core I moan loudly. An orgasm quickly claims me, and only moments later I feel Billy enter me. I arch into him, the waves of my orgasm intensifying. As he slams into me he whispers dirty words into my ears, and when he comes he collapses on top of me, softly biting my neck. I am always careful not to leave marks, but Billy has marked my body on more than one occasion. Biting my neck is only one of those ways.
“I have to go,” he then says, pulling himself out of me and pulling on his boxers. I get a glimpse of his naked body before he is fully dressed, and he then presses a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m sorry.” He breathes those last words, always apologising before leaving.

Why won't you talk to me? ‘Cause I'm too blind to see
Why won't you look at me? ‘Cause I'm afraid to breathe
What do you want from me? All that I can stand
The lies are on my tongue and I can't turn back I know
My soul is damned

When he has left I cry into my pillow, ‘Damned’ still coming out of my stereo. Billy hasn’t noticed, thank God, as he doesn’t notice so many things. I am not a very religious person, but I know the ten commandments, and I know that one of them reads ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife’. I know that is kind of twisted, seeing as Ali is neither my neighbour nor a man (nor a lesbian), but still the principle is clear. It is sinful to tempt anyone who is already bound to another. And yet I have.

Don't worry I ain't gonna call you or hear you say my name
And if you see me on the street, don't wave just walk away
Our lives are getting twisted, let's keep our stories straight
The more that I resist it, my temptation turns to fate

I will never endanger Billy’s relationship though. I have been introduced to his wife, but at times I see him walk down the street or I notice him in a store which I pass or am even in. The hardest time was when Billy took his wife and son out to dinner, when Jack was only a few weeks old, and they came to the restaurant where I work and I had to serve them. Billy and I avoided each other’s eyes at all cost, and ignored each other as much as we could. Every gesture could betray us at that moment, and I was very tense that night.

Damned if you love me, damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
Oh God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes
Damned, damned

I love Billy. But I wish I weren’t in love with him...

Damned if you love me, damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
Oh God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes

Le sigh, I feel so much for her.
How hard it must be to be in love knowing you can't have it.
The want, sadness and love.
She must be tearing apart on the inside.

I would say that I loved it, but it seems inapropriate.

Darn... I already said it.

Love, Moon