I understand that I am not the best writer here on AU (We all know that that title belongs to Thought Fox), but I rewrote this little passage for hopeinaction’s benefit. This is just to help him understand what I was saying earlier in his post.
Notice how I never describe anything that Clairc couldn’t see, feel, touch, or taste. He was the reader’s window into that world. Also notice how I use my dialogue.
Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. Editing has never been my strong point.



Chapter 1:



It was early spring. The snows of the winter had come and passed and only left its faint memory in the thawing ground. Warmed by the touch of the sun, damp fields lay open to the sky, covered only by a faint green blush as the first tender shoots emerged from their winter’s sleep. Early one fine morning, when the air was still cold, the man Clairc Rose, dressed in his usual black sleeveless shirt and combat pants, emerged from his tent. This was his first morning in the fields of Maran and the slowly creeping day promised it wouldn’t be his last. Clairc was a tall, sandy haired swordsman for the Shomoro army. His company had been dispatched early that week for Maran City. He knew very little of the mission before him, but he had a feeling that his military training was going to put to use in the following days.
His company traveled at his side, along with two other companies. He knew his company members talked about him behind his back. They called him selfish and a loner, but he didn’t care. They weren’t his friends. He didn’t need friends. Everyone has to look out for his or her self. That’s the only way one can survive in this world.

Johan came staggering out of his tent as Clairc finished building a campfire with the bark he brought along in his pack mull. The tall archer had made many attempts to talk to him over the last week, and each time, Clairc shot him down. Clairc was certain he gave up the last time, but yet again, yawning Johan walked over to him and began to talk.

“It’s a fine morning, wouldn’t you say?” Johan asked, squatting to warm is hands by the fire.

Clairc pulled two eggs from his pack and cracked them over an iron pan. He held the pan over the flames, using a piece of cloth to protect his hand from the heating metal.

“It’s a fine morning, wouldn’t you say?” Johan repeated noticeably louder.

“Yes, it is.” Clairc said shortly as he flipped one the eggs with his knife.

“Yes, well. You know, back in hometown, we use to pray for mornings like these. Our winters were long and cold and it’s hard to grow crops in the snow.”

Clairc nodded his head and turned his back to him, hoping he would give up and go away.

“Where did you grow up?” Johan asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Clairc said.

“Oh…” Johan went silent for a minuet. “Well, I guess I will talk to you later.” Johan finally said with defeated tone.

“Whatever.” Clairc muttered. That was possibly the shortest attempted Johan had made yet. Clairc felt a smile creep across his face. He knew that there weren’t going to be many more.

A half hour after he had eaten, his company was fully awake and preparing for the upcoming day. His commander, Zack Loving, was talking with a group of Johan’s friends as Clairc finished packing his horse. Zack was dark haired man of a medium build and always had something of a dangerous look about him. Clairc liked him. He was a good leader and didn’t talk too much like the other men. He was an iron fist. Zack broke away with his usual frown on his face.

Zack found a large rock to stand on near the center of the deteriorating camp and called for everyone’s attention in a loud, commanding voice. Once everyone was silent, he said, “Most of you know that we should arrive in Maran sometime tomorrow evening. I have been instructed to give your first briefing at this point to prepare you for what lies ahead. We are heading for what has be labeled a civil war zone. A rebel party managed to rally enough citizens to overtake the guards in the city. Their attempt to overthrow our government is going to be met by us and by the local soldiers. Our first objective is to penetrate the city and make our way to the base, where we shall receive the second part of our briefing.”

“What were the rebels reasons for overthrowing the city?” Conan the bald axe man asked.

“They want to be free of our king’s merciful grip. They believe that we are trying to revert back to old days before the king’s power was limited by The Laws of Kings.” Zack tolled him.

“They must be mad. Why would our king want to do that? Peace is being held and The Laws of Kings can never be changed.”

“I was not given that information. I have tolled you all I know.” The subject dropped.

They road at a steady canter that day, but still Clairc wished he could ride faster. This was Clairc’s first combat mission and he was eager to test his skills on some real opponents. He had fought in training and graduated the top of his class, but this was for real. It was life or death. Clairc knew he shouldn’t be excided about that, but he couldn’t help himself. He had trained so long for the upcoming day and he didn’t what to ruin it with fear.

Once they slowed to trot, Clairc heard the same loud voice he couldn’t help but to hear every day. It was Lugana Ericks riding alongside Johan. Clairc found this longhaired man to be annoying and immature. Why couldn’t he act like a normal human being?

“I hate to admit,” the longhaired man was saying, “But this is going to be my first mission. I know I should be afraid, but I’m not. I just can’t wait for it to start.”
Finally, something they had in common.

“To be honest, I would like to delay the fighting for just a little while longer.” Johan said, “I have seen far to many battles in my time. I think I am starting to feel my age, if you know what I mean.”

“I understand.” Lugana said, “My father was like that near the end of his career. He was acutely labeled a hero for saving the king of Ce’mya from an assassin. As the years began to catch up with him, his passion for fighting left him and all he wanted to do was spend his time in the garden.”

“Ce’mya?” Johan asked with a hit of surprise in his voice. “Isn’t that the kingdom in the Lunar Forest?”

“Why yes it is.” Lugana said.

“I thought they hated all outsiders.” Johan said.

“No, they hate most outsiders.” Lugana said, “My father fell in love with one of their woman when he was captured traveling through their forest. He spent nearly two years locked up in one of their prisons. My mother was the woman who captured him.”

“Your mother?” Johan asked, becoming nearly as loud as Lugana.

“Yeah. She was beautiful woman from what I can remember of her. Green hair I think it was.” Lugana said.

“That’s would mean you are a Lunar. Er… by any chance, do you have… well….” Johan made gestured to his ears.

Lugana smiled, “Pointed ears?”

“Yes,” Johan said, “Not trying to offensive or anything, I have never seen a half-lunar before.”

“None taken.” Lugana pulled back his brown hair and revealed a single pointed ear. “I only have one. It is very rare for a half-lunar to have pointed ears.”

“That’s amazing. I have never seen anything like it.”
Lugana let his hair fall back into place. “Anyway,” Lugana continued, “at first she would visit him ever once in a while to see how her first prisoner was doing. Then she began to visit him more often, not because she pound of her first captive, but because she enjoyed his company.

“Near the end of his first year, my mother began to talk to the king about letting him go. This began an uproar in the kingdom. You see, during this time they were at war with the mountain men and saw anyone who entered the forest as a potential spy. She knew my father was no spy and spent many months proving her case to the king. It was law during wartime to take anyone who entered the forest prisoner until the war ended, but she still persisted in trying to get him out.”

“She must have really loved him, didn’t she?” Johan asked.

“My father was a good man.” Lugana voice dropped. “He was very easy to respect and love. Her case was solid enough to make the king question his law. They brought him into the throne room to question him. He stood in fount of the king and began to explain why he entered the forest and where he was going. He was heading to Gyia on military business. Then, from the corner of his eye, she spotted an assassin lurking in a dark corner with a throwing dirk. My father announced his presents before the assassin threw the dirk. My father jumped in front of the king and took the assassin’s dirk in his right shoulder. The assassin then jumped out the window, killing himself.

“My fathers actions were enough to prove that he was no enemy of the king and was set free. He was named hero for his bravery and was invited to stay in the kingdom. He decided he would stay until his wounds heal, but he ended up staying much longer. He spent another year there and my mother became pregnant with me. I was born in that forest and spent the first seven years of my life there. I remember being called a half-bread by the Lunar adults and made fun of by their children. My mother died when I was seven of some sort of disease and that’s when I left the forest with my father to live in Valhara.”

“It must have been hard.” Johan said with a building sympathy in his voice.

“I can hardly remember it... my father, when I was old enough, taught me how to use this thing,” Lugana’s sword sang from his scabbard. Its long silver blade was shining brilliantly in the afternoon sun. There was something written in the blade in a language Clairc had never seen before.

“This was a gift from my mother to my father for his thirtieth birthday.” Lugana said. “She had the best blacksmith in the forest forge this blade. Afterwards, she engraved her endless love for him in the blade in her native tough. My father never tolled me word from word what it said, but I am sure it is beautiful. He gave it to me in his will.” Lugana paused for a moment, his expression turned pained. “Soon after I mastered the sword he sent me off to join the army, like his father had done to him. He died last year of cancer. It was a sad day for us all. I am the last of my bloodline… Lugana Charity Ericks, half-bread of the Lunar Forest ”

The conversation died after that last sentimental statement. Clairc found himself feeling sorry for Lugana and then amazed from how quickly the conversation’s mood had changed.

Clairc looked back on his own life. He never knew his parents and he grew up in an orphanage with ten other children. He rarely talked with the other kids and they would never ask him to participate in their childish games. Clairc was often up in his room, alone with nothing but his own thoughts. Clairc had given much thought to the idea of death. That’s the way it was. People die. Sometimes, even people you love, but you can’t let it weigh your heart. Why grow close to people if in the end you are just going to lose them… right?

Later that night, when tents were up and fires warmed the camp, Clairc stood alone by his campfire, gazing up into the sparkling stars and dreaming of the upcoming battle.

“Rose.” A familiar stone cold voice came up from behind him. Zack emerged from the vaporous darkness. The golden light of the fire seemed to dance in his deep brown eyes as he approached Clairc. His mood was somber as usual. “We need to talk.”

“Yes sir.” Clairc said. “How may I help you?”

“We’re coming close to our destination, as you know, and one of our Company leaders as fallen very ill. You have remarkable scores in both combat and tactical on the SQT.” Shomoro Qualifying Test, “Actually, you have the best of any man that has ever come under my command. How would you like to lead the Gate Company tomorrow.”

Clairc’s mind was racing. He was has already been asked to lead with his lack of experience? His scores had been the highest in his class, but to be given the role of a leader on his first real mission? His voice betrayed no hint of his true excitement, “I would be honored to lead the Company.”

Destroying the city walls was too risky. It would leave the city open to enemy attack once they reclaimed it from the rebels, so a non-traditional tactic was formulated. The Gate Company’s objectives were to sneak into the city and open the gate. After the gates open, the Wall Company were to rush the city, clearing the way to the base of the guards had created in the city capital. If all else fails, then the Wall Company kept the wall’s defenses busy. The Tunnel Company was to dig a small passage under the city walls for the Gate Company while the Wall Company was to bring out the siege equipment.

“Good. Once inside, you will have no information on how the gate controls are guarded. That’s why I need someone with your skills to lead the Company. Because you are now a Company leader, I will also need you to accompany me as I receive the new objectives and then to deliver them to your Company. Do you have any questions?”

Clairc thought for a moment. “Who will be under my command?”

“You will have the smallest Company. Conan Zane, our best axeman, and Lugana Ericks, the only other swordsmen that scored as high as you in the Combat part of the SQT.”

The name Lugana made Clairc’s gut wrenched. He had to deal with that loud mouth as his Company sneaks into a heavily guarded city. What was Zack thinking? “Did you say Lugana Ericks sir?”

“Yes, is there a problem?” Zack asked with a steady gaze.

“No sir.” Clairc lied, “Just making sure I had my information straight.”

“Good. We will arrive at the city by tomorrow evening. Get some rest tonight Rose. The action starts as soon as the city is seen in the evening sun.”

What are you on about? This is exceptional writing, apart from the occasional grammatical errors and cliches that we all suffer from. More please!

You know, Daniel, if you were a woman, your little comment about not being the best writer would be fishing for compliments...BUT, since you are of the male gender I shall suppose you have no idea what a disservice you are doing to your writing. Your work is good, the writing is good... except, as Thoughtfox said, your grammar. Show us more.