1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.

Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).

Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.



2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.

Cause: You're lying on the floor.

Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.



3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.

Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.

Cure: Quickly refill with your favourite beverage.



4. Symptom: The floor is moving.

Cause: You're being dragged away.

Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.



5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.

Cause: You have your glass on your ear.

Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!



6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.

Cause: You're in an ambulance.

Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.



7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.

Cause: You're in the wrong house.

Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

8. Symptom: Beer seems unusually pale and tasteless.

Cause: It's water! Someone is trying to sober you up.

Cure: Punch them!

Symptom: some very aggressive and loud men are kicking at your loo door and trying to get you out of there - how dare they in your own home?

Cause: you actually fell asleep drunk in the nightclub loo and the bouncers have been trying to remove you for three hours

Cure: there isn't one - you will be humiliated and barred for life, but make sure you run as fast as you can when they kick that door down, shout abuse at them and salvage the situation by trying to steal something valuable on the way out.

9. Symptom: The pate' tastes unlike any you've had before.

Cause: It's actually the cat food.

Cure: As long as the cat doesn't object, enjoy! It's all coming back up later, anyway.

Symptom: when you wake up your husband/partner looks different, in fact much better looking than he was before.

Cause: you didn't get home and ended up sleeping with the wrong man.

Cure: make the most of it! roflmao

Symptom: The beautiful girl you pulled still hasn't returned from the toilets.

Cause: Your embarrassing state has scared off even the fattest girl in the club.

Cure: Double tequila normally works for me.

There speaks experience! roflmao

How did you guess! roflmao

It happened to me on about my 27th birthday when I was at University. I drank so much I went to the loo at 11 pm and never came out. Woke up at 1 am thinking I was at home, so told the bouncers to f*ck off and how dare they talk to me like that in my own flat! They then kicked the door in and dragged me up, I shouted crap at them and legged it, never found anything worth nicking though! roflmao They said I was barred, but they let me in the next night - I wanted to stay in but had ball tickets. I hoped they would not recognise me as I was done up in a ball gown but they did and showed me up in the queue. B*stards roflmao

:blink:

hands up all those who want SB to take them out for the night??!!

*sticks both hands straight up in the air*

it'll be something to tell the grandkids thats for sure!

*sticks hands in the air too*


Symptom: Lid of toilet is a peculiar shape (yet oddly familiar)

Cause: You have taken a wrong turning in the house, and haved mistaken the spare room for the bathroom (and the ottoman for the toilet!)

Cure: Somehow make your way back to bed and when you finally resurface the next day, loudly chastise the cat for peeing into the ottoman, on the clean linen..

This is a true story too, but happened to a guy that I used to know (and in true bloke style he left the lid up - otherwise cat alibi impossible as opposed to being highly dubious!! :lol:

Actually I know two stories of this.. another guy did the same sort of thing.. except his hi fi was the unfortunate target.. :doh:

roflmao Makes a change from the usual victim, potted plants . :rolleyes:

Come out with me and you get a free lift home ... in a Black Mariah! roflmao

I dont; do stuff like that anymore, I'm all grown up and mature now ;)

roflmao It must have been George! My hi-fi was nearly the target unitl me and my friend steered him across the landing with his trousers round his ankles to the loo! roflmao

Guess what we did when he was lying on the sofa beforehand pissed? You'll NEVER guess but George got quite a shock when my friend showed him the evidence 6 months later! roflmao .

rubbish!

:blink: :blink:

*sees George in totally new light!*

Hmmm . What happened ? Is it anything to do with gardening by any chance? ;)
Im sure its perfectly innocent. :whistle:

One of my mates has a nasty habit of falling asleep whenever and wherever he can when going out, and generally cannot be woken up no matter what. On one such day he'd fallen asleep outside and we decided - out of kindness - that it might be nice for him to sleep inside. So a couple of the guys decided to move him. They carried him upstairs to the living room to dump him on the sofa so he could sleep. They got him up the stairs and to the sofa, at which point he seemed to think they'd taken him to the toilet, and proceeded to pee all over the sofa and the curtains! roflmao No one could wake him or stop him, and they ended up having to leave him asleep on the living room floor whilst the rest of the household removed the curtains and cover on the sofa...... roflmao

roflmao Hilarious, I can picture the scene! I've seen many similar things.

One of the wierdest things I ever saw in the urination deaprtment :D was at a party in about 1984. The party was rubbish, so I snook off with my mate to work out a way of leaving the party. We walked into the bedroom and a man stood right in front of us peeing directly into a hot water bottle! roflmao He said the party was crap sp he was gonna leave them a present and then placed the hot water bottle with stopper into their wardrobe. Nasty shock they'd have got when they emptied it out! :o He started a trend, because once there had been a few rows with the party host (mainly of his crap music taste and the fact that he expected us to stay and lsiten to it) and more and mor epeople got pissed off, some of the blokes started peeign in empty bottles and leavign them in strategic places! I was onyl about 18 at the time and thought this was hilarious! We never got invited back again roflmao

Of course ;)

George was flatout on the sofa in a drunken state, whilst my mate and I were dancing round the room shouting our heads off so we knew he was REALLY gone. We removed his shirt and he did nto notice. Then we covered his chest in squeezy kethcup, and he still did not notice. Then my bessie mate decided that it looked like he'd been stabbed, so she handed me a kitchen knife and I held it over George with an evil grin on my face and she photographed it. Then we cleaned up the evidence, as in the ketchup. :D The phot was really good, we are surprised that Boots photgraphic services did not notify the police of a suspected murder. roflmao

We kept quiet about this and George had no idea what had happened until 6 months later when he opened his Xmas present - it was a mug with a picture of him on it beign 'stabbed' by me! You should have seen his face :o When we explained how we'd done it he was gobsmacked. And when we told him ti was the same night that he tried to piss on the stereo, he decided not to argue with us! roflmao

Now that is one pic we gotta see SB

pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

:)

Well the picture on the mug is history now, I'd have to ask my friend if she has the negative - yes, we really did nto have digital cameras back then! :D Tbh I still use a 35mm SLR, so much mor echallenging and fun,

TTL or Weston hand-held?

erm... sorry? :D

through the lens metering for light? or the classic hand-held light meter

:D

Oh through the lens! I've only ever used that hand held thing once in about 1985 :)