Fatuous Fires
The Story of a Wannabe Writer
I decided to re-make my autobiography since I've been a liar in the 1st one and I don't think it is accurate, I think I've grown up and I'm with a new perspective so... Here it is... Official Autobiography.
Real Name: Ivonne Lorena García González
Writer Name: Adrienne Hewson
Nationality: Colombian
Date of Birth: April 5th, 1985 Bogotá, Colombia.
I was born in the crowded, contaminated but at the same time beautiful and chaotic Bogotá, capital city of one of the most violent countries in the world Colombia. I'm proud of it in the end, at least I do not live in a sappy pathetic happy world and this situation around me allowed me to face problems better than anyone else in the world, I'm glad, nd I do think that if you, the one reaing this lived what I lived would be saying the same thing, but I don't expect anyone to understand my feeling towards this country of mine becuase it is a mixture of love, hatred, resentment, passion, compassion and somewhat admiration.
Living in the capital when I was a child meant for me living in a strange jungle, my life transcurred between the house of my grandparents and the house of my parents. Always surrounded by people I was the pampered girl, since I was the 1st born child in the family of my mother, and my grampa's favourite always. Living with my grandparents made of me what I am now, I think. Always teaching me the difference between right and wrong I was surrounded by religion, thing that later (now) in my teenager years became somewhat a karma or dilemma. Now with my parents always working and doing their things they didn't have had the time to teach me much but i've had probably the best times of my life when I was a little girl: unspoiled by the world surrounded and sheltered in my little bubble... Until hell started.
The following years in a religious school only for girls meant the big change of me, I used to be a sociable girl, as said unspoiled but the rejection, corruption and the fact that they didn't let me be the way I was meant that I had to change and I did it... From the beautiful and happy girl to the silent and instrospective one. After three years of hell, silence and mistreat by nuns (since that time nuns mean rejection and mistreat for me, image that will stay on my mind forever) I change of school and go back to the 'multisex' world. With my brother by my side taking the attention of everyone as I was growing and becoming a real girl I could only think about one thing: being different.
The change of school meant a change of personality and habits, getting male friends, being social again wasn't an easy thing (is not an easy thing still) and it turned out to be an obsession and an obligation. I tried to fit, i swear but I just couldnt, everyone around the world seemed to not undertand me, not even my mother or father, it was the most lonely season of y life. Away from my grandparents, the shelter I had was the hardest thing. Finally after three years of living in the middle of nowhere I get to know people who was worth it: Diego and Andrés. Curiously male friends, the best ones I had, the only ones that understood me. In the middle of economic problems my family had they were the only thing I had. They made my life and were the main inffluence in my musical tastes after my parents.
About music and inffluences I always tended to like the old rock, since my parents kept on listening Iron Maiden, U2, Aerosmith, The beatles (probably the 1st group I liked), and the protest music of the time here in south america: leon Gieco, Silvio Rodríguez made of me the kinda revolutionary and against conventions, I just say it wasn't worth to be in the mob, ideology that's still alive. I travelled, but it all didn't stay on my mind, London, Glasgow, Rome and Barcelona... I was too young to notice the magnificence of the places I've been.
Now as a teenager when I was 14 to my actual age life has been a whole rollercoaster of emotions and problems. the fact that I'm not happy with my physical appearance and that I always get insecure is the daily rant, having an eating disorder that was always hideen from my parents, until I could not hold it no more and the doctor found out... Those days were not nice, but my parents didnt even noticed, it was just a normal thing, a secret that I've been keeping inside and mean to keep until I die. Actually I do think that I need help with a psychologist I'm feeling fine, I'm over the disorder but I tend to fall in the mistake of being unsatisfied with my look...
Of love, lust and other demons I just can say my personal life has been death sometimes, the boyfriends I've had are just memories and I rather keep them in the box I won't open again. The only person who I think was worth it was Tobey and he is dead now, but I think I jumped an important thing. My graduation from highschool wasn't a big thing, I just graduated and thank God for it since I could not hold the situation with the elitist society I was surrounded by, artificial people, people I'm annoyed by. Finally after 6 months of doing nothing and being in the dilemma of what was going to do 4 life I decide to study Journalism, I always had this easy thing with written words and art... it was the only thing I had in mind, write and make art.
I get into the Libertadores university and make a little exchange with NYU for 6 months, that turned out to be my biggest adventure in life, living on my own and making my own choices, time that went so fast and now I'm back into my stark raving sick sad little country.
Personally I pay more attention to my journey as a person than to my journey as 'the body of Adrienne Hewson'. I could've been everywhere but it means nothing If I didn't grow up and still feel little and immature as I feel now. Probably the oly thing I have now is my writing and probably my career (sometimes I get tired of it and wonder why i didn't study arts) and all i can think about is when am I going to find happiness and will be back again the girl i was when I was 5, unspoiled and surrounded by real people, not fatuous fires that changed my life.