The white walls glistened in the new morning frost. He observed the beautifully carved sculptures of the places kings in awe. Perfectly carved from marble with spectacular detail. One drew his eye. The one carved in Battle armour. The rest were in robes that seemed to flow even on the sculptor. But this one, the biggest one that dominated the square at his feet was ready for war. Maybe it was his imagination but this warrior’s eyes seemed to glow with malice. His face, though perfectly calm, looked determined as well. People were finally coming out there houses. Going about there daily business. He followed one round. Looking at more of this town. It was without doubt a magnificent town even if it was quite small. Everyone seemed so peaceful. And it was still so quiet. People were talking certainly but every conversation was said quietly so that they didn’t disturb anyone else.
The beautiful silence was finally broken by a trumpet call. He couldn’t imagine a trumpet in a place like this. It would have no use in a place like this. So wonderfully peaceful that nothing could break it. It rung through his mind. What did this mean? People were looking round trying to find the source of this sound. No concern showed on their face, just mild curiosity, and perhaps a hint of annoyance at it. Another call, then another, people were starting to get frantic. They had heard of this thing before and it never ended well. Something was wrong. Then it started happening. A scream followed by another, and then more. Everyone seemed to be screaming. The world was screaming in pain.
He couldn’t concentrate. Couldn’t think. He started running. Following the thick flow of people. He stopped, trying to thinking. Trying to find something to do. Somewhere useful to go. Looking round he tried to find the people. He ran down the road they were going. The screams persisted. The horns persisted. And there was something else. A ringing somewhere in the distance. He followed this new sound. Back to where he came from, further on in that direction and away from the crowd. The some people were there, he new it. Running he seemed to see nothing. Here nothing but the ringing. He was getting closer.
Just down this turn, then suddenly, it seemed, he arrived and was greeted by the putrefying smell of bloodied corpses. His head swam. It seemed to focus randomly on different bodies then blurred again. A man grasping a hammer a sword jolted inside his chest, An old lady, soaked in blood from head to toe except for the two pale white eyes that stared blankly back up at him, A little girl, decapitated her head missing amongst the rest. Fear shook him, or was it rage. He no longer knew. Nor did he care. He had to escape. Had to get away. And he ran. Away from the unidentified ringing. Away from the smell of blood and gore. He ran randomly, to anywhere. He didn’t care as long as he got away.
Then he saw the statue. Its yell of defiance seemed the last safe haven in this place of horror. He took shelter under it feet. Sitting there curled up in a ball he listened as the screams died down. And then stopped answered by the deafening silence that followed. Now it was no longer a peaceful silence but more of an eerie silence. The kind that chilled you to the bone with fear. He knew he had to move, that he had to escape before the attackers found him. He knew they would be searching for survivors but he couldn’t move. Rooted to the spot he waited for them. He waited for ages but they came. One look at them and he knew the true meaning of fear. The monsters weren’t human but something else entirely. You could tell they were all the same species yet they all looked different. Some had snouts, others horns, some had claws and sharp pointed teeth yet one similarity was that they were all big, muscular and carried deadly looking swords that were soaked in the blood of innocent people.
Fear shook him, no terror. He curled into a ball unable to face the monstrous beings. And he lay there, and he waited, and still he waited. A tremendous crash made him look out. The beasts were all around, some were almost standing on him yet they seemed to ignore him, intent on the statue around him. It was that they had felled and that they attacked. Hatred shone on their faces. They recognized this mysterious character with devotion. They beat at him until he was nothing but dust and then left. Leaving him as the soul survivor of their brutal attack. And with that the world went. Everything went black.


what do people think. i know batch has already seen it

This peace of work seems promising.

There are a few things I saw that I think we need to work on. I felt as thought the sentences had no flow. They ended too quickly and didn’t explain enough. As writers, commas are our best friends. If you place too many periods into your writing, it destroys the flow of words.

Second, the paragraphs were structured funny. I saw in a few with about four or five different ideas. That is easily fixed though.

Keep writing. It sounds like you have a story in you, but it needs some help out. I can’t wait to see the next chapter.

PS: Sorry it took me so long to post in this topic, but I didn’t notice till just the other day.

wow, someone psoted on one of my storys other than batch.

i had noticed that i overused the commas. i will have to go through it all and correct those and generally sort it out. (when i get round to it)

p.s you mean the rest of this chapter. i haven't finished it yet.

Nonetheless, it sounds great. I hope you finish it soon.

If he can be bothered :P

Its great Kaithar! Keep writing!