CHORUS
If you’re a radioactive exploding zombie cow,
There’s no telling how your life will change now,
You were a simple bovine, everything was fine,
But now you’ve got to watch your fucking step all the time.

A cow stood alone, in a field of green grass,
When I scientist shoved a large needle in his ass.
The needle was filled with a bright green goo,
But what is was for, the cow had no clue.
Once the scientist was done, he stroked his grey beard,
And told the farmer that things might get weird,
And he told the farmer to watch every day,
And if something happened, to call him right away,
With that the men left, with intentions unknown,
And they left me standing there, all on my own,
Yes, you heard me right, I was that cow,
And I can still feel the needle mark even now,
But while I resented that my ass had gone numb,
The dull pain was nothing with what was to come.

CHORUS

It took a few weeks but it started to show,
I was developing a healthy green glow.
I’d shine out through the night, bathed in green,
So the farmer told the scientist what he had seen,
And the scientist came down, and returned to the farm,
Presumably to check if his goo did some harm,
Once done, he leaned on a tree, quite hollow,
And he said more strange things were sure to follow,
And he pissed off once more, leaving me vexed,
Wondering what I’d have to go through next.
But not much happened, there was nothing new,
And the scientist came back with his needles of goo,
But this time, he injected every cow in the herd,
And when he spoke to the farmer, I heard every word,
“Apart from the glow, these cows should be fine,
This goo is a new invention of mine.
When it works, it should beef the cows up a treat,
So there will be more for the people of the world to eat.
Now, I must dash, I’ve really got to go,
But if anything strange happens, I want to know.”

CHORUS

Well, strange things did happen, more by the day,
And the farmer, quite worried, seemed to keep at bay,
First, there was Bluebell, who was normally quite nice,
The sort of cow you could ask for advice,
But when a bird was annoying her, she gave it a glare,
And green lasers fried the bugger right then and there.
And Clover soon became the talk of the town,
As, with a flick of her tail, she knocked a tree down,
And one Saturday, the tail of a newborn calf,
Managed to carve the farmer’s tractor in half.
And in the deep of the night, we all woke with a start,
‘Cause there was a loud explosion combined with each fart,
We were all shocked, and partly impressed,
And the cows began to argue which power was best.
But the smile of the cows soon changed to a frown,
When Daisy tripped over and fell to the ground,
All of a sudden, she soared high into the air,
Screaming, ‘cause the Gee-Force was more than she could bear,
And like thunder, in a pretty explosion of green,
Her body parts were scattered all over the scene.

CHORUS

And the cows are all now scared of the goo,
Nobody wanders or runs as we once used to do,
Nobody moves, nobody speaks, for the fear that one day,
A trip like Daisy’s could blast us away.
And when you can’t move or talk anymore,
It makes you wonder what’s worth living for,
It doesn’t suffice just to be alive and well,
If you can’t do a thing, life’s worse than hell.
And worse still, the green goo is still acting strange,
I’ve developed an appetite for blood-soaked brains.
Many of the cows have gathered by the gate,
Their laser-eyes burning with a glowing green hate.
I think I know what they’re trying to do,
I’ve decided I’m going to go and join them too.

If you’re a radioactive exploding zombie cow,
There’s no telling how your life will change now,
You were a simple bovine, everything was fine,
But now you’ve got to watch your fucking step all the time.

(slower)
If you’re a radioactive exploding zombie cow,
There’s no telling how your life will change now,
When you hear that final bell, and life’s a living hell,
At least you’ll take out that fucking farmer as well.

Hi, Werewolfwax here. I fucking LOVED this. My buttocks turned to green glowing lasers right before my startled wifes eyes! I then dissolved her the very next second. Unfortunately, she seems to reintegrated successfully, and is able to launch missles of her own. Thanks for the poem, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Yours, WEREWOLFWAX. P.S. I'm HUNGRY for other beings to email me. It'll be yummy!!!

Lol, thanks WW. Sorry about the wife :P

to quote someone (except after that post I cant remember who) : "curiouser and Curiouser!" Interesting, and very warping... Hm... now I must go ponder over this.

um.... ROFL.

Whatever possessed you to write this, I wish it possesses you again! Hot damn, it needs a tune, a recording, and a flash movie. When I learn flash I'll get back to ye :D

and curiouser and curiouser is alice in wonderland is it not?

Sometimes dear, you worry even me.

Lol, Gemz and DL - it's all Matt's fault. And he's even put a tune to it

yes, I think it was Alice in Wonderland...

:o A TUNE???? I MUST get Flash, them we can animate it and add the song and take TEH INTERNETZ by storm! I think it would really take off.

Lol! I like the sound of that. I'll mention it to Matt.

It's FREAKIN CRAZY and I FREAKIN LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!