Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not know, nor am I in any way affiliated with any of the celebrities mentioned in this fic. It is a sheer fabrication of my mind.
Author's Notes: Thoughts just sort of came pouring out onto the page. This is a song fic, credit to Jem~Falling for You.


Falling for You


Said there'd be no going back
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me, it's not always bad


The past can mess with the present, more than a person could ever realize. When you’re sitting there, staring at him, and a tiny part of your mind wonders about the glint in his green eyes, comparing it to one you saw so long ago…pondering if he would destroy your heart in the same manner. Would he be capable of it, is he the similar sort?

Second guessing yourself is the worst, letting your mind run out of control, coming up with all the possible scenarios as to why he is thirty minutes late in meeting you. Maybe another caught his attention; once again, you might not be good enough for love.

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

But, maybe he was late because of that large bouquet of tiger lilies he holds out. What if his mind was so full with the thought of seeing you, that he completely lost track of time, so wrapped up in the fantasy dimension of his mind, where you are queen and rule his world.

And, that smile, what if it’s special, what if he truly reserves it for you, and you alone? When his lips pull back, and his eyes crinkle, revealing those tiny wrinkles about his lids…what could possibly be unworthy about him, that dear man who made you take a step forward, after years of creeping in reverse.

It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me, if it's worth it all

But, what happens when you’ve felt this way before, and were burned beyond belief in the process. If another could deceive you, who is to say that he won’t. There is no reason to actually trust another man with your whole heart; it is a risk, it is dancing on the ledge, swaying your body back and forth in the darkness, just so you can snatch tiny fistfuls of love and comfort. Are they worth falling into that abyss and dashing your heart on the hard rocks waiting below?

And, the guessing comes back, the wonderment and hidden questions, too bold to be asked, too harsh to be spoken aloud. Does he want only you, does he love only you? Can you take his hand and move forward in this life, with the self-assurance that he won’t throw you in the gutter when he gets bored?

Will he sit back and let you satisfy his needs until someone better comes along? Then, act as though you shouldn’t be surprised that the end came about, the two of you never fit, you were supposed to know that, you were supposed to realize and accept it! There is another who understands and listens to him, one who is so much better than you.

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

Sometimes his kisses are sweet as honey, other times they burn, scorching a path about your body, marking your flesh as his own. He chants your name, makes you feel desirable, like a woman again. Your mind wonders how his eyes can look so deeply into your soul as your bodies melt together, how he can whisper such precious things in your ears.

Maybe you are really beautiful to him, maybe when he cradles your tired body against his warm chest; he truly does need you like he claims. When he whimpers in the dark, if you move away, he couldn’t be acting. The need to feel your body beneath his fingertips is a true craving for him, one that he can’t and would never deny. Molding your bodies against each other means just as much to him, as it does to you. He would never share it with another, no matter what petty fights you had, or childish mood swings you threw his way. His heart is true, and when you call to him, he will drop everything to come running.

You are his stronghold in this world, the person he trusts and turns to for everything. Infinite patience shines in his kind glance, as he waits for you to decide to open your heart and allow yourself to love him purely.

Not every man can possibly be the same.

And I've got to be sure
Coz it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong

What if you don’t want to believe what is right before your eyes? What if the slim chance of future destruction is too much of a risk to take, too hard for a girl like you to face? So much time of living like a ghost, a shadow of the person you once were, not trusting or relying on a soul but yourself turned your heart to dust. It isn’t capable of opening to let him in, and it is just as well to you….he would smash your battered body in the end. He would be exactly like the one who preceded him.

Don’t waste any more years, loving and sharing, and the worst of all, giving, giving, and giving. Putting yourself out there to the level of exhaustion, only to please him, to make him happy and satisfied, as you burn yourself out.

Don’t humiliate yourself again.

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

Yet, situations change, and, sometimes, people do heal. And, the name that falls from your lips is not one of the past, but a shining call for the future. His heart is golden; his eyes look only for you, needing something that his mouth is too afraid to ask for.

Don’t take from him without giving back…he made you live again, pulled you out of that cave and made you sparkle. You’re not crying anymore, you’re laughing. Why are you so afraid? He feels for you, more than you’ll ever know.

Quit hiding.

I want you so much
I need you so much
I want you so much
I need you so much
(believe me my love
Believe me my love)

“Billy, I love you.”

Wow I love how you portrayed the emotions and everything and how it get more hopeful towards the end it was really powerful stuff and well thanks for sharing.

Thank you, honey! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reading and replying. When you said it was powerful, it made me smile and feel all happy inside.

That was very beautiful! So hesitant and doubtful at first and gradually deciding that it really is love. Amazing!

*hugs* Thank you, Steph! I'm so happy you liked it. :yes: It was tough/therapeutic to write, so I'm glad it was well-received.