I'm going to post the first segment of this tonight and see what kind of response I get to it. It's kind of an alternate reality where two people find out what happens when they would rather live life in the other's shoes. Feedback is more than welcome. I love it. I thrive on it. I will crawl back in my hole and cry without it- not really, but it's a good way to beg for comments.

First, all the formal stuff- I do not own any of the guys in this story... well, except Chris, Luke, Tyler, etc. But any of the "celebrities" are not my creation- the blame for that goes to their parents, I guess. All other characters- Orleans, Jocelyn, Karen, and Lisa (and any others that may be added later)- are the product of my own twisted mind.... or entirely too often are based on real life influences.

For the record, none of the actors are factually accurate in relation to their real life counterparts- partly because this is fiction and I can play with them as I please and partly because this is meant to be a twisted altered reality.

My judgement tells me that if this were a movie, it would probably receive an "R" rating because of the language. This is the way people talk to each other (well, at least my friends and I) and I'm going for realism here, no cutsie mushy stuff. Aside from that though, if you're looking for any hot and steamy sex scenes, you won't find them here. It's not really my forte as far as writing style (AKA- I suck at it, no pun intended) and I don't think it's essential to the story.

Enjoy- I hope!


:wub: Allyson

Orlando

“Thank you, Jay. I’d love to come back,” I smile at the Tonight Show’s host and then turn back to the camera to add an extra wink for the fans. I have this perfected. Kiss the host’s ass, make all the fans at home think I’m flirting with them, tell a few good stories and at the end of the show, my agent loves me.

“We’ll be back tomorrow night with Drew Barrymore, Kevin Spacey, and the music of The Foo Fighters,” Jay points at the camera.

As the camera pulls away from the stage, Jay leans across his desk. “It was good to see you again, man. Good luck with the new movie.”

Keep smiling, Bloom. Be polite and Lisa will absolutely worship your feet tomorrow. Promotions are good. “It’s always a blast, mate. I can’t wait to see how Kingdom goes over with the fans.”

“From the sound of those girls, they’ll love you. Come back anytime.”

I shake Jay’s hand firmly before allowing my assistant to lead me backstage. Luke rambles in my ear all the way back to the dressing room and doesn’t stop while I change back into my jeans and t-shirt. “You have the rest of the day off, three radio interviews tomorrow morning, lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer, fittings with your tailor, and then the dinner party at 8:00 tomorrow night.”

“That’s just great. Am I released yet?” I toss my black slacks and jacket on the chair beside Luke. He’ll clean them up even if I try. So why bother.

“Don’t forget that you promised Dom and Elijah that you would meet them at the House of Blues later tonight for Billy’s show.” Luke neatly folds my pants and returns them to the hanger. See, I told you. The man would starch and press my boxers if I let him near them.

“I think I can remember the plans I made with my own friends. You keep track of the publicity stuff and I’ll worry about my personal life. Sound good?” I tuck my wallet back into my pocket and slip my necklaces over my head.

“Fine! I'm just trying to do my job. But you always have to be in a pissy mood, Mr. High and Mighty Bloom.”

I snatch my jacket from the chair near the door. “Your job is to get me where I need to be on time… to make sure I'm dressed… to keep my in sync with whatever looniness Lisa has dreamed up for me this week. I’ll take care of getting myself to the places I want to go.”

“Fine! Just go already then.”

I wave to Luke and haul ass out the door. For at least a few hours, I can return to the world of Orlando and leave the life of Mr. Bloom behind.

But not yet…

“Orlando, can we get some pictures.”

“Orli, I love you so much!”

“Can I please have your autograph?”

At least fifty fans are waiting outside the stage door for me to exit. Thank goodness the Tonight Show is prepared for their guests and there is not only a barrier but also a couple of large bodyguards between the girls and me. I smile and wave as multiple cameras click away. 50 yards… 30 yards… 15 yards… ah! My car. I slide inside and insert my keys in the ignition. Now I can return to the world of reality.
*************************************************

“You are a wild man, Orli,” Dom slurs from the passenger seat. “Three chicks in one night!”

“Dom, they hit on me. They bought me drinks. And it’s all because they’ve seen my face on some movie screen or magazine cover.” I lean my head against the back of the seat.

“So what? You have beautiful women throwing themselves at you and you don’t even acknowledge that they exist. What is your malfunction, man?”

“My malfunction! What about their motives? Shouldn’t that be enough to turn you off from them?”

“Okay, back me up here, Lij,” Dom pleads with the driver for support. “Just like the rest of us, you started acting because you know that the ladies love it.”

Elijah glances over at the oldest man with an arched eyebrow. “Man, I was like nine! I didn’t even know girls existed yet. They all still had cooties.”

“But I mean, now. You love the attention the ladies give you.”

“Oh yea, it’s great! ‘Aren’t you the kid from Flipper?’” Elijah does his best imitation of a fangirl voice. “Or ‘You’re Frodo’- as if I didn’t know. Or the best one- ‘Can you get me Orlando Bloom’s phone number?’ It’s just peachy.”

“Okay, I am so asking the wrong person for help here. Where’s Bill when I need him?”

“At home… with his girlfriend.”

“Yea, the one thing none of us can seem to accomplish.”

I reach across the back of his seat to slap Dom on the back of the head. “Have you ever wondered why? Between cheering me on for every phone number I scored tonight and hitting on what… two dozen girls yourself, you can’t figure out why you are still single?”

“I'm just beginning the audition process. You know that can take months upon months.” Dom explains. “The lead role has already been cast but we still need his beautiful co-star. The role requires a very particular type of girl.”

“Uh-huh… you require one thing only for your ‘particular type of girl,’ dude.” Elijah snorts. “And they come in matched sets, of all different sizes.”

“Some real, but most not in Hollywood,” I add.

“As long as it’s a handful. That’s all that matters,” Dom finishes. This has been our long running joke about Dom and his desire for the “perfect woman” for years- since New Zealand in fact.

“Orli, this is your stop. I can’t get any closer to your front door, man.” Elijah pulls up in front of my house and rolls to a slow stop. “Unless you want me to park in your living room.”

“No, I would prefer that you don’t turn my house into your garage.” I open the door to let myself out. Leaning back in, I say, “Thanks for the ride, mate. I’ll talk to you later. And make sure this one gets home without any extra friends,” I nod towards Dom.

“He’ll be alone like every other night.”

Dom flips off Elijah as I slam the door and they slowly drive away. Instead of going into the house, I enter through the side gate to the back yard. The landscaper I hired for the gardens was finally able to finish. I have a small world where I can disappear for a while. No friends. No phones. No cameras. No agents. Just me. What small amount of time I do get to spend back here every day, even if it’s just to drink my morning coffee, makes the day a bit more bearable.

Settling into the hammock I have hidden among the vegetation, I gaze up at the hazy sky through the foliage. I try to use the yoga breathing Dom keeps insisting I use, but it’s futile. It’s just not my thing. Instead, I slip a cigarette from my shirt pocket and light up. With each long exhale, I expel the events of the day from my mind. The long inevitable phone calls with Lisa this morning… the interview with Jay Leno this afternoon and the horde of fans waiting outside afterwards… Billy’s show and more fans throwing themselves at me at the bar. I have more money than I know what to do with and I still don’t have to pay for my own drinks when I go out. Before I can finish the first beer, another round is always being sent over to out table by some lovely lady or another. It’s a perk… but not a great one.

I blow a puff of smoke towards the twinkling stars. “I would give anything just to be normal again,” I murmur to myself. “I would even trade all this for the chance to go back to my poor anonymous student days in England. I wish I could stop being famous.”

Nevertheless, I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I extinguish my half finished fag in the ashtray beside me before ambling into the house. I have to get at least a few hours sleep before sounding upbeat and personable for those radio interviews. I leave my wishes behind and face the fact that I have to wake up tomorrow and be Orlando Bloom- teenage heartthrob and sex symbol.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Orleans

I shove my way through the bodies on the busy New York street. It’s just another ho-hum afternoon in my ever-boring life. Wake up, go to work, slave for hours over a computer, fight the commuter traffic to get home and then veg in front of the television until I can barely keep my eyes open. What a wonderful life I have. I'm stuck in a city where I'm just another face in the crowd living an awful mundane existence that is nothing like the life I once dreamed off. I wanted so much more for myself. Heck, even my parents expected great things of me. When I was born they saddled me with the name Orleans so that I would stand out. Stand out my ass! Everyone took to calling me Orli or Lena anyway. The only benefit to that is… well, at least they aren’t calling me Orleans.

I walk the four blocks from the subway station, clinging to the strap of my backpack and keeping my head down. It’s better just to blend in and be a nobody in this city. I once dreamed of living in Hollywood where everyone would recognize me and I would schmooze it up with celebrities as if it were perfectly normal. But I'm stuck in this god-forsaken city getting lost in the mass of bodies that populates its streets every day.

With a sigh, I slip my key into the front door of the converted brownstone in which I rent an apartment. This home is the one good thing in my life. Even though I lease, I'm free to decorate as I see fit. Bold colors on the walls, hard wood floors painstakingly restores (not by me thankfully) and lush comfortable furniture. I may hate going to work every morning, but I love coming home to my own private world.

As soon as I enter the apartment, my small terrier is yipping at my feet. Yes, it’s dinnertime for at least one resident. At some point tonight, I may pry myself out of the permanent dent in my couch and force myself into the kitchen to cook for myself. In the meantime, I’ll be impressed with my skills as a chef in making dinner for Cuddles. Hey, don’t blame me! I didn’t name the dog. Note to everyone invading my thoughts- never allow a four year old niece to name any animal. I have a dog named Cuddles and a gerbil named Happy Mouse. Makes sense, right?

I prepare Cuddles’ gourmet meal- it’s so difficult to open a bag and pour. Grabbing a soda from the fridge and an empty ashtray from the kitchen counter, I make a beeline for my evening roost- the center of the couch. My best friend in the world resides there- the remote control.

Just as I settle onto the couch and flip on NBC- Must See TV my ass… more like there’s nothing else on TV- the phone rings. Oh, I know I hid it around here somewhere. I hear it! I hear it! Tucked between the couch cushions.

I dig out the cordless and click the button, “What’s up loser?”

“Most people answer the phone with Hello or Greetings or even Good Day!” Jocelyn’s voice laughs from the other end.

“Okay,” I adopt my Australian accent, “G’Day mate? Where’s the wombat stew?”

“Wombat strew?” she cackles. “Take the Ned Kelly DVD out of the machine already!”

“I haven’t watched it in a couple days, savvy!”

I can already picture Jocelyn rolling her eyes on the other end of the connection. “Thank you Jack. Is there any Orlando movie you don’t have memorized?”

“Well, Lost is on hiatus or I would have a nice new witty Dom line for you.”

“Please, spare me. I’ll take Mr. Bloom on any day of the week…”

I interrupt, “I know… with a big blue bow tied in the most appropriate place.”

“That’s right! And I'm still waiting for that birthday present to appear on my doorstep.”

“Soon enough, my dear. Someday when I'm rich and famous and living the high life, I’ll make sure to set you two up. What can I do ya for, hon?” Oh great! Fear Factor. Time for a new channel- at least until Las Vegas comes on.

“Well, once Josh goes off the air,” (see, Jocelyn and I share a brain) “we were going to head out for some drinks and pick up some hunks. And I know that you want to come along.”

“Why should I want to come along to buy my own drinks and in general be over looked by every male being in the place? Besides, have you forgotten that your hottie is going to be on Leno tonight?”

“That’s what they invented TiVo for,” she reminds me. “Come on! Please! You never go out with us anymore.”

“Nope, no can do. I have a huge meeting tomorrow morning. We just got contracted to do the effects for the new Bruckheimer film and Elliott wants to start laying out plans.”

“They haven’t even started filming yet… it can wait.” Jocelyn pauses as my words sink in. “Wait a minute… didn’t Orlando sign up for that film? You mean you’ll be like digitally enhancing his ass or something.”

I shake my head and roll my eyes. “As if they would let me anywhere near footage of his ass. My co-workers know me too well. There’s going to be a lot of motion capture work on this one, so we’ll be working practically non-stop from the time they begin filming until it’s released.”

“And you’re going to get my raw unedited footage right.”

“I love you, but not enough to lose my job for you.”

“But enough to go clubbing with us tonight.”

“Jos…” I whine. “I don’t wanna go out tonight. Why can’t we go out on a real weekend?”

“Monday is still the weekend.”

“And the weekend begins on Thursday, so that means your week consists of Tuesday and Wednesday?” Cuddles drops a toy beside me on the couch and I toss it down the hall for him to retrieve. This game could go on all night.

“Exactly. Fine, I’ll tell Karen and Chris that you refuse to pry your lazy ass off the couch and join us.”

“You do that. Maybe I’ll catch up with you on Thursday when the weekend begins anew.”

“Ciao Bella!” Jocelyn sighs.

“A bientot!” I click off the phone and drop it back on the couch. “Cuddles, let’s go for a walk!”
*************************************************

I wake up at eleven thirty with the TV still blaring. Oh, what an amazing life I lead. I never bothered to make dinner, fell asleep watching the end of Las Vegas and am only now waking up to catch Leno. And to think I passed up a night out with my friends for this excitement.

“Thank you James. We’ll be right back with Orlando Bloom!” Jay announces on the TV.

Well, at least if I'm boring, I make up for it by having good timing. I stumble to the kitchen and pop a mug of water in the microwave to heat while I wait for the next interview. Soaking a chamomile tea bag, and adding some honey and lemon juice, I make it back to my throne just in time.

“Our next guest has impressed audiences with performances in the Lord of the Rings movies and Troy and his next film, Kingdom of Heaven is set to open this Friday, Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Orlando Bloom.”

I light up a cigarette and settle in to watch the inevitably short interview. Halfway through I wonder if I should have recorded it for Jocelyn. Probably not. Her TiVo knows to look for anything and everything involving Mr. Bloom- even if it’s a 30 second commercial.

“Thank you, Jay. I’d love to come back,” he smiles at the Tonight Show’s host and turns back to the camera to add an extra wink- I’ll have to watch this in slow motion with Jocelyn for weeks.

“We’ll be back tomorrow night with Drew Barrymore, Kevin Spacey, and the music of The Foo Fighters,” Jay points at the camera.

As the credits roll, I extinguish my cancer stick, but pick up my pack and set my cup of tea on the table. Nudging Cuddles, I proclaim, “Come on lazy. One more walk before bedtime.”

Cuddles excitedly scuttles to the door. I'm lazy tonight. We’ll just run up to the roof. Oh, come off the high horse. Anywhere I walk a dog in this city, he’s going to have to shit on concrete, and I'm going to clean it up- why does it matter where it is?

I have to run to keep up with the puppy on the hurried two-story jog to the top of the building. As he takes his good old time, I stare up at the stars twinkling above the city. It’s amazing how many can be seen tonight through the bright glare of the city lights.

I miss the days of growing up in small town West Virginia where the skies were clear, there was little pollution or noise, and you couldn’t count all the stars in the sky if you worked at it all night. When we used to lie on top of the hill on the family farm, my friends and I traded our dreams and wishes. Between cigarettes and bottles of beer- there really isn’t much to do in a small town- we told of the fantastic lives that we would lead when we left home.

What I wouldn’t give to go back to those nights and map my life anew. I would still be happy to be in a bustling city, if it was just in California, working more actively in films than clicking a mouse to create last minute digital additions.

I think over the interview I just watched on TV. Celebrities like Orlando Bloom and his friends and co-stars must have wonderful and exciting lives.

I blow a puff of smoke towards the twinkling stars. “I would give anything just to be a celebrity,” I murmur to myself. “I would even give up the wonderful apartment I worked so hard to design downstairs and the puppy yipping at my feet, just to experience that for a short while. I wish I could be famous.”

Cuddles’ bark draws my attention from the stars. I bend down to clean up his little present- bet famous people can pay someone to do this for them. Struggling to keep up with my dog as we return to apartment, I leave my wishes behind and face the fact that I have to wake up being normal again tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ahhh!such a cute fic!i love it hun! Beautiful. :king: :bow:

Hey, really great start! It's very witty, I was laughing aloud so much. I also like the premise of the two switching. Keep posting!

Awwwwwww!

I am already in love with this fiction darling! Why do I foresee where you are going to lead us, uhn?

You sneaky writer? I can't wait reading your next update, girly!

Keep it up!
Pwease!
:laugh:

Oh....my....goodness.... :lmao:

I gotta take a minute here....

The conversation in the car w/Dom and his 'audition process'??? Oh yeah, that totally happened in real life. Completely, one hundred percent DOM.

Orlando w/the BLUE BOW!!!!!!!!!! :wub: Seriously, I love you. I do.

Jocelyn and Orleans....hmmmm....friends, who share the same brain (especially when it comes to Dom, Orlando and Josh FREAKING Duhamel!). Can't imagine who that Jocelyn is based on. I'll have to think on that.

This is a great premise - and you're working it out really well. I love the switch from Orlando's POV to Orleans' POV and vice versa. It's always more challenging to write that way, but at the same time, its much more enjoyable for the reader.

More more MORE!!!! I expect a present in my inbox VERY SOON (and I don't mean my boy and the bow - that's supposed to come to my HOME).

Lata gata!

Jenn

Orleans

“Oh, you have to be kidding me!” I mumble burying my face in my pillow. “It’s too fucking early for phone calls.” I swing my hand out towards the nightstand on my left and hit… air? I reach out again and still find nothing.

I lift my head from the pillow and squint in the bright sunlight. The sun is already up and my alarm clock hasn’t gone off? I reach out again for the ringing phone that should be on my bedside table and finally realize there’s no table… no phone… no clock. What the hell is going on?

Panicking, I sit up and survey the room. This is definitely not my bedroom- not unless the redecorating fairy visited in the middle of the night. Everything is backwards. The door should be at the foot of my bed over to the left, but it’s on my right side. The windows should be on my right… and they certainly weren’t huge bay windows that allowed so much morning light inside. The door is open to a huge walk in closet… personal department store would be a better description. And an attached bathroom? That should be across the hall.

There is no way my bed was ever this comfortable… or big. This is a king sized walnut sleigh bed for god’s sake. Heaven knows Wal-mart doesn’t make sheets this soft- heck, I don’t think they even carry silk. I could feasibly snuggle down in this fantasy bed for weeks and never want to emerge.

All of the furniture matches- beautiful but simple walnut chest of drawers, dresser, and full length mirror. Plus, two huge light blue armchairs in the corner next to the window. None of this is mine, but I want to personally hug that fairy until she turns blue because it’s all gorgeous.

“Cuddles! Come here, baby!” Where is that damn dog? He’s usually asleep on the foot of my bed. No bark or click of little nails on the wood floor greets my call. What is he into now?

The phone begins to ring again. I spy the silver cordless lying on the nightstand on the wrong side of the bed. I snatch it up and press the 'On' button. “Hello?” I wince. I shouldn’t have answered the phone. Who knows what alternate universe I'm really in.

“Orleans Bryant! I told you to be awake and waiting for my call this morning!” A shrill voice cries through the phone. “We’ll have to patch you into the conference call in less than ten minutes.”

“Conference call?” How can I take any phone calls when I don’t know where I am, whom I'm talking to, and what this phone call is even about? The only thing that’s correct so far is that this person knows my name.

“Radio interviews? Don’t tell me you forgot that you have three interviews this morning. This film is coming out in three days and we need to promote the hell out of it. Luke says he reminded you yesterday before you took off from the Leno set.”

“I did Leno? Who’s Luke?” I blurt out. Dammit! At least I should pretend I have some idea what’s going on.

“Lena, are you feeling alright?”

“No, not really. Think I'm getting a bit of a cold.”

“You can not get sick this week. Next week is fine, but this week is too important. If you can just hold up until next week I promise you some good old Lisa style mothering.”

Finally! I have a name for this maniac. “Lisa, I’ll be fine… I think.” This is not happening. I have to wake up. I slide out of the bed- there’s like a three-foot drop off the side of this monster. How did I get up here?

I pad into the huge bathroom as Lisa continues. Wow! A garden tub and a shower stall. Oh shit! There are Jacuzzi jets in that tub! And a huge double sink vanity- with makeup spread everywhere. I didn’t know they made this many different shades of lipstick.

I stare at myself in the mirror. It’s still me. Same old boring red hair and blue eyes. However, this sure as hell isn’t my normal choice of pajamas. I look like a Victoria’s Secret reject.

I turn on the faucet and splash cold water on my face. Nope, no change. Still here! Still have the crazy anonymous woman shrieking in my ear. “Are you listening to me? You have less than five minutes until we have to connect to KHKS.”

“Five minutes! I'm not awake yet!” I can fudge my way through this. Right? I'm an expert at bullshitting.

“It’s a four minute interview. Think you can stay awake long enough for that?”

“I don’t even know what I'm supposed to be talking about.” I wander back into the bedroom and investigate the colossal closet. At least this person has some sense hidden deep inside. I snatch a pair of yoga pants and a tank top from a shelf. This lacy, silky stuff is too girly for me.

“Your new film, maybe,” Lisa spits sarcastically. “Remember six months that you whined and cried about being in the hot sun in terrible dresses that you never wanted to see again? Six months that you swore you would never kiss another man as long as you lived… and yet every time I see you anywhere you have your tongue shoved down your boyfriend’s throat.”

I have a boyfriend! I made a film! I was on Leno yesterday! There is no way this is real. I'm going to hang up this phone, go back to sleep and it’s all going to be a very nice, but very fantastic dream. Just yesterday, I slaved my way through another day at work, trudged home through the awful New York commuter traffic, and sat on my ass all night on the couch. Now there’s some insane woman on the phone in my dream telling me that I'm an actress and that I was interviewed in The Tonight Show yesterday! But I watched Leno last night. The only people on were James Spader, The White Stripes, and Orlando Bloom.

I plop down on the floor in the middle of the walk-in. “Um… Lisa, which movie is this again?”

“Geez, Lena… where is your head this morning? Kingdom opens on Friday. Between you, Colin, and Liam, there are interviews and appearances scheduled for the next 72 hours straight. Now get it together because I'm going to call the radio station. Get yourself together.”

I struggle off the floor. This is getting more surreal by the moment. I have to find a calendar or something. I stroll through the house exploring the three bedrooms, two other bathrooms, kitchen, dining room, music room, and cathedral ceiling living room. What few pictures I see in the living room are of my family and me. This appears to be my house. In the music room and dining room, stacks of boxes sit unpacked. Either I recently moved in or am still the world’s best procrastinator.

“Lena, are you there?” Lisa’s voice comes back on the line.

“Yea, I'm ready!” No, I'm not! I have no idea what to do. Nevertheless, if I don’t do this, I have a very bad feeling I’ll be wrecking my life or someone else’s.

“Hi, Orleans. Good morning!” a male voice booms through the line. Lisa goes silent, but I'm sure she’s still listening in and making sure I perform flawlessly.

“Good morning! How are you?”

“Great! I'm sure you’ve been busy with interviews all morning. We’re here in Dallas. This is Kidd, and Kelly and Al Mack are here in the studio with me. May I just say that we’ve loved your last few films and people are practically begging for tickets to the sneak preview we’re hosting here tomorrow night.”

“That’s great to hear!” I fib. “But I'm sure they’re lining up for the lads, not me.”

A female voice- I'm assuming that’s Kelly- pipes in. “Colin Farrell is all kinds of yum. Aren’t you just the luckiest girl in the world to be smooching with him in what- your fifth or sixth major movie?”

I kissed Colin Farrell? But this is Kingdom of Heaven . Orlando Bloom is supposed to be in that. “Um… yea. It was a great experience. I mean… the whole shoot was amazing. And Colin is an absolute doll.” At least, I hope he was. “Everyone in the cast was great to work with. What else could you ask for so early in a career?” I've heard actors and actresses give these kinds of interviews a hundred times. I can fudge my way through this for a few minutes.

“You’ve been very lucky in the leading man department… Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Ashton Kutcher… who else have you worked with?”

Heath? Johnny? Ashton? She can’t be referring to the films I think she is. Can she? “Umm… Liam Neeson was in this one, too… although he wasn’t really my leading man. I've gotten to work with the industry best from the get go. Who can complain about getting your start in a film that topped the summer movie charts, right?”

Okay, this is too strange. Every film she mentioned was an Orlando Bloom movie. Interesting imagination you have this morning, Lena. What the hell is going on here? I finish out the rest of the interview in a daze, praying I sound as if I have the faintest clue what I'm talking about. It’s is a family trait to be able to bullshit after all.

“Thanks for taking the time for us today,” Kidd finishes up. “Next time you’re in Dallas, please feel free to stop by the studios and visit with us.”

“I would love to. Enjoy the film.” I breathe a sigh of relief as the line goes silent for a moment. The fact that every movie I've supposedly made is one that is on Orlando’s resume nags at me. This is all too coincidental to be bona fide. But why then is Colin Farrell playing a role that is supposed to be Orlando’s first leading role?

Lisa’s voice invades my state of confusion once again. “Are you alright, hon? Do you still want to do these last two interviews? We could reschedule for tomorrow.”

“No, I'm fine. The first one is always the toughest, right?” I finally unearth some coffee in the vast kitchen and set up the coffee pot. “Just tell me one thing, Lisa… have you ever heard of a guy named Orlando Bloom?”

She pauses, trying to find an answer. “Who?”

I cover my face with my hands. “That’s what I thought. Let’s get these interviews done so I can go back to sleep.” Maybe then I’ll wake up from this insanity.

The next two are very similar to the first and I stumble my way through without sounding like a complete idiot… just confused. Which I am. Extremely. How could just a few sentences uttered on my rooftop last night completely alter my reality?

Sighing, I hang up at the end of the third chat and take my very strong coffee to the living room. A laptop sits open but off on the coffee table. The Internet. You can find anything you want on the World Wide Web.

I wait patiently, sipping at my coffee as I wait for the computer to boot up and log on. Funny, my usernames all seem to be the same.

The Internet Movie Database. There has to be some record of Orlando on there. That website always has up to date information even if it’s not always completely accurate.

I type in Orlando Bloom and hit enter.

“A search for "Orlando Bloom" found the following results:” It’s blank! Absolutely nothing. Jack Shit! It’s as if the man never existed. What the hell have I done?

I type in Orleans Bryant. It pulls up an entire page with picture, birthdate, and a complete filmography. Pirates of the Caribbean as Elizabeth? Troy as Helen? Kingdom of Heaven as Sybilla? Even Haven and Elizabethtown are on here. What kind of twisted drug trip am I on? What did I really do last night? Not only have I erased Orlando Bloom from existence, I've replaced every one of his female co-stars?

Orlando! The last thing I did last night was watch Orlando on Leno, take Cuddles for a walk and then… make a wish that I could have a life like Orlando’s. “Yea right, like that could happen,” I laugh at myself. “People don’t just make a wish and then wake up the next…” Noooo… There’s no way!

The phone beside me rings again. “Please tell my I'm dreaming?” I gasp to whoever is on the other end.

“What are you talking about, love?” a husky voice with a British accent questions.

I move the phone away from my ear and stare at it. “This isn’t happening!”

holy fucking crap shit! lol. wtf going on. actualy.i already knew...but...*shrugs* that was so funny. freaky... but funny...well done!

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! And so the fun begins!

The redecorating fairy?! :lmao: Oh shit. :lmao:

Thank you ladies.

The next chapter is in the works, so hopefully you'll find out what's happening with our favorite leading man shortly.

The suspense is killing me!!!

:kaboom:

Orlando

“Orli, get your lazy no good ass out of bed this minute! If you are late for work, your boss is going to kill you! And then I'm gonna beat your ass six ways from Sunday.” A loud yell invades my dreams of a quiet beach with perfect waves just as I'm about to run into the surf with my board.

I sit upright in my bed. “I'm up!” Rubbing my eyes, I lay back down. “I don’t have to be at work today so go fuck off!”

“Like hell you don’t have to be at work today. It’s Tuesday and you have a meeting about that new contract.” The voice enters my bedroom and continues shouting. “You have to be there at nine o’clock. You were supposed to meet me for breakfast at seven o’clock like every Tuesday and you stood me up, you fucker!” A pair of pants smacks my side and a t-shirt lands on my head.

The voice softens slightly but I can tell its owner is leaning over the side of the bed now. “Dude, seriously, get your shit out of bed now, ‘cause if I'm late because I came up here looking for your sorry ass, you're not even gonna WANT to deal with that”

I shove the t-shirt away and roll back over. Who the hell can even get into my house this early in the morning? “I promise I’ll be awake for the interview.”

“Interview? Having delusions of grandeur again, numbnuts!” I feel the weight of a body sitting on the side of my bed. “Jasper! Come here, baby! Come get your lazy owner out of bed.”

More weight is added to the bed- directly on top of me- and then there is a dog barking in my ear. I don’t own a dog. I sit up again and come face to face with a chocolate Lab. Who let him into my house!

Behind him, I spot the woman sitting on the edge of my bed. A petite girl with her dark brown hair piled on top of her head with a clip. Her green eyes glare at me mercilessly. “What are you doing here?” I ask cautiously. This has to be some crazy fan that thinks they know my supposed dog and me.

“Waking your ass up so that you don’t miss the meeting that is so important that you couldn’t even go out with us last night.”

My vision slides past her and begins to take in the room around me. This isn’t my bedroom. The walls are a dark green instead of my nice serene white. There are no large windows overlooking the ocean, but one small window looking out towards a busy street. The furniture is a mix-match of various pieces. This double bed isn’t nearly as spacious as my comfortable king-sized mahogany four-poster. This room is much smaller than my bedroom. What am I doing here?

“But I went out with Dom and Lij last night.” Okay, I shouldn’t give away too much information to this person. “How did you get in here?”

“Used the key you gave me just like every other time.” She holds the t-shirt out to me again. “Would you get moving already? And who are Dom and Lij? You told me you didn’t want to go out last night.”

I take the shirt from her hands and continue to stare. This is some dream! Usually when there’s a hot girl in my dreams, it’s more exciting than this. Why couldn’t I dream about shagging this one instead of her yelling at me?

“What is your problem, Bloom? You’re looking at me like I have three heads or something.” She stares back just as confused. “I come in here- Super Jocelyn to save the day- and you are acting like you don’t even know me?”

“Jocelyn?” Should I know her? Should I recognize where I am?

She waves a hand in front of my face. “Hell-ooo! Remember me! Best friend who has put up with you for the last eight years after you practically ran me over on the first day of Freshman Orientation. Dude, how much did you drink last night?”

“I… umm… I'm not sure?” I shove the dog away so that I can get out of bed. “Where did you come from?” I mutter.

“Dude, whatever daze you’re in… snap out of it. I'm gonna go make some coffee for you. Get a move on!”

Jocelyn leaves the room, her heels clicking on the hardwood floors all the way down the hall. I don’t have wood floors in the rest of the house. The dog flops over on its side in the middle of the floor. “Mate, seriously- where did you come from?” I ask the dog again.

Grabbing the pants from the bed, I meander over to what I assume should be the bathroom door and open it to find what is almost large enough to be called a walk-in closet. But it’s filled with men’s clothes- most of which I would probably choose for myself. Or would have in my less extravagant student days.

Walking carefully around the dog in case he decides he wants to attack an intruder, I peek into the hallway. The bathroom is right across from me. I dash inside and close the door, leaning against it with a deep sigh. I’ll get dressed and get the hell out of here. Then I’ll call a cab, get back to my place, and pretend this never happened. As long as Lisa doesn’t find out, I'm in the clear.

I turn towards the small mirror and stare at myself. I don’t even look hung over. I’ll take a shower, have a cup of the offered coffee, and everything will start to make sense. Maybe even the psycho outside will care to explain why she has me in the apartment and is acting as if I belong here. As I start the water, Jocelyn yells through the door. “That better be a quick shower, Orli or you’re never going to make it.”

“Don’t you… umm… have to get to work yourself?” I call back. Please just leave so I can escape gracefully.

“Yes, so don’t make me late!”

As ordered I take a quick shower, dress, and exit the bathroom with my hair still wet. Jocelyn waits outside the door with a mug of coffee. “Cream and sugar- as always. You are so predictable.” How did she know that? I sip at the brew. It is just the way I like it. This is too odd.

“How did you know that?” I ask, finally taking her in clearly. She can’t be any more than about six or seven inches shorter than I am. She wears a tailored red blouse and black dress pants- that I must admit probably look damn good when she walks away. “And why are you so dressed up for work?”

“Seriously? Have you gone completely mental overnight? You’ve drunk your coffee like that every day since the day we met. The only variety is if you buy some flavored creamer… I can’t even get your sorry ass to drink a mocha or macchiato.” She turns to stroll down the hallway- yes! I was right- still talking over her shoulder. “And I dress up for work every day, dork. The captain kind of requires it. We can’t all have bum jobs like yours where we get to sit around in jeans with our feet propped up on our desk playing with computers all day.”

I follow along quickly, trying not to spill my coffee. “Computers? You did not just say that I have to play with computers all day?” Jocelyn is completely oblivious to the dilemma. She honestly believes that I'm someone she has known since college. How can I convince her that I'm Orlando Bloom… Legolas… Will Turner… Balin? For goodness sake, I have a movie opening in three days, she must know that.

“Yes, I said that you play with computers all day. I'm out there busting my ass investigating crime scenes and you sit on yours making cute little animations.” She glances at her watch. “And you won’t be doing that for long if you miss this meeting. Get some shoes. I can still get you there on time.”

Computers! I can barely turn on the blasted things much less do anything productive with them. How in the hell am I supposed to go to a job that requires me to use one? “I'm finding my shoes, getting a cab, and going the hell home.” I mutter as I run back up the hall. I want out of here- NOW!

I trip over Jasper, still lying in the middle of floor, and hurtle towards the side of the bed. Now I'm glad this isn’t my bed- I would have knocked myself out. Maybe that isn’t such a bad idea. At least when I woke up from that, this little nightmare would be over.

I grab the first pair of socks I find in a drawer and snatch a pair of trainers from the floor of the tiny closet. “This is bloody insane! Any time now, I'm waking up and this will all be over. That or I'm calling the police as soon as I can get home and reporting this crazy woman for kidnapping!” I mutter to myself as I slide on the shoes. Jasper looks up at me with his head tilted to one side. “What are you looking at?”

“That dog is never going to answer you.” Jocelyn’s voice startles me from the doorway.

“I don’t expect him to.” I snatch my wallet from the nightstand and shove it in my back pocket. “Where did you put my mobile?”

“I didn’t do anything with your cell phone. It’s probably on the charger in the kitchen where you leave it every night.” I copy Jasper’s movement by tilting my head to the side questioningly. Why would she know that- even if it is wrong? I always leave my phone in the bedroom.

Following her down the hall once again- I could get used to this view- I find the mobile right where she said it would be. Why is my charger here? I stare at the small silver object before flipping it open and pulling up the phonebook. I’ll ring Lisa on my way home and apologize profusely for missing my interviews- promising a million times to make them all up tomorrow. Lisa’s name isn’t in here- I know I had it saved. I scroll further down the list but Sean’s name is gone… Viggo’s is missing. The entire list is wrong. Going back to the top Dom and Elijah’s numbers are gone too. But Jocelyn is in here. What happened to my phone? There’s a Karen, Chris, Tyler, Work, and even one for Mum. That’s the only entry that looks as if it belongs.

Jocelyn waits beside the front door dangling her keys from the end of one finger. “We need to leave now.”

I trail after her unwillingly. “Did you erase all the numbers from the phone?”

“Why would I touch your phone? I carry two of my own,” she gestures towards her pocket, “and hate both of them. You are so… I don’t know… out of it this morning, dude? What’s wrong with you?”

“I'm just confused… out of sorts. I don’t belong here, Jocelyn.”

“Of course you do. Are you still on your whole trip about wanting to live on the west coast instead of this wonderful city?”

“But I do live…” as we step outside of the building, the cool air is like a slap in the face. The scenery before me is unfamiliar, busy, and noisy. “I live here?”

“You have since college.” Jocelyn walks around the front of her blue BMW convertible, studying me seriously. “Did you like hit your head or something last night? Do I need to take you to a doctor instead of work?”

“No. I’ll be fine as soon as I get this all sorted out. It’s just that yesterday I was…” Go ahead, Bloom. Tell some random stranger that you live in California and are the hottest thing to hit Hollywood in years. She thinks you are her longtime best friend. She’s never going to believe that you associate with people like Johnny Depp and Liam Neeson- no matter how much flirting you do. “I wasn’t feeling well,” I finish lamely.

“If you say so.” She slides on a pair of sunglasses and starts the car. Music fills the air from the radio as she pulls into traffic like a maniac.

I watch through the window in a daze as the street signs whiz past. None of these roads are familiar to me. I know I've been out of L.A. more than at home over the past couple years, but I should at least recognize something.

“Ooh, she’s so adorable,” Jocelyn croons beside me, turning up the radio. “Her films are great!”

I glance away from the window at the mad driver. “Who?”

“Orleans Bryant.”

“Who?”

Jocelyn rolls her eyes. “Don’t give me that shit, dude! You practically had a hard on when you watched Pirates of the Caribbean. And to think I had to drag you to it so I could see Paul Walker. And same with Troy. Admit it… I didn’t even have to force you to see that one even if I did just want to see Sean Bean and Ryan Gosling.”

If it was possible, my jaw would be on the floor and my eyes would have just fallen out of my head. “What? Those people weren’t in those movies. Keira Knightly did Pirates and Paul Walker sure as hell never would have been cast for Will.”

Jocelyn slams on the brakes for a red light and almost sends me flying through the windshield. “Are you out of your damn mind? Keira would have been awful in that role even if she is sweet, too. And who else could have played Will Turner besides Paul Walker?”

Yea, this girl is definitely nutters! Or she’s just taking the piss out of me. She has to know that I was in that film. Everyone and their brother went to see it. Granted, most of them just wanted to see Johnny, but she should at least remember that I was Will. However, you can’t argue with someone that’s out of her mind. As soon as she lets me out of the car, I’ll get as far away as I can and never look back.

Instead, I listen to the interview coming from the radio.

“I've loved Johnny Depp for years, what was it like to work with him?” the DJ asks.

“Johnny was great! I've looked up to him since watching 21 Jump Street as a kid so it wasn’t really an option of whether or not to sign on to Pirates once I found out he had joined. I would have been insane not to take that opportunity. Since it was my first big role, he was so encouraging and patient with me. I must have flubbed every line a million times during that shoot and he was either telling me that I would get it right the next time or making a joke out of it.” A lovely voice giggles in answer. “I can’t wait to start filming the sequel.”

“Which will be when?”

“Well, we just finished the contracts for Jerry Bruckheimer's new movie and that will begin filming shortly. As soon as I finish with that, I’ll come back here to L.A. to meet up with Jerry, Paul, Johnny, and Gore to start Pirates Two.”

“Until then we can tide ourselves over with Haven on DVD soon and Kingdom of Heaven opens this weekend.”

“What?” I sputter. “What the hell is going on here? Is this like some sick joke?”

“Yea, Haven comes out on… the 24th, I think. And Kingdom opens Friday. The pairing with Colin Farrell was probably the best I've had so far. He was a joy to work with.”

“Can you sum up this movie for us?” questions the DJ. “I've seen so much press for it, but maybe not everyone has heard the story.”

“Balin’s- Colin’s character- family is killed during a raid on their village during the 12th century Crusades. So, he becomes a knight to avenge their deaths. I'm his love interest. How lucky can a girl get?”

I reach across the car and turn off the radio.

“I was listening to that!” Jocelyn screeches.

“I can’t stand to hear anymore. Look! I have no freaking idea what’s going on here, but that is so fucked up!”

She pulls the car over to the side of the road and throws it in park. “Orli, are you sure you don’t want me to take you to a doctor? Something is seriously wrong.”

“Oh, you have no idea. Would you just drive? You were so insistent that I not be late.”

“We’re here!” she points to the front of the large building. “And in case you’ve forgotten, you need to go to the 16th floor to get to your office.”

I fling the door open and climb out. “Yea, whatever!”

“Orli!” she calls out before I can slam the door. “Call me when you get home tonight. Please? I'm sorry for pissing you off.”

“You didn’t piss me off, love. I'm just really confused right now.” I close the door softer than I originally intended. No sense in insulting someone that thinks she is a good friend. She meant no harm. She doesn’t know that I'm living an all too realistic nightmare right now. She thinks I live in New York and work for this computer company. And right now, I'm not sure if any of it is wrong.

Last night, I know that I went out with Dom and Elijah to see Billy play. When they dropped me off, I sat in the backyard for a cigarette and wished the crazy L.A. lifestyle would disappear. This morning, I woke up as a nobody in New York with a hot female best friend.

“Man, are you going to stand out here all day staring at the place or go in and face the music?” Someone sets a hand on my shoulder and gives me a light shove towards the front door.

I look over at a man with blue eyes and blond spiked hair. The ID badge around his neck reads First Rate and Tyler Preston. “Tyler, out here might be my best bet, mate.”

“No way! This meeting is the beginning of great things! Did you know that Orleans Bryant is gonna be in the film and we have the go ahead to do all their CGI? We’ll actually have some slim chance of meeting her now!” He hurries to the elevators with me in tow.

“Orleans Bryant! You know about her, too?”

“Dude, you only have that picture of her as Helen as your desktop picture.”

I will the elevator to make its ascent faster. I temporarily forget my need for information as we step off onto the 16th floor. Whoa! It’s like being on the Death Star or something. The walls are all a dark gray and the faint lights fade slightly, changing from blue to green to yellow and back again. Tyler scurries down the hall to a second elevator that we ride up another two floors. Silently we proceed down yet another hallway filled with offices.

I stop in astonishment in front of the door with a name plaque beside it- 1822 Orlando Bloom. No fucking way! The office is decorated with Star Wars, Superman, Lord of the Rings, and comic book posters. I rush to the computer and push the button on the front of the screen. I may not like computers, but I know how to do a few things with them. The picture that appears is of a red head with bright gray eyes in a Roman style toga slipping off one shoulder. She is a pretty lass, at least.

“Tyler!” I yell, hoping he’s still close enough to hear.

His head pops in through the doorway. “Yea, man?”

“How can I find out more information on her?”

“Try imdb.com. There’s a list of every thing she’s ever done.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Geez, I would have bet you had it bookmarked already.”

“Can you pull it up for me while I grab some coffee?” I sputter. No sense in already revealing that I can’t use this blasted piece of crap.

Tyler rolls his eyes, but nudges me away from the desk. “Sure, but make it fast. We have to be in the conference room in five minutes.”

I run back to the break room we passed moments ago. I pour a cup of coffee, add cream and sugar, and jog back to my office. I have an office in a company I've never heard of, doing a job I cannot perform.

Tyler has pulled up the web page for me and disappeared back to his own office. I plop down in the chair and stare at the screen. She has my resume minus Lord of the Rings, Blackhawk Down, and Calcium Kid. She has made every film I've ever made and replaced my co-stars. There is no way this is happening.

Given a few days, I could maybe understand that the silly wish I made in my back garden last night was granted, but how has this girl taken over my life? It’s almost like some weird alien body-switching movie. I looked in the mirror this morning, though. This is still me, just in some alternate universe or something. A universe where people know me, and work with me, and know where I live. I sip from the mug in my hand… and know how I like my coffee.

I wished for a normal life and got a small apartment in New York with a dog, a crazy but gorgeous friend, and an impossible job. This is so not what I asked for. “This can’t be happening,” I sigh, placing my head a top my folded arms on the desktop.

Tyler reappears, proclaiming. “Meeting time, dude. Time to sign up to digitally enhance Orleans Bryant- not that she needs it.”

I gather my mug and leave the office- MY office, repeating, “This can’t be happening… this can’t be happening… this can’t be happening…”

haha! This is excellent. How confused they both must be. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Orleans

“What are you talking about, love?” a husky voice with a British accent questions.

I move the phone away from my ear and stare at it. “This isn’t happening!”

“Orli? Baby, are you there? What are you talking about?” the voice is asking from the phone.

I bring it back to my ear. “What kind of sick joke is this? Did Jocelyn put you up to this?” I cry. “I've had enough of crazy people on my phone this morning acting like they know me! Would someone just tell me what the hell’s going on here?”

“Whoa, sweetie,” the man chuckles. “Is that any way to greet me first thing in the morning? I was going to tell you how sexy you sounded this morning and I get a tongue-lashing. What’s going on?”

Last night I made a random wish that I wanted to be famous. I wanted to find out what it’s like to live the life of someone like Orlando Bloom. I went to sleep and woke up in a different house with an agent who’s setting me up for radio interviews to promote a new film. No… wait… MY new film. I look on the Internet and all of a sudden I'm not only finding out what Orlando Bloom’s life is like- I'm living the damn thing. But hey! It’s been a perfectly normal morning. No worries. Please don’t lock me up in the looney bin because everyone else seems to think it’s perfectly normal that I went from good old Lena to Orleans Bryant superstar overnight.

“I don’t know what’s going on.” I know this voice. I've heard it millions of times in movies and interviews. “Dom?”

“Do you have someone else that thinks you’re sexy?” he questions.

“I don’t think so. I'm not sure.”

“You okay? You want me to come over?”

I look down at my pajamas and know I look like hell this morning. I don’t want to meet Dominic Monaghan for the first time looking like death warmed over. “Umm… no! I'm fine. I'm just having an off day I guess. A little disoriented from being woken up so early.” I click on “show more” under my mini-biography section and scroll quickly down the new page when it loads. Sure enough “Dating actor Dominic Monaghan (2003)” appears under the trivia section.

“I told you I shouldn’t have kept you out so late when you had to be up early this morning. It’s going to be a busy week for you, love.”

“So I've heard. What else am I stuck with today?”

“Shouldn’t you be asking Luke that?”

There’s that name again. Lisa mentioned Luke, too. “Who the hell is Luke?”

“Well, as much as I know you would like to forget Luke is your assistant, baby. Remember- the guy you try to escape about five hundred times a day because he’s a walking appointment book.”

“My assistant?” Am I really that big? “Oh… yea… right. I was trying to forget.”

“I know you were. I'm surprised Lisa didn’t have him over there brewing coffee and serving you breakfast in bed before the crack of dawn.”

I have a gorgeous boyfriend with a voice that’s even sexier than I could have imagined. Why pass up the chance to flirt my ass off? “Isn’t that supposed to be your job? I would rather have breakfast in bed with you.”

“And I would much rather be your breakfast in bed. But you swore you wouldn’t get any sleep if I didn’t go home like a good boy last night,” he laughs, flirting back.

“Oh, you’re a good boy? I always believed otherwise.”

“Shhh… don’t tell anyone. Did you have fun last night?”

“Of course… as always,” I lie. How am I supposed to know what we did last night if I wasn’t even there? Not only do I not know what I did with my boyfriend last night, or the night before that, or… for months before that. I didn’t even know he was my boyfriend until I picked up the phone a couple minutes ago. I don’t know how we know each other, or where we went for our first date… or any details of our relationship. How am I supposed to be dating someone when I know nothing more about him than what I could dig up on the Internet?

“Good. Then at least it will make up for tonight.” I hear him rummaging through something in the background.

“What’s tonight?”

“God! You are useless without your walking appointment book better known as Luke. We have that dinner at the Omni. What time do I need to be ready?”

“Umm… I have no idea. I’ll have to find out from Luke.” I may typically hate Luke, but I have a feeling he’s going to be my new best friend until I figure out what happened to my life.

“You do that, baby,” confusion fills Dom’s voice. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’re usually so on top of these things.”

“Like I said, it’s just one of those days. I'm really stressed about the film.”

“Okay. Which reminds me… have that stunning dress out tonight. I want to see how hot you’re going to look for the premiere tomorrow so I can still get a veto in if it’s too sexy.”

“You mean, the premieres aren’t finished?” Can this day get any worse? It’s one thing to pretend to be famous on the phone. I can’t walk the red carpet for a movie premiere.

“No. But this is the last one I promise, smartass. And I’ll be able to go with you to this one. I’ll finally get to see the finished product of your hard work… and the six months you had to spend away from me.”

“Oh whatever… as if you weren’t working on your tan in Hawaii for two months while I was gone.”

“Touché, my dear. But my shoot was still shorter than yours.”

“Fine. You win.” I set the laptop back on the coffee table and rise from the couch to explore the rest of the house more thoroughly this time. “Hon, can I call you back after I talk to Luke and I can tell you what the arrangements are for tonight?”

“Sure. Just don’t forget about me. Love you, sweetie.”

My jaw drops. This is every girl’s dream come true yet I'm standing in the middle of a kitchen that I don’t know in shock and unsure what to do. “I… uh… love you, too?”

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic about it,” Dom mutters.

“I'm sorry. I was just… looking at something… got distracted. I love you too, hon. And I’ll see you tonight.” I click off the phone and stare at it. I not only just talked to him, but he’s my date for the next two nights and I just… told… Dominic… Monaghan… that… I… love… him? Now, I'm really not sure if this is a good day or a bad one. And that made it either better or worse.

Joss… Jocelyn will know what to do to fix this. Whatever I've done, she will know how to undo it. I click the phone on again and dial her cell phone. She’s probably well into her workday already.

“Jocelyn Caron,” she answers her phone.

“Joss, you are never going to believe what happened to me this morning. It’s completely unreal,” I blurt out.

“Who is this?”

“Dork! Stop that! It’s Lena. Look, I woke up this morning in some other house… I have an agent and had to…”

“Who the hell is this? I'm really busy and don’t have time for this.” Jocelyn pauses, “Karen, if this is you, it’s really not funny!”

“Karen! Are you kidding? She could never come up with anything this good. Hell, I couldn’t even make up something this strange. Joss, you have to believe me.”

“Look, whoever this is, don’t call me again.”

“But, Joss…” I stop when the line goes dead. Back to staring at the phone. My best friend… the only person that would ever believe what’s happening has just hung up on me! She seriously didn’t know who I am! I throw the phone across the kitchen, breaking it to pieces against the far wall. That damn thing has been nothing but trouble since I opened my eyes this morning.

Not caring to look around the rest of the house, I trudge back upstairs to the master bedroom. I’ll get a quick shower and then maybe lay back down for a nap.

My short shower turns much longer than planned as I sit on the built-in seat to collect my thoughts. I replay last night in my mind. I talked to Jocelyn who wanted me to join her, Karen, and Chris for a night out. I fell asleep in the couch watching television and woke up in time to watch The Tonight Show. I could swear that I saw Orlando Bloom on there. He was promoting Kingdom of Heaven. I took Cuddles out for a walk and watched the stars while he took his sweet old time. I know with one hundred percent certainty that that was all real. It’s this morning that I doubt.

I have an agent lining up interviews and movie premieres. I have an assistant that keeps me in line. I have a boyfriend that I've supposedly been with for two years- an actor that as of yesterday was reportedly single. In addition, the actor that I am certain I watched on television last night has seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth. Yet, my best friend acts as if she has never known me. What kind of messed up fantasy world am I living in?

All I can do at this point is go with the flow and try to figure out and accept what is occurring. I can’t very well begin telling people the truth. The men in the white coats would appear faster than I can snap my fingers.

I turn off the water and step out into the steam filled bathroom. Drying quickly, I wrap the towel around my body and hurry to the closet- there’s a second entrance to it from inside the bathroom. Choosing a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt that reads “10% Angel 90% Devil,” I exit into the bedroom and dress quickly. I decide to worry about my hair later and just twist it up into a scrunchie.

I hurry down the stairs and stop off in the music room at the bottom to grab a book from one of the two half-filled bookcases. Studying the back, I continue in to the living room.

“Please tell me you’re in a better mood than yesterday and this latte is all yours,” a deep male voice startles me.

I scream and drop the book on my left foot, which begins an (at least to others) interesting dance as I try to keep weight off it. “What the hell are you doing in my house?”

A young man with shaggy black hair and dark eyes holds out a Starbucks cup to me as a peace offering. “I let myself in like I do most days. Sit down before you hurt yourself further.”

I limp over to the couch and examine my foot. The toes are still moving so nothing is broken. It’s just going to sting for a few minutes. The man holds out the coffee and the book he retrieved from the floor for me. “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix? Again? Don’t you have this one memorized yet?”

“It’s a good book.” I sip from the cup of coffee. “Vanilla raspberry café latte- how did you know?”

“I've picked up coffee for you at least once a week since Lisa stuck me with you.” He sits down in the matching armchair and flips open a Palm Pilot.

“Luke?” Logical deduction. This has to be the walking daily planner.

“Yes, your highness,” he sighs.

“Thanks… umm… for the coffee.” Does this guy hate me or something? “And whatever I did yesterday, I'm sorry.”

“It’s nothing new,” he never looks up from the Palm Pilot.

“What? You act like I'm a royal bitch or something.”

“Are you serious? The only time you aren’t bitching at me lately is when your boytoy is around… and I think that’s because you’re too busy to notice anyone is around.”

“Well, look… I'm sorry. I don’t mean it, I guess. From now on just slap me upside the head when I need it.”

That finally draws Luke’s attention away from his PDA. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Nevermind,” he shakes his head. “You did remember that you have to have your gown fitted at eleven o’clock and you have to be at the Omni at eight, right?”

“I do now. What time are we meeting Dom?”

“There’s no we, Lena. He’s your boyfriend. He can either meet you here or you can pick him up, your call.”

“Woo-hoo!” I do a mini-happy dance seated on the couch. “The first thing all day I've had had any say in.” Luke tilts his head to one side like Cuddles does when he’s confused. “Sorry. I just didn’t realize how much work this would take?”

“You’ve been going nonstop for over two years. Where have you been?”

“New York,” I mutter. I look around the living room sadly. “It’s too quiet around here without the… a dog.”

“And who would take care of one while you’re on location?”

Oops, I didn’t mean to say that aloud. “I don’t know. Take him with me… or leave him with Dom.”

“Sure. Okay. Are you about ready to go?”

“I don’t know where I'm going.”

“You rarely do. I’ll drive.” Luke flips the PDA closed and rises from the chair. “Shoes?”

“Yea, just a second.” I trudge back upstairs in search of some shoes and socks. I must be a royal spoiled little diva to make my own assistant hate me so much. Well, while I'm stuck here, at least I can change one thing.

Aww! :noangel: So sweet. well done! :bow:

love
love
love
love
love
love
LOVE
this!

It makes me :lmao:
It makes me :cry:
Totally makes me :blush: (cuz i know what's coming!)
Love ya girl!!!!!

J

Not to fear. I'm working on it. It just seems that the writer's block kicked in at a very inopportune time. I'm only four chapters in, know exactly where I want this story to go, and yet can't seem to make it go there.

Does anyone have a muse that I can borrow? Or if anyone would like to volunteer to help, it would be more than welcome.

musey muse muse muse.....

:bow: :bow: :bow:

Orlando

“Well, that’s it, ladies and gents. Return to your normal mundane duties for now,” the boss- who I now know is named Elliott- instructs us. “We’ll know more as the studio gives us word.”

Around me, people gather notebooks, folders, printouts, and pens from the table, chatting amicably among themselves. I stare straight ahead at the dry erase boards Elliott scribbled notes and ideas on for the past three hours. Before this project gets under way, I have to not only learn how to use a computer, but create moving images with it. In addition, while I'm learning, I have to prevent myself from being fired. Somehow, I must still have this job when Orleans Bryant arrives for her work in the motion capture department. My instincts tell me that this girl is somehow connected to the wish I made last night and abrupt change in my life that I woke up to this morning.

“Trust me, dude. The meeting wasn’t so fun that I want to hang out here all day” Tyler slaps my shoulder. “Wanna grab some lunch?”

“Umm… sure. Jocelyn rushed me out the door so fast I didn’t have time for breakfast.” I shove the papers in front of me into a sloppy pile and rise from the conference table.

“That one’s a handful. I don’t know how you do it, man.”

“Do what?” I follow him back down the hall. Passing all of the video game and comic book posters that decorate the various office windows, I know that Dom and Elijah would be in geek heaven around here.

“Stop yourself from kissing her just to make her shut up for two seconds.”

I shake my head with a chuckle. “I don’t think so, mate. I just… I mean, she’s one of my oldest friends. I can’t just start snogging her senseless.”

“Why not? I would.” Tyler dumps his papers on his desk and follows me to my office. “If I wasn’t afraid of you, I would ask her out.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Where did that come from? I just met Jocelyn this morning.

“I wouldn’t, man. I’d hate to come between you and the girl of your dreams.”

I drop my own stack on my desk and stare at the man in my doorway. “The girl of my dreams would be… well, I don’t know. But Jocelyn isn’t exactly... well, I don’t know!”

“Exactly. How does that deli down the street sound?” He turns and strolls away as if we weren’t discussing anything.

I jog to catch up. “I guess that sounds okay.” As we weave through the throngs of bodies packing the busy New York street, I keep my head down trying not to attract attention. I don’t want anyone to recognize me.

As we enter the half-full deli, Tyler looks over his shoulder at me. “What’s up with you today? Usually you’re flirting with every cute chick we pass.”

“I do? But I didn’t want anyone…” to stop and ask for pictures and autographs, I finish silently. No one is going to stop you now, Bloom. My face doesn’t grace the covers of hundreds of magazines any longer. Fangirls don’t line up at the box office to watch my movies anymore. Friday night, they’ll all be watching Colin Farrell play Balin instead of me. “Forget it. Nevermind.”

“If you say so? Your usual?”

I don’t know what the usual is, but I nod anyway. “I’ll grab a table.” I trudge over to the side of the restaurant and slouch down at a table with my head in my hands. What was I thinking? I'm stuck in a world where I don’t know anyone, but they all know me.

A soft voice beside me interrupts my sulking. “Umm… excuse me. I hate to bother you, but…”

I turn my head to the side and see a blond that is almost identical to my ex-girlfriend. “Yes, love?”

“I was just wondering, is this seat taken?” she questions, motioning to the chair on the other side of the table from me.

I glance around at the dozen empty tables surrounding me. “No, my mate is just ordering, but…”

“Great!” She slides into the chair without waiting for me to finish.

“Help yourself.”

She leans across the table coyly, as if preparing to flirt. “So, how’s it going so far, Orlando?”

“It’s… wait, how did you know my name?” I sit back in my chair and fold my arms across my body, defensively.

“Would you prefer I call you Legolas?”

“I wouldn’t really… but I didn’t play Legolas.”

She smiles knowingly. “Not anymore… because you got what you asked for. Whatever wish is granted, there are always consequences. How’s it going so far?”

I lean in closer to her. If anyone else hears this conversation, they’ll think we’re both insane. Although I'm beginning to question the same thing. “You know what’s going on? Tell me how I got here. Why am I not myself anymore? Who is this girl that seems to have stolen my life?”

“She didn’t steal your life. She simply had her wishes granted… same as you. Enjoy it. I’ll see you around.” She rises and departs as Tyler approaches the table with a tray of food.

“Who was that?” he questions, setting a sandwich, fruit salad, and soda in front of me.

“I have no idea. It was the strangest thing. It was like she knew me… really knew me.” I look around for the mysterious blond but she seems to have disappeared.

“That’s not too surprising.”

“What do you mean?” I unwrap the sandwich sitting before me.

“Don’t give me that shit! Hardly a day goes by when you aren’t snatching up the phone number of some chick. So was she Miss Friday night or Saturday night?”

“Neither! Buggers, mate. What do you think of me?”

Tyler sips at his drink. “It’s not that I think anything bad of you, dude. But you are the envy of… oh, I don’t know… every guy we know?”

I try to ignore his comments, but can’t figure out what he’s insinuating. “Trust me, dude. I know I didn’t have a date with her.”

“If you say so,” he shrugs. “You probably just don’t remember her.”

“No, I would remember that one. I haven’t had time for dates lately.”

Tyler snorts, almost sending soda though his nose. “Haven’t had time? You had one on Friday and took another out on Saturday. It’s more like you don’t have time to squeeze in all of the ladies lining up on your doorstep. I'm surprised you can even manage to find time for work or the rest of your friends in your busy schedule.”

Well, at least one thing’s better in my new life as opposed to the old- I'm getting dates left and right. And I have time to do so. The only problem is that Tyler makes it sounds as if I have a date with a different woman every night. “But there must be some that I see more often than that.”

“Yea, a few get lucky enough to have two or three dates with you,” Tyler nods. “But then you discover that they don’t meet the impossibly high Orli standards for dating and you go looking for another one.”

“I don’t have high standards!” I argue.

“Not for that initial date. You require only two things for your ‘particular type of girl’ for that, dude. And they come in matched sets, of all different sizes.”

I shake my head in disbelief. Elijah said that about Dom just last night in the car before they dropped me off at home. Probably the last time I’ll see those two blokes. If my wish affected the lives and memories of all the people here in New York, I wonder what effect it had on my own friends and family. “Mate, do you know Dominic Monaghan?”

“Personally, not really. Met him once when we did the Rings video games and he came in to do voice recording. I sat in and watched so that we could copy his mannerisms.” Tyler continues picking at his salad without looking up. “You dig him now, too? That could be an interesting threesome.”

I choke on a chunk of watermelon, coughing until I can speak again hoarsely. “A threesome? I don’t fancy guys.”

“Well, you already fancy his girlfriend.”

I almost choke on the soda I was drinking to soothe my throat. “His girlfriend? When in the name of all that’s holy did Dom get a girlfriend?”

“How the hell should I know how he got so lucky? I do know that when Orleans Bryant steps foot into our offices in a couple months, I'm going to be doing everything in my power to make her forget about him.”

She stole my life and my friends? What did this girl wish for? I wish I could have Orlando Bloom’s life and send him to an early grave from a heart attack? I have to give her credit for one thing- she tamed Dom.

“Why are you interested in knowing about that hobbit dude?”

I wad up the paper from the sandwich and drop it back on the empty tray. “I don’t know. His name just popped into my head.”

“Well, please go back to fantasizing about his girl. That’s just freaky, dude.” Tyler moves his trash onto the tray, too. “Are you ready to head back? We have more work to do on the Realms of Kings layout.”

“Yea, whatever.” Not that I'm capable of getting any work done. I look at the half-eaten fruit salad, but I'm not hungry anymore. I shove it onto the tray before picking everything up to carry it to the trash can.
*************************************************

I stare at the computer in front of me in shock. The animations I just created for a video game are working. I designed it, wrote the programming for it, and matched it to the audio stored on my hard drive, but it all works. Yesterday, I could barely turn on a computer; much less do anything productive with one. Today, I'm a video game designer. Once I sat down in front of the dreaded machine after lunch it was as if I had done this every day of my life. It all seemed to come as naturally to me as memorizing a script.

I wonder if this is what Orleans was doing yesterday. And today she’s an actress. I bet she had no more experience in front of a camera than I did in front of a computer.

I save my work and close the program. It’s five-thirty. It must be time to go home. Before I leave, I want to do some research. I open a Web browser and type in my name. The darn thing returns 78 results, but none of them could possibly be related to me. It’s as if I disappeared from pop culture. No one has any memory of Orlando Bloom the actor. It looks as if I got my wish- consequences and all.

I type in Orleans Bryant instead and receive 14,026 matches. It’s not the one million results my name supposedly used to pull up, but it’s nothing to turn your nose up at, either. I click on the first link and it pulls up a fan created site. The main page is full of a short bio, news highlights, and picture links. On the top of the page, I click on the word “Biography.” A much longer summary of her life appears on the screen.

Born on March 5th, 1978 in Wheeling, West Virginia, Orleans Bryant discovered acting was her destiny after performing in “The Sound of Music” and “Annie” in local theater at the age of five. In 1996, she moved to New York to attend New York University and began earning cameos on various soap operas and sit-coms. Orleans spent two years at the New York University before earning a scholarship to attend Julliard. Her first memorable appearance, a small part in the award winning “As Good as it Gets’, earned her various film offers, which she turned down to gain more experience onstage. On stage, she appeared in plays like "Hamlet,” "Rent,” and "Les Miserables.” Jerry Bruckheimer then "discovered" the beauty for his much-hyped “Pirates of the Caribbean” in which she was cast as Elizabeth Swann. 2003 saw the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. In 2004, Ned Kelly, Troy, The Calcium Kid, and Haven were released. In 2004, she began filming Kingdom of Heaven, with Ridley Scott. She will also play the female lead in Elizabethtown, directed by Cameron Crowe. A sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean is also planned to start filming in August 2005, following completion of an as of yet unnamed Jerry Bruckheimer project. When she's not working, Orleans divides her time between Los Angeles and New York.

Her bio mimics mine but isn’t identical. She never filmed The Lord of the Rings movies or Blackhawk Down , but I guess there weren’t many roles available for her in those. If she wanted a more impressive resume, there are plenty of actors’ shoes she could have filled. So why mine? What is it that prompted this inexplicable switch to occur between us? Is it just a coincidence because I certainly didn’t ask to be a computer geek in New York?

Tyler sticks his head in my office door. “Hey dude, we’re heading down to the Green Elephant for some drinks. Wanna come?”

“I don’t even know if I have any money mate. Or what Jocelyn’s doing tonight?”

“Well, check your wallet and call the wife. We’re taking off in about five minutes.” He ducks back around the corner to his own office.

I yank the wallet out of my back pocket. There’s 80 dollars inside. At least I didn’t choose to be normal and broke. The driver’s license in the front flap catches my attention. It’s a New York license with my name, address, and picture on it. Moreover, it expires in 2005- I must have had it for a while. Wait! I don't have a New York license. I don't have a New York address. None of this makes any bloody sense at all. What scares me more about this whole situation is that I'm starting to accept it. I'm slowly beginning to understand things. But there are so many blanks that need to be filled in. Maybe if I go out tonight, I'll run into the blonde again, and she can answer some of my questions?

I shove my wallet back in my pocket, turn off the monitor, and rise from the desk. “Hey, Tyler! You ready, mate?” I shout, as I pull my cell phone from my pocket to look up Jocelyn's number.

I love this!! Finally something new. Keep posting, and I hope you find your muse back ;-)

Lol. Hella freaky chap. Very good. Hmmm... This blonde woman... Plot twist maybe? Lol.

Plot twist??? Me???? :lalala: I would never do such a thing. :angel2: I'm completely innocent I tell you!

Innocent! Pahhhhh! Lol.

the ending works, my dear. Tell Courtney thanks!

I can't wait to see what you have in store for the next chapter!

Ok. This...f :ups: ing brilliant! Seriously! What a fantastically original idea! I LOVE LOVE IT!! :bow:

post soon...Please :wub:

:love:
kimi

Ya know, my plan was to come home and polish of this next chapter tonight. Instead, I taped Oprah while I was at work this afternoon and have spent the past hour laughing my arse off. :lmao: Brad Pitt is a riot! But I promise I'm getting back to work now.

doodlebug!!

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

DOODLE!!!!!! DOOOOODLE!!!! DOOOOOOODLE!!!!

Much later than I anticipated, but it's finally ready to be posted. Much hugs :bow: to Jenn for checking it out for me and helping me get through the parts I wasn't sure about.
******************************************************************


Orleans

“How can you possibly ask how I liked it, Lisa?” I cry into my cell phone. “I had to stand there like a freaking mannequin for three hours while I was dressed and undressed, poked with pins, and spun around so they could view my every flaw from all angles. And the dress is pink! I hate pink! Have you ever seen a redhead that looks good in pink?”

“You look fabulous in pink,” croons Lisa. “And you chose the fabric.”

“There will be hockey in hell before I choose anything pink to go on my body. I have hated that color since I was old enough to pick out my own clothes. I wouldn’t be caught dead in it.”

“That can be arranged,” Luke snorts under his breath beside me.

I spin my head around to stare at him, ignoring Lisa’s response. “Admit it, it looked like shit. I was wearing a bottle of Pepto Bismol.”

“Now that you put it that way, you’re right,” he agrees.

“Hear that, Lisa,” I continue my rampage. “Pepto pink. That’s the only way to describe that hideous dress. I will call you back after I've been to the mall.”

“You can’t buy off the rack. It’s your biggest premiere yet.”

“And I certainly can’t walk down the red carpet looking like part of a pharmacy yarfed on me. The paparazzi will be so busy laughing that they will forget to take pictures. I'm finding something that is me, Lisa.”

“So something that screams temperamental diva?”

“I am not being a diva…”

“Yes, you are,” mutters Luke.

I roll my eyes at the car’s driver. “…I'm being honest. That dress was just asking to have the fashion police arrive with sirens blaring. Have you seen the inside of my closet, Lisa?” Actually, I've barely seen the inside of my closet thus far.

“Yes. And you may not walk down the red carpet in jeans, a t-shirt, and cowboy boots,” she instruct me.

“I wasn’t planning on it. But I'm going to find something cute and comfortable. And Luke- lucky guy that he is- is coming along to be my babysitter.”

“I'm not going shopping with you! I have seen the inside of your closet!” Luke exclaims.

“I’ll buy you an ice cream,” I try to bribe him.

“What am I? Five years old?”

“Hey, don’t say I never offered.” I bring the phone back up to my mouth. “Lisa, I promise to call after shopping. And Dom will give the thumbs up or thumbs down to my clothes tonight.”

“I don’t know what’s more wrong with that statement- the fact that you would even ask his opinion or that you would trust it.”

“He’s my boyfriend, isn’t he? I would trust him with anything.” I hope. All I know about my relationship so far is based on a five-minute phone call.

“If you say so. Trust him with anything but your clothes."

“There are some actors out there that make far worse fashion choices. At least Orlando… Nevermind.” I've already established that no one knows about Orlando Bloom, so they certainly won’t know about his unique fashion sense.

“Alright, I’ll trust that Luke won’t let you go too far overboard,” Lisa sighs. “That means you will still be decently attired.”

“I would still be decently attired even if Luke wasn’t with me. I'm not about to parade into Mann’s with my titties and ass hanging out for the whole world to see,” I argue.

“That’s a relief. Pick something nice or I'm sending you home to change if I don’t approve. Talk to you later, dear.”

When Lisa disconnects, I drop the phone on the floor of Luke’s X-terra. “You would think she was looking after a ten year old. Where’s the nearest mall?”

“As if you don’t know. You are like one visit short of getting a personalized reserved parking spot.” Luke exits the freeway. “You can make one store’s daily budget by yourself.”

“Whatever,” I protest. “Shopping is the plague. The only reason I'm going is because it’s shopping versus the Pepto dress. It’s strictly a matter of the lesser of two evils.”

“Need I remind you that while you were in BFE Kentucky for Elizabethtown that you asked on a daily basis why they couldn’t have a semi-decent mall within a day’s drive? You told your wardrobe guy that you refused to wear some of the costumes because the fabric wasn’t quality.”

“Good lord! You make me sound like some spoiled prissy rich bitch and I am none of the above. I would rather pull on a pair of jeans from Old Navy and a ten dollar t-shirt than something from Versace or Dolce and Gabbana… although I wouldn’t mind having a couple of Dolce dresses.”

Luke pulls up to a stoplight and stares at me in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Are you?”

“You refused to wear anything BUT Dolce to the Oscars and they sent you three dresses to choose from- which you ended up buying. Now they’re hanging in that monstrosity you call a closet and you’ve never worn two of them. So please, little miss thing, do not tell me that you are not prissy.”

“Look, I don’t know how or when you formed this opinion of me, but it’s gonna change. I am not a girlie girl. Makeup is a waste of time unless someone is going to see me.”

“Need I remind you of your career choice? And apparently with that comes the prima donna attitude.” Luke slows to a stop in a parking space. “The public awaits, your majesty.”

I slide out of the car and trudge into the mall. Since I can’t remember one moment of my celebrity life before this morning, I have no idea what I have done to create this image in people’s minds. Never in my life have I cared how I looked unless I knew someone was going to point a dreaded camera at me for pictures or I was going on a job interview. Everyone knows that doing makeup or styling my hair is the biggest waste of time I can think of.

Grudgingly, I stalk from store to store sorting through racks of clothes for something comfortable and fun while Luke helpfully pulls frilly feminine apparel for my approval. I tell him to put everything back. After an hour of shopping torture, I finally find a pair of baggy pin striped trousers. Luke gapes at the cashier when she announces the total is only $38.92 and I hand over my credit card with a wince. Two stores later, I finally find a matching off-shoulder white top and black knee high heeled boots. In a final stop near the food court, I spy a dark gray felt hat. When Luke adds up the final total of $157.63 on his Palm Pilot, he asks if I'm seriously going to wear something so cheap to a major event.

“Cheap! This cost me an arm and both legs. Still interested in that ice cream I promised? My treat!” I skip off to a nearby ice cream shop.

“Vanilla,” Luke calls after me.

Boring flavor for a boring person. I glance over my shoulder to see if he’s following, but he’s already slumped in a chair, tapping away at the damn PDA. And Dom wonders why Luke annoys the hell out of me? He’s glued to that damn thing like I am to… well, a computer. Okay, I really can’t hold that against the guy.

However, I can begrudge him the fact that he seems to hold such a low opinion of me. Instead of the independent person I have always been I feel as if he alternates between viewing me as a simpering idiot of a little girl to a pampered immature princess. Of course, that could also be the influence of Lisa. She treats me like a child who wouldn’t know her head from her ass. If the people who are helping control my career think so highly of me, what do my friends and family think? The vibe I got from Dom this morning is nothing like how I feel when Lisa and Luke talk to me.

I tap my foot impatiently as I wait to reach the front of the line. In a few short hours, I’ll be free of Luke and his opinions and facing the one person whose opinion may matter the most. I have to somehow convince my boyfriend of two years that nothing is wrong and I'm the same old girl he loves.

“What can I get you today?” The girl at the counter asks. She looks vaguely familiar. She reminds me of an old friend Jocelyn and I had in college, but we haven’t heard from her in a couple years. What was her name again? Laura… no, Linda… no wait, Lindsey! That it’s. Lindsey lived downstairs from us in our first year dorm. I don’t think this could be her- though she is almost a spitting image. Last I’d heard, she was living in Florida with her husband and two children.

“I’ll have a vanilla cone and cheesecake with cherries on a cone.” I murmur, reading off the menu.

“Anything else for you, Miss Bryant,” the petite brunette questions politely.

I tilt my head to the side questioningly. “How did you know my name?”

“Everyone knows your name now, don’t they? Almost as well as they used to know Mr. Bloom’s.” She devotes her attention to mixing the cherries into my ice cream, glancing up once to wink at me. “How’s your day going so far?”

I shake my head as if it will clear my ears. “What did you just say?” I lean against the counter and lower my voice. “You know Orlando Bloom?”

“Damn sexy, if you ask me. Such a shame he’s not around anymore, but there are always consequences to whatever you wish for. Did everything work out the way you wanted it?”

“How do you know? What the heck is going on?”

She scoops the ice cream onto a cone and hands it across the counter to me. “Did everything turn out the way you wanted it? You have your career and a fine ass boyfriend to boot. What more could a girl want?”

“My life back!” I hiss. “Whatever you did, just rewind the clock. Return everything to how it used to be.”

“I have no control over it. You haven’t even gotten to experience the good parts yet. Enjoy it… it is what you wanted after all.” She holds Luke’s vanilla cone out to me and turns to the next customer in line. “I’ll be right with you, I just have to step into the back and get a new tub.” She picks up the empty container and disappears through swinging doors.

Staring after her, I shuffle to the side towards the register and absentmindedly pay for the ice cream. A moment later, a tall black man returns from the back room and sets a new tub of ice cream into the display case.

I am completely losing my mind.

I weave my way through the crowded food court and hand Luke his dessert. “I'm not feeling well. Let’s just go home.”

“Oh no! You cannot be getting sick this week. You have too many things to take care of. And if you and Dom don’t appear at the dinner tonight, you…”

“Please be quiet, Luke,” I sigh, hurrying towards the exit. “I know how important this all is and that I can’t afford to fuck any of it up. I really need to get home.”

He follows along silently, but I swear I can feel his eyes burning holes into my back.
*************************************************

At 7:15, I stand in front of the full-length mirror in the enormous closet staring at my image. When we arrived home, Luke insisted on choosing my clothes for this evening before finally leaving me alone. As soon as the door slammed behind him, I hung the dress back on its hanger and shoved it into the back of the closet. I spent most of the afternoon in the music room toying with the baby grand piano and reading on one of the two comfortable maroon couches. At 6:30, I began to hurriedly get ready, frantically searching my closet for something appropriate to wear. As I styled my hair and applied makeup in the large vanity mirror- grumbling the entire time- I listened to the large stereo in my room blasting the newest Nickelback CD.

Now as I look over the results, I'm somewhat impressed with myself. Lisa will probably have a shit fit when she sees that I rejected Luke’s choice, but I’ll be happy and comfortable.

The front door slams and footsteps pound up the staircase. “Hey baby! You ready?”

I slide my feet into the tan heels beside me and stroll out of the closet. Does everyone I know just let themselves into my house freely? Doesn’t anyone knock and politely wait for me to answer the door.

Dom bounds into the room. I stop and grab the doorway in shock. All day, I've reminded myself that tonight I would face one of the hottest actors in the world and I would be on his arm as his girlfriend, but until now that thought didn’t seem real. It feels like one of the silly fantasies that Jocelyn and I used to toss around while watching Orlando’s and Dom’s movies or Lost each week on television. Our most common joke was that we would receive the man of our choice as a gift- wearing a bow to conceal his family jewels. Jocelyn always wanted Orlando wearing a red bow and Dom’s would be blue.

Now he stands across the room from me wearing a dark blue suit with red pinstripes- oh, the irony! Talking to him on the phone this morning was one thing, but this is going to be something entirely different. So much can be said just be studying a person’s body language. He leans against the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and a cocky grin on his face. I'm frozen in place staring like an idiot as if I don’t know who he is.

“You look good, babe. Your choice or Luke’s?” he questions.

“Mine. Luke wanted me to wear a green frilly girlie dress… which I promptly hid back in the closet as soon as he left. I think the sick bastard was just trying to get revenge on me because I refused to wear the ugly pink thing that was designed for me to wear to the premiere tomorrow night.” I spin around to show off the long slim navy blue skirt and tan spaghetti strap top. “What do you think?”

“Very nice! So what’s with the ugly pink thing?” He enters the room, holding out one hand towards me.

“I refused to wear something that looked like Pepto had been poured all over me, so Luke and Lisa think I'm being a diva. Let me…”

“Can I at least say hello first?” He clasps my hands and brings his lips to mine. I respond timidly, but my eyes bulge out. First rule of kissing, I remind myself, he will never trust you if he catches you with your eyes open.

Before I have a chance to recover from my amazement and close my eyes, Dom steps back. “Hi,” he murmurs with a soft smile.

This is my boyfriend now. I can’t act as if I don’t know him regardless of how flabbergasted I am right now. “Hey there. You look great! Who dressed you?”

He grabs the sides of his jacket and holds it open, modeling for me. “I did thank you very much. For a man, I do have somewhat decent fashion sense.”

“I know you do. You just look… sexy. Are you sure we have to go to this dinner?” This has been one of my fantasies- well, almost- for years and I’ll be damned if I have to leave this room now.

“Yes, we promised months ago that we would attend. Besides, Billy and Katelyn will be there. We’ll have a great time.”

“Oh, Billy’s in town? I didn’t know.”

“He’s been here for a month filming. We just had dinner with them last week before you went to New York. You really need a vacation, love. You’re going to be forgetting my name next.” He points inside my closet. “So let’s see the ugly pink thing.”

I giggle. “I told the designer to take the Pepto dress and shove up her ass. I refuse to wear anything that horrendous.” I release his hand and enter the closet, grabbing my new clothes from where Luke hung them earlier. “I picked this up at the mall instead.”

Dom studies the new outfit and nods his approval. “And Lisa didn’t have a heart attack when you told her you were wearing something without a designer label?”

“Yes, she did. But I told her and Luke where they could shove it, too.” I return the hangers to their spot and grab the boots from the floor beside them. “Aren’t these just the greatest?”

“I’ll be damned. You could wear those for me later.”

I drop one boot in surprise before carefully setting the other one down. “And what would I be wearing with them?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

I turn and stroll into the bathroom to check my hair once more and hide my rapidly blushing face. I just received an invitation to model in my birthday suit for him. “Keep that up, and I'm going to need a cigarette already,” I reprimand him. “Or we really won’t be leaving for this hell on earth.”

“It won’t be that bad.”

Which part- the dinner or the after dinner show? I tuck my long hair behind my ear and dab a bit of extra clear gloss on my lips over the dark red lipstick. “Let’s head out. I can’t wait to see Billy again.” Or for the first time, for that matter. “Can’t keep the other half of your comedy team waiting, can we?”

I follow him slowly downstairs, appreciating the view from behind as much as the one I've already seen from the front. Tonight will be anything but boring. I just have to pull this whole charade off successfully.

Mackey, the doodlebug, has arrived!!!!!!


I love this fic - the concept is so great! The humor is wonderful - and so close to home, judging from how well i know some of the characters here - especially the thing w/Lena and the pink dress! Classic.

Guess who's back! Back again! Mackey's back! Tell a friend....

I really need to change my CD.

Thanks, hon! I would have lost all inspiration a couple weeks ago if you weren't prompting me in the right direction occasionally.

I'm the mackety mackety mackety mackety mackey!!!

I make you wanna, JUMP JUMP!

*okay, so that song is totally lame, but it was cool when it came out!*

How's the new chappie coming along my dear?

Two whole weeks and I still haven't churned out a new chapter. But that's all about to change. I ran into a terrible case of writer's block on one of the two next chapters, so Jenn (ScoobyMack) and I have decided to team up and make this one a joint effort. Between our collectively evil minds, we should be back to smooth sailing from now on.

This is gonna be wicked crazy! muahahahaha

Jocelyn

I love my job! It would seem like a boring day to anyone else, but my partner and I lounged around the office today analyzing the facts from the crime scene we searched yesterday. We used one of our favorite tools- role-playing- and have narrowed down our suspects enormously. Now the three men on our list have to be more cunning than we are. Tomorrow, someone’s ass will have to answer to Noah and I for the horrific murder that occurred uptown late Sunday night.

Until then, it’s time for me to rewind and enjoy good times with my friends. Amazing that Orlando- the person who preached to me just last night that my weekends are too long- called around six o’clock begging me to meet up with him at the Green Elephant. That could only be Tyler’s suggestion. At least when it’s Orli’s turn to choose the venue, it’s a lively pub with people singing, shooting pool, and playing darts. If New York’s version of a wanna-be surfer boy picks the evening’s spot, it will still be loud, but the source of the noise will be from a jukebox in the corner, televisions broadcasting sports, or people on the roof playing volleyball. In the case of the Green Elephant, it’s all of the above depending on which area of the bar you are seated. At least I know that in addition to Tyler and a couple other guys from Orlando’s design team, that Karen and Chris will be meeting us here as well.

I click the button on my keypad as I walk away from my BMW- my baby and pride and joy. The double beep reassures me that the alarm is set. I tuck the keys into my pocket with my license and credit card and wave to the bouncer at the front door. Tyler chooses our hangout so often that we’re all recognized here. “They’re all upstairs, hon. The gang’s all here.”

“Thanks, Jay. You know how I hate the hunt.” I take the stairs two at a time as I run up to the roof. Only in New York would people be playing volleyball on a rooftop fake beach in April. Orlando, Tyler, Karen, Chris, Jon, and Pete are crowded around a table along the far side of the court. I wave as I strut towards them. For an April day, it certainly warmed up quite well. As I approach the table, I begin to unbutton my red blouse.

Orlando leaps from his seat and rushes towards me. “What are you doing?”

“Getting comfortable. Dude! Take a chill pill!”

He studies me closely. “Oh, you have… yea, I guess… want a beer?” He pulls one from the pail in the middle of the table and twists the cap off for me.

I accept it, laughing at his protectiveness. “What? Did you think I was just going to strut around here in a bra?”

“Well, I didn’t expect you to start a striptease as soon as you walked in the door.” Orlando pulls out a chair at the table. “At least have a little modesty!”

“Oh my god! Protective much!”

“All beautiful ladies should all have a fine upstanding young man like our dear Orlando to defend their honor,” Tyler teases, clinking his bottle against mine. “Give him a sword so he can protect our young lass.”

Orlando shakes his head, rolling his eyes at the same time. “If you only knew, mate.”

“Oh, are you a master sword fighter now, man?” Chris reaches across the table to claim another beer.

“I'm okay,” he shrugs. “Better with a bow and arrow, though.”

I raise one eyebrow suspiciously. “Since when? And how did I miss this hidden talent of yours?”

“A few years ago, I had to… I thought… you don’t know. Nevermind,” he sighs, slumping in his chair and crossing his arms.

“What’s up with you, hon?”

“Nothing. Damn! We’re out of beers. I’ll go down and get another bucket!” Orlando escapes from the table quickly. I turn in my chair and watch him cross the rooftop. He still seems out of sorts. I thought that was just because I’d woken him so suddenly this morning and that it would pass as the day progressed.

“The view just gets better every time he walks away,” Karen sighs, leaning closer to me and dropping her voice.

“It’s the same flat, non-existent ass he’s had for years.”

“And yet, you were still checking it out.”

“I was not! I was looking at the super yummy hottie over by the stairs.”

“Hey, Joss! Care for a rematch at darts later?” Jon calls across the table. “I always enjoy kicking your ass.”

“You can keep dreaming, dude! You have yet to win at anything against me.”

“As if! Drinking contests count,” Jon protests.

“Dude! Orli and I carried you home the last time you tried to drink her under the table,” Tyler argues. “There is NOTHING you can beat her at.”

“A pissing contest?” Chris suggests.

“Okay, first off… Eww… that’s just gross!” Karen squeals, throwing a handful of chips across the table at him. “And second, it doesn’t count because they aren’t equally equipped.”

“She can take a piss, too.”

“Not standing up, I can’t. And I wouldn’t even want to accomplish it.” I wrinkle my nose. “I'm with Karen on this one… Eww!”

“How about a little game of billiards?” Jon offers. “We have to call our shots.”

“And every scratch takes a shot,” Tyler adds.

“You’re on!” I exclaim. Hey, pool isn’t that hard, right?

Karen whips around to face me. “But Joss, you don’t know how to play!”

I shrug nonchalantly. “Don’t tell them that.”

Karen rolls her eyes. “God, you’re in trouble.”

“You know I can’t turn this down!” And I can’t. I’m a sucker for dares and bets. Anything offered, I will take the challenge. “Besides, I’ll look like a massive tool if I don’t take him up on it. I can handle my liquor. It’s Jon we have to worry about.”

A snort comes from Tyler. “This is gonna be fun.”

“Shut up!” I exclaim, elbowing him hard. I turn to Jon and grin. “Let’s get it on.”

Orlando suddenly appears at the table. “Who are you getting it on with?”

I swear, that man has a wicked sense of hearing sometimes. “I’m playing Jon in billiards. Be back in a flash.” I wink at him before walking away.

Orlando turns to Karen. “Seriously? She can’t play.”

“I know,” Karen snickers. “This is gonna be fun.”
************************************************


“I’m gonna puke!”

“No, you’re not. We’re almost there.”

That sounds like Orli. It could be Orli. Lemme look. Yup, it’s Orli. Looking particularly fetching driving my car. Wait, MY CAR? “What the hell are you doing?”

His wide eyes turn to me. “Driving your drunk ass home.”

“I am NOT drunk!” I protest weakly.

“Close your eyes,” he commands.

And I make the mistake of listening to him. Yeah, not doing that again. “Shit. Guess I am. Hey, where the hell are we? This isn’t my place.”

“No, it’s mine,” he replies as he pulls into his parking garage. He puts the car in park and then jumps out of the car.

“Why didn’t you just take me home?” I whine as he helps me out of the car. “I can walk fine, you know.”

He lets go of me. I make it a few steps before stumbling and nearly running into a wall. “Easy,” he says as he catches me. “You kept threatening to blow chunks in the car. I know how you are about your car, so I brought you to the closest place.”

So, the man does have a brain. He’s not as scattered as I thought. “Take me to bed or lose me forever,” I slur sexily.

He raises an eyebrow as we stop in front of his door. “Not like this.”

“Oh god Orli. I’m gonna puke.” I can feel it coming up the back of my throat.

He opens the door and I run inside, grabbing the first thing I see – the kitchen trash can. To me, it looks like heaven. I hang my head and throw up everything inside my stomach.

“Gross!” Orlando exclaims as he holds my hair back. “What did you eat?”

I slump against the counter. “Damn, I feel a lot better.”

“Good. I’m glad. Let’s get you to bed.”

Bed? His bed? I don’t think so. I was only kidding about him taking me to bed. Or was I? “The couch is fine.”

“Nonsense. Come on.” He leads me into his bedroom.

I sit down heavily on the bed and he takes off my shoes. He pulls the sheets back and I slide under them. “Thanks Orli.”

“Sure. Lemme take the trash out and I’ll be right back. Do you need anything?”

“Water. And some aspirin.”

“I’ll be right back.”

I watch him walk out. Karen was right, he does have a nice ass. Whoa, wait a minute. Where did THAT come from? It’s the same flat, non-existent ass he’s always had. Right? I groan, leaning over the side of the bed.

“You’re not gonna blow again, are you?”

I hoist myself back onto the bed. “Not likely.”

“Good.” He hands me some water and two aspirin.

I readily take them both and swallow them instantly. “Thanks. You’re a real pal.”

“Anytime,” he smiles, sitting down on the bed. “Mind if I join you?”

“It’s your bed,” I answer. Don’t mind at all. Hell, we’d been sleeping together for a few years now. No big deal. Orlando shrugs off his t-shirt and pants and slides into bed next to me. “Um, aren’t you a little underdressed?”

His eyes widen. “Seriously?”

“No, dork,” I reply, hitting him gently. I meet his eyes with what I hope is a serious stare. “Bloomie, what’s going on with you? You’ve been acting all weird today.”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

He seems to consider this before speaking again. “Joss, you’re supposed to be my friend, right?”

“Only your best friend,” I mutter, cuddling into his chest. “What’s up?”

“Well, yesterday, I was Orlando Bloom, hotshot actor in Hollywood, making five movies a year and a ton of money. Now, I’m Orlando Bloom, a nobody who works with computers. I fucking hate computers. I don’t know how I got here.”

“You graduated with a Computer Science degree, dumbass. How can you hate computers?” I’m not following this. It’s not making any sense. Maybe it was all that alcohol that I had consumed. My brain is seriously warped.

“Jocelyn, I’m not who you think I am. I’m not your best friend. I’m Orlando Bloom. I live in Los Angeles. I’m a famous actor, adored by thousands of screaming girls. My best mates are Dom and Elijah and Billy and Viggo.”

I snort. Is he for real? “Orlando, this is simply the most bizarre shit that you have ever come up with.”

“I’m for real!” he exclaims in an exasperated tone as he strokes my hair.

Wow, I’m really beginning to like that.

“I mean, I woke up this morning and had no idea who I am.”

“You’re Orlando James Bloom. My best friend, who loves computers and loves his job. And his dog.”

“I’m not that person Joss. I’m not.”

And that was the last thing I heard him say before the blackness mercifully claimed me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:lalala: Gosh, what an EXCELLENT chapter!!!!! :blush:

Yeah, a little biased am I. (that's my inner yoda coming out)

Dominic

As I pull up to the valet outside the Omni, I lean across the car and clasp Orleans’ hand. “Ready, love? This is going to be fun.”

“Oh yeah, schmoozing with Hollywood’s finest. What a treat!” She rolls her eyes, still twisting her purse strap between her fingers.

“You look nervous. Compared to everything else you have to do this week, this will be easy. And remember- it’s for one of your favorite groups.”

“Which one would that be?” She peers nervously out the window.

“The Humane Society. Did Luke forget to give you his daily briefing?”

She nods at the valet that opens the car door for her. “I guess he just forgot details. Couldn’t pick a better organization to support, could we.” She swings her legs out of the car, acce