Hey guys. I've started numerous fan fics, but this is the first I've ever decided to post. So be kind, but constructive. Yes, this is an Orlando fic. Just to forewarn, I don't post very often, but I've already got some chapters written so these first couple posts should be quicker. Anyways here's the preview for the story, as you will.Oh yeah, I don't own Orlando bloom. I don't see who would, but this story is mine, please don't copy from it.





"Who ever said opposites attract obviously didn't have a degree in science. I happen to be gifted when it comes to that area. Opposites repel. Change the books. I'm positively repulsed by his disgusting behavior. I hate him. He hates me. How do I know? I just do, and I'd eat my shoe before I'd admit I like him. So get that damn idea out of that brain of yours."

Okay time for my first chapter ever posted on the internet. :faint:
Here we go.( you can tell I'm nervous can't you) :blush: Oh, rated R.



Chapter 1: Lost…

How I get myself in these situations, I'll never know. Maybe I'm a cursed man. Maybe I offended the big kahuna in the sky. Why me of all people? It would be all fine and dandy if I was just an ordinary guy. Just another Joe schmoe. But, nooo, I had to be fucking famous and a fucking dick brain. Way to bloody screw things up! What'd they all say? Don't drive in another country . But, no. We had to be special and do just that. Who knew driving on the opposite side of the road be so confusing? Oh, let's take a road trip , we said. Invite a friend , mum said. But no bloody way I would do that. I had to have my personal vacation time.
God dammit! Orlando Bloom is a bloody idiot. I can see it making headlines.
Bang! Aah, how satisfying hitting your head is.
I open my eyes to look in the glass of the car window reflecting the night sky. My breathe was fogging up the window. I had to face the brutal facts.
1. I was lost
2. It was fucking cold.
3. I locked my keys in the car
4. along with my coat.
Bloody great Bloom!
Peeling my forehead from the car, my survival instincts kick in and I reached in my pocket...God dammit, my cell phone's in the car, too.

I let out another sigh and took in my surroundings. At least I was still in the city I needed to be in. Give yourself a pat on the bake mate ...New York's a colossal city.
"Definitely not Times Square." I mutter to myself. The buildings were scrubby and seemed to be rotting away before my eyes. I stood out in my designer clothes and I was just hoping I wouldn't get mugged by a bunch of smelly thugs. Although, it looked like the outskirts of the city, as far as I could tell. I was enclosed by apartment complexes. I needed to find a payphone. Brilliant! Like those guys on the beer commercials. "A little black book, brilliant".I need a phone. A pay phone...pay phone...come here phoney phone phoney.
I twisted this way and that, but my search was futile, and I didn't trust this neighborhood to leave such an expensive car by itself. With my luck, it'd probably be jacked.
But it seemed my luck was indeed still with me, for a burly figure was approaching from down the street. Or it could be an ax murderer. Meh.
"Excuse me?"I said when they were in hearing range."Can I borrow a phone, perhaps?"
The man just grunted with a shake of his head, continuing down the street. So much for help. I shivered and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. Damn cold . I saw my breath coming in puffs of steam, feeling more helpless with each passing moment.
Bouncing up and down for warmth, I thought I'd never make it until morning, but something caught my eye that made me a little more hopeful...


So what do you think?Post More?

Adorable beginning, dear. I absolutely love the sarcasm:

Not only is that hilarious to me but it's something I would.... no wait, it's something I HAVE done.

Keep it up!

Monkeygirl: Thanks for the reply. That sucks getting locked out of the car. Luckily, it's never happened to me.

:wub: I think I already lurv you, just because you read this.
Any who, on with the chapter!



Chapter 2: My Bum Bum...

"Umpf!" Piles of cotton sheets came down upon me unmercifully. Just a great way to start my evening. Not to mention my bum already hurt from falling down before. It was a perfect reenactment of a Home Alone scene. Classic movie, you got to see it. Anywho, I was running down the hall, slipping in my socks, I went flying backwards onto my poor tooshy. I'm never wearing those socks again.

Now here I am on the floor once more. Not to mention with plenty of blankets flung around me. Why you ask? Because Sarah Leahy is an idiot. Call the press! Another idiot has been found. No, not Bush ladies and gents. Haha. I cracked a Bush joke. Always gets a laugh from my liberal buddies. Um...I do have buddies. Really. But if you really want a reason for this, you can blame it on my ancestors. Yes, EVERYTHING can be blamed on ancestors. Without them, my sister wouldn't have been born. I wouldn't have either, but that is beside the point.

Yes, it's really my sister's fault for my poor bum bum being bruised. I was racing through my apartment to answer a phone call from her. The dreaded phone call from your relatives that you never wanted to see again. Katie sounded happy, as always, and I about puked from the plastic fluffy bubbliness of it all. Come to find out, she was in New York. Oh joy. She wanted to visit. Now, I could've said no, but do I want that guilt on me. Well, I could care less about the guilt, but I don't want my parents on my back. However, I said yes. To my sister. What have I done?

You see, my sister and I have a history. Not a very pretty history. It all started way back when Katie was a prep, and I was the morbid loner kid who everyone automatically assumed was a Goth chick. Geez, some people. Now some may disagree, but I have scientific proof that these two types of people don't get along. It didn't help that Katie had freak genes. The leftover ones, as I would say. She had blonde hair. Gasp! No Leahy has blonde hair! Not under my roof! You live in my house, you live by my rules! Sorry, got a little carried away...Turns out, Katie's a wannabe model making it 'big' out in Las Angeles, and I'm a lone wolf in New York, working at the corner bookstore. So no, we don't get along, but I still love her through it all. I just can't be near her.

In the end, I needed to get the guest bed ready, and that's how I ended up here.

Grumbling, I folded the sheets together and began placing them back in their shelves. I took the remaining sheets and dropped them off on the guest bed. I gave up; Katie could put the blankets on the bed by herself. Now, I just had to wait for her to show up. Knowing her, she'll be late. This just the right time for a book. No romance novel for me, I'm a black humor kind of girl. So I curled up with a blanket and started to read...

New Fan!! I was completely aborbed in by the title, which is great by the way!

Great start and I can't wait for more!!
:love:
Kimi

Oh, I really like it. Very funny and witty. Post more when you can!

Oh thank god! My exams are finally over. It's Almost christmas. I can't wait to give my presents to my family. i got the perfect gifts. I'm in the giving spirit, so I decided to get my bum typing up the next chapter and here it is in all its shiny non-glory.

Oh yeah the title. Every one says opposites attract. What about the laws of repulsion. I mean, some people just don't get along with other people. I've always view things in a pessimistic way.


Chapter 3: Sisters


A BMW pulled up behind my car and out stepped an angel, to be totally corny. She was thin and had long blonde hair, the characteristics I look for in a woman. I never thought I had a type for women. Hell, back in college I took what I could get, but in my old age, I fell I've gotten pickier. Not that that's a bad thing, many people think knowing what you want is a good quality.

I approached the woman as she retrieved her bag from the trunk of the car.
"Excuse me, miss." I stated politely, being the gentleman that I am, startling the girl.
"Could I borrow your celly, perhaps? It'd be only for a moment. You see, I locked myself out of my car and-"
"You're Orlando Bloom, right?"
"Yes..."
"Sure you can borrow my phone." This is when being famous finally pays off. It's not the million dollar house, or the designer cloths, it's when a pretty woman lets you borrow her phone when in any other case you could be an axe murderer. Meh. I'm paranoid when it comes to those guys.
She rummaged through her purse, pulling out a Nokia phone. Now you know someone's posh when they have a Nokia flip phone.
"Damnit," she mumbles. "My phone's dead."
"Oh." Great. Just Great. Now What?
"You can come inside and use the phone in there." Thank the gods I am an actor. Lord, I shall never use your name in vain again.
"That sounds wonderful. I'm freezing my butt off out here." She laughs and I can't help but smile. Aah, I think I love this chick already. Or maybe it's because she's saving my arse. Speaking of arse, hers is not to shabby. I can't help but watch it move up and down and up as we climb the steps into the building.

Snap out of it Bloom!

"It's my sister's flat." She turns to speak to me as we approach another flight of stairs. Sisters? Hopefully they're twins.

I begin to suspect this is turning into a nightmare where we never stop climbing steps for all eternity. This stair well doesn't end. Not to mention I'm getting slightly dizzy from circling round so many times. Bloody stairs!

"Don't worry, she's only on the eighth floor." Eight floors? Eight floors! That's a damn lot. Man, this is a vigorous work if I ever saw one. The sister probably lives on the top floor. Bloody stairs. They need elevators desperately. Imagine doing this everyday! Now that's being in shape.

Huffing and puffing, we finally reached the landing of the eighth floor. Took long enough.
"I'm Katie by the way."
She smiles and I find it contagious.
"Nice to meet you Katie." She giggles and skips off down the hallway like a school girl. Quite cute. Katie knocks on the third door. What's behind door number three? Come on down and see what you've won!

"You seem cold." She says, moving to rub her hands up and down my arms.
"I know how to remedy that." I grin mischievously. Now what I was thinking? Well, I wasn't. I shouldn't do anything of the sorts with someone I just met, but it was in impulse. I kissed Katie. Our lips met and I could feel her tongue run along my lower lip. My, she's a quick one, but I comply easily, opening my mouth to accept her.

"So this your new boyfriend?"

Katie and I break apart, but what I saw at the door was not what I was expecting.

That was Katie's Sister?

She was short, only about 5'4 and I towered above her. Jet black hair, probably dyed, went down past her shoulders, framing her ghastly pale face. The girl had an athletic build even though it seemed like she never had seen daylight before.

And what was she wearing? It looked like a throwback to the 80's punk scene. Her feet were clad with a pair of clunky combat boots. Pulled up to her ankles were stripped red and black socks with grinning skeletons. She wore black boy's shorts that were two sizes too big, and her shirt donned the picture of some guitarist that I couldn't quite place. I know I've seen that face somewhere before.

"Sid Vicious."
"Come again?"
"The guy on my shirt is Sid Vicious." Ah, the Sex Pistols' bass guitarist. How lovely. I never liked that band.

I finished my not so cursory check of her, noting the many piercings and bracelets she wore. Well, she certainly was a strange one.

New fan coming... . This was a great start, and I'm really liking it so far. Nice job girl.

Hey, I totally agree with that one

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Rocio :love:

Hey. Don't you just love christmas break.That means I have hours upon hours of free time. :wacko: To much free time, if you ask me. Which means another update.

Chapter 4: Fanatic


Boy, does it fell like I've grown two heads that have proceeded with conversing in Portuguese. He's looking me over like I'm some piece of meat. I'm not that disgusting, am I? I know I have a small pimple on my forehead that was still visible after hours of painful masks and scrubbing my face raw, but is it really that bad that he needs to stare? His look is making me nervous, and all I can do is glare back. He was dressed up in expensive looking clothes. Maybe designer. How the hell should I know? But something about him I recognized. Perhaps he is a model, too, like Katie. Maybe he's one of the Ambercrombie and Finch models. Or is it Abercrombie and Fich? Oh, who gives a crap? Ha. I snort just thinking about him in one of those gay photo shoots. That's when Katie coughs. Uh oh, she probably thinks I was checking out her boyfriend. Don't be so arrogant my sister, I was doing nothing of the sorts.

"Come on inside." I say opening the door wider while holding back the love beads hanging down from above. The boyfriend enters, standing cautiously in the hallway. As Katie passes by she reaches down and gives me a hug. I squirm at the contact. "I've missed you." She giggles and I snort in disgust. "Me too." I say deciding to be polite. If only she knew. I know you're all thinking give her a chance, she's not so bad. Trust me, I am. If she wasn't my sister, I wouldn't spare her my nasty remarks. Finally she lets go of me and I'm free, free at last.

We all piled into the area I liked to call the parlor to be posh. There really isn't that much room since my flat is so small, but we still have our personal space, or maybe I like to have more space than most people. The parlor is just a room full of blankets and pillows spread about. I'm not a big coffee drinker, hence no coffee table. Plus, I never really liked the concept of coffee tables. They just take up space; I never used mine when I had one. I noticed the boyfriend was shivering. Well, he was a dumbass for not wearing a coat, and I can't afford to have my heat blasting all the time. I hand him a blanket which he accepts, wrapping it round his body.
"Thanks." He shivers again. I'd almost feel bad for him if he wasn't a douche bag. Katie's boyfriend equals douche bag.
"I hope your treating my sister well enough." Hey, Katie is my sister, I have to protect her.
"Actually, we just met."
"That was quick..." I mutter to myself. They hit it off well, it seems. I don't condone kissing strangers. I expected more of my sister, even if she can be a bit air headed at times. The guy is still a douche bag, that doesn't change.
"Um Sarah, this is Orlando Bloom and he needs to use your phone."

And then it hits me like a guy on weight watchers. THE ELF IS AMONG US! Ladies and gentlemen, an elf is in our presence. The one movie that I worship as a god has sent a messenger to me. Please, relate the good news, dear Prince of Mirkwood. Tell me all the secrets of the Lord of the Rings. Suddenly I'm embarrassed by the scrawny male standing beside me, and I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. God dammit I'm blushing, and it's all I can do with out hurling myself at him with questions about the movie. Yes, to ask questions, not to ravish him. I must remain calm.
"Alright Leggy, right this way." Leggy? What the hell? What's wrong with me?
"Don't call me that."
"Okay elf boy." Oh, my tongue needs to be torn from my clumsy mouth. Elf boy? Hey, elf boy, I kind of like that.

I am an expert when it comes to orlado fics lol!... and I mustb bsay I'm loving this one, I wonder why people is not readig... anyway.

Keep on posting honey! I'm reading!

Pirate Puppet: Thank you very very much. I'm just glad that I have a couple of readers. Anywho, I have another chapter. Its longer compared to the others, but still farely short.

Chapter 5: Boyfriend

Why do I have to be landed with some crazed girl who thinks it’s funny to call me names? I wouldn’t have expected some like Sarah to even know what the Lord of the Rings was, but there you go. I’ll give her one thing; I’m not sure if she’s a fanatic or just enjoys torturing me. I’m not sure which one I’d rather have it be. On one hand, she could be a lunatic ready to attack. On the other, she’s a sadistic freak who likes to see me in pain.

I followes Sarah into her kitchen where she grabbed the phone off the hook.

“I hope it’s not long distance.” She mumbles, tossing me the phone which I almost drop on the floor. Okay, so I have the phone, now I just need to make a strategically placed call, but to who? I don’t know anyone who’s remotely close to New York right now. For some reason, I keep feeling like I’m in jail and I only have one call to make.

“I don’t know.” I grumble.
“What?”
“Who should I call?” I whine.
“How the hell should I know?” She glances at me, closing her eyes and slowly opening them again. “Hold up. Why is Orlando Bloom using my phone?” Was she asking me?
“I locked my keys in my car?” I suggest.
“Oh…. Why don’t you call a locksmith?”
“Brilliant!” Why didn’t I think of that?
“Let me get the Yellow Pages.” She went to a drawer, pulling out a thick book. She thumbed through it before letting out an “Ahah.” I leaned over her shoulder to read what was on the page.
“Stuck without a key? Call Larry’s Locksmith Services.”
“Can you back up a bit? Your breath stinks.”
“Sorry.” I say, stepping backwards, taking the phone book with me. Grasping the phone, I dialed the number of Larry’s and waited. “Come on…pick up the phone. Pick up…”
“Hello, you have reached Larry’s Locksmith Services. We are not here right now. Please try Larry’s cell phone at 555-4917. Thank you.” Hanging up, I dialed the number the answering machine gave.
“Ello.” A gruff voice answered.
“Hi.”
“Sorry, I’m not available at the moment-” I hang up. I chuckled. What an idiot I am thinking he was there.
“What’d he say?” She asks.
“He wasn’t there.”
“Try another one.”
“Okay.”

I looked down at the Yellow Pages, as Sarah called them and picked out another number. Dialing the number, I prayed that they were there.

I got off the phone much more cheerful than before. “The locksmith can get here by six o’clock this morning."


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I tried to suppress the groan that was forming at the bottom of my throat. Why me? If I was a Hindu, I’d say it was karma. Now I’ve got to entertain an actor, probably a pompous one, for six bloody hours. Wait! I don’t have to. He used my phone, now he can get the hell out of here. Won’t make me feel guilty either. I lack a conscience.

“Oh! Oh! You can stay here until the guy comes, Orlando.” Katie volunteers. Now where did she get the idea that she dictates what happens in my house. I’m very sensitive with things that are a part of my territory. Mess with my things, I get ruffles. It’s not a pretty sight when I get ruffled. Hhm, sounds like I have feathers.

But, boy was I irritated.

“Katie, can I speak with you for a second.” I hiss.
“Sure.”
“Alone.” I grab her arm, dragging her down the hall and shoving her into the bathroom, closing the door after I stepped in.
“What’s that all about?”
“Katie,” I whine. “It’s my flat. I let him use the phone. Can’t he just leave?”
“No, you silly girl,” groan. “Where’d he got to?”
“He’d wait out in the street.”
“Now that’s not nice.”
“Like I care.”
“Sarah, it’s what a good Christian would do.”
“I’m an atheist, god dammit.”
“Does that make a difference?” The poor, poor idiot.
“No, Katie, it doesn’t.” I reply sarcastically.
“Please, Sarah, for meee.”
“Fine.” I’m to sweet for my own good. I bet Katie just wants him to stay because she kissed him. How does one meet someone and end up making out? Kissing strangers is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard of.

We come back to the kitchen area and douche bag smiles at Katie, winking. How disgusting can you get?
“So, you’ll be staying here. Want to sit down?” I ask, going back to my parlor and flinging myself on the floor, clutching a pillow to my chest. Orlando and Katie proceed with sitting close to each other, sharing a blanket. So cute, I want to hurl.
“So why are you in New York?” Katie asks Orlando.
“I’m here on vacation. You-”
“That’s nice. I’m here on vacation, too. I’m usually in L.A., you see. Do you have an apartment in L.A.?”
“Yes. It’s-”
“That’s good. L.A.’s a good place to start your career. That’s why I moved out there. I’m originally from Virginia. Born and raised. Just like Sarah, but I’m at L.A. because I’ve always wanted to be a model. I was that girl who used to play dress up all the time. So I’m a new model. I just got signed by…”

I quit listening to Katie’s babbling. She likes to talk, that one. Instead, I fiddled with the zipper on the pillow case. Yes, I’m from Virginia. It’s not something I like to admit. I’d rather consider myself a New Yorker. I used to have a somewhat of a New York accent because I couldn’t pronounce my R’s. It’s always been my dream to move to New York and here I am. I’ve been living here for two years now, and I’m only nineteen. Katie’s twenty three. She wouldn’t seem like the older one with how innocent and naïve she is, but you know how those things go. My dad always calls me jaded. I guess I am; I’ve gone through some pretty jading experiences.

“Do you have a boyfriend, Katie?” Great, now douche bag is trying to pick up my sister.
“I just broke up with my last boyfriend.” I had liked her last boyfriend more than the others. That just means he was a lovable kind of stupid.

“So, Sarah, have you got a boyfriend.”

Oh, Katie has asked the dreaded question. She’s always badgering me about being more interested in guys. I haven’t ever had a boyfriend, and it gets annoying to be ridiculed about it. Maybe I’m picky, all the guys that have asked me, I turned down. Not that there was more than two guys. It hurt my self confidence and I spent high school thinking I was ugly, because no one seemed remotely interested in me. Now I realize I have an unapproachable personality. I don’t deal with guys flirting with me. So I hesitated to answer the question.

“I…um, yes. Yes I do…” Oh, such confidence. What am I doing lying like this? One little lie turns into a pile of dirty lies. Pretty soon I’ll be lying left and right.

“Can I see a picture?” I panic. What picture? I don’t have one. That’s when I noticed the framed picture on the kitchen counter.
“That’s him.” I pointed to the picture of Jason and me. Jason is my best friend, who I met when I started working at the bookstore.. He’s my only friend and I love him to pieces. He doesn’t deal with any of my shit and I adore him for it. I do think Jason is good looking, but I never was really attracted to him. I guess there’s a start to everything, because if I know Katie, she’ll want to meet him.

“He’s…ah…um…nice.” So Katie’s thrown off by Jason’s gothic look. I always liked Jason’s trench coat. That’s why I have one of my own. “I’d like see him in person sometime.” Hah! I knew she’d want to meet Jason. I don’t think she believes I have a boyfriend. Which I don’t, but that can change easily.
“If you excuse me for a moment, I need to use the restroom.” I say, getting up and grabbing the phone from the kitchen as I head towards the bathroom. Once I’m safely locked inside, I sit down on the toilet, dialing Jason’s number. I have it memorized even though I barely call him. I see him at work almost everyday. After the fifth ring, he picks up.
“’lo?” A groggy voice answers.
“Wake up! It’s Sarah.”
“Sarah? You know its fucking two am in the fucking morning!”
“I know, but this is important.”
“What?”
“You know I love you-”
“Cut the crap and tell me what you want.” See. Isn’t he brilliant?
“I need you to fake being my boyfriend.”
“What?”
“Katie’s here-”
“Not her.”
“Yes, and she asked about the stupid boyfriend.”
“I see, and I’m a part of your web of deceitful lies.”
“Exactly.”
“Okay, Sweetie pie, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“You’re a life saver Jason!...Oh, and if you ever call me sweetie pie again, your ass will have a pleasant meeting with my foot.”
“Okay, honey baby.”
“Your infuriating!”
“but you love me anyways.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you at work.”
“Bye honey!”
“Arg!”

:blush: I feel so embarrased. Nobody has read this since my last post, and I don't know how to get people to read this, even if they end up hating it. Maybe I need a banner. I don't know how to, though. Does anyone want to make me a banner, or at least know someone who would make one for me?
Oh, I'll post a new chapter if someone replies. I just feel silly posting it if noone's reading it. :cry:

Whew!
It's 5:57pm
I told myselft o get off the compy at 6pm so I could start my homework and I just finished reading this.
BRILLIANT.
It's very well writen, and I LOVE Sarah!
She's great!
Absolutly wonderful.

You rock!
Keep it up.

Thanks. Sarah's based after me, so all the stupid stuff she does, I've usually done. Like flying backwards on my back. that hurt like monkeys.

Anywho, this chapter has some Spanish in it. you'll see why. My spanish isn't to good, so be kind.


Chapter 6: Telephone Calls

Here I was sitting in a hotel room, staring at the ceiling. I should be doing something, anything at all. Tap dancing with a walrus would be better than this. I’m so bored that I’m amused by the shape of the dirt stain on my converses. Converses, by the way, are the most wonderful shoe invented by man. They’re great for any style and they come in an assortment of colors. I prefer to stick to black. Black. Black is a dangerous color. Some people look terrible when they wear too much black. They look like they are ready for someone’s funeral, but others can pull it off, like Katie’s sister. She just rubbed me the wrong way. She seemed to hate me. What was her name? I think it started with an S. I forgot already, and I was at her flat two days ago. The locksmith did finally come and I was able to leave with directions from Sally was it?

Speaking of it, I got Katie’s phone number. She seemed like a sweet, care-free girl and I liked her right away.

Maybe I should call her.

Maybe not. She might reject me. I don’t think my ego could take it, but after all, she did kiss me so she should like me. Or maybe I kissed her; I can’t remember who leaned in first. I want to call, but I’m not sure. She might have a boyfriend… wait; she said she didn’t, but still. I’m not as confident as I act and deciding to call a girl takes long grueling hours of contemplation. Maybe she’ll turn out to be a witch, or use me for my fame, like Kate had. Funny how their names are almost the same. It’s like I’m trying to replace Kate. Maybe I’m not ready to date yet. I mean, I just broke up with Kate a month ago. That’s also a funny thing also, I really don’t miss her. I spent the first two days drinking myself into a stupor, but after that I was fine. I think I miss having a girlfriend more than Kate herself.

It’s a tad bit complicated and there is only one person that will make me feel like a bloody idiot for not calling her. Elijah Jordan Wood, the wanker. Picking my celly from the beside table, I dialed Lijah’s number.

“Hi!”
“Hey, it’s Orlando.”
“What’s bothering you, Orli.”
“Nothings wrong, what do you mean?”
“Don’t give me that bull. You never call me just to be nice, so what’s up? Still missing Kate?”
“In a way-“
“Well get over the fucking bitch, she used you.”
“Don’t remind me, and it’s not just that…”
“What?”
“I met a girl…”
“Really?”
“Yeah and I got her number.”
“So why are you talking to me, go call her.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Why?”
“Well, what if she turns out to be jerk like her sister. I mean, they do share genes.”
“Oh come on Bloom, that’s one of the stupidest ideas I’ve ever heard from you. Just call the woman.”
“You sure about this?”
“As positive as one can be.”
“Thanks. I’ll give her a call.”
“So, is she hot?”
“You have no idea.”
“hmm, maybe I can have the sister.”
“No! I mean, you wouldn’t want her. She’s just some loser punk chic. Plus, she has a boyfriend.”
“I find punk chicks to be a turn on.”
“Hey, whatever floats your boat.”
“Yeah…Remember I’m flying out to New York next week.”
“I can’t wait!”
“So you’ll introduce me to the sister?”
“Why?”
“She sounds interesting.”
“She enjoys insulting me.”
“Even more reason for me to met her.”
“No, you don’t want to.”
“Why? Is she extremely ugly or something?”
“How shallow of you…I never really thought about it. I wasn’t checking her out.”
“That’s a first.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
“Listen, I’ve got to split. I’ll see you next week, okay.”
“K, see you later.”
“Bye.”
Hanging up, I took out a slip of paper that had Katie’s number on it out of my billfold, dialing her phone.

“Yellow?”
“Hello. This is Orlando Bloom. Is-“
“Yo no comprendo ingles*.”
“Uh, es Orlando Bloom.” What am I doing talking to some Spanish chic?
“Yo no sé Orlando Bloom**.” Great what does that mean?
“Is Katie there?”
“¿Katie está allí?***” What? Holy lord please help me.
“Si?”
“Hágale significa el Katie con pelo rubio, con ojos azules, y con nariz de botón. ¿El Katie alto y flaco? No, nunca oído de ella.****” What the Hell? “Usted tiene el número equivocado. Adios.*****”
“Sarah you bitch, get off my phone!” Someone lets off this maniacal laughter, and then there’s scuffling before Katie answers the phone quite breathlessly.
“Hey”
“Hi. It’s Orlando.”
“Hello Orli.”
“Hey, um…I was just wondering if...would you like to go out, maybe tomorrow night?”
“I’d love to go…But I have an even better idea.”
“What is it?”
“Can it be a double date?”
“With who?”
“My sister and her boyfriend.”
Oh no. No,no,no,no,no.
“Sure.”
“That’s great. Let me ask Sarah.”
I heard a loud Hell no on the other end before Katie gets back on.
“Orlando.”
“Yes?”
“She said she would.” I heard faint protest in the background.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.Ow!”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Sarah’s just being a pest.”
“I’m sure.”
“Well, about tomorrow night-“
“Yeah, how about I pick you up at seven. We go out to eat then go to a club.”
“Sounds great. At seven, then”
“Yeah.”
“Bye.”
“Good Bye.”

For some reason, I was under the premonition that Sarah doesn’t want to attend this date Katie and I set up.







*I do not comprehend English.
**I do not know Orlando Bloom.
*** Is Katie there?
****Do you mean the Katie with blonde hair, blue eyes, and button nose. The tall, skinny Katie? No, never heard of her.
*****You have the wrong number. Good Bye.

I just started reading this story, and it's hilarious.
It's very different from other stories posted on here.
I'm thinking that her and Elijah will get together, but since it's an Orlando story, I don't know.

:lmao:

YES!

I totally loved that part, dunno why exactly, it was just great.

That's so true.
I don't think anyone is as confident as they make it seem.
I know I'm not!
It takes me forever to decide to call my boyfriend and half the time I chicken out- mainly because I hate talking on the phone with him because my sister likes to listen in and then tease me.

Anyways....

Been there.

Ah yes, the words of a true friend.

lol

I liked that bit too.
Very cool.

*Snort*

Evil Katie!

I liked that closing, very nice and simple and great.


This was a brilly, brilly chapter.
Very funny and well written- I just ran out of hot chocolate.

Okay, I'm going to get more hot chocolate now.

And I still absolutly LOVE Sarah.

ooo! i like!

the date should be um...interesting to say the least!

Here's the next chappie, and I'm so happy. I've missed four days of school now because of snow.



Chapter 7: The Confession


Oh magic crack in the ceiling, should I really go to work today? I don’t very much feel like it. Maybe I’ll just roll over and go right back to sleep. Will people be deprived of the perfect book if I don’t go in today? I know it’s already nine o’clock, but one as ugly as me really needs her beauty sleep. Sleep. I need sleep more than air. I could just sleep all the time. I think I would be in pure bliss if one day I just didn’t wake up and went on dreaming forever. My life’s nothing anyways. Maybe having a boyfriend would be exciting. Wait, never mind, that’d just be a pain in the ass. Oh, who am I kidding? I may seem cynical, but I’m still a hopeless romantic on the inside. Forever I’ll be waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet, to be cliché. Hell, I’m not picky, any guy would do. That’s why I’m scared I’ll get in an abusive situation and not do anything about it. But, really, all I ask for is to have at least have one boyfriend before I die. Alas, that is not the fate for one as unapproachable as I. Maybe if I took advantage of this being single situation, I might be happier, but I’m not the one to have a one night stand. Not that I believe in no sex before marriage, either. I just think I’ll know when the right time is, or maybe my standards are too high. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I’m so whimsical when it comes to what I believe in.

With a sigh, I throw back the covers to my bed, shivering from the cool air. On my dresser to my right is a picture of a golden retriever, the face white with age. It was Holly, my dog I had since I was three. She died when I was fourteen, which triggered my depression. I sigh again, looking down at my arms. I made some stupid decisions because of it. Not even my family knows the whole of it. No one does, but it’s not like I’d ever tell some one, no way in hell. I would like to get a new puppy, but I can’t afford it, and it would be like animal abuse if I kept one.

I stepped quietly out into the hall; Katie was still sleeping. Tip-toeing into the bathroom, I turned on the shower head. The room filled with fog as the water warmed up. Slipping out of my pajamas, I stepped gingerly into the scalding water. Ah, just the way I like it, gives a slight burning sensation. I was always sort of a masochist. While washing my hair, I shamelessly sung out Coldplay’s Yellow. It’s not a band I like , but I got it stuck in my head when Katie played it over and over again last night. I yearned for someone to sing like that to me. Great, I’ve been turning into a hopeless romantic these days. Pretty soon, I’ll be buying romantic novels with those steamy book covers. Ugh. I need to put the Ramones in. No, not the Ramones, they have to many love songs. I guess I need a good dose off the Sex Pistols. You can always count on them to get your head out of the clouds. And I’ve always had a crush on Sid Vicious, even though he couldn’t play base. Johnny Rotten, too. That’s why I hate looking at pictures of John Lydon now, because it reminds me that the guy I have a crush on could now be my father. Gross.

My hair was sopping wet and tangled worse than a jungle underbrush, so I went for my hairstyle plan B. Up my hair went into a sloppy bun. I quickly threw on some nicer clothing for work, even though they’re pretty lenient on what you can wear. David is the best boss a person could have. He’s a grumpy old man, but a marshmallow underneath it all.

When I was out of the bathroom, I went to grab a doughnut from the kitchen, and suddenly my fat seemed to grow before my eyes. I’m so fat. So instead of a warm gooey doughnut of heaven, I had a Clementine instead.

“Oh my darling. Oh my darling! Oh my darling, Clementine. You were gone and lost forever. Oh my darling, Clementine.” I belted out while eating the tangy fruit, forgetting that Katie was still trying to sleep in the other room.
Finished, I grabbed my bag and was out the door. Climbing the eight flight of stairs no longer does murder on my legs, but it does keep me in shape when I forget to go to the gym. I stepped outside, the sharp wind biting at my face. It was surprisingly chilly for only October. That probably meant a lot of snow this winter, or maybe not. But that’s one thing I like better in Virginia than in the city. The snow stays clean and isn’t turned into a bunch of muddy slush. I ambled up the street and over a block before I arrived at the subway station. Like always, my metrocard gave me trouble, making me look like a stupid tourist, but I eventually got through. The metro to the upper east side was mostly empty this morning, so I grabbed a seat, putting on my head phones that had my ‘Never mind the Bullocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols’ CD in the player. I switched the songs to number three and the tunes of my favorite song started playing.
“I’ve seen you in the mirror when the story began
I fell in love with you
I love your mortal sin
Your brains are locked away
But I love your company
I only ever leave you
When you got no money
I got no emotions for anybody else
You better understand
I'm in love with myself
Myself
My beautiful self
No feeling
No feeling
No feelings
For anybody else
Hello and goodbye
And a runaround Sue
You follow me around like a pretty pot of glue
I kick you in the head
You got nothing to say
Get out of the way cause I gotta getaway
You never realise I take the piss out of you
You come up and see me and I beat you black and blue
All day
I'll send you away
I got no feeling
No feeling
No feeling
For anybody else
Except for myself
My beautiful selfish

There ain’t no moonlight after midnight
I see you silly people out looking for delight
Well, I'm so happy
I'm feeling so fine
I'm watching all the rubbish wasting my time
I look around your house
You got nothing to steal
I kick you in the brains when you get down to kneel
I pray
You pray to your god
No feeling
No feeling
I’ve got no feeling
For anybody else
No feeling
No feeling
No feeling
For anybody else
Except for myself
Your daddy's gone away
Be back another day
See his picture hanging on your wall”

By time the song was over, we were at my stop. Leaving the subway station, I only had to walk to blocks west and on the corner was were I worked. It looked abandoned, except for a small sign in the window that said O’riley’s Book Emporium. No wonder we get no business. The book store is really old. David’s almost eighty, and it was stared when David’s grandpa was a young man.
I entered the store, blinking several times to adjust to the dim lighting. The only light, in which you could see dust particles floating lazily, came from strategically placed lamps through out the room. The air was dense and musty. Rows of leather bound books of every volume filled shelves lining the walls. I always felt transported back in time when I work at this shop.
Jason was already at the cash register, counting out the change for customers. I strided over to him, grabbing his waist from behind, pulling him into a hug.
“Hello my sex muffin.”
“Hey, sweetie pie.” I let go of him and kick him in the butt.
“Hey!”
“I told you not to call me that!”
“Yet you can call me sex muffin.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because, I’m a bitch, deal.”
“Dealing..” He says dejectedly. God damn my conscience. I kiss him on the check and he smiles.
“I’m sorry. You can call me whatever you want.”
“Bitchzilla.”
“Not that, you fucker.”
“ How about, my certified sex slave.”
“Sounds good. Should I get on my knees for you.”
“Guys, please shut up! This is why we have no customers!” David says, coming out of the back room.
“Oh, hush. You know it’s because they take one look at you and run.” I respond. Not the exact thing you want to say to your boss, but he just laughs in his deep gurgle.
“Oi, slave, go put away the new copies of Catch-22.”
“My favorite book.” I say while grabbing the handful of books and heading down the aisle, stashing them next to the other Joseph Heller novels. The shop is like a library in the way we store our books in alphabetical order, not by what type of book it is. All the books we provide have been personally approved by David, so a lot of them are older novels.
On our break I went to talk to Jason.
“Hey, remember Katie’s over.”
“Yeah.”
“She invited us to go on a double date with her and Orlando fucking Bloom>”
“The Orlando fucking Bloom?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh god, how gay can you get?”
“I know. He’s got metrosexual written all over him. I mean, he used to dress with his own style, but now-“
“Wait! How do you know what he used to dress like?”
“umm.”
“You’ve looked him up on the internet, haven’t you?”
“umm”
“Haven’t you?”
“No.”
“Oh God. I see it now. You have a crush on him.”
“NO!”
“That’s why you act so rude to him. You like him.”
“No! God Damnit!”
“Fine, keep your secrets.”
“So will you go on the date tonight.”
“Sure. I want to make sure you don’t steal Katie’s boyfriend.”
“Listen. Lets get one thing straight. I’m obsessive compulsive when it comes to the Lord of the Rings-“
“And you try so hard to hide it.”
“Anyways, I was looking up the Rings and I stumbled on an Orlando website.”
“Where you just happened to ogle at is pictures for hours on end.”
"Arg! I hate you. Just be at my flat a little before seven."

The truth about her crush for him finally comes out.
She should just admit that she wants to jump his bones.

That doesn't sound very good....

That actually sounds like me and my friend Jason.
Only he's my sex slave and he's never called me Sweetie Pie.
I was called Sex Kitten by him once...
*laughs*
Good times, good times...

*Rolls over with laughter*

Nice!
Oh that's great!

I love your dialogue!
Brilliant stuff!

And the beginning of this chapter makes Sarah seem more human.
Very cool, I love the depression and bad self image factor you've added.
It's great.

Thankyou nobody. I like when people quote. Quotage is the best. Makes me feel accomplished. Maybe a new chapter this weekend. I've got so many ideas in my head. I was day dreaming in class about stuff that could happen in later chapters.
Yeah and the depression stuff. I don't like using it as plot stuff, but this character is based on someone. Me actually, so I wanted it to be my personality completely.

The depression is good, it makes her seem realer.
And I know how that works, I'm actually taking Lexapro for my depression- not that I think its doing any good...
But yeah.

Good luck on wirting more!
I hope there's a new chapter tonight when I get back form hockey.

Toodles

I don't know about when you get back from Hockey, but I think I'll have the chapter finished tonight. I'm just taking a break from typing it. I'm a terrible typer.

Sorry it took so long, my computer went AWOL. Oh well here's the chapter.


Chapter 8: The Date…BuBu Buum


I felt like I was preparing for a funeral. Not only was I dressed in all black, but I was fearing this date more than anything I’ve done in my life. Maybe not as much as when I was waiting for Sam to get a hold of me to tease me senseless after my butt scratching incident on stage. That was hell. Aren’t gorillas supposed to do that anyways? I was dreading this date because of one person in particular. Why couldn’t Katie and I go on our own separate date? No, we can’t do that. We have to invite the bloody sister along. I don’t have found memories of her at all.

“So, Bloomy Boy.”
“What?”
“What’s your IQ?”
“I don’t remember.”
“That bad, huh?”

“Hey Elf. You like Katie, do ya?”
“um, yes.”
“What did you say?”
“I mean, no.”
“I always thought you were gay.”

“Have you ever gotten pubic hair in the mail?”
“uh, yes I have.”
“You got my letter!”
“Are you serious?”
“I don’t know, was it brown?”
“Bloody Hell.”

The thought made me shudder, but there’s no backing out now, because here I am at Sarah’s flat. They were all waiting outside on the sidewalk for me. There was a guy wearing a green trench coat that had black spiked hair. Sarah donned her own black trench coat. That with her pale face and lush red lips, she looked like a vampire. Did I just say lush? I meant ugly, chapped lips. Ugly I tell you. Sarah’s just…ugh. Katie had on a white mini skirt and a blue halter top. That bare back is going to need a lot of attention from me. Oh god, look how smooth and tan it is. Jeez, a tad bit hormonal, aren’t we Bloom, but those legs they’re so long and toned. God, I can’t wait until we’re dancing together. I rolled down the window and called to the group, and they all piled into the car. I was saying hello to Katie when someone grasps my shoulder.
“Hey Elf boy. How are ya?”
“Fine.” I grumble.
“I’d like you to meet Jason.” I twisted in my seat to shake the guy’s hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Same here.” Wow. Did he have a New York accent.
Goth dude then whispers something in Sarah’s ear; she looked at me and giggled. What were they talking about?
“Jason and I have come to a conclusion!”
“What’s that?” Asks Katie.
“That Orlando fucking Bloom is dressed like a conservative asshole.”
I groaned while Sarah and Jason crack up on each other’s shoulder. I can see why they’re a couple. I must admit, lately I’ve dressed like a total arse, but it’s what my agent wants.
“Is it really that bad?” I ask Katie when we’re stopped at a red light.
“Just loosen the tie, sweetie. It looks like it’s choking you.”
I grunt in reply and quickly pull down on the knot of my tie.
“Better?”
“Much. You look very sexy.” Katie grins.
“What can I say, I’m one sexy man.” I smile cheekily, which sends Sarah into another fit of laughter.
“You…sexy…you crack me up, Bloomy.”
I don’t comment, but a scowl appears on my face. Why did Sarah have to come along? Did I do something horrible to deserve this. I know I stole gum from the grocery store when I was fifteen, but that’s the worst crime I’ve committed. Okay, I smoked before I turned eighteen, but that’s the worst. So I drank alcohol under the age limit, is that so bad? No. Everyone drank and smoked. It’s what normal people did.

“I don’t drink alcohol, so just a coke please.” Sarah said to the waiter. Of course. Of course. I knew the second I opened my mouth, she’d be the exact opposite, just to rub my faults in my face. She had to be miss angel ‘I don’t drink alcohol’.

I ordered a beer and spaghetti. Yum. Nothing like good Italian food. When it came time for Sarah to order her main dish, she looked distraught and hesitated to answer. She quickly ordered an appetizer of breadsticks.
“What Else.” The waiter I have named snotty asked.
‘That’s all.” Sarah blushes as Snotty takes our menus and stomps away.
“Sarah, aren’t you hungry?” Katie asks.
“Yes, but I-I can’t afford the food here.” She looked completely embarrassed and blushes even more when she sees me looking at her. Probably because I’m filthy rich. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost. The goth guy wraps an arm around her.
“I’ll pay for it. Order something when the waiter gets back.”
Sarah smiles brightly and pecks goth dude on the cheek. I think I want to hurl. Public displays of affection are only acceptable if I’m the one doing it. It’s rule number four rule in the Orli Rule Book for Dating. Number one rule is never date a guy. So I’m a bit insecure about my masculinity, so sue me.
“There’s a protest for gay rights that I’m going to join.” Does this girl read my thoughts or something. First the drinking, now this. Twice is just creepy.
“Are you a lesbian?”
“So what if I was? It doesn’t change who I am does it?" Jeez, a tad bit touchy, are we?
“I’m just asking.”
“I’m bisexual. You afraid of me now?”
“No.”
“Good. I’m actually straight. I just wanted to see your reaction.”
I shall call her flippy, because she flip-flops and is crazy. Changing what she’s saying every two seconds. Was this supposed to teach me something? Am I supposed to have a new deep understanding for homosexuals? I snorted. No such luck.

We ate the rest of dinner in an awkward silence, only filled with Katie’s incessant, mindless babbling about the love lives of different celebrities. It’s hard to have a decent conversation knowing two of the party hate your guts. I wish I could have some alone time with Katie. I wanted to date her, not her sister and her boyfriend. I feel bad for the goth guy.(I’m terrible with names) Imagine having that bitch as a girlfriend. Now with my shitty luck, she had to be sitting across from me, in my line of vision. She is the devil reincarnate, and it’s making me miserable. I just want to tear my hair out and scream. Scream like bloody murder. I don’t know why I’m like this, but just looking at her is irritating. The way she smiles, the way she bites her tongue in concentration trying to keep the food on her fork, the way she shakes her head to get her bangs out of her eyes. Maybe I’m crazy, so lock me up. Won’t make a difference.

I spent the whole way driving thinking of ways to kill Sarah. Easiest way is to make it look like suicide. Jason and Sarah suggested a club called The Black Rose and Katie had to agree to go. What’s a guy to do? So we ended up in a dark alley way, surrounded by abandoned buildings.
“There’s nothing here.” I point out the obvious.
“That’s because the sign is broken. Have hope ye of little faith.” Sarah said walking up to one of the doors of a dark building and opening it. Music came blasting from inside. So there was something here in this dump.
The big gorilla bouncer was sending me death glares. Sarah and Goth guy got by easily, but it took some begging from Katie and me to get in. A place where being famous doesn’t get you in, that’s fucking brilliant.
When I walked in, my jaw dropped. Before me was a myriad of leather jackets, safety pins, and multicolored Mohawks. Well, Katie and I were certainly out of place. And what was with the noise? That isn’t music, that’s a migraine by guitar. God it was horrible. Everywhere heads were banging and bodies bashing. This wasn’t dancing. What happened to funky techno music? Yeah, I’m not very good with unfamiliar situations. At least I dressed in black; Katie stuck out like a sore thumb.Sore thumb, now that’s an expression. Who new so many losers lived in one area. Of course, it’s New York City, what can you expect.
We grab a table near the back away from the stage where a leather-clad band was playing. Sarah’s dancing around, limbs flying this way and that. Looks like muscle spasms. Suddenly she’s up beside me grinning crazily.
“The Vectors are fucking awesome. They play with three chords, like the Ramones.”
“That’s wonderful.” I reply sarcastically.
Up comes a guy in tight plaid pants with a matching purple Mohawk.
“Care to dance, my lady.” Oh god, what a sleazeball. I can’t believe Sarah’s blushing. She digs this guy?
“Sure, let me take off my coat” Sarah sheds off her coat, handing it to a frowning Jason. I would be upset too, if some guy was stealing my girl. She’s wearing tall, black Doc Martens, with black fishnet leggings, a red plaid skirt, and a black camisole with a long sleeved mesh shirt over it. She cleans up nicely, but I can say that about anybody.

A few hours later I had gotten used to the never-ending brain scrambling music and was sitting talking to Katie, with a very sloshed Jason sitting beside me. As Katie got to go get more drinks, I heard Jason grumble. I followed is line of vision to where Sarah was sitting with that sewer rat. I can’t believe she’s doing this to her boyfriend. I knew there was something wrong with her. Hah! She’s not perfect. As I was also slightly affected by the alcohol, I turned to Jason, patting him on the back.
“Mate, I can’t believe you’re letting that dude steal your girl.”
“She’s not my gir-rl.”
“I thought you were dating.”
“No we’re not, sil-l-ly. It’s just a lie so Katie doesn’t bother Sarah.”
“So you’re not dating ?”
“No. I wish we-we were, but we’re not.”
“Oh.” I say looking back to where Sarah was sitting but she’s not there.
“Yeah, she’s never had a boyfriend in her life. She thinks she’s ugly and she’s very insecure, but she won’t admit it. It’s because of her-I shouldn’t tell you. She wouldn’t want you to know.” Aw, now I feel slightly sorry for her.
“Orlando?”
“Yes, Katie.” I say as she hands me a new beer.
“Could you go find Sarah for me, I’m worried about her.”
“Okay.” I groan.
Scanning the room, she was no where in sight, so I decided to look in the only place she could be where I couldn’t see her. The bathroom. I find her kneeling on the floor in the hallway outside the doors to the loo. When looking closer, I see that she sobbing quietly. And I can’t hate her right now. I’m not that mean. I have compassion.
“Sarah?”
“You.” She quickly stands up and wipes her eyes. “What do you want?” She growls.
“Are you okay.”
“Yeah, nothing’s wrong.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, of course.” But the way her eyes aren’t looking at me, I can tell she’s lying.
“Want to dance?” What the hell? Did I just ask that? And to Sarah of all people.
“Sure.” She looks up at the speakers. “I love this song. Bad Brains, Sacred Love.”

We reach the dance floor and I wrap my arms around her waist. I’m glad this song is slower, because I don’t know how to dance to fast-paced rock music. She gingerly brings her hands around my neck and her fingertips tickle my skin. This feels nice. Just nice, nothing more, nothing less. I listen to the lyrics as we sway to the music.

When the song is ending I let out a small sound. Sarah snorts and buries her head into my chest, giggling. “Oh God Bloom. I can’t believe you just farted.” And for the first time, I laugh with Sarah.

Perfect.
I didn't get online last night because...
Well, thats a secret.
but anywas, I'm here and there's a new chapter!
Rock my socks baby!

:eeek:

Oh wow!
That's fucking halarious!

Oh lovely description.
And I love Orli's reaction.
very nice.

lol

Bloomy, what a nickname!

I just like that bit for no inparticular reason.

Yes, very clever.
Make Orli feel like a dolt, it's good for the readers.

Ha!

I love that!

Oh poor Orli.
I actually feel sorry for him right there.

Just a little though.

Uh oh...
Jason wasn't supposed to tell him that...

*dies from laughter*

Oh that's classic!

I totally LOVE that chapter, love.

Absolutly brilliant work.
You're great!

And it's just what I wanted to find today.

You rock my multicolored pineapple flavored toe socks!

mmm. pinapple. I shall go searching my house for a pinapple now. I doubt I have one.

You can have some of mine.

*shares pine apple from the fridge*

On New Years I made a huge ham and we had this HUGE can of pineapple.
We had to much pineapple so I put it all in tupperware containers.
We have 5 containers out of 11 left.

I like pineapple.

Thanks. *Tastes some pineappple. Licks lips. Grabs the rest from the fridge and runs off laughing madly*
Mmm Ham and pineapple. Thank god for who ever invented tuberware. They shall be put on a pedastal along with Plato and Franklin.
Anywho, here's a really short chapter. I've been busy. It's like my imbecilic teachers just made the fantastic discovery of busy work and have now decided to plague me with endless amounts of worksheets that makes your brain to deflate from overload of information.



Chapter 9: Personal Space


“One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.” I whisper breathlessly while I run on the treadmill. Exercise is one of the better ways to relieve stress, as so many have told me. I was trying to forget last night. He had seemed so nice at first, being the perfect gentleman, always using his manners. I thought for once luck was one my side, that maybe I met a good guy who was interested in me. I soon found out differently. Oh, he was still interested in me, too interested. He began to grope at me. I told him to stop, but he kept grabbing at me. I shoved him, and he slapped me, calling me an ugly bitch.

What he said brings tears to my eyes as I walk down the street. The bastard. He only confirmed what I’ve thought for most of my life. I’m ugly, nasty, and no one can even come close to even liking me. Thinking of that, I can’t believe Orlando caught me crying. Why him of all people? I don’t think he really cared that I was upset. He probably just thought I was crazy. It’s obvious that he hate’s me, when all I’ve ever done is tease him a little. Okay, a lot. The poor baby couldn’t take it. I shuddered, thinking of us dancing. Talk about invasion of my personal space. Why did he ask me to dance anyways? He doesn’t like me. I’m thinking about this too much. I mean, it was just a dance.

When I get to my door, I find it unlocked. Entering my flat, I yell at Katie. “How many times do I have to tell you? Lock the damn door even when-your-home…” My voice fades as I realize who’s sitting at my kitchen counter. I quickly tug down the sleeves of my sweatshirt, covering my arms. What is he doing here? I plaster on a fake happy expression. “Hey elf boy. I was just thinking about you.” He grimaces.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I never knew actors were human enough to fart. I should’ve recorded it and sold it to E! for their next True Hollywood Story.”
“That’s nice.”
“So may I ask what you’re doing in my apartment?”
“Your sister invited me over, but she’s still in the shower.”
“And you aren’t with her?” He blushes. Aw, how virginal of him.

I get a bottle of water out of my fridge. Sipping on the drink, I sit down on the other stool. I feel Orlando’s eyes on me and I try to sink down in my chair. I know why he’s staring. I sweated off all my makeup.
“Sarah?”
“Yeah?” Act nonchalant, like you don’t know anything.
“What’s that from.”
“What?” Suddenly fingers are lightly trailing across my cheek.
“That. That bruise. It’s a nasty shiner.”
What are those fingers doing on my face? Three feet of personal space please. I think I’m getting goosebumps and it’s all I can do to not lean into the touch.
“Oh-oh, I just…” Lie. Don’t say what happened. “I hit it on my side table when I woke up this morning.” Now he’s cupping the side of my face in his hands.
“It’s in the shape of a hand print.” Uhoh.
“Uh, how strange…” Play stupid. That’s right.
“Who hit you?” Damn. Just act as if it’s nothing.
“Oh, you know, the guy at the club. No big deal.”
“I knew he was a rat.” Orlando pulls his hand away and that’s when I notice that I’ve leaned sideways towards him. I quickly straightened and get down to go in my room. Enough embarrassing moments for me.

Once behind locked door, I reach a hand up to rub my cheek. I scoffed. He had me fooled. Seemed like he actually cared. He probably thinks I’m even more stupid than before. Letting some guy hit me. What am I? A weakling. I should’ve known that guy was a jerk.

Suddenly I get one of my urges. I shouldn’t have, but I can’t help but reach behind my pillow…








Will we find out what's behind the pillow? Soon, my dear people, soon.

:eeek:

what's behind the pillow.

*thinks*

Is it something shard so she can cut herslef?

*Tackles Sarah*
Bad girl, no sharp objects!

*sigh*

My siblings suck.

I should have an update this weekend. Sorry if you came here thinking there was an update. I've just refused to take my Lexapro, and the withdrawals are really getting to me. I know I'm only hurting myself, but it's an addiction I have. I'm a masochist. Like the other day I banged my head against the wall until it almost started to bleed and I got a big bruise. Sorry i just felt I had to tell someone, cause I refuse to see my shrink. Now they're threatening to put me in tuckers, which is an institution for the sucidal. I say hey, I haven't tryed to commit suicide since december(which is because they locked up all the sharp objects, i mean ALL, and all the drugs) Anywho enough of my problems.
There is good news *signal trumpet blowing* Elijah Wood enters stage left. :tsk:

Chapter 10: Not so bad


I knew it. I shouldn’t have ever introduced Elijah to Sarah. At the time I felt wonderful for doing a good deed, but now it’s not so great, because Elijah has invited Sarah to join us to watch a football game. This is supposed to be a guy’s activity, just for buddies. Sarah is definitely not my buddy, and never will be.

They get along like peanut butter and jelly. Sorry bad simile on my part. I’m an actor not a bloody English major. I don’t know why I’m not happy for Elijah. I mean, it seems he really likes her. He talked non stop on the phone the other day about just how sweet Sarah is. Sarah, sweet. Is that even possible? They spent the whole first thirty minutes they met making fun of me, then they’d both make annoying giggly noises. Katie thought it was cute. The only person who doesn’t like Elijah and Sarah getting to know each other, besides me, is Jason. I hung out with Jason the other day as the girls did whatever girls do, probably shopping. He gets jealous really easily, even if Sarah isn’t his girlfriend. I bet it sucks having unrequited love, something I have luckily never had to experience. I feel bad for him, but I still don’t understand how he can love Sarah. He says she’s nice to people who are nice to her. That was a kick in the gut. Does she think I hate her? I mean that’s all I rant about, but I really don’t hate her. It’s just a strong dislike. I’ve never truly hated somebody in my entire life. Jason also says that Elijah’s lucky, that she doesn’t warm up to strangers that easily. That much is evident through my experience with her. He also mentioned something about her adoring Elijah’s movie, Radio Flyer.

I invited Katie after I found out Sarah was coming over, but she was busy. I wish she wasn’t. I don’t want to be left alone with Beavis and Butthead. They’ll ruin it. They’re stupid Americans. They don’t understand the importance of football, thinking they’re better than everyone else because the call it soccer.

There’s a knock on the door, interrupting my thought. I open the door, getting tackled by a blue-eyed minion.
“Hey Orli!”
“Oi, geroff.” I shove him backwards. He goes flailing around, grabbing onto the arm of an unsuspecting Sarah, who yelps in pain. I mean, she really sounded hurt. It’s not like Elijah’s grip is that tight. Maybe she twisted it. Elijah looks concerned.
“Are you alright?” He grasps onto Sarah’s arm again and tears spring into her eyes.
“Just let go of me, please.” He drops her arm, which she rubs gingerly.
“Did you twist it?” I ask worriedly.
“No.”
“Here, let doctor Lijah see it.” He reaches towards her arm, but she quickly hides it behind her back.
“No! I mean,…heh, I’m fine.” There’s an embarrassing silence. I look Sarah over. She was definitely acting strange. Why, I have no clue, and by looking at Elijah’s expression, he didn’t know either.
“So…come on in.” I motion them inside. Sarah gasps.
“I’ve never seen a hotel room this big before. Nice place, Bloom.” Well, at least she didn’t call me elf boy. I grab a beer for Lij and a coke for Sarah from the kitchen, handing it to them.
“Thanks. How’d you know?”
“What? Oh, coke over beer. Just a lucky guess.” I wasn’t ever going to admit that I know little facts about her.
We all piled into the living area and Elijah ran, starting to jump on the couch. Sarah soon joined him, starting to sing. She had the most horrible voice I’ve ever heard. Okay, so not as bad as William Hung, but still, it was bad.
“Come on Orli, get your ass up here!” Elijah giggles as they start to swing around, entwining limbs, like the Mexican hat dance. I’m surprised that one of them hasn’t fallen off yet. Sarah starts singing the bloody song again and Elijah keeps giggling. I swear, he’s like a little kid. I start listening to what she’s singing and get disgusted by how vulgar it is.
“It was on the good ship Venus
by Christ, ya should’ve seen us
the figurehead was a whore in bed
the mast, a mammoth penis.

The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one place to another.”

Elijah joins her on the chorus that she was singing earlier.
“Friggin in the riggin
friggin in the riggin
friggin in the riggin
there was fuck all else to do.”

I have to admit, the tune was kind of catchy.

“The captain’s name was Morgan
by Christ, he was a gorgon
ten times a day, he’d stop and play
with his fucking organ.

The first mate’s name was Cooper
By Christ, he was a trooper
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor”

Well, if you can’t beat them, join them. I bound onto the couch and Sarah smiles brightly at me. I sing like a bloody drunk.

“Friggin in the riggin
friggin in the riggin
friggin in the riggin
there was fuck all else to do.”

“The second mate was Andy
by Christ, he had a dandy
till they crushed his cock with a jagged rock
for cumming in the brandy.

The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fuckin nigger*
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.”

“Friggin in the riggin
friggin in thr riggin
friggin in the riggin
there was fuck all else to do.”

“The captain’s wife was Mable
to fuck she was not able
so the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
across the barroom table

The captain had a daughter
Who feel in deep sea waters
And by her sqeals we knew the eels
Had found her sexual quarters.”

“God that’s vile.”
“That’s the Sex Pistols for you.” Sarah smiles at me, her cheeks flushed from jumping so much.
“You’ll have to teach me the rest of the lyrics.” Elijah says flinging himself down, grabbing Sarah so she falls on top of him.
“Sorry, my fat ass probably squashed you.” Sarah quickly tries to get up, but Elijah pulls her back down by the waist.
“I don’t mind.” I groan and hide my face in a cushion. Don’t pull the moves on Sarah. Don’t try and seduce her. Wait, what do I care?
“Guys, we’re going to miss the game.”
“Yeah, let me up.” He reluctantly lets go and she straightens up on the coach, but snuggles into Lijah’s side. I can see they’re on friendly terms. Why didn’t I get the memo? They’ve probably been seeing each other secretly. I don’t know why Elijah wouldn’t tell me. Do they have something going on? And why am I getting so riled up about it?
I turn on the telly and flip to channel 4.
“Who’s playing?” Asks Elijah. That’s when I notice him holding her hand. I scowl, my mood turning foul.
“Some bloody American team.” I exaggerate American, glaring at my Yankee friend. I don’t know why I’m getting so pissed off. “No good football on these channels.” I grumble.
“Hey, American soccer is damn good football. I resent the fact your insulting America when I’m not even remotely patriotic” I scoff at Sarah.
“Resent it all you want, love.” She blushes. Woah. Did I just call her love? I mean I do that to a lot of people I know, but that’s because I like them. I think Sarah might be growing on me. She hasn’t been mean to me the whole time she’s been here. I think back to smile she gave me when I joined them on the couch. The more I imagine her face smiling brightly at me, the more I notice how dull her eyes had looked, they way she seemed upset even though she was bouncing around with Elijah.
I rack my brain, and more images keep popping up. Her crying in the club, the way her eyes had watered when I noticed her bruise, the quiet sobbing coming from her room. Is Sarah not as happy as she acts? Is it all a façade? I turn to look at Sarah, who, surprisingly, is staring right back at me with glazed eyes. I smile weakly, but she’s too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice…

“Come on you fucking ref! Can’t you tell it’s at least a damn yellow card when the asshole trips him from behind on a breakaway?” Sarah screams at the telly. Turns out, her favorite team, D.C. United, was playing and she was getting worked up about the game. I never knew she was a football fan. She doesn’t seem like the type.
“Watch your language, young lady.”
“Ah, fuck you, Bloom.”
“Any time, any place, you know that baby.”
“Say anything like that ever again, and I’ll put your head through a meat grinder.”

I have to admit, I was actually having fun with Sarah. This was something totally new for me and I couldn’t quite tell why I was so excited about it.

We decide to watch a movie.
“I don’t care as long as it’s not the Lord of the Rings.” Sarah chimes in.
“What kind of fan are you?” Elijah asks.
“What? You never told me you were a fan.” Sarah rolls her eyes.
“I didn’t think your ego needed the inflation.” I frown and remain quiet for the rest of the night. When the credits started to role on the movie, I hear Elijah’s snores from the ground. Sarah’s curled up onto the couch, next to me, snuggling with a pillow. I look at her, and my hand brushes her bangs aside. Her bruise is still slightly visible. She didn’t tell Elijah or Katie what it was from. They were both asking about it the other day. I felt privileged that she would confide something like that in me. I can’t help but let my hand cup her cheek. Is like some imaginary force that pushes me to do it, just like last week. She snuggles into my hand mumbling something that I can’t quite catch. She opens her eyes sleepily, and jumps back, batting my hand away.
“Christ Bloom, don’t do that to me.”
“Do what?” I ask grinning evilly.
“You know exactly what, and I don’t like it.”
“You seemed to like it while you were asleep.” She blushes, something that I notice only happens around me. “Come on, Elijah’s dead, I’ll take you home.”

The car ride was silent except for the occasional direction uttered by Sarah.
“Orlando?” Holy Jesus Fucking Christ! I almost crash the car. She’s never called me by my first name and it scared the shit out of me.
“Yeah.” My heart is pounding madly, and I try to tell myself it’s just from the shock.
“I’m sorry, about the ego thing. I mean,…I guess, your not that bad. Your not that upset are you, I mean.” She looks so exasperated that I have to smile.
“It’s alright, just lay off with the jokes a little, alrigh?”
“Yeah. You know I only do that because I like… I mean, I like teasing you. Bye Bloom.”
She says, rushing to get out before the car is completely stopped. I don’t even get to ask her what she was going to say.








* These lyrics are supposed to get people angry and disgusted. That’s why such a terrible word is used here. Complain all you want, but I am in no way prejudice. It’s just the lyrics John Lydon decided to use to get a rise out of people.

ooooooh they're getting closer...you know what that means...they're going to screw like rabbits...

yeah, I guess you could say screw like rabbits. Let's just say, I can't write sex seens worth shit, so if there even is any, it won't be any good.Wanna hear how I write sex scenes:

They fucked.

The End.

I'm not a fan of writing sex scenes in my stories.
I don't even want to try; it's just not my style.

I've read it all, and loving the story! Sarah's hilarious, I hate Katie though. Grr. She really pisses me off!

POST MORE! Even if it may be a shite sex scene lol

Dear members,

We as Ewac moderating team would like to have your opinion on bringing back the annual fanfic awards.
Please let us know what you think about it! Click on the following link to read more about it and vote!!!

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:18-combo: :ups: There's your sex scene for the day.




Chapter 11: We’re Supposed to be Best Friends

“I’m not so sure about this guy.” Jason says, his head resting in my lap as I stroke his head affectionately. I don’t get what is his problem, but lately he’s been acting like an immature asshole.
“What’s wrong with Wood?”
“For one he’s immature-“I scoff, if anyone was being sophomoric, it was Jason. “Second, he’s way to preppy for me-“
“Elijah isn’t any where near being preppy. He’s a dweeb, yeah, but not a prep-“
“Well, he dressed like one when he came over the other day-“
“That’s because we were going out to dinner at a snobby, rich people’s restaurant. Even I was dressed presentably.”
“And that leads me to another point. He’s a rich actor-“
“So, you don’t have a problem with Bloom. You guy’s even hung out the other-“
“He’s not trying to get in your pants!”
I scoff once again, stopping the movements of my hand. “Elijah is definitely not trying to do that.” I say in disbelief.
“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I know how guys’ brains work, trust me. He wants to fuck you.”
“I-no--how can you tell?”
“His eyes give it all away.” Jason says pulling me down and rolling over so I’m pinned beneath him. I squirm in his grasp. “The way his eyes slowly undress you. And I don’t blame him.” His eyes darken with a look I’ve never seen before. I shudder, feeling his hot breath against me, his face mere inches from mine. I try to close my eyes and pretend I don’t know what’s coming, but unfortunately everything screamed crappy romantic movie. I hate romantic movies. Before I can form a protest, his mouth is pressed softly against mine. And I don’t feel anything, no butterflies in the stomach, no tingly sensations. It felt like I was back in high school when my friend, who is a girl, and I kissed just for practice. It felt uncomfortable then, and it felt uncomfortable now. When I start to feel his tongue, I’m startled into reality, and push him away gently.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He murmurs. I just wrinkle my nose in disgust, scrambling to get up and away from my so-called best friend. I run towards my room, banging right into Orlando. My hands somehow become splayed across his chest. That’s when I notice he’s just in his boxers with ruffled hair that screamed ‘SEX SEX SEX’. I shove him and dart into my room.

My situation couldn’t be any worse. Orland fucking Bloom, that pompous, smart-ass bastard, was fucking my sister. Eew, those are not mental images I want. And what about Jason. We’re supposed to be best friends, why didn’t he tell me he liked me. No, he had to complicate things by not saying a word then kissing me. Did I look like I wanted to be kissed? The answer is no way Jose. It felt like he betrayed me. To top it all off, the king of video games and all that is nerdom is supposedly attracted to me. Okay, so he is cute, but in the whole ‘oh, look at the lost puppy, mommy, can we keep him’ look, not the ‘don’t you want to jump my bones’ way. I’m so confused that I burst out crying, hitting my head against the door.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I turned over to see Katie smiling at me lazily.
“That was fantastic.” She says, kissing me tenderly on the cheek. I open my mouth to respond, but my throat was too dry.
“I need a drink.” I manage to croak out hoarsely.

Stepping out into the hall, I walk right smack into Sarah. I thought she was supposed to be at work. Oh god, did she hear me and Katie? Oh shit, now I feel nasty and dirty, like I did something wrong. Which I didn’t. Who cares if Sarah knew that Katie and I shagged? Okay, so I did. I felt like I was betraying someone. What the fuck was wrong with me.
Her hands are pressed against me. They’re icy and I shiver involuntarily. Her look of bewilderment contorts into a pained expression. She pushes me away and bolts into her room.
I felt like I had to defend my actions or at least tell Sarah something. I’ll lie, that’s it. I try to think of some excuse when it hits me. My clothes were in the wash, right. That’s a good one Bloom, now tell her that. I reach out to knock on the door when something suddenly hits it.

Bang. Bang Bang…..Bang. Bang Bang….. Bang. Bang Bang…..Bang-

It continued in the same pattern, getting louder and louder. The door was vibrating on its hinges. What the hell was going on? I swing open the door, to find Sarah sitting cross legged on the floor, still moving her head in violent forward motions.
“Sarah?” No response. “Earth to Sarah!” Still nothing. I grab her shoulders, and she slinks down towards the floor, shaking with sobs.
“What’s the matter?” I smooth back her bangs, and see a bruise on her forehead. So she had been hitting her head against the door.
“Is h-h-he gone?” She stutters.
“Who?”
“Jason.” She whines.
‘I don’t know, let me check and get you some ice. You’ll be okay for a few seconds won’t you. Promise not to bang your head?”
“It didn’t hurt.”
“But you’ve got a bruise.”
“I can’t feel it. Plus, it’s none of your business anyways…just, if Jason’s out there tell him to leave right now.”
“Fine, go bang your bloody head off, see if I care.”

I leave the deranged girl, walking into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water. Taking a sip, the cool liquid soothing my throat, I notice Jason sitting with his head in his hands. Slamming my glass down, I storm over to him.
“What the hell did you do to her, you wanker?” I bellow, restraining from hitting him across the head.
“---“
“What was that?” I ask angrily?
“I kissed her.” He groaned. It was so absurd that I burst into laughter and flop down onto the couch.
“I can’t believe she’s crying over that.”
“Oh, trust me she should. We made a pact when we first met that we’d never pull the moves on another. I broke a promise. That’s the worst thing you can do to Sarah, break a promise, that is. I screwed up big time.”
“Yeah, she was banging her head against the door like a mad woman.” Jason glares at me.
“Don’t you dare call Sarah mad, crazy, or anything like that ever again, or so help me, I will have to beat you to a pulp. She’s been through a lot of shit and doesn’t need some guy who doesn’t know anything about her calling her crazy. You just don’t understand what’s going on with her.”
“Geez, sorry mate. I didn’t mean to insult, it’s just an expression.”
“Sorry, I-I should leave now. Try and stop her if she tries to bang her head again, alright.” He’s says getting up and walking out the door.
“Sure.” I say after he’s already left. Groaning, I head to the freezer and grab a bag of frozen peas. Returning to Sarah, she smiles at me as if nothing had happened.
“Hey Bloom. Watcha doing?”
“I got you ice.”
“For what?” Now I’m confused.
“For your bruise.”
“Oh, that. I don’t need ice.”
“But it will swell.”
“I don’t give a damn.”
“What’s the matter with you?”
“One thing, I was just kissed by my best friend. My god damn best friend! He betrayed me. He promised not try something with me. He said he wouldn’t hurt me, that he understood my problems. But, no. He’s like everyone else!”
“So what are your problems?”
“None of your fucking business and they shouldn’t have been Jason’s either, seeing how he can’t even respect me.”
“Oh come on! What did he do wrong, he’s attracted to you. You can’t blame him for something that he can’t control.”
“But he can’t be attracted to me.”
“And why the hell can someone not be attracted to you?”
“Because, I’m hideous!”
I choke on my words. Should I tell her the truth or lie to her? Either way it didn’t look like a good outcome.
“You aren’t hideous.” I expected a hug, a kiss, at least a god damn smile, but we aren’t dealing with a regular girl. No, this is Sarah we’re talking about. I got the door slammed in my face. My face was inches away from the ‘Trespassers will be shot’ sign. I sighed, taking a lesson from Sarah and banging my head against the door.

Stupid friggin' Jason! He knows better than to pull the moves on her! And Orlando, being all goddamn macho, defending Sarah, and then not understanding her! Boys will be boys!

I just hope Elijah won't be trying to kiss her, and if he does, Orlando will finally come to his senses and not be such an arse; and help out Sarah.

I loved that chapter!

I got a banner from Black_Rose over at The Orlando Bloom Files.





Chapter 12: Perverts
I can’t believe this. I cannot believe this. No wait, I can’t believe her. That-That-That bitch. That is it, she is no longer my sister. I’m scratching her name out of the family tree. She could have asked me first. I mean, it’s not like I would have said no, if she would have just asked. Actually, I would’ve said no, but still, it is after all my apartment. I still couldn’t believe it.

A party.

She was having a party in my apartment. Mine. MY apartment. Am I making this clear? She was having…a party…in my apartment. I still couldn’t grasp the concept. Who knew she even had friends in New York?

And when Katie had friends it meant only one thing. Models. Model friends. Friends who are models. Isn’t this fantastic. Gucci wearing freaks invading my personal space. What can she not get about this being my apartment.

I rolled over onto my back, staring blankly at the poster on the ceiling.
“That bitch.” I tell Joey Ramone, who just scowls back at me. “And then she has the audacity to tell me to wear something that ‘doesn’t contain pieces of metal’.”

I get out of bed and throw open my closet door. I needed to find something ‘decent’ for… I check my watch… two hours from now. Picking up the clothes on the floor, I put them in the hamper. Then I shove all the clothes I normally wear to the side of the closet. I flip through my old clothes… a sweater from Old Navy… an old soccer uniform… it was like looking into my past…a Roxy t-shirt from my surfer days where I never actually surfed. Why I didn’t throw out this stuff, I have no clue. That’s when I came across a short black skirt… hmm… it looked like something I’d wear. Why was it in the back of the closet? Oh well, I throw it on the bed. I look at the skirt, then at the closet, then the skirt again. Then it hit me. I knew what I’d wear. It’s ‘decent’ but still something I’d wear.

In a much chipper mood, I hop over to my dresser and pull open the drawer where I keep my ‘work’ clothes. I pull out a white collar shirt, a grey tuxedo vest, and a black tie. Oh, I felt so girly coordinating an outfit. I usually just pull on what’s clean.

I strip off my pajama bottoms and slip on the skirt. I look in the mirror on my closet door. The skirt came to mid thigh. I groan. “How come when I wear anything remotely revealing, I feel like a slut?” I ask Sid Vicious, who just snarled, holding onto his guitar. “I know! I’ll wear my boots, that should cover my calves. That isn’t revealing.” Once again all I got was a snarl.

I pull my t-shirt over my head. “To wear a real bra or not. That tis the question.” I scoff. Sport’s bra it is. Not like anyone’s going to see what I’m wearing, because I won’t let them. “Pow! Pow!” I pull a few Kung Foo moves. “Take that you pervert!” I swing my leg and it hits the corner of my dresser.
“Fuck! My foot. My poor foot! Oh, the pain!” Someone jiggles the door knob and I hear the lock unclick. Oh shit, I never fixed that.
“Are you okay, I heard a screa- Oh God!”
“Oh Shit!” I was rolling around on the floor on my back, grabbing onto my foot. Without a shirt. “GET OUT YOU PERVERT! GET OUT NOW BLOOM OR SO HELP ME GOD YOUR HEAD WILL BE CHOPPED INTO A THOUSAND PIECES!”
He’s got his eyes covered and keeps muttering ‘Oh God’. His other hand fumbles for the door and he finally shuts it. “AND STAY THE FUCK OUT!” I scramble up and quickly pull on the rest of my outfit. I grumble to myself, pulling my hair into two buns on my head. “Perverts, they’re everywhere, man.”

Biting my lip, I look in the mirror. I guess I could lose the lip ring for tonight, just for Katie. She is my sister after all. That’s almost become my mantra while she’s been here.

Now I’ve got just one question burning in my head. Am I that ugly that Orlando can’t stand the sight of me without a shirt on? It was like his eyes were burning out of their sockets. I know I’m not pretty, but really. Am I that hideous?

I felt my anger boiling up inside me. I storm out of my room and find Orlando standing in the kitchen. I immediately let out a roar and launch myself at him, beating my fists against his chest. “YOU. FUCKING. PERVERT. IT”S CALLED A LOCK FOR A REASON, YOU DUMBASS. KNOCK ON THE GOD DAMN DOOR FIRST!” I tire myself out until I’m just resting my head against his chest. Mmm, it was warm. I sniffed. It smelled like cologne and cigarettes.
“Feel better now?” I push myself away from Orlando.
“Much.”
“So what were you doing on the floor with your feet in the air.” I try to scowl.
“I hurt my foot practicing my Kung Foo, that’s what.” He tries to remain serious, too, but we both fail, bursting into laughter.
“Oh, Orlando, could you come here, sweetie.” Katie calls from her bedroom.
“Excuse me,” Orlando scoots past me and disappears down the hall.

I walk over to the stereo and put in a Clash cd. I know, everyone who is a punk should be wringing my neck right now, because the Clash is a bunch of sell out posers. I try to pretend I don’t like them, but their music just makes me want to dance around like a goofball.

Just as Joe Strummer’s voice starts to croon, there’s a knock on the door. Swinging it open, I find Elijah in…in… oh god, it was just too funny. He looked like a penguin in his tuxedo, complete with tails that you see conductors of a band wear. And to top it all off, literally, he had a top hat and a cane.

He twirled the cane around expertly. “Hello Madam. Am I posh enough for this establishment?’ He asks in a snobby upper-class British accent.
“Why yes sir. Please enter. Let me hang up your belongings.” I fail miserably at my own stuck up accent.
“Have the other guests arrived.”
“No sir. They aren’t privileged with and early invitation.”
“God, I am famished. Where are the tea and crumpets?”
“Yes, tea. Remember Mr. Wood. When in doubt, pinkie out.” I say, holding onto an imaginary teacup.
“Holy shit! You just sounded like Patrick Star!” He yells, forgetting his accent.

I’m So Bored With the U.S.A. came on and Elijah’s eyes sparkle. Those eyes…mmm.
“Let’s dance!” Elijah yells and grabs my hand. We storm across the room in a tango. He twirls me around and we head back in the other direction. We dip together and he leans close to my ear.
“Just remember. It’s a farewell party.” I giggle from his breath tickling my ear.
“Ah yes, Mr. Wood. That definitely calls for a celebration.”
“Oh, I forgot.” Elijah lets go of me and I fall onto by butt.
“Elijah Jordan Wood!” He returns from outside with two cases of beer.
“Ah, I’m sorry Sarah. Does your poor bummy wummy need a kissy wissy?”
“Don’t you come anywhere near my ass!”
“Yes ma’m.” He salutes. I look at the beer.
“Don’t you know Elijah that ‘we models only drink the finest wine’.”
“Do you think I’m gonna sit and drink yucky wine all night. No way, I brought the beer for myself and Orli. And-“ He motions for me to come closer and he opens his jacket. The inside pockets have liquor cases in them. “If I have to be around people like Katie all night, I plan on getting plastered.”
“Who’s getting plastered?” Asks Katie, who was coming from down the hall.
“Your mother.” Elijah mutters under his breath. I cover up a giggle that was trying to escape. Okay, so he was basically insulting my mother, but imagining my mom drunk was just too funny.
“Sarah, turn that music off.”
“Nosireebob. Ixna on the music-a. My stereo, my music.”
“Fine. That will be your job then. You get to DJ this party. Don’t ruin it for me. I’m your sister and I love you-“
“Bull shit.” I cough.
She opens her mouth to speak again but all I heard was ‘Yadda-yadda-yadda-blah-blah-blah.
“Yes Katie.” I respond, having no clue at all about what she had said.

Elijah and I danced a little while more. We waltzed around to fast-paced punk music. We rocked around with our heads banging on slow songs. We were already sweating when the guests arrived.
I spent most of the night at the stereo picking out songs. I didn’t see what the point was, though. All Katie’s friends wanted to do was mingle and sip on wine. It was so boring that I was nodding off into sleep.
“Hey Sarah, that’s our song. Wanna dance?” I open my eyes to see Orlando standing in front of me. I realized that Bad Brains Sacred Love was playing.
“Sure, why not Bloom.”
The whole song all I can think about his the way his hands are burning into my sides, and I was glad when it was finally over. I quickly rush to my room to get away from Orlando.
I hear sounds in my room. Oh god, please don’t be what I think it is. I open the door and look in.
“HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD! GET OFF MY BED NOW!!! YOU LITTLE FUCKING MONKEYS GET OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!!!” I was so mad that a rushed back outside and jumped on the kitchen counter. “THAT IS FUCKING IT!!!!!!!EVERYONE OUT NOW!!! RIGHT NOW. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. THE PARTY IS OVER!!!!!!!”
Everyone grumbled and started to head out. Thank god. Having people fuck on my bed. That is disgusting. Finally all that was left was Katie, Orlando, Elijah, and me.
“I’m going to bed!” I say grumpily.
“Me too. Wait for me darling!” Elijah says drunkenly. I’m to upset to even protest, so I let Elijah come in my room with me. I strip the bed of its sheets and put on a new set. Elijah immediately pulls off his vest and pants and climbs under the covers.
“Clothes your eyes.” I tell Elijah, then I slip out of my clothes and put on my pajamas. I climb into bed next to him. “Touch me in the middle of the night, and your dead Wood.”
“Yes sir!” I turn over and try to fall asleep. “Sarah?”
“Yes Elijah?”
“I saw you and Orlando dancing.”
“So.”
“I think you’re made for each other.”
“Elijah, we’re too different.”
“You know they say opposites attract.”
“Who ever said opposites attract obviously didn’t have a degree in science. I happen to be gifted when it comes to that area. Opposites repel. Change the books. I’m positively repulsed by his disgusting behavior. I hate him. He hates me. How do I know? I just do, and I’d eat my shoe before I’d admit I like him. So get that damn idea out of that brain of yours.”
“Oh well. Good night Sarah.”
“G’ night.”

Orlando and me together? Hah.

Great banner, and great chapter as well! I think Elijah's right, Sarah should take his advice.