This started to boil in my mind when I heard the song "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan. After hearing the lyrics I sort of made me wonder about the title since I always thought of the term Possession as in "to own", but one of my more filosofical moods hit me and I thought: what if everything you do and think is linked to one person, then you are sort of possed right...
Anyway I usually don't write songfics but I gave it a try anyway.
Songlyrics are by Sarah McLachlan. The Bloomster owns himself and I own the woman's thoughts. Don't sue, there is nothing of value here.
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He said he would never ask me to love him, in return I said I would always be there.
He has broken his promise and in return I had to break mine.
Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied,
Ever since I was a little child the darkness of the night has given me comfort, a safe haven for me to ease my restless heart. The nights during the summer have always been the nights I love most, the warm breeze playing with my hair, softly caressing my face and it’s sweet smell of nature assaulting my senses. The solitude of these nights give me room to breath, to be alone. To be free of possession. Tonight I seek out it’s companionship again. Once more my heart is to restless to find sleep.
And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear
He doesn’t understand. Possession is dangerous, it leads to obsession, obsession always leads to pain. He wants more than what I have been giving. He wants my mind, my emotions, my heart. He wants all of me. I can’t be the one that allows him to have that.. It would be to much for him. In the end he would hate me for giving me all and receiving so little in return. I would be his poison, slowly seeping into his veins until it would be to late to undo the damage that has already been done. I wasn’t made for his life, for him. I am not like him, I don’t want a family and a dog, I don’t want a ring and a white wedding gown or a pretty house. I want to be free, unattached.
I have never been enough so why let myself believe that maybe this time I am. I am not even a good person, if I was I wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.
But if I am such a bad person then why is it so goddamn hard to leave this room?? Then why do I care about hurting him.
Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive,
As I stand in the doorway I turn around to look at his face. He looks so serene, his brown curls forming an unruly halo around his head, his lips slightly opened so that he can breathe through his mouth, his eyelids closed, hiding his perfectly brown eyes from sight. I slowly make my way back to the bed and I kneel down next to his sleeping form. Every time he breathes out, a few stray locks are blown sideways causing them to glide over his nose. God.. even his nose looks perfect.
I have no fear he will wake up, after sleeping with him for three years I am more than familiar with his sleeping habits. I know that he always starts on his back and with the nights progress he will turn to lie on his stomach with his right arm folded underneath his pillow, when the mornings come around he would slowly roll over to me to make sure I was still there and he’d cradle me against his chest.
A small smile starts showing it’s presence on my face, quickly followed by a tear caused by disgust about our actions. I am the “other” women, the one he comes even though he has a relationship with another. I am the one he comes to when the hype surrounding him becomes to much to bear, I am the one that brings him down back to earth, the one he calls when he should be calling his girlfriend. It was never supposed to come to this far, we were friends and I can’t remember when it turned into more, I can read in his eyes that he finds it harder to let me go every time I need to leave, he holds me longer than he should and kisses me with passion that should be for his girlfriend, not for me. And when he does, I don’t want him to let go, I don’t want the kisses to end. And I hate myself for it. Every time we try to give it up, to stop the betrayal. Every time we fail.
I carefully brush the stray locks aside and take my last look at his face. Softly I let my hand glide over his neck, my hand stopping where I can feel his pulse steadily beating underneath my palm. The nights we have spent together in his bed start playing themselves over and over again in my head. The salty tear that has made it’s way to rest on the curve of my lips shake me out of my reverie. Tomorrow morning I won’t be there anymore.
Tomorrow morning this will end. He is so blissfully unaware of the turmoil that is going on in this room, in me. A sharp sting reaches my heart and I quickly stand up wiping the offending tear on the sleeve of my coat.
And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear
I take a deep breath and start my way trough his house. I don’t need any light or my hands to feel around for a familiar object that will tell me where I am. I know this house like the back of my hand. Out of his room passing the game room that holds his precious pool table turn right, then left down the stairs, at the bottom of the stairs you will pass the living area decorated in colours of the sand and with the most amazing fireplace ever seen, then a sharp turn to the right where you will walk into the hall with on your right the kitchen that holds all the appliances that would be the envy of every chef but remain untouched because he hates cooking for himself. Then you reach the doors, you type in the code 597123 to disable the alarm that will automatically be activated again 5 seconds after the front gates have closed behind you.
My entire journey through his house is dominated by me fighting my tears, my will to crawl back and pretend it never happened. To make him take back the words he said. To be in his arms again, to be where my heart is at peace. But I can’t. I would end up hurting him. He doesn’t need me.
He needs her.
Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,
As the gates close behind me, I follow the cool summer breeze to wherever it will lead me. There will never be any looking over my shoulder, when the morning comes he will know and I won’t be able to take back what I did. From now on all I will have of him are my dreams, dreams of passion, oblivion and a bond deep enough to not know when one begins and the other ends, dreams where no world exists except than the one him and I had created for ourselves.
My path away from him has lead me to a small playground. In a couple of hours children will come to play here with their parents and to laugh the inhibited way only young children can while they ask their fathers to push them higher and higher until the swing goes so high that they can reach the sun with their hands. As I sit on one of the abandoned swings I finally give in to the tears, the sense of loss that has been wrecking my soul since I left his house. I realise my heart has just blackened a little more again. Once because of our betrayal and once for leaving someone I was not suppose to love, but did anyway.
The pain of my sobs echo throughout the playground and I sit there for another hour letting the morning sun paint my surroundings in the warmest shades of red and orange, while it’s first rays warm my cold and broken body. I never thought love could physically hurt. He must know by now. He must have realized that I am not there anymore, that I will never be there anymore. I would only hold him down. He doesn’t belong with me.
And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear...
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Oh and feedback would be very welcomed, as long as you can give constructive critisism be as honest as you possibly can
Wow.
This is amazing, Moon. I really .. really, just .. wow. I really .. really loved it.
You captured everything that I could have imagined for someone in a situation like this, and I am speechless. All the heartache, that she didn't quite reveal, built up till the end at the park.
Broken promises are never good. :cry:
:heartbeat:
Samma
:cry: Aw, this was a beautiful piece, Moon. My heart was breaking a bit for them both...it makes you wonder why she thinks he should be with someone else when they both feel strongly for one another. The way she kept thinking she wasn't good enough...sigh. Very angsty and I loved it.
WOW....
Thank you girls, I was a bit insecure posting this.
Glad you liked it.
And as for her wondering why she isn't good enough...
She had been the other woman for three years, loving him while she shouldn't knowing that it needs to stop. She is wrecked by guilt over her actions, because she is too weak to close the door.
If you had been the other woman for three years, how could you be THE woman after that. How do you live with the insecurities that maybe he'll find an "other woman" again when you are supposed to be the woman in his live.
It is just a shitty fact of life that sometimes the things you want, are the things you just can't have. She found out the hard way.