It's hard writing about this. Most of you know I have been nursing Cleo and giving her palliative care for two and a half years now. She appears to be approaching end stage of renal insufficiency. She can no longer produce red blood cells, although she is on a course of injections for this, she is not really perking up. She doesn't want to eat. She has sometimes not hit the spot with the litter box in the night, although I am leaving some lights on. She is very droopy now. I'm going to have to reach a decision over the next few days. Her vet returns from a week off next week. I don't want her to move on into more suffering/feeling sick than is necessary. She has brighter moments which make the decision harder. But those moments are becoming fewer and further between. The time is approaching where I will have to help her move on to a better, brighter place - the Rainbow Bridge. Finding the right time is hard, I would like a weekend to start recovery, but I don't want to leave her all day every day at home next week not knowing how she is faring while I am out, plus organising cremation and so forth. And trying to cope with learning my new job. Lovely people and sympathetic manager, she's nice.

I'm feeling very sad and crying a lot. I'm wondering if I should not wait until Gwilym, her vet returns, and see another nice vet at the practice this weekend. I will want a home visit, she has to move on with grace and dignity in her familiar surroundings with Colette close by, and to help Colette understand, because she will grieve as well.

Could we please ask for some cyberhugs and good thoughts to be sent our way.

I'm a mess, actually.

Oh TC :hug: It`s really hard knowing what you do will help them but at the same time leave such a gap in your life. Hope the cyber hugs help a wee bit :huh:

This is very sad TC. It is very hard to come to this decision but you have unselfishly decided to the best for Cleo. Only you know whether to take her to another vet in the practice this weekend, but if you think she will suffer more being left all week, then maybe it is for the best and you will know that Cleo will love you all the more for bringing her peace.

It is a horrible decision to make (I have had to do it in the past) and will probably have to again in the future .

Wishing you all positive thoughts at this time and give Cleo and Collette a tummy rub from me.

Mel

:hug: TC

It's a horrible decision to have to make, I have been there myself.

Try and remember that cats are very digified creatures and, if left to their own devices, would slope off somewhere they can't be found for their last moments. I think, in the past, I have held onto one of my cats lives for my sake as opposed to theirs.

I hate any of my animals dying so really feel for you.

:flowers:

Hugs to you :grouphug: :flowers:

On hindsight I think we did this once too.
She went blind and really could not function well at all.

Although very weak I'll never forget the purr she mustered as we took her for her final moments. It was as if she was saying "Thank you for life and I understand".

You know TC, delaying is more likely to cause her more distress.
Have the strength to tend to the needs of your loved one.

Thank you everyone.

Yes I know Bix, and delaying is causing me more distress and I feel it is time for me to let go of all this pain, as much as anything. Of course her needs are paramount, and as we know she isn't going to get better it seems kinder to let her go to her rest sooner rather than later.

It is hard though, I just coaxed a little bit of food down her and gave her her medication and fluids to make her more comfortable, and she looked so bright afterwards I felt wicked for thinking of "taking her life".

I just have to remember that I am "taking her death" away from Nature which would in the normal course of events be an uncomfortable, painful and distressing one and instead giving her a passing of the same dignity and grace that she has shown all her life and brought to my life.

I'm getting through a lot of Kleenex here.

It is distressing.
It is horrible.
It is heart wrenching.

Ultimately it is necessary.
It is compassion at it's height.

I would feed ours and see a small improvement.
Whether real or imagined I still don't know, but it delayed my actions and I regret that now.

Gill held her on her lap for the last time.
She was to take her final sleep on this earth.
Yet she knew.....and was content.

Yes I know Bix I think she will slip into sleep with thanks.

I did call the vet earlier but they are closed. I'm hoping they will open for the evening surgery. I will feel better when I've spoken to them. Public Holidays make me feel awful because they remove the option if you know what I mean.

In some ways I am prepared because I had to go through this 10 years ago with Sapphire who had an aggressive untreatable sarcoma. She had a home visit at the end and that is what I have promised Cleo too. That was very sudden, she was gone within 2 weeks of discovering it. I have had 2 1/2 years to prepare for this.

Yet I will never really be ready.

Ah bless you TC. You will not be taking her life, you will be giving the end of her life some dignity leave her free to die in peace surrounded by her home comforts and an awful lot of love. She will just fall happily asleep and have eternal dreams of her life with you.

Wiss you much love at this difficult time. :flowers:

Oh TC how awful for you :( I think everyone has given you some very kind words and they certainly bought me to tears reading them.

It is just so painful to have to make such a decision for the special friend that has been such a major part fo your life. At the same time it is the right thing to do as the suffering can not be prolonged and the idea of you can set the moment as Anne has said for the final goodbye must be some relief to you.

Sending you a heap load of cyber hugs :hug:

Thank you Anne and Snappy now I am crying all over again.

I called vet they are not open this evening. I'm kind of relieved but I have to go thru all this again tomorrow.

I just wrote an email to her previous wholistic vet ( no longer practising) who took care of her so well for so long, to let her know. None of my friends are available this weekend to be with me. I feel so alone. Perhaps that's how it should be. Val is in Melbourne and Di is grieving loss of friend in Paris in a coma whose life support is being switched off today, so I can't ask her. My best friend lives in Qld I called her earlier. Really I just want my sister.

Oh God.

:hug: Cant really say anthing that will make you feel better, but I am thinking of you and Cleo :flowers:

Thank you Mel.

:grouphug:
Very hard decision to make over a pet that you love so much and without sounding too airy fairy, you will make the best decision in the end. It's hard and I had to make this with our cat Billy a few years ago, just out of the blue he got ill very quickly and was diagnosed with having an enlarged heart (turns out to heredity). I could have kept him alive indefinetly with an operation which may/may not have improved his condition and then to be on drugs for the rest of his life.

My vet was wonderful and laid the facts out bare for me and while it was hard to do, I just knew that this once vibrant, lively cat just couldn't go on anymore. He was only 12. He was a gorgeous huge black and white tom cat, a great mouser and bloody good with any child that came into the house. He was the friendly neighbour hood cat and everyone in our street loved him. So it was hard, but I made the right choice in the end. Which you will too.

you take care :kissed: :kissed:

I can so empathise with you as we have this dilema with my ageing Westie Angus.
He too has not got long to go. When we were in Scotland he had good days and bad days. At his worst i thought he would leave us while we were up there. Then he sprung back to live again. His epileptic fits are so frequent even with medication that at times i wanted to take him to the vets and help get the dignified end he needed. However, my mother in law who he now lives with refuses saying while he is still able to eat and have good days she wont contemplate getting the vet in.
My father in law has already dug his last resting place as before we arrived he had a fit and remained asleep for a day and a half. As he fought back we keep thinking may be he is not ready to go yet.

I am sure that when you feel in your heart that the time is right you will do the right thing. Hugs to you at this most difficult time
Mandyxxx

Hope you are ok TC :hug:

Cleo crossed to the Rainbow Bridge at around 2.20pm.

It was peaceful and it was absolutely the right time.

She is lying in state in a beautiful pink box upstairs on a pink and lilac pillow surrounded by pink lace and scented pink and purple balsa wood flowers, and there are aromatherapy oils burning and a vase of champagne coloured roses that match her beautiful fur coat. She is wearing her pink fleecy coat and her gold leather collar with diamante studs. She looks every inch the princess. This is my way of closure.

I am at peace and a bit numb with that strange surreal euphoria that goes with this time.

Tomorrow will be the test when I surrender her for private cremation and her ashes are returned in a white urn with a silk rose.

My friend is coming to take me over to do that.

Then the night after and the night after and the night after ....

I'm not sure how I'll be.

For now I still have my cat...peacefully sleeping and I can stroke and kiss her.

My condolences, TC. :flowers: :hug:

Thanks PR

just having a blub for you TC

at least she is at peace now......

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am so very very sorry TC :hug:

Sorry to hear she's now left you, but glad she's no longer suffering :flowers:

ah tc, sorry i didnt get to read this yesterday but was a bit caught up in things.

the thing with grieving for a pet over a relative is that pets give unconditional love, which makes it so much harder to let go ...

love and hugs to you and collette,

sue xxx

Thank you everyone.

yes 19 years of unconditional love Sue.

I feel incredibly tired and emotionally numb

:hug: :hug: :hug:

:cry: :flowers: :hug:

:flowers: :kissed:

Condolences TC :flowers: :hug:

A little message from Cleo TC:


The time has come for the tears to end
for you to be happy and cheerful again.
I am safe in God's home above
cradled in His arms; covered with His love.

We run and play by the Bridge all day
waiting for the day when you'll be here to stay.
You've been crying so much I feel bad
I want you to be happy and not so sad.

:cat: :hug:

Oh Bix that's lovely. Thank you so much.

I can't believe how wonderful and caring people have been, both on here and on the pet forum I'm on, and of course all my friends and family that I know in non-cyber world.

I'm going to print that out and put it somewhere where I shall see it often. :kissed:

Only just picked this up TC sending you buckets full hugs to take out just when you need one :hug:


:hug:


:hug:


:hug:


Jane

It's nice to see you back TC, just wish it was in happier circumstances.

:flowers:

TC sorry I missed this before :( I'm so sorry for you and I'm sure your heart is aching but please think about all the wonderful 19 years you have had with such a loyal and loving puddy cat :hug:

So sorry TC I missed this.
The pain comes through in your words and I feel so sad for you.
There is nothing I can say :hug: