Title: Hanky Panky
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not know nor am I in any way affiliated with Dominic Monaghan. This is all a fabrication of my dirty mind.
Author's Notes: I wrote this story for a friend of mine to cheer her up...thought I'd post it here for a few laughs. :)
Song Credit: Hanky Panky~Madonna
Hanky Panky
With an amused smile, Alie surveyed her surroundings, realizing that this was definitely going to be an interesting night, to say the least. She was determined to have fun, and truly enjoy her vacation in San Diego. After all, she deserved it!
“What do you want to drink, Alie?” her friend, Amber, called out as she pushed her way through people to get to the bar.
“Margarita, please!” Alie called to her before Amber disappeared in the crowd.
Settling down at a table, Alie was again struck with a strange thrill of anticipation. Well, okay, it wasn’t that strange, tomorrow she and Amber were going to ComicCon, and, once there, they would be getting autographs from their favorite hobbits!
Alie couldn’t believe her luck when everything had fallen into place, and she found she had the time and the funds to take the little trip. It almost seemed like…destiny. So far, she had enjoyed her time in the city, but she knew the next day would be the highlight of the vacation. For she would actually get to meet Dominic Monaghan, by far the sexiest hobbit, junkie, and insomniac she had ever seen!
There was just something about him, maybe it was his blue eyes, or could it be his big Dumbo-ish ears? Whatever it was, Alie found him to be beyond adorable, and his cheeky attitude the most attractive thing ever! It was all she could do just to keep herself from squealing from the sheer thought of him.
But, tomorrow was the day, and tonight she would have to keep her cool and enjoy the fools who performed at the karaoke bar. It should, hopefully, distract her from Dommie thoughts and make the time go by faster. Alie glanced at her watch, T minus eleven hours and thirty-five minutes till hobbit lovin’ would commence!
Looking about for Amber, Alie found herself wondering what was taking so long with the drinks. But, then again, the bar was pretty packed. Tapping her fingers against the table, she began to sink into dream world until she heard some music start up.
“Oh good, a performance,” Alie murmured to herself, tilting her head to the side in thought as she tried to place the tune that rang out in the room. It was vaguely familiar, as though something she had heard a long while ago…a 80s number, perhaps?
There was actually a video screen up behind the stage, and it started to play a clip. Alie laughed when she realized the song was ‘Hanky Panky’ by Madonna. Oh, whoever was singing this was sure to be hilarious!
And, then he waltzed out, that patented cheeky grin on his face, with his tongue slightly peeking out from his lips. The man’s blue eyes glimmered with mirth, and his ears stuck out, seemingly silhouetted by the spotlight pointed at the stage.
“Holy hell,” Alie screeched, feeling her heart go from regular to out-of-control rate in her chest. It was THE hobbit extraordinaire, the Sex God, the Do-able one…it was
THE DOMINATOR!
Rubbing her eyes quickly, Alie saw that, indeed, she was not dreaming. Dominic Monaghan slid across the stage and grabbed the microphone, pulling it right against his lips. Alie nearly passed out when he began to swivel his hips to the beat.
Some girls, they like candy, and others, they like to grind,
I’ll settle for the back of your hand somewhere on my behind.
Treat me like I’m a bad girl, even when I’m being good to you,
I don’t want you to thank me, you can just spank me. Mmm
Her mouth dropped and loud laughter began to escape her lips. The man dancing and singing before her was hilarious, as he belted out the words with an attitude, not even bothering to change the female point of view lyrics. The giggles continued to flow, as Alie found it difficult to catch her breath. Oh, she was going to have a ball telling the girls at the forum about this!
Some guys like to sweet talk, and others, they like to tease,
Tie my hands behind my back and, ooo, I’m in ecstasy.
Don’t slobber me with kisses, I can get that from my sisters,
Before I get too cranky, you better..
Obviously drunk, Dom began to spin and move, jerking his pelvis back and forth in the air to the beat. He’d glance back at the video performance every now and again, trying to imitate Madonna’s motions. Ah, and each time she did it, Dom would perfectly mirror her actions and smack himself on his bottom. Alie cursed fate that she had not brought her camera to the bar.
Like hanky panky
Nothing like a good spanky
Don’t take out your handkerchiefs,
I don’t wanna cry, I just wanna hanky panky.
Like hanky panky
Nothing like a good spanky
Don’t take out your handkerchiefs,
I don’t wanna cry, I just wanna hanky panky guy.
He really seemed to enjoy the word ‘spanky’ as he’d curl his lips up in the cutest little expression each time he said it, over exaggerating the pronunciation to the ultimate degree. Alie relished the sound of his British accent as it rolled over all the words, making them some of the sexiest things she had ever heard, albeit quite silly, at the same time. The laughter just kept flowing, as Alie realized the man truly had no shame.
Please don’t call a doctor, ’cause there’s nothing wrong with me,
I just like things a little rough and you better not disagree.
’cause I don’t like a big softie, [no], I like someone mean and bossy,
Let me speak to you frankly, you better...
Wobbling his shoulders back and forth, Dom began to unbutton his shirt, ripping it off to reveal a tan, muscled stomach and the sexiest little chest Alie had ever seen. Placing her hand over her mouth, Alie tried to stifle her out-of-control laughter, but to no avail. Only, that was when his big blue eyes met her own. Suddenly, Alie found herself frozen, unable to look away, as an evil grin crossed Dom’s face. Taking a few steps forward, swiveling those nonexistent hips of his, he flung his shirt towards her. A strangled noise of shock and disbelief left Alie’s lips, as she realized that Dominic Monaghan was giving her a strip tease!
He continued to walk towards her at this point, like a lion stalking its prey. The sexual dancing continued, as Dom ran his hands through his hair, licking his lips, and winking. Alie did not understand how her ovaries were still in tact.
Dropping to his knees, Dom crawled and rolled about the stage area that was directly in front of Alie’s table. Staying on his back, he looked at her, hanging his head upside down off the edge of the stage, singing, “What about? Yeah, that’s an interesting...oooo.
My bottom hurts just thinking about it!”
Alie’s cheeks flushed crimson, as the fan girl part of her brain screamed, “Dom is serenading you!” and the rational, adult part of her brain yelped, “This is so embarrassing!”
But, apparently, the hobbit was not finished yet.
Treat me like I’m a bad girl,
Even when I’m being good to you.
I don’t want you to thank me, you better...
And, with those words, he leapt off the stage and on top of Alie’s table, dancing and humping the air right before Alie’s face. With wide eyes, she stared up at his flailing body, and realized he was reaching down and grabbing her hand.
“You know what I need, baby,” Dom half sang, half said, as he turned and slammed her captured fingers against his bottom. And, Alie acknowledged that she was spanking a hobbit.
It was an eventful night.
Right about the point of the spanking, a bouncer approached the table and helped the very drunk and silly Dominic down. The bar employee apologized profusely to Alie, and she nearly laughed in his face. Oh yes, it was a terrible thing to grab Dom’s ass!
Sadly, the fellow led disoriented Dom away, much to Alie’s disappointment. She figured probably most of the people in the bar were now staring at her, and she knew it was time to get the heck out of there. After all, nothing could beat what had just happened!
“You are the luckiest bitch I ever met,” Amber suddenly squealed in Alie’s ear, and the two of them forced their way through the crowd and out of the bar.
“You know something,” Alie stated with a giggle, “You’re right!”
And, the two girls walked back to their hotel, thinking that it couldn’t get much better than that.
********************************************************************
The next morning, Alie found herself taking extra care with her makeup and hair, as she wondered if Dom would even remember her! After all, he had to have been hammered the night before…she was sure he wouldn’t have a clue that she was the girl who had been the recipient of a strip tease.
There was a long line at ComicCon, and Alie had to wait over an hour before she stood in front of Dom’s table. Amber had abandoned her to get an autograph from Billy Boyd, so Alie would face her hobbit alone.
Taking a hesitant step forward, Alie studied Dom’s face as he slouched over a photo of himself that he was about to autograph. He looked tired, his hair was messier than usual and his eyes had dark circles under them. Hung-over? Check yes!
“What’s your name, love?” Dom asked tiredly, not even looking up. Yes, the poor fellow must be exhausted after signing autographs all morning, not to mention a night of dirty dancing under his belt.
And, as Alie opened her mouth to respond, a streak of mischief blazed through her. Oh yes, she would be a naughty girl today!
“Hanky panky,” she whispered carefully, biting the inside of her lip to keep from laughing when she watched Dom’s body tense up. Slowly, he lifted his head and met her gaze. The three different shades of crimson that flushed over his cheeks was a fun thing to watch.
“Oh wow,” he muttered, “This is uncomfortable.”
“I thought you liked it sort of rough,” Alie heard her own voice say teasingly, as she leaned in a bit closer. It was a nice thing a moment later when Dom’s face broke out into the biggest grin, his eyes crinkling up.
“So…” he trailed off, looking at her expectantly.
“Alie,” she informed him, and Dom nodded.
“So, Alie,” he continued, “I hope you enjoyed my little dance routine last night. I practiced it especially for you.”
“Oh, it was flawless,” Alie countered, “It took my breath away!”
Giggling, Dom scrabbled something down on the photo, and slowly slid it towards her. The official looking guy standing behind him nudged Dom’s back none-too-gently, indicating that he shouldn’t spend so much time with one fan.
Shooting her an apologetic look, Dom stated, “I’m really glad I got to meet you, Alie. I mean, we do share a special bond, after all.”
Alie laughed merrily, as she grabbed the autograph from the table.
“The pleasure was all mine,” she said coyly, as she walked away, hoping he was watching her.
Once she got into the corridor, Alie flailed and jumped about, doing a little dance all her own. This was the best day ever, hell; this was the best trip of her life! Oh, she couldn’t wait to tell Amber!
Gazing dreamily at the autographed photo, Alie found her eyes straying to the messy handwriting in the corner. It read:
Alie,
555-5575
Give me a ring, I could use another good spanky.
~Dominic