OK, as the tennis season draws to a close, and with plenty of controversy and interest going on at moment, how about the return of an old fave - yep, tennis Big Brother.

This worked really well on the old BBC boards - its basically the chance to run riot with all your witty/surreal/scandalous storylines for your favourite players.

This will either die a quick death, or catch on and become a big hit on the board. If it does catch on, perhaps we can set up a parallel thread with the voting on (no more than 1 player to be evicted each day).

The lucky players locked up in the house are...

Roger Federer (arrives in house swearing in German, his halo having slipped)
Rafael Nadal (makes a mess of the house with the clay all over his tennis shoes)
Nikolai Davydenko (as soon as enters house makes some mysterious calls to a Russian betting agent called Andrei)

David Nalbandian (chuffed at winning Madrid and Paris, he celebrates by dialling up for a takeaway)
Ivo Karlovic (bangs his head whilst entering the door as its too low, immediately knocking himself unconscious)
Novak Djokovic (enters house singing 'I Will Survive' much to annoyance of everyone else)

and

Roddick
Murray
Safin
Nalbandian
Hewitt
Baghdatis

and

Hingis
Venus
Serena
Sharapova
Henin
Ivanovic
Jankovic
Mauresmo
Dementieva
Vaidisova

I've made a tentative start to this...anyone want to carry on with some storylines...?

Occasional guests may be brought into house to spice things up, but only 1 at a time, and not for too long...

Murray (unable to get through the door when his hair gets stuck)

Ivanovic, after whispering to Jankovic, all giggles, strides up to Murray and says 'my mate fancies you'.

'Wrong brother, you idiot!', says a blushing Jankovic as Ivanovic comes back...

Meanwhile, Safin has had a tantrum...all alone in an empty room...there are broken chairs and tables everywhere.

Roddick (Mysteriously injured but cant help licking Feds butt in the Big Brother Room)

Hingis promises to make a cake...Djokovic and Baghdatis snigger, and Karlovic, who has by now recovered from knocking into door before, has now crashed into the chandelier. A concerned Dementieva attends to him, nursing him over his injuries...

At the same time Hingis while baking the cake contemplates some special icing for the YEC contenders. :P

Djokovic starts doing his impressions, and receives a slapping from Sharapova.....who then wanders over to Roddick and stands very close to him whilst discussing "serving technique"

Djokovic cooks the house their first meal. The packet advises on microwave cooking for 30 seconds, but Djoko leaves it in 10 minutes before he takes it out, with the result that the meal is horribly charred. Undeterred, Nalbandian gobbles it down in one.

Still unsatified,Dave ask Djokovic to try out his pie baking skills :)

but Safin has a temper tantrum, screams that he won't eat the meal, and chucks his plate on the floor.....


....undeterred, Nalbandian eats Safin's meal too

Then Safin has another tantrum coz Dave ate his meal. "hog he shouts, HOG If only you win grand slam as easily as you eat."
Undeterred by the bitch fit ,Nalbadian ask Djokovic for left overs. roflmao

Loving it already! Keep up the good work...

Davydenko doesn't join the others for the meal, but sits in the corner crying that no one cares about Davydenko

Meanwhile in the chill room,a loud outburst of COME OOOOOON sends ths house into a shock.All the house mates rush over to see what going on.Upon arrival they see Hewitt screaming like a lunatic,yes yes I finally did it,I finally beat Federer he screams.

The other members look on in shock as they find Hewitt playing Virtua Tennis 3 on his Playstation 3.Obsession they think.Nalbandian however walks in and makes a deal with Hewitt.'Get me some pies and I will show you how to do it in real life"

;)

In his state of tears though he contemplates a gamble with betfair but the thought sends his shoulder into a state of instant pain. Lord more doubles faults he thinks, but even worse,an umpire coaching him.
*contemplates joining Coria in some Double Fault Camp in the Argentinian bush*

;)

Nalbandian, keen to show off his cooking, as well as eating skills, goes to the kitchen, cooking up a tasty bagel for Nadal, who grimaces.

Nadal, keen to show off his muscles, starts a few arm-wrestling contests, easily beating Federer and Djokovic. Murray challenges him to a go, but Henin offers to challenge Murray first, easily beating him with her super-charged right-arm muscles.

The other girls start giggling, Venus and Serena also beating Murray at arm wrestles, Mauresmo then arm-wrestles with Murray, and beats him so convincingly she almost breaks his arm...

'ahhh, my wrist, my wrist' - complains Murray.

Roddick laughs...'admit it kid, your wrist injury has more to do with reading Brad's naughty magazines than it is with tennis!'

Ana, being the sweet, lovely, kind person that she is - goes over to comfort Davydenko

"I care about you.....um.....what was your name again, sorry? yes, Nikolai, yes - i care about you nikolay" and hands him a tissue.

Djokovic looks over with a jealous glare..........

After her victory over Murray,Mauresmo asks if he didnt take anti-inflamattorys the night before and why didnt he just withdraw from the arm wrestling competition since she is used to winning by default :P

Meanwhile Sharapova thinking she is all to glamorous for the housemates bumps into Serena.

"Oh hey there she says"

Serena Replies "Bitch dont think I forgot about that smash in Oz"

Sharapova " Well how else was I going to beat you,I tried to add some variety to my game with that"

Serena " Variety?"

Maria " Yeah,but even trying to hit you in various way didnt put you out,next time I might just throw a script at you"

Serena "In that case I might just let you win sometime"

:D

Henin decides to start mingling with the guys - after discussing with rafa how to get clay stains of your shoes, she wanders over to introduce herself to karlovic......... :unsure:

Venus meanwhile is stuck in her room trying to figure out some new designs for her line.She then decides to go roll in the grass for some inspiraton since thats her favourite surface. :)

Bewildered from the house,Anna then come running out starts rolling next Venus and says whats this about will it help me win Wimbledon?Venus sniggers and says as if im gonna share my tactics with you.All huffed at her private time being disturbed Venus storms off and then designs some green ballerina tutu tennis frock called "GIDDY" a tribute to Anna. :angry:

Little did Venus know that Maria got away with a swan lake look alike months before. :rolleyes:

Henin hoping to get some serving tips from Ivo spots Federer.She runs over to him and says Wanna know how to win the French.The two world number ones disappear off like 2 lovebirds in a nest!

roflmao

Hingis's cake is finally prepared, with its special icing...and the cake has been made in such a way that only a small piece would have an effect...

Just as Hingis is going to the living room to announce that the cake is ready, Nalbandian sneaks into the kitchen - he's only gone there to get some beer from the fridge, but the sight of the cake is just too much to resist, and he claws out a big chunk of it, using his hands...

'mmm...good cake' mumbles Nalbandian, who wanders into the living room, where his guilt is all to see, crumbs on his t-shirt, and hands, as a shocked Hingis and rest of the house see him...

Meanwhile, Serena is boring the house by telling them that she only lost to Henin because she was tired/Henin had lucky shots/her star signs were aligned wrong...

Oh lord this brings back a few memeories MrI - as we wrote most of it last time! :D Glad to see new imput, or else you are stuck with me telling tales of Davenport's chain smoking drunkeness (havign shagged Roddick in the bar ) and Safin's elelctric curlers.

An hour later, the players are all sat around with a slice of cake, but nobody wants to try it having spent the last forty minutes listening to Nalbandian talking to his left big toe - with whom he is now on best kissing terms - after his over indulgence of cake...

Hingis, deciding it is getting late, helpfully lays some lines down to make sure folks can find their way back to their bedrooms...

roflmao

And with Muzza in dire need of a shave, Martina is the one who is sure to have a mirror and a razorblade to hand to help. ;) Sh eisn't too happy when the boys do a rednition fo Granmaster Flash's "white Lines, Don't Do It " at the evenign karaoke mind.

suddenly, the peace and quiet of the house is shattered by the very English tones of Lord Tim of Henman Hill running through screaming for fresh nappies after little Grace took exception to a late night curry that Lucy ate...

"Damn that sag paneer....."

In his haste, he unfortunately mistakenly treads on Martina's fingers as she followed her line and runs straight through the carefully cut lines to the others' rooms....

:blink: when did the Henmans move in?

they didn't, but Tim didn't have anywhere else to go for the nappies and he thought that Linds might be in residence...

Day 2 news *** Nicole Vaidisova has been evicted ***
(I'm evicting 1 a day for now, but if I miss a day or so on here, feel free to evict - but only 1 a day!)

Bursting into tears, Vaidisova packs all her glamorous outfits away and storms off crying 'you're all horrible' - Tennis Big Brother has been unfair to her, but she wasn't as flirty as some of the other girls, and had a lack of interesting storylines in the edit...

Nalbandian meanwhile, has got the munchies after his spaced out antics of the previous night, so helps himself to some more of Hingis's special cake...

Federer has got over his bad moods of the first day, and is now being annoyingly charming and happy with everyone - the younger guys try to unsettle him - Baghdatis by putting a whoopee cushion under his chair, Djokovic by dressing up as Mirka...

TV viewing figures indicate that yesterday's opening Big Brother programme has received the lowest audience of all time - a staggering 25 times fewer people than it obtained during its peak in the 90s.

To counter this malaise, the organisers plead with Pete Sampras to enter the house as a surprise guest and the Pistol reluctantly agrees. All the girls in the house fawn over his chest and he convincingly beats his fellow male housemates at all the tasks. Unfortunately it is not long before Sampras gets bored and leaves the house, citing "an irrefutably weak era for Big Brother" as his reason. However, thanks to his solitary day in the house, viewing figures have soared like an eagle, and Etienne de Villiers, head of the organising company, decides he must introduce more wacky schemes in order to hold the public's attention.

De Villiers' first scheme is a "round robin" idea (better known as 'spin the bottle' to the rest of the world......) which is intended to increase viewing figures and allow everyone an equal shot at being able to pull Ivanovic.......

The contestants are called to the living room and asked to stand in a circle.....the first player to spin the bottle is Nadal. After re-adjusting his socks, combing his hair, doing a little dance and sorting out his wedgie, he spins the bottle........

To Rafa's delight, the bottle spins all the way around the ring several times before coming to a standstill facing... himself. The others try to explain to him that he must spin the bottle again, but their protests fall on deaf ears as Rafa scurries over to the mirror and continues combing his hair, flexing his biceps and kissing his own reflection.

Bemused, his fellow contestants continue the game, and apart from an unfortunate incident where Nalbandian has to be restrained from eating Henin during their kiss, everything goes smoothly until Davydenko spins the bottle and it ends up facing Ivanovic. There are cries of "fix" from the rest of the players, most notably an especially irate Djokovic, which upset Davydenko so much that he is unable to kiss Ana and is called into the Diary Room for disciplinary action.

When Davydenko goes into the diary room for disciplinary action, he's hoping to see Hingis in a catsuit...

...or a stern-voiced Big Brother producer...

but, its a menacing Russian bloke in a dark suit and sunglasses called Andrei, who procudes a wad of bank notes - before Davydenko gets a chance to grab them he warns 'not so fast', and shows him a gun. Davydenko is told that he must cheat in a game of poker with the tennis Big Brother housemates, by way of a miniature camera planted on his opponents - if he doesn't win, then he will be subject do disciplinary action from the gun...

Davyenko goes back into the house, for a game of poker with the housemates...Safin, winking at the ladies, suggests they do strip poker...

'How do I play strip poker?', asks Ivanovic, all innocently...

'I can show you', grins Safin...

The rest of the house refuse the offer of strip poker, and get down to business of playing for money, putting some serious stakes...Roddick raising his eyebrows when he sees the amount of money put down by Davydenko...

Safin ever the ladies man decdes to take his and Anna game private.Upon doing so Anna learns the true art of stripping down with dignity as Safin is doing some Bedpole dance whilst stripping.

*is this strip poker Anna thinks* :unsure:

Hingis meanwhile decides to that she needs everyone to get in touch with their inner child and starts distributing self packaged sherbit to the housemates. :P

Meanwhile, the poker game is hotting up. With Federer and Nadal being comprehensively put out by Nalbandian, who then decides that after all that work he doesn't want to play poker anymore and runs off to find his "second-breakfast." Djokovic is disqualified after he insists on hitting the table at least 20 times before picking up a card.

Murray loses a game and starts swearing and shouting at everyone, before Karlovic picks up up and puts him in the naughty corner until he starts behaving himself :tsk:

Meanwhile Roddick seduces Elena into a game of Virtua Tennis 3.Ever so blonde she agrees to have a go only to find her character serves the weirdest double faults ever seen by a person even for a game.She starts crying and Roddick comforts her and offers her some serving lessons,in which she replies "Thanks for being so caring Andy but I dont want end up like you,big serve and no groundies,but you are so cute to offer some help even if you dont have a clue"

Roddick mumbles to himself "Bitch"

:P