To lighten a sorry situation...
I grew up in Rotherham so I can say this.. :P

If there are any posters from South Yorkshire on here they will like this..

Subject: FW: Rotherham Flood Appeal


A major flood hit on Monday evening .

Epicentre: Rotherham, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were
damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying
to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Rotherham. One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning". Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.

Clothing is needed most of all, especially:

• Fila or Burberry baseball caps

• Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)

• Shell suits (female)

• White sports socks

• Rockfort boots or any other product sold in Primark


Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:

£• 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

£2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9

£5 will pay for a packet of B&;H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells


Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will cause
residents to beleive they have been forcebly relocated to Sheffield.

roflmao

Elizabeth Duke at Argos! Class roflmao I used to get Xmas gifts given to me from there. In fact a lot fo this sounds exactly liek the town I was born in - but I'm not from Yorkshire, they hate me there! In fact every I've had a few huge arguments and dare I say fights in Yorkshire/with Yorkshire folk. :o

By- eck, Sharon Braithwaite! :lmaao:

Historical burnt out cars! :lmaao: That'll be my Daimler soon. MY house buyer's solicitor politely asked if we could clear the wreck off the drive before moving! I still haven't sold a single bit of the damned thing despite several enquires.

Souvenirs form the Ballaerics! roflmao

2 quid buys a pen to fill out a compo claim! :lmaao:

Chardonnay- Madonna, Tyler-Mrogan, Megan-Storm! :lmaao:

B&H to calm a child's nerves! :lmaao:

Jack Russel? :unsure: Hang on, that was our family dog that used to fart in the mini, attack all visitors and was called Muffin! roflmao

This is foooking hilarious! Wish I'd seen it before. Can't BELIEVE you have not had a reply. Did you write it?

roflmao roflmao roflmao

It's great isn't SB!! There are some real gem's in there. I laughed out loud at the ones below when reading it as it is so true of the area and where I grew up.

I put this in the joke thread a couple of days ago Trisc ;)

'Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived ' was my favourite bit. roflmao roflmao