ok i have decide to post my life up in events that have had a psychological effect on me. i thought that perhaps if you knew the cause then perhaps yoo could find a cure.

decideing to post this up due to thinking about it all. the lack of emotion and everything and how it all interconnects. i might as well get down to describing it all so here it goes.

i think the first problem came in year 1 at school. i don't know how old i was then i'll leave you to work it out. basically the problem is that i have never been very popular. in year 1, 2 and 3 i didn't really have any friends at all. this bougfht about a tendency to really on myself for company. however this lonliness had a great impact on me psychologicaly as you would expect it to at that age. many people would get depressed having no-one to talk to in three years. perhaps i did as well, i can't really remember. there were a few impacts from this and they are as follows.

1) instead of getting upset about having no friends i would go into a state of no emotion. the same stste that i now live my life in.

2) having no-one to talk to i had no idea what was popular and what wasn't. this makes it even harder to make friends and is still something that haunts me. i have nothing to say to people. i keep my thoughts about people secret as well as everything else.

3) having no-one to tlak to stopped me from having an interest in much. i had no-one to talk to so i had no-one to copy in the things that i would do. this stopped me from doing anything.

anyway lets continue through the years from there. in year 4i got my first real friend. i have a weird ability of making friends with the friendless. this mainly involves new people coming to the school from somewhere where no-one else has come from. this new friend was someone that was from australia and i bet he was grateful of getting a freind so quickly but perhaps not so grateful that this frind had no other friends for him to go and speak to.
also ther was the fact that in year 4 or perhaps in year 3 i was a victim of bullying. i am not suprised about this. who better to pick on than someone that has no friends.anyway this strengthened the views that i was starting to get from my lonliness. this continued until the bullies left the school when i was going up into year 6. the bullying that is. not th lonliness. i eventually got friend in years 4 5 and 6.

going into year 7 meant that the lonliness returned. again i had no-one to talk to because all my friends were in the year below me. the death of pets and the grieving that came with that meant that by the time i was in year 7 i had put to death my emotions. a lack of emotions meant that there was nothing i found particulally interesting. finding nothing interesting meant that i wasn't motivated to do anything.

throught that time and other years without any real friends has brought me to the stage i am at now. nothing affects me one way or the other. ther is nothing that i have found powerful enough to instill sadness upon me, butr with that comes the fact that ther isn't realy anything that interests me and so nothing brings me joy.
i live therefore in a perpetual state of bordom and lack of emotion.

enjoy reading that. i am aware that it is long but you might as well know it all.

Perhaps I got your share of emotions. Sounds like we lived exactly the same life.... Although the bullying carried on through school. Perhaps people just react differently to different things. My response was to become confident in who I am, and thus gained friends. With these friends, I then became happy. The happier I became, the more confident I became. The more confident, the more friends. The more friends, the more happy. You get the idea. Maybe you had lots of emotions, but that wasn't considered something that was acceptable for a male, and so you numbed them to try and fit in with society and get friends. Just a thought.

the bullying did carry on throught the school until they left and went into year 7.

and that really confuses me. how do you gain confidence by being bullied?

I meant it carried on through Hylands. And I gained confidence because they originally bullied me because I was small and didn't fight back. When I did start to fight back, they left me alone, and so I gained confidence in my abilities at fending off the opposition. Does that make any more sense, or am I still confusing you?

i see, well half of the people that bullied me didn't go to hylands so they stopped then. i was left with no friend however and was continually mocked.

even so by the time i was in year 5 i had simply stopped caring. they could say or do what they liked and it didn't bother me. that also meant that i didn't care about anything else either but ther you go.

p.s is anyone else going to read this. Or perhaps you think your replys can hurt me. if this is the case then perhaps you should read my post again

i have a problem!
i can't cut back on sugar! it is all around me!
LOOK! a chocolate bar!
why, why?
please give me some advice!

mmmmmm chocolate. ^_^

if you have a problem make a new topic. it would be a change from my ones.

how do you do that?

when i the section that your new thread should be in. i.e life advise, click on th button thingy up the to that says new thread or create new thread or something like that. then type in your topic name and what you want to say and your done

now back on topic. i would like to have emotions again you know.

i get bullied at school quite a lot.
people can't except the fact that i am from a different country and can speak a diffent language, or even two different languages. i am not welcome at school. people make my life a living hell, calling me names etc. i hate coming to school. the only good thing is that i get to see ny friends.
hi rature_taylore! hi DL4!

Really? I got really P.O-ed with people constantly ribbing me and thinking they could get away with it that I decided to do something about it. But I can't stand people talking about me behind my back. If they've got something to say, then they can say it to my face. That way I can either say something cutting back, or look at them as if to say "Thats the best you've got?".

Hmmm.... Getting back emotions.... Erm, lets think. Try some simple exercises....

Exercise One:

Imagine how you would feel if you had the computer taken away from you, and were unable to vent your feelings via posting on here.

What would you do?
Where would you go?
Who would you talk to?
Would it not even have the slightest effect on you?
Are you sure?

Think carefully, really examine your feelings on this.

my computer is one of my friends!
if someone took it away i would track them down and kill them!
:ph43r:

LASER PELVIS ATTACK!
taking away my computer will have a big effect on ME and the people who live with me. the only reason i have this computer is whaen i annoy mum and dad they dont send me to my room or ground me they just want me to shut up, so they send me to the computer. ha ha ha i annoy people in chat rooms. ha ha ha

What would you do?

lie down in my room, read if there is anything to read but thats about it. watch tv if there si anything on but noramlly there isn't.

Where would you go?

to my room as before

Who would you talk to?

no-one. i don't talk to people often and solitude doesn't have much of an effect on me

Would it not even have the slightest effect on you?

not really. like i said. i'm used to solitude. i would be annooyed that there is nothing to do but there is no point in getting upset about it

Are you sure?

quite sure. i have had times like it before. either when the computer had crashed before we got the new one or when my brother claims it for a long time.

you really are hopeless, Kai.

The main effect you being away from computers would be less posts on AU :P


Hey, kai, remember when I was your science buddy? :D And now we're friendy buddies on computers in study room...how time flies...

yes i suppose that it would be the main effect.

and yes i do remember, you were the only person i would talk to all day.

aw, I'm glad I was your talkaperson!

You would talk to someone! You'd talk to DL!!!

And would you really just lay in your room? DO you NEVER feel the urge just to walk out of the house and get lost in fields/streets for an hour or two?

Because if you do, then you do have emotions... Thy've just been held back for too long and not allowed to surface as freely as they would like...

no, i have never felt the urge to go out and get lost un a field/street. i would just stay in my room

i go insane if i have no one to talk to! :wacko:
i hate silence thats why i had three letters from school saying that i cant keep my mouth shut. i need to talk about anything to anyone!!!!!
TALK TO ME! PLEASE.

i is a shame really. it would bve nice to be emotional or at least have emotinos again.


:P

you'll get them , don't worry :D


aine, if you want lots of peeps talking to you, go to where I have DragonLady's conversation room, and then start aine's conversation room, then it'll be your place, and we'll all post! You control the subject there, y'see? :)

ahh, you ruined all my fun. the whole point in outting the tounge smiley there was because i was intentionallly not talking to her.

i only did it because she wrote TALK TO ME! PLEASE.

i also have a suspiction that the reason lugana hasn't replied is because he doesn't believe me. i suppose that he could be right in a way. i do feel emotions i think. i just feel them in such tiny amounts that it isn't even worth recognition

lolness! You ignore them, do you? :P

no, not exactly. i just don't really feel them that much.

i'll give you an example. my grandad died last year. aturallyeveryone was upset. except me, i had to force myself to feel upset. i only had a sort of sense that is. oh thats a shame.

I have delayed action grief syndrone...Its not a real condition, but I always feel sad ages afterwards...

So you DO have emotions!!!! You justhave to work on getting them to surface more

*pokes Kai with big pionty stick*

You can, and will do it, so there :P

i cant so it won't. and yes i havew emotions but where most people would burst into tears i would say oh, thats a shame. so yu can imagine what it is like most days where nothing particullaly gets you emotional. by that i meant nothing gets you really upset or really happy

and how can you work on being more emotional. anything more than i feel would just be fake and not worth the effort because it won't change anything

You're just letting your emotions come to the surface more - eventually they'll get felt stronger, and you'll be a normal person :P

It's not feeling anything fake, just letting your emotions surface more :)

but i don't feel like you are holding anything back. they just aren't there

Damn hopeless boy!!!

its not my fault. and i am hopless in my eyes. the entire point of this thread was to see if it really was hopeless and if not what i have to do

they do, they do!!!
*runs off crying*







i've lost them!
*runs round a bit more*



hi i'm aine! can i help you.

You know, I have a similar problem to yours, Kaither. I suppose if I had bothered to read this topic sooner I could have responded faster, but oh well. Hopelessness is a hard obstacle to overcome, and I still haven't, though mine comes and goes(though it seems to go less often nowadays). Last week, for example, I was still on vacation, and I was filled with inspiration and intrigue. However, after returning home, where I'm currently typing this, I feel stagnant, as though the excitement has been absorbed from my body.

As for friends, I've never had many real friends. Sure, there's people I talk to at school and get to know, but when the weekend or summer comes along, I can be assured I won't see or hear from them. Hell, even here I'm a loner. I come, I speak, and I leave. I'm even in a different time zone then the rest of you, which makes it real hard to keep up.

Want my tip? Get help. Speak up about your problems, because you can't fight them forever. Eventually, the emptiness will turn to pain, and every second will become suffering. It's the closest thing to Hell without death, and it comes quicker then you could ever imagine.

I'm kinda stealing your thunder here, so I'll back off a little. As I said before, get help, no matter how many obstacles you have to push through, because eventually it will be too late. I wish the best for you, Kaither. I hope you come off better then I did.

i will be your friend!

*hugs loner child*

lol! We're all your friends on AU :)

aww thats nice you are the first person to say that i am your friend.


its nice to have friends. i think kaithar wont know that feeling either.
his range of emotions isnt bigger than a teaspoon.

well thats nice aine

although he showed no fear when you hugged him........

there is deffinately something strange about him and we need to find out what

wow, i haven't seen half of the replys on this page, i didn't realise it was still going.

loner that was very interesting. i will take a couple of quotes from yours to mention a few things.

i am glad that you felt exitement whilst on holiday. i can't say that i did on mine, don't get me wrong it was all right but it didn't do anything for me.

and that is a good description of how i feel most of the time. as though the exitement has been absorbed from my body.

same for me

how far are you out from GMT then, i am curious.

i can't see that happening. i am too empty to feel pain which is the bonus of being empty

problem is it takes too much effort to push through those obstacles, a phrase i say quite a lot is i can't be bothered. possibly because i never get anything out of it anyway