Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not know, nor am I in any way affiliated with any of the celebrities mentioned in this fic. This story is a sheer fabrication of my mind and I do not make any profit from posting it.
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to the shortie, What I Wanted, that I wrote a long while back. It can be read
here.
I decided that the other twin needed to tell her side of the story. :yes:
Angel's DesiresSorry…what does the word actually mean?
If someone is truly remorseful, it means they know that certain actions were wrong. Yet, if that is the case, should these events be repeated? They are hurtful, immoral, and cruel. They represent an unknown level of darkness and confusion that attacks my brain when I least expect it, that makes me wake in the night with screams of pain.
Maybe sorry only means that the person wishes something had not happened in a particular fashion, desires that the pain could have been evaded, yet still internally feels the situation was unavoidable.
“Shit,” I mutter beneath my breath, hating that these thoughts still plague me. I guess it was a sort of thing that could best be described as the rug being pulled out from beneath my feet.
When I walked in on my twin sister in bed…my bed…with my boyfriend, Dominic, I felt a cold, muted hatred boil through my veins. It was a sensation I never knew could possibly exist, but the raw rage and utter fury that captivated my mind and soul that night could never be denied.
A sister is blood, a bond that should go stronger than petty relationships and sex. If someone had asked who I trusted the most in the whole world, my dead on answer would have been Adrianna.
Fuck that and hang it out to dry. She loved it when I walked in and saw everything…there was triumph in her eyes so identical to my own. I never got an apology from her, she was glad and happy to hurt me.
When you end a relationship, it’s normal to get rid of pictures and the things that remind you of the hurt. Well, how about if your identical sister is wrapped up in the process? Each time I look into the mirror I see her face in my own, and I can’t help but remember the smug shape of her lips.
Don’t know what I did to make her hate me this much…she screamed something about me being oh so perfect, but that’s a crock. I won’t take the blame for her own sick inner thoughts. Now, she and Dominic are together and I play the questioning game all by myself.
A knock on my office door rouses me from my mental tirade of bitterness and hopelessness. When my assistant, Billy, walks through the way carrying a pack of papers, I set my pen down on the desktop and study his movements.
He is nervous, as he always is when he comes anywhere near me. The fact of the matter is, Billy is Dominic’s best friend and roommate…well, I don’t think they are roommates anymore. Dom lives with my sister now, of course. Can’t stop true love. Gag me infinite times with a wicked spoon.
Billy is the one who introduced me to Dom, he is the one who started all of this drama and nonsense. I couldn’t talk to him immediately after it happened, and then Billy started to blame himself. I guess I never had the guts to discourage this, so for the past four months we have danced an odd waltz at work where we have snippets of conversation and only when we must.
I’m rather tired of it.
“Uh, they need you to sign these, Angelina,” he murmurs, his Scottish accent quiet but smooth in the airy, sunshine-filled office.
My pen scratches away on one, two, three different lines, my signature large and bold…in no way a reflection of my continually shrinking character. I don’t like what my life has become and I do not wish for any of this to continue.
“I’m going to drop by tonight,” I inform Billy calmly, and his green eyes widen with worry and a bit of apprehension.
“Really,” he gulps, shaking hands taking the documents back from me.
“Yes,” I assure, “We need to talk about…well, things.”
He doesn’t say a word in response, only quietly backs out of my office and shuts the door. God knows what is going through his head, but I really need to talk things through. I don’t blame Billy for any of this, I never have and it’s time he realizes what a self-obsessed, whiny bitch I am. My own problems have been my only companion for a long time, and that was my damned decision.
**************
When I ring the bell of Billy’s apartment, there is much shuffling and a few muffled curses from the other side before the door swings open. In past, normal situations I would have laughed, for I know he tripped over the massive pile of shoes that sit in the hallway. The man has a thing about ripping footwear off the minute he steps through his door, never mind the mess and potential accidents that happen because of it.
“Hey,” Billy says softly, his eyes roaming over my face in a nervous manner, his hands gripped together so tightly I fear he may cut off some blood flow. I quickly make my way inside, glad I chose this environment instead of the office to speak with him. At work we wear our professional cloaks, but here I can remember all the fun friend times we have shared…it makes this easier, somehow.
“Want something to drink?” Billy asks quickly, and I nod my head in a vigorous manner. When we are settled in, me with a glass of wine and him with a beer, I decide to bare my thoughts and pull down the barriers.
“I know that you’ve been blaming yourself for some of the things that happened to me,” I start off, “And, maybe I should have said something from the start…but, it hurt too much to even mention them.”
Billy frowns, setting his beer down on the coffee table and resting his hands on his knees, “It is my fault! I was the one who introduced you to Dom, who assured you that he was a nice guy. I should have realized, I should have been suspicious of his weird behavior and…”
Holding my hand up in a gesture of impatience, I state, “I am an adult and I made my own decisions. I was the one who had bad enough judgment to continue in a relationship though I knew there was something very wrong with the actions of my partner. Maybe I didn’t ever think he would sleep with my sister, but I knew that he really didn’t love me as he should. This has nothing to do with you, please, don’t be so hard on yourself!”
We sit in an odd silence, both drinking steadily before Billy answers, his voice a bit gruff and teeming with an unidentifiable emotion.
“I know how hard it was, and still is on you, Angel,” he mumbles, his eyes downcast and hidden from my view, “You’re a top notch girl, an amazing friend, and beautiful person…I don’t understand why anyone would do this to you. And, I’ve seen the way you’ve struggled and hurt, I can’t help but feel that if it wasn’t for me, you could have avoided that!”
“Billy,” I protest shrilly, “Just because you introduced me to Dom…”
“I know, I know,” he shakes his head wildly, “The breakup isn’t my fault. But, it is my fault that I set you up with a man I knew you didn’t belong with.”
I fall back on the sofa with a frown, confused by his strong words. How could Billy have known such a thing? Is there something I am unaware of…maybe Dom had a history of cheating on girlfriends?
“How do you…” I begin to ask, but Billy startles me by slamming his beer bottle against the table, lurching his body closer to mine and nearly pinning me down just by the sheer force of emotion blazing in his eyes.
“I set you up with him when I knew it should have been me,” Billy states, his words jerky and tense, “I knew he would never treat you like I would, I understood that he would never worship you like you deserve and that he would never care for you so deeply.”
“What?” I gasp, the room suddenly spinning and my ears furiously objecting to the words. I can’t have heard him right…I’ve known Billy for years and years, never once suspecting that he felt any romantic inclination towards me.
“It’s always been you, Angie,” he tells me sweetly, “I was too afraid to say anything…I thought it would jeopardize things at work and ruin our friendship. So, I figured, why not set you up with my best mate? Things would be fine. Except that bastard screwed you over and every time I even think of it I want to punch his face in!”
My brown eyes are wide at this point, I can feel that my eyebrows have arched to new levels of highness. Mouth feeling parched, I clumsily reach out for my wine glass but it is dry as the desert and the action of my hand only shows how bad I’m shaking.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Billy mourns, his expression stressed and his lips turned down, “I’m so sorry, Angie, I’m so sorry for all of it! I wish I could go back and keep you away from this pain, but it looks like no matter what I do I end up hurting you.”
Turning from his stricken face, I wrap my arms about my stomach, feeling my heart’s wild beat reverberating throughout my hollow, empty soul. I’ve been nothing for a long time now, thinking I didn’t deserve love or any tiny glimmer of affection. There is something internally wrong with me, I am supremely unlovable, and it’s a trait that lingers on and on. My own sister didn’t love me enough to stop…doesn’t that mean something?
Maybe it just means she’s a screwed up little bitch.
Because, there is someone sitting here and showing that there might still be a chance out there me, for a broken little heart that was determined to stay in pieces, avoid all mending. I don’t even know what to say to him.
Or, perhaps I know exactly what to say.
“I wish you would have told me this sooner,” I whisper, forcing myself to face him and noticing the pain lines that have sketched themselves across his flesh, like lines of agony penciled in by a deranged artist.
“Yeah,” Billy agrees forlornly, “I know this isn’t something you want to deal with right now. I’m sorry, really…”
“No,” I state sharply, glad to be the one interrupting for a change, “I mean, I wish you would have told me sooner so I hadn’t wasted my time on Dominic.”
Billy pauses, his glowing eyes flickering about my face before squinting slightly, as though desperately trying to assess my meaning. His hands are in fists at his sides, and I feel an invisible force pushing my back forward and making me move closer to his dear face.
“I would have never been with him if I had known,” I whisper, acknowledging how true the words are, though knowing that half an hour ago I would have never expected to say them, “Do you even know how much more you mean to me, have always meant to me?”
Billy grabs me then, roughly hauling me against his chest and plundering my mouth with his tongue. A cry of surprise leaves my lips before I sink and relax in his embrace, feeling a fire burn inside of me that I thought was snuffed out months ago. I can’t believe how right this feels, I never imagined how perfectly I would fit in Billy’s arms.
Jerking back suddenly, Billy holds my cheeks in his palms, keeping our gazes locked and the hazy, passionate glow about us impenetrable. He looks at me for a long time, searching for what…I don’t know. Maybe a sign, something to show him that the only thoughts on my mind are his newly revealed feelings, the emotions shared between us, and the complete openness of our hearts.
“You know then,” Billy sighs, leaning in to push a gentle, lazy kiss against my mouth, “You know how much I feel for you…that what I wanted has always been you.”
A rush of clarification rolls through my form, as I realize I feel the same as he does…because he is everything my heart ever desired, as well. Someone loyal, someone true, a man who’d never want anything more because I am his deepest wish.
And, when love that is pure finally rushes over me for the very first time in my life, I am ready to meet it and understand why all the bad things had to happen…they led me here and they made this instant all the sweeter.
All I ever wanted was this.