While I am done editing most of my books first chapter there are a few scenes I really need some help with. I am not comfortable with there flow and are not sure if they show enough. Any help would be appreciated.

1. In this scene Mary questions Elizabeth on why Zachariah is unable to speak.

Mary awakens the next morning to find Elizabeth and Zachariah busily preparing a few homemade cloaks and tunics to trade at the town market.

“Good morning Mary,” Elizabeth’s voice chirps. “How did you sleep?”

“I slept just fine. Good morning Zachariah.” Nodding his head, he waves to Mary as he goes outside. Mary nudging Elizabeth’s arm questions, “Is Zachariah angry with me? He has not spoken one word to me since I arrived.”

“He is not angry with you Mary, the Lord has left him unable to speak.”
“Zachariah is a righteous man. Why would the Lord leave him unable to speak?”

“Here, help me carry these garments out to the donkey and I will explain everything on the way.” Mary picking up a few garments follows Elizabeth outside, closing the door behind her. After loading and securing, the garments to the donkey the two begin their walk to the market.

“Now about Zachariah, it was during his service at the temple about six months ago when this all happened. He came home from the temple that day in a terrible state. He face was as pale as a dead man and he was shaking so bad he could hardly stand. He ransacked the house looking for a writing board and then threw it across the room when I could understand what he wrote. At this point I was so frightened myself, I insisted we both go back to the temple and speak to one of the other priests. Once there Zachariah did his best to write down what happened. Even the priest had a difficult time reading Zachariah’s writing because he was still shaking. The only part of Zachariah’s writing the priest could read was that I was going to give birth to a son who we are to name John”

Mary shakes her head in disbelief. “So what caused him to lose his ability to speak?”

Entering the marketplace Mary and Elizabeth stop to rest on a small wooden bench.

“None of us really know, we are not even sure if he will ever speak again. All any of us can do is to trust in the Lord. ”

Mary shakes her head in agreement


2. In the book I am including a a scene where Mary and Joseph marry. I did extensive reasearch on Jewish wedding ceremonies before writing this scene and I need to know if the scene flows naturally and if the reader can really get a feel of the love between Joseph and Mary. I feel it is also important to include how they had no union before the birth of Jesus but I am unsre how to work that into the story.


Mary awakens early the day of the wedding and gazing out the window finds the sky a radiant blue with patches of white puffy clouds scattered throughout it. She could not have asked for a more beautiful day. Together with several women from the village, Mary dresses in a white linen cloak and tunic, made as a special gift from her mother. Stepping back Anna’s eyes fill with tears as she stares at her daughter.

“Mother why are you crying?”


“Mary, you are so beautiful, I only wish your father was here to see you.”

Mary giving her mother a comforting hug quietly whispers into her ear. “I believe he can see me.”

Anna, smiling quickly regains her composer. “Now where is that veil of yours?” Seeing it on the table, Anna gently covers Mary’s face with the white muslin veil.

Anna and the women each carrying an oil lamp, accompany Mary to a small courtyard outside of the village temple. There the villagers surround a canvas canopy supported by wooden poles. Each pole of the canopy is adorned with several pure white lilies.

Mary stops as she catches sight of Joseph standing underneath the canopy. Her heart flutters at how handsome he looks, standing with his blue and white wool prayer shawl wrapped around his broad shoulders and a gentle breeze blowing through his dark wavy hair. Stepping underneath the canopy their eyes meet and lock in a passionate gaze.

Mary slowly circles Joseph three times; while the priest his deep raspy voice recites from the Torah. “I will betroth thee unto me forever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord.”

The priest holding up a sliver chalice of wine continues. “Blessed are you oh God of Israel who creates the fruit of the vine, the symbol of joy. Blessed are thou, O Lord, who has sanctified His people of Israel by the blessing of the sacred covenant of marriage.”

As their hearts pound Mary and Joseph sip from the chalice. Joseph then gently takes away the veil covering her face and drapes it over his shoulder. Their eyes lock in an affectionate stare so deep they are almost oblivious to the reading of their own marriage contract. While they respect its importance and will abide by it, their love for each other is what truly bonds them together. Joseph then removing his prayer shawl tenderly wraps it around her shoulders, symbolic of his promise always to protect her. Mary feels a tear begin to run down her cheek as an overwhelming sense of peace and security fall over her.

Joseph wiping it away recites with her seven blessings. “Blessed is the God of Israel who has created everything for his glory. Blessed is the God of Israel who created man. Blessed is the God of Israel who has created man in his own image. Blessed is the God of Israel who delights Zion through her children. Blessed is the God of Israel who delights the groom and bride. Blessed is the God of Israel, who creates joy and gladness and who brings joy to the groom with the bride. Blessed are you oh God of Israel who creates the fruit of the vine, the symbol of joy. Blessed are thou, O Lord, who has sanctified His people of Israel by the blessing of the sacred covenant of marriage.”

Placing a hand on each of their shoulders, the priest smiles as he announces. “As witness to the covenant of marriage according to the Law of Moses and the God of Israel I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Joseph taking Mary into arms hugs her tightly. “I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you. Mary replies.

Their embrace is broken by a crowd of well-wishing family and friends. The celebrating continues well into the night.

3. In this scene Joseph and Mary have just arrived at the home of Joseph's brother Cleopas. I am struggling with the scenes flow and how to show more then tell.

Their seven-day journey, is long and hard. The rough uneven roads makes riding on a donkey that much more uncomfortable for Mary. The days are hot and Joseph stops frequently so that Mary can drink and stretch her legs. During the nights, she lies with her head in his lap, while he watches for wild animals and thieves.

Finally arriving in Bethlehem, Joseph struggles to make his way through the crowded narrow streets. Mary's time has come to give birth and she is in considerable pain and in desperate need a warm dry place to stay. The modest two level home of his brother Cleopas is a welcome sight for the weary couple.

Barely inside Cleopas greets them with a hug. “Joseph, it is so good to see you. How have you been?”

“I have been well. Cleopas, this is my wife Mary, and she is about to have a baby. Do you have anywhere for us to stay?”

Gently pulling Joseph aside Cleopas answers. “If it was just you and Mary, I could make room, but as you can see I have a house full.

Just then Cleopas’s wife Mary boldly interrupts.

“Cleopas, you can’t put them out, she is about to have a baby. Besides Mary and Joseph are family.
Crossing his arms he asks.

“Then where do you suggest I put them?”

“How about the stable down stairs?”

“The stable, that’s no place to have a baby.”

“It will only be for one night and at least, it will be warm and dry.”

“I suppose your right. You take Mary there and make her as comfortable as possible. I will go help Joseph feed and water his donkey.






Joseph and Cleopas are not outside for long, before hearing the cry of a new baby. Rushing back inside he finds Mary holding her new son in her arms.
"Isn't he the most beautiful baby you have ever seen?"

Kneeling down next to her Joseph answers. “He certainly is. Thank you, Mary for all of your help."

“Your welcome. Here use these cloths to wrap him; you would not want him to get a chill. After you wrap him, lay him in the manger to sleep.”

Joseph after wrapping him in the cloth gently places him into the manger to sleep.

“Mary you must be exhausted why don't you lye down for a while and I will tend to the baby."

"Thank you so much for your help, I am quite tired." Mary lies down and sleeps for what seems days. The soft straw makes a much better bed then the hard desert ground.

Unknown to Mary and Joseph are the shepherds tending to their sheep in a field not far from the stable. The night sky is clear and crisp as they keep watch over their flock. Suddenly out of nowhere, an angel appears in the sky directly above them. Terrified and with nowhere to hide they huddle together overcome with fear.

"Do not be afraid, I bring to you good news for all people. Today in the City of David, a savior is born and he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you. You will find the baby wrapped in cloth and lying in a manger."

Suddenly hosts of angels fill the night sky, praising God with song. "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom is favor rests. Then just as quickly, as they had appeared the angels disappeared from the night sky, leaving only a bright shining star over the place where Jesus sleeps.

The shepherds stand in shock and amazement at what they had just experienced. "Let us go and find the child of which the angels speak of." Quickly gathering up their flock, they travel to the stable where the three are staying. They quietly knock on the door. Joseph showing great caution opens the door only but a crack. "How may I help you gentlemen?"

"We were told by an angel that the Christ child was here."

Mary hearing the voices sits up.

"Joseph, let them in they have come to worship Jesus." Immediately upon seeing Jesus, the shepherds fall to their knees praising and worshiping him.

"Thank you Mary for allowing us to visit your son. We now must leave and spread the news of his birth."