beta'd by jacqui and was for the notmcshep challenge


Chapter 1

“Oh Rodney, why do you have to be like this?”

“What? You asked me under false pretences,” Rodney spat accusingly.

Carson stood stoically and breathed deeply. “Marry me!” he said finally.

Rodney’s body tensed and he studied Carson’s paling face. “What? Carson did you just ask me…?” He didn’t quite know what sort expression had formed on his face, but it can’t have been a nice expression, as Carson paled further.

“Aye, I’m so’ry,” Carson mumbled as he ran for the nearest exit. Rodney followed and caught his arm, “Carson wait, let me answer or just say something.”

“No Rodney I have to go.” Carson wriggled free and ran to the nearest thing… Elizabeth’s office.

He paused just out of view from her office to catch his breath. Is this really what you should be doing? He asked himself. Shouldn’t you be going back and sorting things out with Rodney, not running off like some little scared mouse? Carson almost turned round to head back towards Rodney, but then he remembered the look on his partner’s face when he had proposed, and he knocked on Elizabeth’s door.


***************************************
“Come in.”

“Dr. Weir I want to transfer back to Earth,” he said quickly before he lost his resolve. “I’m so’ry but I canna stay here no more, please Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth looked up from her work with a surprised expression on her face. “Whoa Carson, what’s happened?” she asked the doctor, “I need a valid reason to send you home; you are a vital member of this expedition.”

“There are better people than I,” Carson argued. “My work is becoming affected and I’ve already caused problems with Rodney, and we all know you need him more than me.” Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest that last remark, but one look at his face told her that now was not the time for a fight. She sighed, resigning to the fact that she would have to wait for the real reason for Carson’s request.

“I’m sorry Carson, but we can’t lose you. However, I will send you home for a month to rest and clear your head and then report back.”

Carson dropped his head, unwilling to meet her gaze. “Aye that will do, thank you Elizabeth. When can I leave?”

“I’ll relieve you of duties now; pack your things and report back in an hour.”

Carson nodded and left, ignoring everyone he passed and mumbling Gaelic to himself. To most it was just incoherent babbling, although the people on Atlantis were used to foreign languages being muttered along the corridors. Carson reached his room, grabbed his rucksack and began to throw some clothes and belongings in it. He looked across his room and then outside to his view of the Atlantean ocean. He sighed heavily and left his room as the light faded behind him. He walked quickly but cautiously to the gate room, trying to avoid the places he knew Rodney could be.

Elizabeth nodded to Carson as he now stood in the gate room. They had long managed to keep a stable connection with Earth, which Carson was now very thankful for. Elizabeth told Chuck, a technician, to dial the gate and as the last chevron lit the puddle of mesmerising light appeared. Carson edged forward towards the gate, still nervous of ancient technology. He took one last look at Elizabeth and smiled. He turned towards the gate, but stopped as he heard his name being hollered through Atlantis, and it wasn’t coming from his comm. as he’d made sure that was left in his room.

“Carson! Carson Beckett! Wait!” Rodney hollered once again as he reached the gate room. He almost wished he hadn’t as he saw Carson’s whitening face. “Carson you can’t go,” he continued breathlessly. “I, ahem, you are needed here and we have matters to discuss.”

Carson shook his head slowly. “I’m truly so’ry… ‘Ya shouldna ‘ave… you need to stay away.” And with that he stepped through the stargate. Rodney ran forwards but it was to late; the gate cut off before he got there.

“Carson?” he whispered to himself. He felt anger rise in his throat as he turned and ran up the steps towards the command room. “Where did he go?” he shouted, “Why did you let him go? You should have kept him here; damn that foolish man! I need to follow; I need to go talk to him.”

“I’m sorry Rodney, he didn’t look like he wanted to listen, and permission denied, you are to stay here on Atlantis,” Elizabeth said in the most calming voice she could manage. She tried to put her hand on Rodney’s shoulder, but he shook her off.

“Earth? He went to Earth? Great, just great, he’ll never come back now. He’ll do all that he can to stay away; he’s just as scared as the day he sat in the command chair and set a drone on Lt. Colonel Sheppard and General O’Neill.”

“Be that as it may he needs the time alone,” Elizabeth replied, “and I think you do too. Two friends in each others’ pockets can get suffocating.”

Rodney rolled his eyes with frustration. “Oh please, tell me you are not serious, just friends? We ain’t been ‘friends’ for some time now.”

“You two? A couple?”

“Yes a couple, what else would we be?” Even after everything that had happened on Atlantis, he was still amazed by the blindness of his colleagues.

Elizabeth’s eyebrow twitched. “I see, so you two have had a lovers tiff and Carson has scampered off back to Earth,” she said with annoyance. “You’ve truly put your foot in this time haven’t you?”

“I’m insulted at that accusation,” Rodney huffed. Why did everyone always blame him? “It wasn’t me this time, actually. Carson asked me to marry him, just before he ran.” Elizabeth gasped and she could see the crew around having a similar reaction. Despite the fact that this information had not properly registered yet she continued, “Maybe you should come into my office and explain to me what went on.”

*******************************

On the other side of the gate Carson stepped out of the wormhole and fainted. He thought he could hear Rodney say “passing out of manly hunger” somewhere just out of sight, but unfortunately this was not the case. He awoke in the infirmary and was disorientated by his surroundings. He sat himself up and called for a nurse.

Daniel Jackson was on the next bed along having stitches removed. He lent around the nurse and gave Carson a friendly smile. “Dr Beckett you’re awake. Good to see you again.”

Carson returned the smile, “Like wise Dr. Jackson. Erm what happened?”
“Got stabbed off world, a native planet… oh you mean yourself? You came through the gate and passed out. I’m sure they’ll let you out soon.” With that the nurse indicated that she was finished with Daniel’s stitches. He smiled again and excused himself to go and write his report, leaving Carson with nothing to do but lean his head against his pillow where he promptly dozed off.

A few hours had passed before he woke again. A doctor was signing off his chart and nodded when he asked about releasing him from the infirmary. “Major General Landry is waiting for you,” she said before leaving. Carson slowly made his way to the office to find the door was already open.

“Dr Beckett welcome, how you feeling?” the Major General asked politely.

“Better, thank you. Not sure why it happened; maybe I need this holiday more than I thought.”

Major General Landry smiled wryly and continued, “Dr Weir explained in a brief transmission that you would be coming and that to ask exactly where you are planning to go, if you have any plans?”

Carson sat in the chair and faced General Landry. “I’m so’ry I had’na thought that far, although visiting my mam would be nice.” He paused as he remembered something he had thought about. “However there is one place I would very much like to go” he continued, “Cardigan Bay in West Wales; there is a conference on Astrobiology there and, well it’s somewhere my colleagues wouldn’t think of,” he admitted, “I hope.”

Major Colonel Landry studied the doctor’s face. “I’m unsure of your predicament Dr Beckett, although I will get Walter to organise transport and will disclose your location only to Dr Weir.”

Carson sighed with relief. “Thank ya greatly,” he said.

Carson went to his temporary accommodation, except he had to ask an airman for directions. The base wasn’t like Atlantis; none of the doors opened automatically for him, something he would need to get used to, and his room was bland and dark. He lay on the somewhat hard bed, unsure now if he had made the right decision.

Chapter 2

Back on Atlantis Rodney had talked to Dr Weir for just ten minutes when he realised that her eyes seemed to have glazed over. “Am I boring you?” he asked pointedly.

She snapped up quickly and smiled encouragingly. “No Rodney of course not. Please, continue.”

Rodney sighed angrily but carried on. “So Carson and I have been a couple for three years, but when Carson asked to meet me today it ended in an argument. Then Carson suddenly he asked me to marry him! He’s never… we’ve never talked about marriage, I didn’t even realise it even was on his mind. Except I think he actually asked me by mistake; it’s not like him to bolt from anything. I mean he managed okay after Hoff and after Michael, why would this be any worse than them?”

“I don’t know Rodney,” she said calmly. “You are right, this is unlike Carson. Give him time and I’m sure he’ll be fine, but I have to accept that Carson didn’t want any of us to follow him and he didn’t tell me where he would go.”

“Elizabeth he would have to tell the SGC of his plans, he can’t just disappear! I can’t just sit here for a month and wait for him to decide whether to come home or not. You have to send me back to Earth, there must be a mission or something I can do. Just anything to get me back on Earth… anything!” He rubbed his temples with his hand. “I have to see him Elizabeth,” he said earnestly. “You thought I was bad without coffee… I’m that times infinity without him.”

“Rodney,” despite the seriousness of the situation, Elizabeth couldn’t hold back a small smirk, “you can’t be that bad. I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do for now, just give him a little space.”

Rodney pouted. “Fine if you don’t send me home soon I’ll strike, I swear, I’ll strike or… or… I’ll quit! Yeah I’ll quit then you would have to send me home.” He folded his arms in deviance as he watched Elizabeth’s smirk morph into a stern look.

“Rodney be serious, they’re harsh actions even for you. You’d miss this place too much and you know it.” Despite his dejected expression Elizabeth wasn’t sure she’s brought the scientist to his senses yet. “Promise me you’re not going to do anything stupid Rodney.”
Rodney didn’t answer. Instead he rose from the chair and left without being dismissed. He ignored everybody as he marched passed and even ignored Elizabeth on the comm. As she called after him, “Rodney Rodney! Answer me now, that is an order.”

Rodney scrambled for his headpiece and threw it at the wall. “No! I want him, I need to be with him now!” he said aloud, not caring who heard him. He continued towards his room; his anger had hit extreme as, when he finally reached his quarters, he began to rip apart his room. He cleared his desk of paper before throwing his precious doctorates across the room, causing the protective glass to smash. “Damn you Carson! Damn you!” he screamed. He walked across the broken glass, his boots crunching and pushing the glass further into the floor; he entered the bathroom and starred at himself in the mirror. His forehead was pale and creased his eyes bloodshot and his mouth was curled in anger. Finally, his fists clenched, he hit the mirror in frustration. It shattered; the pieces of the mirror causing Rodney’s knuckles to bleed as the skin covering them were torn. Rodney’s destructive path continued unabated as he threw his laptop across the room and he overturned his table and chair.

Footsteps could be heard as John Sheppard arrived to try and calm down his friend, but in his rage Rodney could see nothing but Carson’s pale face. Finally John realised action had to be taken:

“Infirmary this is Sheppard, medical attention required urgently and security to send two men to Dr McKay’s room.”

John stepped closer to Rodney, holding his hands out to try and calm him down. “Rodney, come on, I know you’re unhappy he’s gone but what you think he’ll do when he hears about this?”

Rodney just glared at John. “Don’t you dare mention him,” he spat, “I want him back but… no, and he has to run away and left me! I knew it would happen someday but not yet.”

John could not believe what he was hearing. “You think he’ll come back if you destroy yourself? Way to lay the guilt on him Rodney, that is low,” he said, shaking his head.

Rodney grabbed his chair and looked ready to throw it at John. “Rodney!” John enunciated his name. By now the guards and the nurse with the sedative had arrived. John took the needle off her. “I’ll do it,” he said quietly, “I don’t want you to get hurt.” He didn’t think he’d ever have to say that about his friend. He motioned the guards to move closer to Rodney. Before the scientist realised what was going on the guards had a hold of his arms, forcing him to drop the chair. Then John edged forward.

“No John please, I’ll stop… see good Rodney. I don’t want to be alone, please plea…” Rodney’s head fell forward as the sedative took effect. They carried him on a gurney to the infirmary and strapped him down in a private area; Rodney was hopefully knocked out for a few hours.

“Sheppard to Weir.”

“Go on John.”

“Rodney is in the infirmary. He’s sedated and secured so hopefully he won’t be any more trouble. Have we heard from major General Landry?”

“Yes John, he reported a few minutes ago. Carson is leaving the base to go to Scotland and then to some conference in West Wales.”

“West Wales?” Scotland he could understand, but why Wales?

“Yes some Astrobiology conference,” Weir answered. “I have explained Rodney’s situation and if he is any more trouble Major General Landry wants him sent to Earth where he will be placed under house arrest; not that he doesn’t trust us or anything,” she added quickly, although she didn’t sound to happy about it.

“No of course not. Maybe Rodney should try meditation with Teyla or anger management with Heightmeyer.”

“John I know Rodney’s temper can flare but anger management? He wouldn’t hurt anyone, but I’m worried he will hurt himself, and what will he do just so he can go and see Carson?”

“Whatever happens I’ll check on Rodney later and keep an eye on him. Sheppard out.”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Rodney lay there, heavily sedated, his thoughts spiralled. Did Carson really care? Was he better off alone? Why did he let someone in behind the barriers he had formed so carefully around himself? Memories of what Carson and he had shared reeled through his dreams. He recalled when they first met, watching the Scottish doctor make his way through Antarctica. He loved the way his accent emphasised words and remembered how the hairs stood on his neck every time the man spoke. Rodney believed he was insane; surely Carson Beckett would not be interested? His reluctance to sit in the chair, his annoyed tone towards Rodney; how did he fall for me? Rodney didn’t believe it back then, and he still couldn’t accept the doctor’s feelings for him.

His memory merged into the next: his first date in some random science lab he’d discovered a few weeks previously. Their first night together was spent curled up in one another; the soft touch of the doctor’s hand dancing along Rodney’s body, and ended with them both falling asleep together. Rodney had been embarrassed that he just wanted the company rather than the sex, but Carson seemed to acknowledge that and didn’t mind.

Rodney’s body tossed and turned and a light sweat began to appear. In a short space of time it had spiralled into a fever. The nurse looked confused as she took his temperature: 102.5 and rising. How could he have developed something so fast? It was times like these that she wished Carson were back.

“Dr Jacobs to Dr Weir.”

“Yes Dr Jacobs?”

“We have a problem; Dr McKay has developed a strong fever in the space of an hour. He must have already had the pathogen in his system when he was sedated.”

“Do what you can. Report back if he gets worse.”

“Yes Doctor.”

The nurse injected McKay with a mild painkiller, began an IV just in case, and repeatedly checked his vitals every half hour.

Chapter 3

Back at the SGC Major General Landry sat in his office and was becoming increasingly concerned with the situation: a vital member of the Atlantis team running away and another prepared to destroy his career for the sake of the one he apparently loved. Daniel appeared and lent against the doorframe. “What’s McKay done now?”

Major General Landry looked up confused. “And how would you know that it is McKay?” he asked.

“We’ve just had another transmission. Dr. McKay wrecked his room and had to be sedated and secured in the infirmary. However he has recently come down with a fever but he had no symptoms of a virus before this whole thing started.”

“Typical that man doesn’t give up does he?”

“When McKay is determined, he can be a very stubborn man; ask Sam, she’s had more reasons to hit the man than she would care for,” Daniel laughed gently, “but he is a good man in the end and I know he doesn’t mean to hurt people. I see Doctor Beckett is here, may I enquire why?”

“Daniel come in and close the door,” the Major general motioned with his hand. When Daniel had done so he continued, “How long have you known Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett?”

“Well not much really,” Daniel admitted. “Like I said Sam knows McKay quite well. As for Dr Beckett, I have read some journals of his and he seemed like a nice man in Antarctica. He was rather skittish around the Ancient artefacts and I don’t think he likes the idea of having the gene, whereas McKay wishes his wasn’t synthetic. He gets frustrated that he can’t do as much as the people with the real gene.”

Landry nodded then asked, “Would you see either of them being a hazard to the whole Atlantic mission?”

Without hesitating Daniel shook his head. “Rodney would never do anything that would cause him to leave Atlantis.” He chuckled, “although he wishes the Nobel Prize was his; he is well aware that his work can’t be published, however after the recent transmission I’m not so sure anymore.”
Major General Landry nodded. “I’m unsure of what can be done to rectify this,” he said, “although it may be wise to inform Dr. Beckett of Dr. McKay’s condition. Hopefully he would be willing to either come back or he at least might know of a cure. Daniel I want you to go and visit Dr Beckett.” Daniel nodded and left the office to go and pack.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carson Beckett listened to the last speaker of the day, which gave him the afternoon to himself. He decided to take a stroll down to the bay in Aberystwyth. The sun was shinning, which gave Carson an excuse to wear his sunglasses, ideal for hiding the emotions the he couldn’t keep from his eyes. He sat on a bench and watched the waves rolling and crashing on the shore; the sounds reminded him of the Atlantean sea and his thoughts fell upon the people of Atlantis. Had the Genii revisited? Or had another wraith attack took place? Had they found a new zpm? Was Rodney alright? He sighed with the thought of Rodney; what had Carson done? Marriage was so serious and yet neither of them had expressed any ideas of it. Carson’s face stiffened at the memory of Rodney’s expression as the words had emptied from Carson’s mouth. Now, despite being so far from its source, pain still shot through him. He shifted about and eventually stood up. He wasn’t sure what it was, but something didn’t feel right… he didn’t feel right.

He continued his walk towards the harbour and then back up the hill to his accommodation. He lay on the bed and napped for a while and memories of Atlantis filled the emptiness he felt. He was beginning to realise what was wrong; Atlantis was his home now and Earth felt so foreign to him. After a while there was a gentle knock on the front door. As he woke wearily he opened the door to see a figure he wasn’t expecting… Daniel Jackson. His heart cracked slightly as somewhere deep inside he realised he had hoped it was Rodney.

“Good evening Dr Beckett.”

“Errr Dr. Jackson please come in, and to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

“I think it wise if you sat down for this,” Daniel said gently.

Carson’s face crumpled slightly and as he sat himself down his eyes remained fixed upon Daniel. “What’s happened? It has to be something serious for you to come here in person.” Before Daniel could respond Carson took one breath and began a tirade of questions that his guest couldn’t respond quickly enough. “Would you like tea or coffee? No of course you wouldn’t, I bet you’re tired form the journey. You don’t have to tell me straight away, you can have a nap of your own… oh god it’s not Rodney is it? He’s done something stupid hasn’t he? He’s not… not dead is he? Please I couldn’t take that… it’d be my fault, I shouldn’t have ran like that. Och what have I done?”

“Carson stop!” Daniel stated as his voice rose in volume. Carson became silent and looked apologetically at him.

“Sorry,” he said, “please begin.”

“Thank you. Firstly tea would be quite nice,” Daniel said, trying to break the ice a little. Carson nodded and began making the tea while Daniel continued; “We received a transmission after you left that Dr. McKay, Rodney, was causing a concern and wanted to come and find you. When this request was denied after a conversation with Dr Weir he managed to lose his temper and so he destroyed his room, causing some injury to himself and he had to be sedated.”

Carson handed Daniel his tea quickly before his shaking hand dropped it. “Sedated? Rodney has never needed sedation before. Aye his temper can flare but never to violence.”

“I’m sure that’s the case, although there has been a slight complication.”

“Complication?” Carson sat down heavily on his chair.

“While in a sedated state in the infirmary he has begun to develop a high fever. Dr Jacobs noted the problem and is trying her best.”

“Aye, Dr Jacobs is a good lass.” Realising where this conversation was heading he asked, “So do you, or SG Command, want me to go back and try to work out what it could be?

“In a nutshell,” Daniel replied. “They’re hoping your presence will allow them to stop sedating him.”

Carson was about to argue that his presence may well have the opposite result, but even he knew that was wrong. “Well at least stay the night and we’ll leave in the morning,” Carson said faintly. Daniel nodded his agreement and Carson watched as his eyelids began to droop and he lost his battle to stay awake. Carson, on the other hand, tried to read a few science journals on his computer, although his mind wandered so much that he soon gave that up. Instead he clicked open an unnamed folder that had in it photos of himself and Rodney over the few years they had been together, both careful not to have any classified information in the background. Carson felt a tear run down is face as he continued to scroll through the photos. He wished events had happened differently and that he didn’t have to run away from his problems, but what he truly knew was that Rodney was one event he didn’t want to change.

Chapter 4

Back on Atlantis Rodney’s temperature had risen to 105 and was showing no signs of subsidence. She changed the IV bag again and just watched over Rodney. The restraints were still in place, for every time the sedation had worn off completely Rodney had gone back into a panic and she feared he would do more damage to himself. As Dr Sheila Jacobs was about to leave the monitors began to beep erratically and Rodney started to convulse. The seizure caused his whole body to shudder and the restraints barely held him in place. Sheila managed to call out for assistance and two soldiers help her to keep him still. Rodney’s body slowly stopped convulsing and sweat soaked the bed as if it were a sponge. Dr Jacobs was aware this might have been caused by a hypoglycaemia reaction due to Rodney being in a sedated state but she still wished she had the CMO’s opinion.

Carson woke suddenly as the plane landed and he called out automatically for Rodney. He glanced next to him to see Daniel Jackson looking concerned for the doctor. “I’m alright thank you,” he reassured him, “I just had a bad feeling that Rodney’s condition had deteriorated, but I couldn’t help.” He shook his head slowly and looked out of the window. “After all this I thought I would want to stay away.”

“Funny what love does to us,” Daniel replied quietly.

When Carson finally arrived at Stargate Command he barely spoke to anyone, even Major General Landry; he waited in the gate room until the gate was dialled and then he gave just a small wave to Daniel as he stepped through the gate. On the other side Elizabeth Weir was waiting and her smile was obviously trying to hide the sadness she was holding back.

“Welcome back Carson, I’m sorry your break wasn’t longer.”

“Aye, I better go see him.” As he went to walk past her, Elizabeth laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Carson just be aware you may not like what you will see,” she said quietly. “Rodney has become a threat to himself.” Carson could only nod as he walked quickly on towards the infirmary. He was just outside when he met Sheila Jacobs. He was surprised at how pale her face was. He carried on without a word into the small separated room where he found Rodney restrained. Both his arms and legs were strapped to the each side of the bed and a small tube with a nosepiece hung around just below the nose. Carson stared at the monitors and read the charts; the notes had been thorough.

Carson placed a cool hand below Rodney’s cheek, who whimpered slightly at the touch, but he was still heavily sedated. Carson called into the main infirmary,
“Sheila, stop the sedatives and give him something to reverse it; I think it may have caused him to have that seizure because he isn’t eating. Also a bowl of water and a towel, please. I’m gonna be here a while,” he added quietly.

Carson rolled his sleeves up and began to undress the scientists. He saw beads of sweat clinging to Rodney’s body like morning dew on blades of grass. Quickly Sheila returned with the items Carson had requested and left the two in peace. Carson injected the reversal drug in to the IV bag and hoped it would take effect soon. He began to wash the man’s chest and arms and he smiled as soft noises came from the drowsy scientist.

Rodney’s eyes fluttered open to see a figure bathing him; he whispered, “Hmmm who are you?”

“There Rodney don’t ya worry. It’s just me, Carson.”

“Carson? You’re back, you came back for me I… I didn’t mean to scare….”
“Hush Rodney you need to sleep and you need food. I’ll be here in the morning to sort everything out but you still need to get over this fever.”

“Carson don’t go,” Rodney pleaded weakly, “I can’t let you go again.” He tried to struggle against the restraints and his eyes bulged when the feeling of being unable to move had registered. “Carson, please, let me out, I need these off.”

“SSShhhhh love, I will, as long as you promise not to hurt yourself?”

“Okay,” Rodney agreed quickly and Carson began to unbuckle the straps. Finally Rodney was free and he held onto Carson’s hand. Carson lowered the sides and climbed on the bed next to him and whispered into his ear; “I love you, but you need to get rid of this fever. Will you do that for me? Fight my love, fight for us. I’m sorry Rodney.”

Carson closed his eyes and slightly snuggled into the scientist though still giving him some distance to fidget. The familiar smell of antiseptic filled his lungs. He looked at Rodney who now seemed to be sleeping peacefully. They still had their problems to overcome but Carson knew somehow that together they could overcome anything, be it marriage, fever or whatever the Pegasus galaxy decided to throw at them. He smiled to himself as he could smell the scent of Amber that Teyla used while meditating above the hospital smells.

He was in fact home at last.