The war had ended fifteen years ago, but, for one, It had only begun. Three wrongs had been done, four lives taken, and all for power and land. One now stood to right those wrongs, by shedding the blood of the heartless, and killing the wickedness where it bred and grew. The hot vile blood that was the embodiment of evil would feed the hungry ground where the seeds of goodness lay dormant. Justice would be found- evil, banished. Death would breed death.
But thoughts of death were far away. A young woman lie sleeping under the sprawling branches of an old, gnarled tree, her mind still wandering withing a garden of dreams. She was Medora, heiress to the Eastern Kingdom and sucsessor to Queen Zafira. It was she that sought revenge for the wrongs done to her kin, and she that sought the death of the usurper that held the throne which rightfully was hers. She who now lie sleeping as delicately as a flower, with the blush of youth still upon her cheeks, had begged leave of her land but two days past. Leave had been granted, and she who now lie dreaming on the soft, sweet grass of the Great Mother's creation, had yet many more days to meet before she reached her destination.
The sun rose late this very morning, rousing Medora from her innocent slumber. Her provisions for the journey all lay bundled in her cloak, ready to be taken to the next villiage, town, or forest. She, likewise, was eager to depart. She stretched and yawned to the heavens, looking much like a lover's given rose - beautiful, but armored with thorns, and even the most delicate of roses is stained with red.


That's all I have for now, and it's subject to change... Hit me with your best (constructive, if you please) criticism. ;) ^_^ :)

how in the heck do I critisize that? And, When are you going to write a book?

You’re missing a viewpoint. When you began the story in an all-knowing point of view, it ruins the reader’s sense of “being there”. A viewpoint character is a window into your world. The reader sees what your character sees and feels what your character feels. Use all your character's senses and sensations to present your would. And remember your character can’t know anything unless she had experienced at one point or had been tolled about it.

When beginning this story, I would suggest having you character awaken from some sort of dream, using her senses to describe how she is feeling. Maybe the world is a bit blurry or hazy. Maybe she had awoken from a bad dream. From there on, use supporting character and her own personal recollections and thoughts to tell the reader what you stated above.

That’s all for my constructive criticism, now for my praise. I love how you use dream imagery to describe your setting. Dream imagery, in my opinion, is one of the hardest and most exceptional ways to describe a setting and few can do it well. You are one of those few. I would continue using dream imagery when you put this story into a viewpoint. It will give you a style similar to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s (One of the more celebrated American authors).

This is good work. More please. :D

Well, Thank you (Lugana) for the criticism... that is the story that was giving me writer's block. BRIA, i said CRITICISM... and who changed my member title... now I must go fix it. 'bye.

I don't know who keeps changing your member title. Hmmm... who could it be?

She who now lies sleeping as delicately as a flower

and um, thats it. Your style is really nice, I like the way you describe things.