Okay, this is a rewrite of a story I did (and w00t! finished!) a lil while ago, and recently considered turning into a webcomic. Unfortunately it has now got my imagination's attention again, and it's now getting it's badly needed rewrite. The concepts are sound, it was just...well, the chapters at the start were tiny and not as well written as the end. So I'm afraid my other stories may be slower now, but hey, a new story for ya!

Prologue Daydreaming

Lightning flashed, making pale cracks appear in the deep purple sky that Azyra looked out at, visible above the angular mountains of her dreamscape. She looked down at her feet at the grass that rippled in the wind, rainbow coloured waves flowing through the field of stalks. Suddenly she was aware of a presence behind her. She turned around to see a strange woman behind her, who looked young but her pale blue eyes seemed old. Her hair whipped around in the wind, white as snow.
“I have been waiting to meet you Azyra,” she said.
“Why did you want to meet me?” Azyra’s eyes finally took in the woman’s clothing; a white and purple dress, with gold embroidery. Wait…no one wore both white and purple… she gasped. Sorceress.
“The Five run free, the Jewel has been dormant in the Mountain long enough. Only you can Tame the Beasts, only you can wake the Wyrm. Only you…”


Chapter One Understanding Dameon

Azyra opened her eyes. She had been thinking about that dream again. It had seemed so real, despite the landscape. But why would she ever dream of a Sorceress? She had never even seen a Sorceri, let alone talked to one. Not that she would want to. They were dangerous individuals, who could wield two Elements instead of the usual one, with such force that some people said they created the mountains and volcanoes. There were so many myths about them it was hard to sort fact from fiction without asking one, and Azyra wasn’t about to do that.
Tucking a wisp of her long black hair behind her ear, she looked around the forest she stood in. What was she here for? Oh yes. Berries. She looked down at the basket she held at the pitiful amount she had collected before daydreaming. She had better get a move on; her mother was waiting for these. She spotted a bush and headed over to it, peering into the branches. Ah yes, something small, round and red was just visible in the shadows. She reached forward…
Suddenly a voice by her ear said, “I have found you at last, BeastTamer.”
Azyra screamed and fell over into the bush. She pushed herself upright, “What are you on about? That wasn’t…” she turned to see who had crept up on her. It was a man clothed completely in black. No one wore black. Yeah, just like no one wears two colours, said an inner monologue. The only people who supposedly wore black were those sworn to…no… The Dark was just a myth made up to frighten children. They didn’t exist.
There was a metallic swish and she found herself looking down a blade pointed at her throat. “And now,” said the dark figure, “to rid The Dark of you.”
Azyra squeaked. She couldn’t speak, she was so frightened. He’s just going to kill me, just like that. No regrets. There was a flash of light from one of the badges pinned to her chest and Caani – the first beast she had Tamed appeared next to her and lunged at the man, toppling him over. Azyra jumped onto the dog-like beast’s back, clinging onto his fur to stay on. She had never learnt to ride on his back. They ran off into the forest, the sound of the man’s curses echoing after them as they fled deeper into the woods and further away from home.

Behind Azyra a dark figure followed her, running soundlessly past the trees.

When it seemed that they had definitely lost her assailant – and, unfortunately, their way – they came to a halt and walked on through the forest to try to find some water to drink. Eventually they chanced across a pool and Azyra looked around the shadowy forest as Caani drank noisily.
She had no idea where she was, it would take a long time to get back home. She supposed that she could just head through the forest until she emerged and found a town or a village. Then she could ask for directions. She checked her pockets. She had hardly any money, only a few coins. Spare change. Well, it wasn’t as if she was expecting to buy anything in the forest. The only food she had at the moment was the basket of berries. At least she knew which berries were edible. That was the one good point. She looked upwards. Through the thick branches of the trees it looked as if it was getting dark. Her mother would get worried but it wasn’t as if she could do anything about it.
She sighed and looked first at her dirty hands, stained from picking berries and falling in a bush, then the scratches on her legs, and finally the pool. She may as well wash out her scratches and get rid of this juice on her hands; it wasn’t as if anyone was hiding around the middle of the forest. She checked around her to be sure, but there was no sign of movement. Then suddenly the day's events caught up on her, and dragged her eyelids shut as if they had weights on them. A wash could wait; she had to sleep first. She recalled Caani into his badge, pinned it to her robes and curled up on the forest floor, pulling a few sticks out form under her before getting reasonably comfortable. She slept.

A dark figure regarded her from the edge of the clearing.

Sometime during the night, Azyra dreamt of waking in the forest, watching a streak of fire fly past her, only seeing a hint of tooth and golden eye, but when she woke in the morning it was only a mere memory. She stumbled toward the pool and splashed water on her face, trying to force her eyes to open, as the rest of her body was awake and would like to se where it was going, thank you very much. She looked at the water. A quick dip was very tempting. The juice on her hands had now accumulated dirt and was nasty and sticky.
She pulled her blue robes over her head, but after a moment’s thought kept her underwear on, in case anyone appeared, or that Darksworn man followed her here. She would rather flee with some clothes on. The water was cold, so she got in as quickly as possible, so as not to draw out the experience of freezing slowly. The stains on her hands came off quite easily when she rubbed each of them with the other hand. She washed the dirt away from the scratches on her arms and legs, and then heard a slight rustling sound, just on the edge of hearing.
She looked around, and spotted a shadow out of place up in the branches of a tree. Using the Element, Air she sent a fierce wind up toward it. There was a surprised noise, and then someone fell out of the tree with a noticeable thump. They looked up. Azyra stared at the young man, feeling a blush mixed with righteous rage rise. She clutched a hand over her chest and yelled at him, “What do you think you are doing?”
He looked at her sleepily and rubbed his eyes. “Well,” he said, “I was sleeping. But now I’m hurting.” He stood up and rubbed the base of his spine. “You pack a wicked punch.”
“Stop looking at me!” Azyra flapped. He sighed and turned around. She scrambled out of the pool and pulled her robes on over her underwear, even though she was soaking wet. The cold air made her shiver, but there was no way she was hanging around near-naked in that pool with this…guy hanging around. She walked up to him and poked him in the back, noting the fact he was wearing red. A Fire user then, if his Elements had settled.
“Can I turn around now?” he asked her.
“Fine,” he turned and looked at her standing there shivering.
“Are you cold?” She glared at him but he just grinned. “Sorry; the answer’s obvious, isn’t it? Here, let me just…” he put a hand over her head – he was just a little taller than her – and shut his eyes. A red light shone around his palm, and ghostly flames roared around Azyra, drying her clothes but just leaving her skin feeling warm rather than burning her. He opened his eyes. “Better?”
She looked down at herself. She was completely dry. “How did you…?”
“It’s just a little party trick I was taught once. It’s easy.”
She looked up at him curiously. A party trick? What kind of parties did he go to? Azyra’s generally involved lots of family coming over and her hiding upstairs with her friends. “Who are you?” she asked him. It was all very well bumping into someone during a forest stroll, but finding them up a tree?
“Oh, sorry. My name is Dameon. Dameon Zuchar. And yours?”
“Azyra Callamon.” She looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation perhaps as to why he had been up a tree, or maybe just more about who he was. His name didn’t exactly mean much to her. It would be nice to know where he came from, or if he was lost as well. It seemed he wouldn’t just tell her. “You know,” she said, “when I asked who you were I did expect…”
He wasn’t listening, but instead looking at something behind her. He walked past her, leaving her in mid sentence and knelt down on the ground. Azyra peered over his shoulder, wondering what was so interesting. She watched as he put out his fingers and touched a charred spot of ground. Hey, if you looked at it from this angle, it looked almost like a paw print… “BeastTamer.”
She jumped and looked behind her to see if that scary Darksworn man was back, but there was no one there. “Um, Dameon, did you hear…?”
“Tamer of the Five,” she looked in the direction of the voice, right into Dameon’s blue eyes, staring up at her. He stood up.
She stared at him. “Oh no, don’t start with that BeastTamer thing again! I'm not the BeastTamer, that’s just a legend! Please, don’t kill me!” She tried to make herself look small and unthreatening.
He gave her a puzzled look. “Kill you? Why would I want to do that?”
Azyra twiddled a strand of dark hair nervously. “Well, there was this man…” She was interrupted by a howl, deep and strong, that echoed around the woods. “What was that?”
“Zarkoth, Great Beast of Fire,” Dameon replied, looking around the forest.
“Oh no. Don’t start that nonsense again. I told you, I'm not…”
“Then why are you glowing?” he said innocently. Azyra stared down at herself; her entire body glowed with a golden light that lit up the darkness of the forest.
“Wha-?” Something big and red and fiery burst into the clearing. It reminded Azyra of something she had dreamed not too long ago. Zarkoth, Great Beast of Fire regarded her with glowing golden eyes. His body was covered in scarlet fur, with a golden throat and belly. Purest fire rippled across the top of his head, along his back, and formed a flickering tail that was trailed by a haze in the air caused by the extreme heat.
“BeastTamer.” She was about the tell Dameon to shut up, his point had been proved, but when she turned to look at the source of the word she saw the same dark figure that had tried to skewer her just yesterday. She whimpered.
“Darksworn,” Dameon was glaring at the man, purest hatred burning in his eyes.
“What’s this?” the man said disdainfully, “Does the BeastTamer have need for disciples now?”
Dameon’s gaze narrowed and a jet of fire shot through the air, throwing the man back into the forest. “I’ll deal with him,” he said, his tone dangerous, and stalked off past the trees edging the clearing after the Darksworn.

This is GREAT!

The little references to things like what clothes peope where and why seem perfectly natural to the character and draws us in to a world that's incredibly detailed - even if we don't know much about it yet. We also feel her confusion as everyone insists that she is the BeastTamer.

That said, i find the introduction a little to fast-paced in terms of development, but that's just me! I like a good build up.


more please...

thanks! Tell me if there's any bits that really need explaining, cos I just know all about this world and might miss bits out.


I found the beginning of the original version a bit boring and like an intro to a game - you know, first talk, first fight, learn about this place. Plus the chaptyers were tiny.

So, anything you need to know most?

Well, what i try to do with my novels is drop in little info bites all the way through, so that the reader learns about the world as they journey with the character. Just drop in what you feel applies to each situation.

Yes, but is there any bits that I miss out? Tell me if there's anything as I put thyis up, 'kay?

Azyra stared. How could he just glare and the fire just appear like that? Hand gestures were normally needed, surely? She looked back at the Great Beast. It showed no sign of attacking, so she walked carefully toward it, the glow around her intensifying as she got closer. How do you Tame a Great Beast? You surely can’t fight it, as they are supposed to be masters in their Element. So how? She reached up and tentatively touched Zarkoth’s chin, feeling the soft fur against her fingers. It was amazing; after thinking this Beast was just a myth, she was actually touching it. She looked into those two golden eyes that regarded her, and then looked at the Great Beast’s forehead. There was a jewel mounted upon it in the shape of a flame. It seemed to flicker, reflecting the dancing fire that burned unceasingly on Zarkoth’s head. She reached up for it, and the Great Beast lowered his head. She ran a finger over the jewel, the glow around her finger shining so bright it left spots dancing over her vision.
Then she ran a hand down Zarkoth’s forehead. “You are beautiful,” she said to the Beast.
WHY, THANK YOU, said a voice in her head.
She stared. “Did you just…”
YES.
“You can…”
YES.
“That’s amazing. I always wanted to talk to my Beasts.”

Azyra was sat on the ground next to Zarkoth, talking to the Great Beast when she heard the scream. “Duhmiz-aaaaarg!” Then it was suddenly cut off.
She looked at Zarkoth. “What’s a Duhmizaaaarg?”
SEARCH ME, BEASTTAMER. ALLENIYA IS THE BEAST YOU SHOULD ASK QUESTIONS LIKE THAT. SHE KNOWS A LOT.
“Oh, okay.” She sat there for a while, the question hovering in her mind. “Who is Alleniya?”
“The Great Beast of Psi.”
She turned and looked up at Dameon, who was brushing what looked like char off his fingers. “While you’re in a question answering mood, what’s a duhmizargh?”
“A what?” He sat on the ground next to her. “What are you doing? I thought you were Taming Zarkoth, and he doesn’t look Tamed to me.”
“Oh, I'm sorry,” she said sarcastically, “I was only talking to him.”
Instead of reacting to the sarcasm, Dameon looked up at the Great Beast thoughtfully. “Sorry,” he said mildly, “carry on.”
Azyra shot him a weird look. “He’s a strange boy,” she said to Zarkoth.
BUT HE DOES KNOW HOW TO USE HIS FIRE, he replied.
“I suppose so,” she looked at Dameon, who was looking at her. “What?”
“I can’t actually hear half your conversation,” he said. “So, are you going to bond with him?”
“What?” Azyra said, puzzled.
“Bond with him, via the jewel,” he indicated his own forehead. “Connect with him.”
Azyra frowned, reached out and touched the jewel.
BECAUSE I HAVE YOUR UNDERSTANDING, said Zarkoth’s voice in her head, I SUBMIT TO YOU, MISTRESS. Ribbons of fire shot out from his jewel, lashing themselves around Tamer and Beast, sinking into their very souls. The visible sign of this was the red band left on Azyra’s arm, and a golden halter around Zarkoth’s head.
“As the blackened plant of evil grows,
The Beasts will wander the land.
Psi, Earth, Water, Air,
Fire first shows.
All are free and live,
They search for the BeastTamer,
The Tamer of the Five” Azyra looked around to see Dameon reciting those words. He gave her a triumphant look. “I told you, you are the Holder of the Five.”
“I’d never noticed,” she said dryly. Instinctively she put out a hand, and Zarkoth turned to a scarlet light and shot into her palm, forming a badge that was the perfect likeness of his jewel.
“I wouldn’t pin that where people can see it,” said Dameon.
“Why?” she asked him.
“Because there are more Darksworn out there,” he replied. She shivered and pinned it on the inside of her robe.
Then she had a sudden thought. “Dameon, did you…kill that man?”
“Why?” he asked her.
“I don’t know. Did he scream something out, like Duhmizargh?” This was all slightly unreal to her. Death and fire.
“How would I know, do you think I was listening to him? You don’t pay any attention to Darksworn, they’ll only tell you lies.” Dameon walked to the pool and washed his hands. Azyra watched the ash on them float down toward the bottom.
“So you killed him?” she insisted.
“In a manner of speaking.” Why was he so evasive? It was hard to pin him down.
“So is he dead?” she demanded, frustrated.
“Darksworn die when they commit themselves to the dark. They have no souls. But he had ceased to exist, if that’s what you mean.”
She stared at him. She wasn’t sure how to feel. On the one hand, he had killed a man. On the other, the man had wanted to kill her. On the third and most important hand, he had been a Darksworn. This was all so confusing.
Dameon stood up and wiped his hands dry on his trousers. “So, I suppose you’d like to get out of this forest,” he said.
“Very much so,” she said, and watched as he pulled a compass out of his pocket and pointed the way. As they walked, she had time to think over what had happened. At least Taming Zarkoth was straightforward; Dameon was an enigma. She hadn’t even managed to find out why he had been in the forest, let alone up a tree asleep. He seemed to know what he was doing, but was that a good thing? What if he was a Darksworn in disguise? No, surely not. The hatred she had seen plainly painted across his features when he had set eyes upon that man made it clear he wasn’t. Unless he was a very good actor.
It was strange. At times he seemed preoccupied and brooding, and at others he would laugh and joke with her. His eyes always seemed to be looking around the forest when he wasn’t in conversation with her, looking for danger, perhaps. Well, the only way that she was going to find out more was by following him and it wasn’t as if she had anything better to do until she got out of the forest. Besides, he had a compass.

ps. Chapters have now been added, if you check, I've edited my other posts