Right, erm... This is the first piece of writing I've dropped onto the web. It's not long, elegant or funny. It has no plot. It has no characterisation. It doesn't even have a title.

It does, however, have action. This is what I would like the feedback to be on!

I'm aware that it isn't very "deep". It isn't meant to be, really. It's meant to be an exploration of different ways of writing action and fighting. Please be honest in what you think (if anything). Tell me what you hate and what you think is ok. If enough people tell me they don't like something then I'll look at it again. I haven't poured out my soul in this, so feel free to criticise. My ego can take it! :hug:

(Note: Sai are those daggers seen in the Matrix Reloaded (used by Neo), with the long pointed blades and handguards)

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Walking into lobby of the hotel proved to be a fairly significant mistake. The security had obviously been beefed up due to the presence of the conference on the top floor. I was expecting the civilian security guards, even the privately hired bodyguards. The armed police though, they weren’t part of the plan. However it was my job to buy the others some time, so there was nothing to do but go for it.

Striding through the revolving doors, I took my time walking up to the reception desk, taking the opportunity to examine the area; the dining area on my left, the stairs and elevators to my right. Straight ahead was the desk and receptionist, with a staircase behind it leading to the staffroom.

“Welcome to Ivory Tower, Mr…” said the man behind the counter.
“Jackson. Will Jackson.” I replied, this had all been arranged previously, a room booking on the second to top floor.
“Your key sir, and the elevators are over there,” he said, pointing. “Please co-operate with the security detail, and you can avoid any unnecessary delays.”
“Thank you.” With that, I turned and walked towards the stairs.

I could see the guards on duty look at each other when I approached. The one who lost the staring competition stood up straighter and moved to intercept me.
“Excuse me sir, could…”
He didn’t get any further, because my silenced 9mm was already sweeping out of the recesses of my jacket and pointed at his head. There was a sound like a muffled cough, and he was flying backwards, the hollowpoint round making a mess of everything above his neck. The others spent half a second gaping at his tumbling body before grabbing their own weapons. That was, for two of them, half a second too long. My pistol spat twice more, and they were sliding down the wall, leaving ruby red smears on the polished replica marble. By the time the last had cleared his gun, I was already diving low and to my right; his hastily triggered shot flew straight through where I was standing moments before. Of course he tried to re-adjust his aim, but it was far too late for that. I pulled the trigger once, twice and he went down with blood spraying from his leg and chest.

The entire encounter had taken less than five seconds, and people were staring, frozen and with dropped jaws. So I stood up and shot the receptionist, who collapsed behind his desk. I shifted my aim and blew out two of the panes of glass that made up the front of the hotel. THAT started the alarms ringing. The score or so of people started screaming and bid a hasty exit through the doors. I left them alone; I wasn’t interested in killing innocents. Ejecting and replacing the clip from my Beretta, I picked up a fallen Desert Eagle and moved towards the elevators. Moments later, more guards were pouring through the staffroom door behind reception, as well as thundering down the stairs. The elevator, still open, gave me enough cover as I leaned round the corner and rhythmically pumped shot after shot into the armed men spewing into the lobby. As the survivors dove for cover, the hammers clicked on empty chambers in my pistols. I dropped them, and pressed the button to the top floor. I had no illusions I’d make it that far. The guards were no doubt in radio contact.

Sure enough, the elevator halted on the 4th floor, and a hail of gunfire hammered into the back wall. It was a shame then, that I had punched out the emergency hatch in the roof and was sitting on the roof of the lift. As soon as the gunfire ceased, I swung my arm down through the opening and released the fragmentation grenade I’d been holding. One explosion later and I was dropping through the hatch, twin Ingrams rat-tat-tatting their fandango of death into the few concussed survivors. Security on all other levels must know my location from the explosion, and were doubtless on their way up and down the stairs. Walking over to the staircase, I saw more guards sprinting up the stairs, weapons in hand. I opened fire with both machine-pistols, sending up clouds of dust and plaster when I hit the walls and floor, sending up crimson mist when I didn’t. One man, caught by a double stream of bullets, jerked and twitched before rolling back down the stairs.

Reassured that they would be moving more cautiously now, I turned my attention to the steps leading up, ignoring the sporadic return fire from the floor below. Liberating a shotgun from one of the more ambitious dead guards, the first man down the stairs got its stock flat in the stomach. The return swipe struck his chin in an uppercut, and he went down hard. The men behind him immediately opened fire, but all they had seen was my arm, and they were stumbling over their fallen companion. I poked the barrel of the shotgun round the corner and pulled the trigger. The recoil was enormous, and I let it swing the gun back and up towards me. The man who’d got in the way of the buckshot was screaming about his legs and definitely putting his companions off. Obviously I hadn’t aimed high enough. While they were slowed by this obstacle, I ran back to the lift and hit the top floor button once more.

I ascended without further incident, with all the security streaming down towards the 4th floor, no-one noticed an elevator quietly ascending to the 25th. Stepping out of the somewhat battered lift, I immediately pressed the emergency stop button on the control panel to stop it being summoned down. There were only two other shafts, and I went to these, pried open the doors and systematically dropped a grenade down each. No pursuit was coming that way up. I was about to go to the staircase when I noticed a figure clad in black standing at the end of the hall. This occupied my attention quite fully, and I forgot about the stairs. This was more dangerous.

“Only one?” the man asked. “Your group is either stupid or overconfident, possibly both.”
“Really? I’ve had no problems this far, and I doubt you’ll present more of an obstacle.” I replied, using a grin my girlfriend has always described as evoking equal measures irritation and contempt.
“We’ll see, shall we?” With that, he brought his hands out in front of him, revealing a pair of Sai.

Knowing guns were of no use to me, I dropped the shotgun and shucked my coat on top of it. Stepping forward, I drew my sword from it’s sheathe on my back.

He was charging at me then, arms weaving back and forwards across his body, the Sai describing a silver arc as they spun and flashed back and forth, making it impossible to guess where they would be when he got to me. I didn’t bother trying to find out. Waiting until he was scant metres away from me, I took two steps forward and drop kicked him in the chest. Reeling from the impact, he staggered back and almost fell. I turned a neat somersault and landed on my feet, poised and ready.

“Now who’s overconfident?” I asked with a sneer. Growling inarticulately, he came on in a more measured approach, keeping his footing steady and feinting to try and draw me out of position. I had my sword across my body in a basic defensive stance, and was content to let him dance round it for the time being. Suddenly he lunged high at my face, and I deflected his weapon, bringing my blade around in a circle that also picked off the low stab that I knew was on it’s way in. The only way he could possibly hope to fight a sword user was to draw my weapon out of line or to attack from two different directions, otherwise my extra reach and power would prove insurmountable.

Irritated as to how much time this was taking, and conscious that more security was on its way, I wanted to deal with this Magus quickly. Stepping out of my defence, I swung my sword in a series of infinity loops, forcing him to back off, and into a position to take best advantage of my longer reach. He ducked and weaved, avoiding all my strokes with a skill only a lifetime could teach, then stepped forwards and parried a downstroke with both blades. I hastily tried to reverse direction but he was too quick, kicking me in the stomach and driving out most of my breath. It was sheer reflex that sent me into a backwards roll, avoiding his slashing point by inches. Before I could reset my stance, he was lunging forwards, one Sai extended and the other trailing behind him. Rather than try and get my sword into position, I swayed sideways and let his lunging arm pass beneath my left armpit. Grabbing his wrist with my empty left hand, I locked his elbow with my sword hand then used this as leverage to kick him in the face. He took a step back and I instantly spun and reversed my blade, stabbing deep into his chest, through his heart.

It is a truth of the world that few people ever truly expect to die. They always think that something will happen to save them, or their opponent is the one who will be that too slow, too blind, too unprepared. The shock that registered on the Magus’ face was complete, staring at the trickling blood that was forcing its way out around the blade. He dropped to his knees, still staring at his chest. I pulled the sword out, the blood channels making sure it slid clear easily. The trickle became a flood then, and all colour drained from his face before he keeled over backwards, his Sai fallen and forgotten on the red carpet floor.

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:surrender:

So what do people like/hate? Any constructive feedback is good! :love:

Good Lord!
That must have been written indeed by a male!
Wow! Pure action! Pure violence... aermmmm... :eeek:

EHEHHEH! Just kidding! No. Honestly now. I liked the style, clean and dry, the right level of details, and very descriptive, so that one can imagine what is exactly happening, as if they were watching a movie.

Wow! What else can I say?
Ah, yes! What is the gender of the author?

:tsk:

Yeah, well done! You win a... ummm... :hug: for replying! Heheee!

I thought some of the combat was a bit wordy, and of course random plotless gratuitous violence isn't really everyone's boat, so...

The general idea was to get an element of cinematic-ness to it, so I'm glad that's managed to come across slightly. Thanks for the comments!

Actually you succeeded in having the cinematic effect, and right! You said that writing violence is not everybody's cup of tea, and I must admit you're right! Especially on EWAC! But I'm glad you decided to post, because this only enriches the variety of the site!
Please, come back and post other writings of yours if you have more!

Thanks for the hug!

:hug:

It's really good to have a guy around, Sethis!

:getdown:

Ehy, Sethis! Just moving this t the correct section!


;-)