Im Writing a Piece about relationships and wondered what everyones view was about them. What to you is the most important thing in your relationship.
I think to me it would be honesty, trust,compatability and things in common, then sex usually gets more exciting anyway with exploring.
Thanks for yout time.
Jodes.
xx

Hi Jodes - I put trust.

You can have all the other stuff there, but if your not feeling trust, then what's the freaking point? If I trust someone, everything else kicks into gear.

I, too, picked trust. Everything else is important but trust is really the foundation of it. Honesty is important but it's not the most important thing. Sex is important but sex is better when there's trust because you can explore each other and explore all sorts of options while feeling safe. Compatiability is important as well... I mean, you have to at least get along..... But like my girlfriend and I.... we are fairly compatable but there are a lot of things we don't see eye to eye on and that works for us. We balance each other out and our different perspectives and interests keep things, well, interesting. So, trust, hands down, is the most important.

i put "honesty, trust, compatability and things in common". i think i need all of those things going on for a relationship to work with me. each thing individually is really important, but if you don't have the whole package, things just aren't gonna work. like if i don't have anything in common with someone, it doesn't really matter how much i am honest with them, it's just not gonna happen. but i do agree with kate that trust is majorly important. i was torn between picking trust and the whole package. but i had to pick the whole package. hmm.... relationships are hard!!! :/

I put "Honesty,Trust,Compatability, things in common." cause you need something to talk about, you need to be able to work with each other and honesty goes with trust cause you need to be honest with yourself and your partner as well trust with them as well.
-_-

I put other, cause she definately has to be a Nymphomaniac... :wub:

Oh, disagree huh? Well what if you start seeing Clea Duvall or Angelina Jolie, would you care if you both liked flowers, or that she had this uncontrollable urge to rip your clothes off and make out everytime she looked at you. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

Go ahead... argue with me.
;)

Absolutely no arguments there. None.

no arguements here at all.. infact that is #1 on my list of dream woman qualities.
but I too picked trust because u cant have anything else without it. u cant be in love with someone u dont trust.. and being as i am not really a big dater... love is really important to me.

Sally

ok well i picked trust but i think sex too but i couldn't pick them both. you do really need trust, but i think that if you don't have sex but just trust then it's kinda just a friends.but i'm really easy to please i spose i just really want someone who wants me...
(i know, i know, *break out with the violins*, im really lame)

I clicked on other because equality should be there, or did you just take that one for granted B)

Hey Emma
I got violin for ya anytime, we can play sweet music together babes.
Jodes
xx :wub:

Yay for trust!

Sex is important to be sure, but if you don't trust your lover then things like the tightness of harness knots and your "safety" word can really become an issue.

;) If you are with me then we already have something in common, because I think I am shit hot too. Hoorah!

Lmao @ Kate, Im with ya there girl, The safeword, huh, :whistle:
I suppose you would need the trust there, else the sex factor might take a turn for the worse.lmao. :o
lol.
Jodes. :angel:

can i be the biggest dork ever and ask what a safety word is??? :huh:

i think maybe i made a mistake in my choice before. trust might be the most important aspect to a relationship. kinda like if you really trust someone, other things will work out, or you can at least be able to honestly talk with your partner about stuff and make things work. after reading everyone's posts, it made me think about how important trust really is and how i was kinda underestimating its importance. so, rock on guys! you really made me think and re-evaluate. :)

Let's hear it for trust!

Yes, Jodes, without a safety word things can get wacky. Whether it's losing circulation to your extremtities, or just plain suffocation, the safety word is vital.

iloveclea: it's a signal that let's your lover know that you are scared now, and can he/she please take off the mask and get you an icepack... it's just good to use a code word, so the "romance" isn't lost. My code word is usually "Maaaatttlock!"

ah yes matlock i have used that word many a time... good times :D

Sally

Oh, that's where I got it from.... right.

shh dont let anyone know, cause we're not married yet.. i mean what would the mormons say?

Sally

Hmm, good point.

If they ever give us any shit we can just pretend we want to door knock with them, but when they aren't looking we can steal their bikes and laugh at their pants!

I think that's what God would want us to do.

yay for me
i'll play music with you anyday!!

Kewl, Then let the band play on...
Jodes
xx

I've gotta go with trust as well. It just ups the comfort level in all areas. *nod* I mean, yeah there are a lot of other things important, but without trust, there isn't much of anything. Like maybe there's a girl i'd be totally into and comptable with and all that, but if I didn't trust her (or vice versa) it could never work or even really get to the point of a real relationship, y'know?

This is slightly off topic but builds on the trust dealy.

My girlfriend and I are both a little outside of the lesbian scene, mainly because we both feel that lesbians, especially like, on the bar scene, can be a little too crazy and dramatic and psychotic and all of that. We're not like anti-lesbian but we're just like, not too in to hanging around them, although we do attend a gay church and go to gay clubs and events. But we don't really have any other lesbian friends.... except this woman who works with my girlfriend. She's like, twenty years older than my girlfriend but is an absolute riot to be around. She is involved with a woman and they have been together for like, 17 years. They have started inviting us to hang out, like at barbeques and stuff, like being a couple-friend, you know? And my girlfriend and I were talking and I said that the only way a committed-in-a-relationship lesbian can be friends with other lesbians is if both women are involved in committed and trusting relationships and all four of the women know each other and are friends. Otherwise, there's always the threat of someone trying to worm their way in or arrange a little sexual partner swap or something. My girlfriend agreed.... It's best for a lesbian couple to be friends with another couple who has the same sort of relationship. Everything else, no matter how much you trust your partner, can just get too messy because you never know the motives of the third party. Agree? Disagree?

woah :whistle: backs slowly out of room...

Shut up Kate. Who knows? Maybe it's just lesbians here that are crazy... *shrugs* All I know is that I don't think I have ever been to the lesbian bar that we always go to--which, by the way, is a good bar in a good town and all of that--without a huge fight breaking out over who was looking at who's woman and someone being escorted out of the building.

;) Hah hah! I'm just kidding around.

I think you make a good point, but as someone who is dragged along to many a straight bar every weekend, let me just say that partner swapping and fights are not exclusive to the crazy lesbian community.

Exclusive to the lesbian community? No. But is the lesbian community known for it? Um, yeah.

Oh really? That's a shame.

I mean, I have seen people losing teeth because of looking at "someone's woman" 2 out of the last 5 weekends out (and yeh, they are all rich, east coast kids), but maybe it's worse when it's women about women. That's terrible.

I am glad you have this older "couple friend" then Graham, that's some nasty shit that you are well out of. Partner swapping is all fun and games until someone loses an eye - good thing you are in a loving, pre-engagement, relationship :)

Are you mocking me?

nahhhh! of course not.

(seriously, no I am not)

You sound like you are..... "Good thing you're in a loving, pre-engagement relationship"

No, no, no!

Hang on, I'm signing into MSN!

I know what you mean Graham, With me its sometimes just the clubs I have a problem with. Some girls like it when other people hit on their girl, but I dont, You feel that you can't leave their side, not you dont trust your partner, its just that you dont trust the scene.lol.I had this ex once who was a very attractive girl and I was constantly having to tell other girls, she's with me. In the end it did actually break up our relationship.
I have a fave local bar I like tho because everyone seems to know eachother and how to conduct themselves, lol.
Jodes :P

Okay, just thought id include my input.
I chose Trust, because i think that without that nothing will work out. the rest will slot into place if you have that, if not your stuffed.
Also, i have serious trust issues, which is why im such a loner, anyways...
I chose trust.

i think the lesbian community definately has a ridiculous amount of drama, but i don't think that lesbians can't be friends with others not in a relationship. i mean, i see your point and i totally see lebians fighting over "someone's girl". but i also see a lot of lesbians, in relationships or not, being really good friends. for me, i have at least 30 friends that are lesbians and we're all friends with each other. some are in relationships in our group and some aren't. but we never really fight over the looking at someone's girl thing. on the other hand though lots of us have gone out with each other at some point and are friends now...

well i dont like drama and will avoid it at all costs that is y i dont go clubbing. i have friends that r single and coupled and i think that it is just the choice of friends is whether there is drama or not.

Sally

Iloveclea, I see your point but that is not my situation. I live with my girlfriend in a state where I have no friends or family. My girlfriend has two best friends from high school that are so stupid and bitchy (although one is kinda hot) but other than they, she just hangs out with work people. Like, we don't have large groups of friends. I have like, two people at my work that I would consider to be an actual friend, although I very rarely do anything with them outside of work, and my girlfriend doesn't do much either. So, it's not like we just hang out with a bunch of people. If that was the case, then yes, I completely see having single lesbian friends and not worrying. But with us, it's like, when we do hang out with friends, it is completely one-on-one, like her with one of her friends or me with one of mine. So would I be comfortable if my girlfriend's best friend was a single lesbian and was someone she hung out with alone all the time? Probably not. But it's not at all because I don't trust her because I do. It's because you can't trust other people, unless you know them well enough to know their motives.

I totally get what you're saying and would probably be the same way, Graham. Even so, the whole "it's not you i don't trust, it's other people" thing, I don't think it's valid. 'Cause it's like, nothing's gonna happen if the person you're seeing is committed and trustworthy, I would think. And even if the other person tried something, the first'd stop it, y'know? I guess I never really understood that or liked it, despite the fact that I'd feel the same way. ...Maybe it's 'cause that's the line my parents used to feed me while they were stunting my social growth. ;)

Living where i do, i dont know many lesbian's but i do know one bisexual girl that i was dating for a few months. I totally understand because she used to go out with her friends all the time, but most of them were male.
Reason i worried? She was a hot girl who i knew spent a lot of time with her male friends, sleeping over and stuff, and yeah, i got very worried that perhaps we wernt as close as i thought we were which is one of the reasons we broke it off.
I didnt trust her-which is a terrible thing to say, but i just couldnt bring myself around to trust her, so the whole relationship got messed up.
I think its excellent that you trust you girlfriend Graham, and i understand where both of you are coming from, you and iloveclea. I really hope that i can find a relationship were i trust my girlfriend, but i applaud you for being so understanding. I know i wouldnt be.

ahhh, i see now. our situations are pretty different, so i guess that's why we reacted contrastingly. i see now though...